justwondering_xoxo Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 Most posts deal with a break up from the dumpee's perspective. Does anyone have any insight from the dumper's pov. It's just day 3 but I'm finding it incredibly difficult. I unblocked his texts yesterday, but I haven't replied to him. (This is a separate issue because I honestly don't understand why I did that) A little background, we've been together 3 years and the past 2 years have been an emotional rollercoaster with good times alternating with lots of nasty fights and 2 "break-ups" over serious issues. I know a break up is what both of us really need for our own good but it's do hard because we have grown so used to each other over these years.
zen2475 Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 Sometimes relationships are so toxic that you have to do what's best for you and walk away. Been there, done that. That doesn't necessarily mean it's any less painful. You had a long time invested in this person and you are going through the grieving stages for something you had hoped would have turned out better. NC still applies if you want to heal and move on. It's OK to block or whatever you need to do to keep your distance so you can heal. Now it's about what you need to do for yourself to move on and be happy.
Chi townD Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 Yeah, you need to do NC. You're making the choice to have him out of your life. So, you need to stick to your decision. To remain in contact with him while he still has romantic feelings toward you only fills him up with false hope. And you don't want to do that. Only prolongs the pain and healing.
ZiggyZoo Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 I'm all for NC if you're the dumper too. I got back together with an ex of mine once because I felt so badly about hurting him and seeing how torn up he was. And it didn't work because we were the same people, doing the same things. When we broke up the second time, I went NC. Hang in there, like NC from the other side, it gets easier.
Author justwondering_xoxo Posted February 10, 2015 Author Posted February 10, 2015 Sometimes relationships are so toxic that you have to do what's best for you and walk away. Been there, done that. That doesn't necessarily mean it's any less painful. You had a long time invested in this person and you are going through the grieving stages for something you had hoped would have turned out better. NC still applies if you want to heal and move on. It's OK to block or whatever you need to do to keep your distance so you can heal. Now it's about what you need to do for yourself to move on and be happy. You got that bang on. What you described is so accurate. Although I was the one who initiated it, it's so painful and even harder than I could ever imagine. We spent so much time together that the loneliness is almost debilitating. What makes NC even more difficult is resisting that temptation to take the easy way out and yield to his constant offers(for lack of a better word) of getting back because I know that'll only lead to more hurt to both of us eventually. Can't wait to get to the other side although it's clear it ll be a long, difficult process . Thanks a lot for the insight, Chi townD and ZiggyZoo
ZiggyZoo Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 You're welcome, that's what we're here for. Breaking up with someone for reasons other than cheating, abuse, etc is hard. Hurting someone you still care for is hard. And knowing that you caused someone else pain and not comforting them, to help you both heal is very, very hard. It is a blessing and a curse that you're not the type of person to just dump someone and immediately start up with someone else and not look back. You can live with yourself afterwards, but it sure makes the recovery harder. But stick to your guns and remember why you made the decision to break up in the first place. I had to do this daily, when I would start to second guess myself. But I would remember how unhappy we both were, and tell myself that this was what was best in the long run. It gets easier as time goes by and the pain isn't so new. 1
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