contact1 Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 As some of you are aware, I am in the process of bringing my marriage to an end. To say that it has been difficult would be a monumental understatement, and it is no where near to being done. Through it I have gone through many emotions and struggles, and at times it still feel so surreal in where I am now mentally. My saving grace in a lot of this has been music. I have the pleasure of being able to just lose myself in music, taking myself away from reality and somehow visualize my emotions. For the longest times my visions have been of me in darkness and constricted. I would see myself huddled, almost curled up within myself, and simply unable to move. My mind lost in meaningless thoughts, wondering why, why am I going through this and how did it even come to this. Lots of melancholy music being played while I envisioned that, I can guarantee you that However now, when I lose myself, I am falling, with nothing to grasp. I see myself falling and as I am about to hit the ground, the floor shatters and keeps me falling endlessly. But as I fall, as each floor shatters, it becomes less dark and less cramp. The space around me widens, and I start to see more light, blue in fact. As I fall further I see waterfalls and the sky above me, appearing out of nowhere, and all of it being so blue. And as I fall, I'm not feeling lost or fear, but rather a calming acceptance. It feels as if I starting to accept the inevitable divorce, that no matter how daunting it appears and how much pain it might inflict me when I hit the floor, there is nothing I can do to change the course or outcome, so all I can really do is just accept it, finding peace and solitude in itself. My apologizes, I kind of forgot as I was typing this what my end point in all of this was Maybe it was that in face of something as scary as a divorce or break up or any kind of relationship crap you wish would just go away, it is better to just accept what will happen will happen and trying to minimize the damage, fear, and angst of it does little to help you internally, yea lets go with that 1
Gloria25 Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 No apologies needed... I couldn't imagine the stress of going through a divorce - especially with kids. Just make sure you do what is healthy to cope and decompress. Support from family and friends is important too. If you see it's getting a bit much, don't feel bad to go see a counselor. And of course I gather LS is a place where you can come and get support from too. 1
OpenBook Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 Maybe it was that in face of something as scary as a divorce or break up or any kind of relationship crap you wish would just go away, it is better to just accept what will happen will happen and trying to minimize the damage, fear, and angst of it does little to help you internally, yea lets go with that Either that, or you're stronger than you think. Or this too shall pass. At any rate, glad you are seeing the color blue.
Author contact1 Posted February 10, 2015 Author Posted February 10, 2015 Thank you for the kind words all. Yes LS has been very helpful, if anything it gives me a place where I can freely express myself and vent some. And yes, it is great to be seeing blue instead of black now
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