Author justanyordinarylady Posted February 11, 2015 Author Posted February 11, 2015 You're dating him, you should read into it. It obvious bothers you and seems peculiar, so why wouldn't you read into it? Going out for me is a normal part of life and socializing so I would find it very odd if a man said he's not used to going out and didn't want to. That would be weird for me and again, we'd probably not be a good match since for me going out is nothing to think about but is a normal part of life. Yeah you're right and I kinda knew that.
Author justanyordinarylady Posted February 11, 2015 Author Posted February 11, 2015 This has nothing to do with being considerate or inconsiderate. It has to do with something that makes the two of you a poor match, and you'll eventually get tired of prodding him. There's something wrong with him socially and you'll end up paying a high price for this. What you see is what you get with this guy, and being socially awkward is probably just the tip of the iceberg. If you guys end up being together long-term, I guarantee you this will be a source of contention between the two of you, and a source of arguments. Because he'll eventually stop trying to appease you and stop going out. This is about you being wise enough and self-protective enough to know when to cut bait and run. Good point. It's something for me to think about. 1
Author justanyordinarylady Posted February 11, 2015 Author Posted February 11, 2015 If you do not know him that well, is there a possibility here that he is still married/attached and just doesn't want to be seen out with another woman...? If this IS genuine, then long term a man that doesn't want to go out socially will be a disaster for you if you are a social person. He WILL NOT change, without a huge commitment to change on his part, and I guess even if he accommodates you now, 3 years down the line he will probably revert to type and dive back into the comfort zone of his home. Always attending family, work, community events on your own, or NOT going to social events because you will be partnerless, will grate on you long term. What about holidays, going places? or will he just want to stay home... You have to read a whole lot into this and think out the consequences here. Head in the sand now, may turn out to be a disaster for you in the future. He's never been married and don't have any feelings for any ex from what I been told. As for going to parties and family and friends events I really believe he would come with me to these important events I don't believe he'll let me go by myself but what you said is really good point and really something to think about. I hope I don't sound naive.
elaine567 Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 Don't let your caring side take over here and believe you can fix him, as I doubt that. Men do not change their basic make up, just because they are in a relationship or married... He seems to have an issue with going out and that is really a red flag for me. You want a man to go places with, to have fun and not be worried all the time whether he is comfortable or spend time going home early as he cannot cope, or have to babysit him through social situations... ALSO do NOT let him railroad you into spending loads of time at his place, as that may lead to sex, too early in the relationship. Or it may just lead to lots of time in his home, so he doesn't have to go into the big bad world... Neither are good scenarios for you. 2
Author justanyordinarylady Posted February 12, 2015 Author Posted February 12, 2015 Don't let your caring side take over here and believe you can fix him, as I doubt that. Men do not change their basic make up, just because they are in a relationship or married... He seems to have an issue with going out and that is really a red flag for me. You want a man to go places with, to have fun and not be worried all the time whether he is comfortable or spend time going home early as he cannot cope, or have to babysit him through social situations... ALSO do NOT let him railroad you into spending loads of time at his place, as that may lead to sex, too early in the relationship. Or it may just lead to lots of time in his home, so he doesn't have to go into the big bad world... Neither are good scenarios for you. Great advice.
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