tigerdog Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 (edited) I have a few questions in my post. First I've been on a few dates with this guy, all went really great and were long. Almost 4 weeks ago was our last date, however. The guy told me upfront that he was really busy this month and he may not be as available, and I've had a busy month so I've been cool with it. About 2 weeks ago, I just figured this guy lost interest. He hadn't called me for 2 weeks, but still texts me during those 2 weeks. Then a week ago he called me to chat. So I asked him when we were meeting up again and he said tentatively Thursday (in a couple of days). I follow up with him today on whether we are meeting up, and he says he'll get back to me soon and needs to confirm some things. This is really annoying since if he doesn't see me this Thursday, it will be another week since we are both out of town. I'm not upset or disappointed since I don't have real feelings for him yet. I'm just baffled by why he keeps contact with me (he usually initiates it) but is being hesitant about making plans. He always texts me back very quickly as well. If I back off and give him space, he usually initiates some text or call but no plans to meet up. Also if we do meet up on Thursday or a different day, is it normal to take a step backwards? Is it strange for me to be hesitant about kissing and making out at this stage? It's been almost a month since I've seen him. We have great physical and emotional chemistry but the last 4 weeks of not seeing him has made me feel uncomfortable about going back into "making out" territory with this guy. At the amount of texts/calls this guy does initiate, I'm sure he will make time to see me at this point. If I have nothing on or am not involved with someone else, I see no reason why I wouldn't see him. Just with all this distance he's going into my "friend zone" since the romantic factor is decreasing with the more time that goes by. Edited February 10, 2015 by tigerdog
Gaeta Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 Does he work 2 jobs and has full custody of 4 young children? I doubt it. My bet is your guy is married or has someone else in his life keeping him real busy. 1
Author tigerdog Posted February 10, 2015 Author Posted February 10, 2015 Does he work 2 jobs and has full custody of 4 young children? I doubt it. My bet is your guy is married or has someone else in his life keeping him real busy. Surprisingly a few minutes after I posted this he called to confirm plans on Thursday and a really nice date at a fancy place for Valentine's Day. So I'm still not sure what to think but we'll see if he follows through although he's never flaked on plans.
PegNosePete Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 He's either juggling other options, or just not that into you. If a guy is into a woman he will make time no matter how busy his schedule. Sounds like his other plans for Thursday bailed, so he called in the backup. 1
lovexocoach Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 Sounds like he might be too busy for a relationship with you. For all you know, you could be his "back up" girl who he sees if he has no other options. If he flakes on the date he's set up you're wasting your time. Yes, you should step back. You don't know this guy. You've only been on a few dates with him. Date other guys and look for someone who will give you more of their time. 2
smackie9 Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 Valentine's Day dinner on Thursday you said? Obviously he is saving the 14th for his wife or GF. Ditch this guy. 1
OMC Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 'he called to confirm plans on Thursday and a really nice date at a fancy place for Valentine's Day' Reading is funadmental 3
preraph Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 You said nothing about why he's busy this month. Don't you think you could find out what that's about? There are times people are too busy. For example one month I had rush jobs for a month straight, leaving no time for even going to the grocery store. Other people have child custody or court appearances. And yes, he may be dating more than one person. 1
venusishername Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 (edited) I'm not upset or disappointed since I don't have real feelings for him yet. I'm just baffled by why he keeps contact with me (he usually initiates it) but is being hesitant about making plans. He always texts me back very quickly as well. If I back off and give him space, he usually initiates some text or call but no plans to meet up. This reminded me of a situation my gf is in. He does this because he wants to keep you on the radar because he seems to like you enough to do so. At the same time, he's not so available (being busy, whatever it may be). The fact that he hesitates to make plans but is initiating with you (and that you haven't seen him for what, a month?) means he's not very available but holding his place with you so you keep him in mind for when he might be less "busy". I just read...But he confirmed with you for V day? To see you on Thursday AND Saturday?? Edited February 10, 2015 by venusishername 1
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 If he was really interested in you he would make more effort. You could just be a backup for him. 1
Frank2thepoint Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 Surprisingly a few minutes after I posted this he called to confirm plans on Thursday and a really nice date at a fancy place for Valentine's Day. So I'm still not sure what to think but we'll see if he follows through although he's never flaked on plans. The date on Thursday would be a perfect opportunity for you to communicate with him, and discuss all of your concerns. In case your response to this advice is you are afraid of scaring him away, then enjoy speculating, and there's not much we can help you with. 1
Author tigerdog Posted February 10, 2015 Author Posted February 10, 2015 (edited) This reminded me of a situation my gf is in. He does this because he wants to keep you on the radar because he seems to like you enough to do so. At the same time, he's not so available (being busy, whatever it may be). The fact that he hesitates to make plans but is initiating with you (and that you haven't seen him for what, a month?) means he's not very available but holding his place with you so you keep him in mind for when he might be less "busy". I just read...But he confirmed with you for V day? To see you on Thursday AND Saturday?? Yes, he wants to see me two days this week. He called to say he'd meet me on Thursday at a nice venue. He also said that this place is doing a 5 course meal for Valentine's Day and he would like to take me on Saturday evening. For the record, I'm dating 3 OTHER guys (I've never been in this situation before), and I haven't been sexual with him or anyone, so I'm not upset if he's dating other women since I'm doing that too. We actually met randomly, at a Christmas event and really hit it off... so I was dating other guys when we met and I wouldn't be surprised if he was too. He's been busy because he went on vacation for a couple of weeks. He also informed me on our first date that he got in a bit of trouble at work (he has a pretty successful job but has been slacking) and was informally reprimanded so while he was balancing vacation, the days he was at work, he had to work overtime to really put in that extra effort. He's going on another short 4 day vacation next weekend, so after that things will go back to normal. EDIT: Thanks for the explanation. It has been odd for me since you are right, he seems to be keeping me on the radar. Whenever we talk, he always brings up little things I told him and inside jokes. But yeah, he seems to be unavailable the last few weeks, hence my surprise when he did call to schedule in two dates this week. But you are right, I didn't think about that... that I could be a placeholder for when he becomes less busy perhaps. Edited February 10, 2015 by tigerdog
Author tigerdog Posted February 10, 2015 Author Posted February 10, 2015 The date on Thursday would be a perfect opportunity for you to communicate with him, and discuss all of your concerns. In case your response to this advice is you are afraid of scaring him away, then enjoy speculating, and there's not much we can help you with. Just saw this! Yes, I'll definitely communicate this to him on TH or SAT. I haven't seen him in 3 weeks so I'll see how Thursday goes since it will likely just be a bit catch up and feeling each other out thing again. If I don't get the opportunity Thursday, I'll definitely ask him Saturday. Thank you.
smackie9 Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 Well if you are dating others, don't have feelings for this guy, and don't care if he dates other women, then why care if he hasn't gone out on a date with you in a month or is too busy??....you obviously have other options, and probably he does too. Maybe he's like you.....keeping tabs unless something better comes along.
Author tigerdog Posted February 10, 2015 Author Posted February 10, 2015 (edited) Well if you are dating others, don't have feelings for this guy, and don't care if he dates other women, then why care if he hasn't gone out on a date with you in a month or is too busy??....you obviously have other options, and probably he does too. Maybe he's like you.....keeping tabs unless something better comes along. I'm not sure why you are jumping to conclusions. I wouldn't write a post if I felt like I was keeping tabs till someone better comes along. Why should I STOP dating others if I go 3-4 weeks without seeing someone after a few dates? Why should I care if he's dating others if he's going that much time without seeing me? Of course, I don't have feelings, it's been a few dates. The reason I wrote this post is because there is physical/emotional chemistry there and going almost a month without seeing a guy does make me worry that I'm essentially wasting my time. It's hard to invest in someone if you don't see a guy frequently enough to invest. It's challenging to develop feelings if you don't see someone regularly. So I'm not sure where or why you are drawing the conclusions that I'd date people casually and waste people's time until I wait till someone better comes along, since that's not what I'm doing... Plus if we go out on the next couple of dates... I'll be in a position to invest more and get a feel for what he's thinking as well.... The other guys I'm dating I've only been out with 1-2 times so far. Edited February 10, 2015 by tigerdog
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