The_Baumer Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 Quick background about me and the ex. We were good friends prior to entering into a relationship. She said at the start that in case this doesn't work out that we'll still be friends. She dumped me for someone else, is crazy about the guy that's why she's been distant the past few weeks. I immediately went into NC. So onto the breadcrumb. 10 days into NC, she emailed me that she'll no longer be going to the place we frequent/met at. She'll be cancelling her membership. She also said that she can't believe I'd do that to a friend and that I'm a person that doesn't value friendship. I didn't respond to her message and have no intention of replying. I just want to ask what do you think is her motive or the meaning behind her message? Do you think she'll be dropping another breadcrumb to get me to break NC? I just want to mentally prepare myself in case she tries something else and be strong holding NC for me to move on.
Mi7522 Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 Quick background about me and the ex. We were good friends prior to entering into a relationship. She said at the start that in case this doesn't work out that we'll still be friends. She dumped me for someone else, is crazy about the guy that's why she's been distant the past few weeks. I immediately went into NC. So onto the breadcrumb. 10 days into NC, she emailed me that she'll no longer be going to the place we frequent/met at. She'll be cancelling her membership. She also said that she can't believe I'd do that to a friend and that I'm a person that doesn't value friendship. I didn't respond to her message and have no intention of replying. I just want to ask what do you think is her motive or the meaning behind her message? Do you think she'll be dropping another breadcrumb to get me to break NC? I just want to mentally prepare myself in case she tries something else and be strong holding NC for me to move on. I wouldn't really call it a breadcrumb she is being quite clear that she will be trying to stay away from you during this time and is actually going out of her way to make sure you know. Stick to NC it doesn't seem like she is very interested in you at the moment so steer clear of her.
EgoJoe Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 Her ego doesn't like your self respect. Stay NC. 2
Author The_Baumer Posted February 9, 2015 Author Posted February 9, 2015 (edited) I wouldn't really call it a breadcrumb she is being quite clear that she will be trying to stay away from you during this time and is actually going out of her way to make sure you know. Stick to NC it doesn't seem like she is very interested in you at the moment so steer clear of her. Well, what about when she said she can't believe I'd do that to a friend(go NC)? What does it mean? I also forgot to add that in her message, she said she hates we no longer get to speak. Edited February 9, 2015 by The_Baumer
Ducktape Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 You're asking a question you know the answer to.
Mi7522 Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 Well, what about when she said she can't believe I'd do that to a friend(go NC)? What does it mean? I also forgot to add that in her message, she said she hates we no longer get to speak. She's friendzoning you, do you really want to be friends with someone you have an emotional attachment to? Think of this while you try to be friends with her, You are all out having pints and her bf shows up and she is all over him, how would you feel? That's why you don't stay friends with exes especially right after a BU. Stick to NC
darkbloom Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 She is being selfish and keeping her emotional needs above yours. Do not break NC.
dumbass2 Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 SHE dumped YOU for someone else! Keep telling yourself this over and over. You may have been friends before, but you can no longer be friends after getting into a romantic relationship with her. You want her romantically. Like has been said, she is being selfish. She wants her cake and it. She's mad because you are not contacting her and "being her friend". Screw that. She wants you know on her terms only. DO NOT respond and keep NC. You have to move on after being dumped for someone else. Maintain your self respect. You are doing that now...great job! Do not read into anything she says or does and if you can't handle that then block her everywhere and avoid her at all cost right now. she pretty much set you up at the start by saying what she said. She basically knew that a romantic relationship with you probably wouldn't last because you are not exactly what she is looking for in that way, but you were good enough until she found someone better. 4
Author The_Baumer Posted February 10, 2015 Author Posted February 10, 2015 SHE dumped YOU for someone else! Keep telling yourself this over and over. You may have been friends before, but you can no longer be friends after getting into a romantic relationship with her. You want her romantically. Like has been said, she is being selfish. She wants her cake and it. She's mad because you are not contacting her and "being her friend". Screw that. She wants you know on her terms only. DO NOT respond and keep NC. You have to move on after being dumped for someone else. Maintain your self respect. You are doing that now...great job! Do not read into anything she says or does and if you can't handle that then block her everywhere and avoid her at all cost right now. she pretty much set you up at the start by saying what she said. She basically knew that a romantic relationship with you probably wouldn't last because you are not exactly what she is looking for in that way, but you were good enough until she found someone better. Thank you so much! That last sentence makes absolute sense to me. I wasn't able to see that but I'm glad you brought it up. She also told me when we were together, she maintained some contact/we're friends with her ex-BFs. Maybe she was expecting I'll do the same. But no. I need to be in NC for myself. 1
EgoJoe Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 She has problems. Fyi slashing tires is not breaking NC. Am I kidding? Who knows?
contact1 Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 She has problems. Fyi slashing tires is not breaking NC. Am I kidding? Who knows? You know what, after having ended a relationship many years ago, I did find a huge dead bolt in one of my tires, I have to wonder now if there is some kind of correlation to that....
Author The_Baumer Posted February 10, 2015 Author Posted February 10, 2015 She has problems. Fyi slashing tires is not breaking NC. Am I kidding? Who knows? And what are those problems she has? Sorry if I'm not seeing it at the moment or I'm not getting what specifically you're referring to.
noob_saibot Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 a bread crumb is given when the other party(dumper) has a soft spot of either regret, fear, confusion, or unsure of making a mistake. they also do it for reassurance, just in case the grass is just painted green, they will come back. would you climb up a cliff with out a saftey harness? dont be the harness. you can either watch them fall. catch them when they fall. find another way to the top of the cliff, or go climb another cliff. but dont ever reassure them that its safe.
lolablue17 Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 (edited) Mmm... Let's see... She's canceling her membership in a place you use to hang out. She's been distant the past few weeks because of her BF. She says she hates you. She says she doesn't ever want to talk to you. And she says she doesn't believe you "can do this to a friend"??!!!! What have you done? you just took some time to yourself to heal after SHE dumped you. This girl is so so selfish and self centered! It's unbelievable. She thinks the whole world was meant to serve her, and everyone else needs to be miserable so she could be happy. Did she try to reach you out after she dumped you? I don't mean sending you texts. If she was your friend, she would come over to your place and force you to talk to her because she's worried about you. She should have offered her unconditional support, and should have offered you that if you need her, she will come in the middle of the night just to be there for you, although she has a boyfriend. That's what good friends do when they care about someone, especially after they are responsible for their friends misery. Did she do that? NO! She is not your friend. She's a selfish bitch! Edited February 10, 2015 by lolablue17
Author The_Baumer Posted February 10, 2015 Author Posted February 10, 2015 Mmm... Let's see... She's canceling her membership in a place you use to hang out. She's been distant the past few weeks because of her BF. She says she hates you. She says she doesn't ever want to talk to you. And she says she doesn't believe you "can do this to a friend"??!!!! What have you done? you just took some time to yourself to heal after SHE dumped you. This girl is so so selfish and self centered! It's unbelievable. She thinks the whole world was meant to serve her, and everyone else needs to be miserable so she could be happy. Did she try to reach you out after she dumped you? I don't mean sending you texts. If she was your friend, she would come over to your place and force you to talk to her because she's worried about you. She should have offered her unconditional support, and should have offered you that if you need her, she will come in the middle of the night just to be there for you, although she has a boyfriend. That's what good friends do when they care about someone, especially after they are responsible for their friends misery. Did she do that? NO! She is not your friend. She's a selfish bitch! She didn't say she hates me and she doesn't ever want to talk to me again. What she said was she hates that we are no longer talking. I cut communications with her(Because I went into NC)
Chi townD Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 Thank you so much! That last sentence makes absolute sense to me. I wasn't able to see that but I'm glad you brought it up. She also told me when we were together, she maintained some contact/we're friends with her ex-BFs. Maybe she was expecting I'll do the same. But no. I need to be in NC for myself. One of the best quotes on this thread. YOU GET IT! Although, she doesn't realize this. NC is for you! Not for her. She made a choice to have you out of her life. She placed a higher value on someone else other than you. Therefore, you have every right to be a little selfish yourself and take care of YOU! Sorry to say this, but this probably won't be the last time you hear from her. She thinks you hate her and that will drive her nuts because you won't let her know any different. Sorry, not your problem anymore. Not your job to make her feel better. She's got someone else to do that now. 3
mightycpa Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 It means she can't believe that you'd be obtuse enough to throw away the great gift of her friendship, even though she decided that you weren't the kind of guy she could be with. Clearly, you don't value friendship if you can't see the value in having her as a friend. You're like a jeweler who doesn't know a diamond when he sees one. If it is any consolation at all, you've hit her where it hurts. Now let it go, and be glad she's all upset and refuses to see you. It makes your NC much easier to keep.
Author The_Baumer Posted February 10, 2015 Author Posted February 10, 2015 One of the best quotes on this thread. YOU GET IT! Although, she doesn't realize this. NC is for you! Not for her. She made a choice to have you out of her life. She placed a higher value on someone else other than you. Therefore, you have every right to be a little selfish yourself and take care of YOU! Sorry to say this, but this probably won't be the last time you hear from her. She thinks you hate her and that will drive her nuts because you won't let her know any different. Sorry, not your problem anymore. Not your job to make her feel better. She's got someone else to do that now. I have no intentions or desire to contact or talk to her at all. I've got nothing to say. Maybe tell her "we're no longer friends and you very much know why" but that wouldn't matter, so why bother? My mind knows there's no need to talk to her. But my emotions are still all over the place. There's still these lingering feelings of me missing her, wanting her or going back to what we had...despite of what she did. I just can't process why I'm still feeling this.
Satu Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 I My mind knows there's no need to talk to her. But my emotions are still all over the place. There's still these lingering feelings of me missing her, wanting her or going back to what we had...despite of what she did. I just can't process why I'm still feeling this. NC will help a lot. Why doesn't really matter. What matters is you successfully adapting to this change in your circumstances. You have the ability to do that. Good luck.
Chi townD Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 I have no intentions or desire to contact or talk to her at all. I've got nothing to say. Maybe tell her "we're no longer friends and you very much know why" but that wouldn't matter, so why bother? My mind knows there's no need to talk to her. But my emotions are still all over the place. There's still these lingering feelings of me missing her, wanting her or going back to what we had...despite of what she did. I just can't process why I'm still feeling this. Because this just happened to you. This is going to take time. Your heart is your worst enemy right now. Your brain is telling you that she dumped you for someone else. But your heart gets in the way and tells you to remember the good times you've had. This all takes time. NC sucks. NC is hard. But, when you push through to the other side, you'll discover that it was the best choice you've made. Does NC heal you? YEP! Does NC in conjunction with making positive changes in your life heal you faster? Absolutely! So think about self improvements to help you heal faster.
dumbass2 Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 "Maybe tell her "we're no longer friends and you very much know why" but that wouldn't matter, so why bother?" You're silence will tell her that, so you're right, no need to bother. There is absolutely no reason to contact her. You do not need to tell her anything. She has told you all you need to know, she does not want you romantically. Keep strong! 1
kendahke Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 I just want to ask what do you think is her motive or the meaning behind her message? the person she threw you over for ain't working out and she's trying to see if she can come back. Do you think she'll be dropping another breadcrumb to get me to break NC? I just want to mentally prepare myself in case she tries something else and be strong holding NC for me to move on. Probably. Blocking her email will help to speed along the getting over her process. Quit allowing her into your sphere.
KBarletta Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 I have no intentions or desire to contact or talk to her at all. I've got nothing to say. Maybe tell her "we're no longer friends and you very much know why" but that wouldn't matter, so why bother? My mind knows there's no need to talk to her. But my emotions are still all over the place. There's still these lingering feelings of me missing her, wanting her or going back to what we had...despite of what she did. I just can't process why I'm still feeling this. Eric Clapton wrote a song about this: "We made a vow we'd always be friends. How could we know that promises end?" The fact is, love changes things. And if she doesn't get that, that isn't your problem. Stick to NC, let her have her opinions. Chances are they are at least partly an attempt on her part to rewrite history and make herself feel less guilty about leaving you for another guy.
Author The_Baumer Posted February 13, 2015 Author Posted February 13, 2015 Sorry to say this, but this probably won't be the last time you hear from her. She thinks you hate her and that will drive her nuts because you won't let her know any different. Sorry, not your problem anymore. Not your job to make her feel better. She's got someone else to do that now. You're right... She contacted me again today. Two weeks into my NC. She asked if Will I talk to her and does it bother me that I treat her this way(going NC on her/completely cut her out). I've got no interest or urge to reply...well maybe reply just to troll her and say "roflcopter! Are you f-ing kidding me? Lulz! kthxbye!"
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