My girlfriend doesn't want to kiss me anymore

[KyleJenkins]

Hello, my name is Kyle and I'm 24 years old, my girlfriend is 21. I want to explain first of all that I come from a religious family and I am myself, and I intend to stay a virgin until marriage. My girlfriend knows this and though she does not agree with my views, she accepted it and decided she was gonna wait for me.

 

We do some things, like kissing and caressing each other and cuddling. We are very touchy-feely, and she has been the first woman I do this with. She always took it slow and asking me if I'm comfortable, something I strongly value and love about her. We usually cuddle every night, after watching some movie or reading something together or playing games. We have a great relationship, and I feel very happy with it.

 

The problem started when one night about a month ago, I felt a bit uncomfortable with the sexual activity we were having and she noticed and asked me. I admit I haven't been fair to her and haven't explained my limits clearly, and she seemed a bit upset with that. She immediately stepped back and apologized, she didn't treat me bad at all and she was understanding but she told me we better calm down for a while.

 

The thing is, I didn't expect this while to be so long. She has been avoiding my kisses for over a month and we only hug, basically. We don't even cuddle anymore. When I ask her the reason why, she tells me she doesn't want us to get horny and it to lead somewhere else. I have told her I am comfortable with kissing and hugging but it hasn't changed anything.

 

I admit our kisses are usually hot. She makes this little noises and sighs and it's like she knows where to touch, and I almost always have an erection. We have grinded against each other and she gave me a handjob once (I asked her), but I felt torn between the guilt and the desire after that happened.

 

The rest of our relationship is alright. She acts just like before, very loving. She recently gave me a beautiful anticipated Valentine's Day present that she put a lot of effort on. But the problem is I miss her kisses. I miss touching and cuddling her and everytime I see her I have a hard time controlling myself.

 

I have tried a couple of times to seach for her mouth but she moves away every time. I'm just scared I've ruined our relationship, that she will get tired of me and having to wait. I feel like I always tell her to stop and she has been nothing but understanding to me. She has told me I have the right to tell her no and that I don't owe her anything, but it doesn't make it better.

 

I love her, and I miss her kisses. But at the same time I feel in no position to request anything, since she is waiting for me. I don't know what to do, and I would really appreciate advice.

[bathtub-row]

I kind of understand why she's doing that. Kissing is a major turn-on in most cases and she's probably just trying to keep from feeling tempted. In your case, if you have such deep religious convictions, you shouldn't be teasing her, either.

 

To me, a bigger concern between the two of you is the religious aspect. Have you talked about how such differing values will be managed if you marry?

[Omei]

To be honest ive never heard of these types of relationships working out unless both have the same view of waiting till marriage and she does not she is twenty one eventually down the road at some point the *I love him and will do anything* is going to wear off as she matures into an older woman with needs, shes going to question if giving up her entire sex life esp in the prime of her youth (when shes going to look her best naked) is worth it for a marriage or future that may or may not work, most people who do not have the view of sex till marriage like to see if they're even sexually compatible together in bed before taking that forever life changing leap of being with one man forever.

 

To expect her to do this and the relationship last that long all the way till marriage while not having the same view there's a high chance of it not working out.

 

You're gf sounds very nice and understanding but there's no doubt inside shes going to get fed up at some point when she realizes she can have everything you offer and more with someone else.

 

I am not trying to hurt you but be very realistic about the situation.

Edited February 10, 2015 by Omei

[jgatsby]

To be honest ive never heard of these types of relationships working out unless both have the same view of waiting till marriage and she does not she is twenty one eventually down the road at some point the *I love him and will do anything* is going to wear off as she matures into an older woman with needs, shes going to question if giving up her entire sex life esp in the prime of her youth (when shes going to look her best naked) is worth it for a marriage or future that may or may not work, most people who do not have the view of sex till marriage like to see if they're even sexually compatible together in bed before taking that forever life changing leap of being with one man forever.

 

To expect her to do this and the relationship last that long all the way till marriage while not having the same view there's a high chance of it not working out.

 

You're gf sounds very nice and understanding but there's no doubt inside shes going to get fed up at some point when she realizes she can have everything you offer and more with someone else.

 

I am not trying to hurt you but be very realistic about the situation.

 

I totally agree. Sex plays a very important role in a relationship. It is not about the temptation, it is the bond and chemistry that it creates.

 

OP, here's an article that I read that I would like to share with you:

 

A key hormone released during sex is oxytocin, also known as the ‘cuddle hormone’. This lowers our defences and makes us trust people more, says Dr Arun Ghosh, a GP specialising in sexual health at the Spire Liverpool Hospital.It’s also the key to bonding, as it increases levels of empathy.

[fitnessfan365]

On one hand, I actually respect that you have beliefs you stick to. That's admirable in this day and age.

 

But it's also extremely selfish of you to get into a relationship with someone that doesn't share those beliefs. Your girlfriend is a sexually alive young woman and is being forced to inhibit herself. Plus, realistically what are the odds of a 21 year old woman being ready to settle down and get married anytime soon? I think you should do her a favor and break up with her. That way she can be in a relationship with someone that makes her completely happy, and you can meet a woman that shares your beliefs.

[SawtoothMars]

I love her, and I miss her kisses. But at the same time I feel in no position to request anything, since she is waiting for me. I don't know what to do, and I would really appreciate advice.

 

Why don't you just marry her?

[Redhead14]

Hello, my name is Kyle and I'm 24 years old, my girlfriend is 21. I want to explain first of all that I come from a religious family and I am myself, and I intend to stay a virgin until marriage. My girlfriend knows this and though she does not agree with my views, she accepted it and decided she was gonna wait for me.

 

We do some things, like kissing and caressing each other and cuddling. We are very touchy-feely, and she has been the first woman I do this with. She always took it slow and asking me if I'm comfortable, something I strongly value and love about her. We usually cuddle every night, after watching some movie or reading something together or playing games. We have a great relationship, and I feel very happy with it.

 

The problem started when one night about a month ago, I felt a bit uncomfortable with the sexual activity we were having and she noticed and asked me. I admit I haven't been fair to her and haven't explained my limits clearly, and she seemed a bit upset with that. She immediately stepped back and apologized, she didn't treat me bad at all and she was understanding but she told me we better calm down for a while.

 

The thing is, I didn't expect this while to be so long. She has been avoiding my kisses for over a month and we only hug, basically. We don't even cuddle anymore. When I ask her the reason why, she tells me she doesn't want us to get horny and it to lead somewhere else. I have told her I am comfortable with kissing and hugging but it hasn't changed anything.

 

I admit our kisses are usually hot. She makes this little noises and sighs and it's like she knows where to touch, and I almost always have an erection. We have grinded against each other and she gave me a handjob once (I asked her), but I felt torn between the guilt and the desire after that happened.

 

The rest of our relationship is alright. She acts just like before, very loving. She recently gave me a beautiful anticipated Valentine's Day present that she put a lot of effort on. But the problem is I miss her kisses. I miss touching and cuddling her and everytime I see her I have a hard time controlling myself.

 

I have tried a couple of times to seach for her mouth but she moves away every time. I'm just scared I've ruined our relationship, that she will get tired of me and having to wait. I feel like I always tell her to stop and she has been nothing but understanding to me. She has told me I have the right to tell her no and that I don't owe her anything, but it doesn't make it better.

 

I love her, and I miss her kisses. But at the same time I feel in no position to request anything, since she is waiting for me. I don't know what to do, and I would really appreciate advice.

 

It is likely frustrating for her sexually. It's not about her not wanting to kiss you, it's likely that she just wants more and it's better to not go there at all.

 

Not only that you have crossed into a little bit of a gray area regarding what is or is not considered having sex. You asked her for a hand-job. That is akin to the scenario that Mr. Clinton went through a few years ago. He received a blow job from a woman and later stated that "he did not have sex with that woman". That may create a little confusion for her.

 

In addition, if she's doing that for you and may it may have aroused her too, she wasn't getting satisfaction for her needs.

 

This is an area of your relationship that has to be clarified. Either you two will be sexual or not. No gray area. If you two are both OK with just kissing, keep it to that.

[Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646]

OP you can do what you want based on your religious beliefs, but I personally think waiting until marriage is a bad idea. Most religious people don't even do that save a small minority.

 

Repressing your sexual urges is going against nature, and if you get married and find out you're sexually incompatible, it could be a dealbreaker for her.

 

As far as the kisses go, you will need to TALK to her. She might feel disconnected from you since you won't get sexual with her, and stopped her. Sex is something that helps people bond, and I'm sure she wants that with you.

[Standard-Fare]

Either your GF is trying to make it easier for herself to avoid temptations, as others have mentioned; or she's trying to almost "punish" you in a sense by showing you exactly what a sexless relationship looks like.

 

To me your expectations of your GF don't really sound fair. It seems like you have very inconsistent boundaries when it comes to sex and affection, and you want her to ride along with your changing mindsets and pangs of guilt. In one moment you're getting a handjob, in another moment you're telling her you guys need to cool off. And when she does cool off entirely, you get upset.

 

You don't know what you want, so your GF doesn't either. But this relationship is going to get stale for both if you don't find a way to express affection.

[Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646]

Either your GF is trying to make it easier for herself to avoid temptations, as others have mentioned; or she's trying to almost "punish" you in a sense by showing you exactly what a sexless relationship looks like.

 

To me your expectations of your GF don't really sound fair. It seems like you have very inconsistent boundaries when it comes to sex and affection, and you want her to ride along with your changing mindsets and pangs of guilt. In one moment you're getting a handjob, in another moment you're telling her you guys need to cool off. And when she does cool off entirely, you get upset.

 

You don't know what you want, so your GF doesn't either. But this relationship is going to get stale for both if you don't find a way to express affection.

 

Agree... I think she's probably showing him how it feels for her to have no sex in the relationship.

 

OP, you probably need to either loosen up on your purity, or find another girl who wants the same thing as you.

 

Having sex outside of marriage doesn't make you a bad person, and as a Christian, I still don't believe that you're going to hell or will be judged negatively. Keep in mind that there aren't many people who wait for marriage anymore, and you might be missing out on happiness for the wrong reasons.

 

You should truly do what you feel is right, but I had to speak my mind