baffled111 Posted April 3, 2005 Posted April 3, 2005 Okay, was talking with the ex, and she started to bring up a few things to me. She told me that she wasn't ready for a relationship, that people start worrying about dating too early, their is school, and careers and other stuff that needs to be settled and worked out first. she said she isn't ready for a relationship and wont be for a long time. She also said to me that she feels she might be an unneccassary stress on my life and burdensome to me because she says she is always complaining. She also said that she is afraid of never actually knowing if you have found the right person. You might think you have, but then that realtionship ends and you missed a whole bunch of other people that could have been "the one". She says you will never know if you are with the right person and that she will probably just be single all her life because she can't deal with realtionships... ... ...well...um...i tend to think that maybe she is a bit depressed...and I know that she is wrong, I don't care who she ends up with as long as she is happy and I don't know how to help her...I just need some advice, you people seem pretty wise, what can I say to her, she has a very pessamistic and depressing view of things. What can I say to her, if you wait till you have everything else in life settled to look for love then you'll never find it, cuz you'll never be ready...And i think she has just accepted that, that she will never have a partner. I told her that in no way is she a stress on me, I love her and she knows that, thats why i'm concerned, she needs to straighten things out and she can't do it alone, i know her, she'll just blame herself for things. I need words of wisdom for her, something to say to her, that even if i can't solve her problems, at least i can get her mind thinking on the right track. I'm worried, but i dont really know what to say
Marshbear Posted April 5, 2005 Posted April 5, 2005 First you need to realize that you cannot solve her problems. Are you a professional psychologist? She has to realize that she has a problem before she can even begin to cope with it. All you can do is to try to help her and be her friend but if things are to difficult for you them you have to think of you first. If she wants to talk then hear her out. If she wants company then give her some. But don't lose yourself in her problems. People who have a pessimistic outlook on life are usually mad or angry and they will bring you down if you let them. You have to be positive for yourself as well as for her and hopefully she can see that you are a bright spot in her otherwise dull, drab life.
blind_otter Posted April 5, 2005 Posted April 5, 2005 I've said that before. Sometimes you just feel overwhelmed or whatever. In any case, you can't solve her problems, and you shouldn't attempt to. You should own your own problems. If she wants to help herself, she should probably get some one on one counseling. Pessimism is a learned behavior, optimism can be learned as well. When I start to get depressed I force myself to count my blessings by writing out on a piece of paper all the reasons I have to be happy....and that usually helps me get un-depressed. But this is something I learned after years of being unhappily unhappy....it's something you have to want to fix for yourself.
BUTAFLY Posted January 3, 2006 Posted January 3, 2006 Okay, was talking with the ex, and she started to bring up a few things to me. She told me that she wasn't ready for a relationship, that people start worrying about dating too early, their is school, and careers and other stuff that needs to be settled and worked out first. she said she isn't ready for a relationship and wont be for a long time. She also said to me that she feels she might be an unneccassary stress on my life and burdensome to me because she says she is always complaining. She also said that she is afraid of never actually knowing if you have found the right person. You might think you have, but then that realtionship ends and you missed a whole bunch of other people that could have been "the one". She says you will never know if you are with the right person and that she will probably just be single all her life because she can't deal with realtionships... ... ...well...um...i tend to think that maybe she is a bit depressed...and I know that she is wrong, I don't care who she ends up with as long as she is happy and I don't know how to help her...I just need some advice, you people seem pretty wise, what can I say to her, she has a very pessamistic and depressing view of things. What can I say to her, if you wait till you have everything else in life settled to look for love then you'll never find it, cuz you'll never be ready...And i think she has just accepted that, that she will never have a partner. I told her that in no way is she a stress on me, I love her and she knows that, thats why i'm concerned, she needs to straighten things out and she can't do it alone, i know her, she'll just blame herself for things. I need words of wisdom for her, something to say to her, that even if i can't solve her problems, at least i can get her mind thinking on the right track. I'm worried, but i dont really know what to say She is correct...their is nothing wrong with your friend....I'm guessihg you guys are young (under 24) and she is on the right track. Leave her alone and stop analyzing her convictions because they are not how you think.
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