Orangebear1005 Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 So my girlfriend and I have been dating for 6 months.. The relationship is going good... We sleep together regularly... But here's the deal, She recently started working at a massage place where she does front desk work. Soon she will be able to get free massages. My only problem is that I've seen she recently has been looking at massage porn. Next she's starting to text and snapchat one of the masseuses.... She's playing the its my co worker card on me... Should I really buy it?
d0nnivain Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 Fantasy can be healthy. Hopefully she's wishing you did those things to her. However given the circumstances I can see why you are concerned & you are smart for being concerned. Keep your eyes & ears open. Unless the conversations are about work: Do you know where the key is? Are we open tomorrow given the storm? the fact that she's talking to a co-worker outside of work is a red flag
Toodaloo Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 Get some oils and soothe away her aches! If that doesn't work then probably best to have a wee chat about boundaries with her.
Author Orangebear1005 Posted February 10, 2015 Author Posted February 10, 2015 Thanks for the replies Yeah I check some of the messages and they're not really work related... She had a birthday party last week and invited all the co workers.. That's how they even have eathothers phone number. The conversations they're having are more of a all day text and stuff... (What are you up) type stuff... She's been with me a couple times while she's texted him but she never said she was with me. And some messages I can't see because of snapchat messages go away... But she was texting him late last night on snapchat so.... Idk what kinda of boundaries can I set? She got all mad at me yesterday because I brought this up and she was like "can I have friends?!" Need some advice...
mightycpa Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 Need some advice... Harden your heart. You know what's coming soon... the masseuse "friend".
preraph Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 Since so many massage places are actually involved in prostitution, I'd be wary too. Why not make an appointment at the place sometime when you are sure she isn't there and find out for yourself what all services are available?
acrosstheuniverse Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 Hmm, it's crossing a line a bit for her to have this new guy friend she speaks to outside of work massaging her naked skin... only the absolute LEAST jealous person wouldn't have a problem with that. I can see it being too much if you asked her to quit working there, or even if you tell her that you don't want her making new friends at her job, as long as the conversation content is appropriate. But I can't see many people being able to say you're being too jealous if you tell her you're not comfortable with the idea of her new workmate massaging her, and that you'd prefer a stranger or a female co worker to do it if she really wants a massage. The only way I'd want my new male co-worker to massage me would be if I had the hots for him and we were both single. It'd just be too awkward and weird otherwise, like having your best friend give you a gynecology exam! Have you met this guy? Whenever I've made new male friends through new jobs and I've wanted to see them outside of work, I've been excited to introduce my boyfriend to my awesome, fun, interesting new friend. I recently made a male friend who looks like he could become a great person to have in my life, and the first time we met outside of hitting it off at work was going out for drinks with our respective partners. That's how healthy adults who are committed to fidelity make new friends when they're in a relationship, in my opinion. And there's no way I'd let this new friend touch me other than a hello or goodbye hug lasting two seconds. Also, the fact she's looking at massage porn, while working at a massage parlour, is pretty telling, unless she was already into that genre of porn (and many people are). For whatever reason, she's already equating getting a massage with sex.
d0nnivain Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 I am a firm believer that "pre-existing friends" those people your SO was close to before they met you are part of the package & you have to deal (unless they are recent adult EX). New friends, you get to draw more limits. I would point blank that her texting him & purusing a friendship with him is making you jealous & it hurts your feelings. Don't tell her what to do but armed with that info if she doesn't curtail her interactions with him you know where you stand.
Chief Wiggum Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 She works at a massage parlour? Talks regularly, outside of work, with a co-worker that likely gives her massages? And she does so via snapchat - an application known for being "sexting" friendly? Prepare to accept the strong possibility that she's flirting or, worse, fooling around.
Author Orangebear1005 Posted February 10, 2015 Author Posted February 10, 2015 Guys thanks for the replies... So I confronted her about it today and she right away gets all mad and let's me go through her phone...she was the one who brought up the idea of going through her phone she also said " I have nothing to hide"... But I can't see snapchats of course...so with attitude she says she'll delete his number... Also she's saying stuff like "thanks for being a controlling boyfriend"... "It's just your problem for being insecure"..I told her that it was being direstpectful to our relationship... With attidude she took off to go to the gym. It's really hard to trust her for this because I feel she can cheat so easily at work and I would have no clue... She can get massages whenever she wants to. I don't think she'll break up with me because we have some trips and other events we are attending... The relationship honestly has been great we have a lot of good times together and I think it's just this bump we need to get over. I pretty much live at her house and we grocery shop together go to the gym with each other all the time... It's a serious relationship What do you guys think?
acrosstheuniverse Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 What do you guys think? Her response is not good. It shouts 'I have something to hide' when she's so defensive. Sure, she can let you go through her phone, but any cheater worth their salt knows that they need to keep on top of deleting incriminating things, so that if their partner snoops there's nothing on there. As you say, with snapchats, they're not saved anyway unless you screenshot, so it hardly means a thing that you went through the phone. Personally I would be worried by that response. She threw it back in your face, told you you were controlling her, deleted his number in a huff (doesn't mean it isn't stored elsewhere) and disappeared. She didn't listen to your concerns, acknowledge that they were valid, and tell you what she would do to make those worries better (whether it's stopping talking to him outside of work, realising it was inappropriate to get a massage, introducing you both so he could become a friend of the relationship if nothing was going on). Watch out with this one. I don't think her response is a positive thing at all.
d0nnivain Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 I'm not sure why you confronted her. You needed to talk to her, not attack her. Maybe it's a word choice thing; I didn't hear your tone when you brought this up. You are controlling if you told her what she can & can't do with her life. You are not controlling if you told her what behaviors of hers upset you & you asked her to refrain from them going forward. Do you see the difference? If you don't trust her, all the trips & grocery shopping in the world will not make this a healthy relationship
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