Diezel Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 Based on his post, all I see is him trying and her not communicating. Granted, it could be one-sided. But my opinion would be the same whether it's man or woman. If you read carefully, it seems like the effort was on his behalf to discuss what was going on while she was being dismissive. It's called deflection. Yes, there is no such thing as a "no problem" relationship, but also, there IS such a thing as a relationship with problems of which communication is not the main problem. When someone is trying to gain comprehension while the other is being dismissive, you tell me which one is fighting and which one isn't? 2
PegNosePete Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 Do not date a Fixer Upper. That is all. 2
kendahke Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 I'm interested to hear the WHY... what triggers these things and emotions. Look, people do all sort of stuff they are not suppose to do and don't react in the best way, to say the least. Reading stuff here, everyone is perfectly emotionally stable and in control 100% of the time. I am first to admit that with my ex I once slammed a door so hard I made the wall around it crack, I scared even myself. Pure frustration. I know what pissed me off, and if I were in that situation today, I would walk away from such person rather than have someone frustrate me to the point when I cannot even control myself. We all have it in us, so lets stop faking it and pointing finger towards someone who tears apart a box. She was apparently hurt with something and if he gives a damn he will try and find out what is happening. Thing is to find a person who does not bring the worst out of you, but the best. She also deserves that especially after that nasty history she had with everyone in her life. You're making it sound like she's just having a bad day when in reality, she's being abusive and nasty on a continual basis. This is a destructive pattern of behavior with her and people don't deserve "aww, there there..." when they choose to engage over and over again in behavior that is destructive. Doesn't matter that it's a woman--she has to take responsibility for her behavior and it's high time she did. You can only blame your parents for so long before you have to look at yourself. That's what being an adult is about. What you would do isn't the issue here: it's what OP should do. Nobody here has ever said anything about themselves being 100% emotionally stable and in control, so why you're throwing that non sequitur out there is perplexing. What we have is objective viewpoints because we're not emotionally entangled in this mess of a woman. The fact of the matter is: he came here and asked us for our input and advice and that's what we're giving them. You don't seem to believe she's got problems that she needs psychological help for. Fine. That's you're view. Most of us here do not agree with your view and we are going to post our view. If you care to read, he has said that he tries to find out what is wrong and she won't tell him. He said her communication skills are lacking. He can't climb into her head and see for himself---she has to tell him and somewhere along the line, she's learned that she holds the power when she doesn't tell him where it is safe to place his next step with her. A person who does what she did in that instance is a dangerous person who is more invested in provoking OP than she is in rectifying their issues, when you look at the entirety of what has been laid out by OP. If this was a singular argument, a single incident and she was otherwise balanced and emotionally stable and not putting him out every other week, then guilting him instead of apologizing outright for her behavior, you'd have a point. that ain't what's going on. As it stands now most of us don't care to view it like you do, as is our right. I've said it before and I'll say it again: she doesn't need a boyfriend or a relationship, nor does she need to have her bad behavior rewarded with a compliant boyfriend: she needs a psychiatrist. She is in dire need of intenstive psychological help. Quite frankly, I really do not care who doesn't like me saying that. It's the truth. 3
travelbug1996 Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 There are 4 kinds of people in this world 1. People who have issues, are aware of those issues, and are willing to work on them 2. People who have issues, are aware of those issues but are unwilling to work on them 3. People who are in complete denial about their issues and think everyone else is the problem 4. People who are absolutely clueless as to what their issues are Sounds like your gf is in the 3rd category That or for me would be a deal breaker. I dated a guy that was passive aggressive and wondered why people were always frustrated about his passivity. He didn't see anything wrong with making plans and saying he "forgot" or not following through on plans. He had no understanding of how his behavior impacted other people who he claimed to love. I can work with the 1st category only. The rest willing drive one to the looney bin. lol No thanks 1
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