about a guy's behavior!

[Virgin26]

Hi all,

 

So I met this guys online and we really hit it off from the very start. We had great conversations and laughed a lot. I am very interested in starting something serious with him but I am super confused with his behavior. When we’re together, I feel amazing and both of us don’t want the date to end. However, he barely talks to me at all when we’re not together. We’ve had a few shallow conversations here and there, but nothing major. We see each other about once a week or so (mainly because I’m busy with work or other commitment). This guy says he’s interested and says all the rights things, but doesn’t make an effort to communicate with me when I’m not with him!!

 

I know it’s probably clear to you that he’s just not into me and that I should let him go. I am usually the girl with a big pride and ego and I walk away if the guy isn’t into me. But somehow, I feel that this guy really does like me. I never initiated texts with him, he was initiating texts more at the beginning but the of his texts declined significantly.

 

I finally asked him to do something one afternoon (I asked in the morning) and he said he had some other plans and suggested that we hangout the next weekend. I obviously told him I was unavailable next weekend because I just felt rejected

 

Also, I still see him online in the dating site (yes, I know I’m still there as well). I know we’re only been on a few dates, but I don’t like that he’s out there looking for someone else!!

 

Anyways, what do you think? I do really like this guy. Should I wait a week or so and ask him out again? shall I wait for him to text me? or should I just cut my loses and move on because he’s just not that into me?

 

I just wish I would know what's going on and we could stop paying these silly games!!! I really like him and that doesn’t happen to me too often!

 

I would appreciate any help!

 

Thanks a lot

[Sarabi]

Hmmmm.

I could be completely wrong because, I don't exactly get lots of male attention but...

 

Have you read Why Men Love B!tch3$?

I think you should let the guy try and make an effort to chase you...

I am an impatient person so am tempted to tell you just sod him, forget the whole thing and move on.

I tend to make the assumption that if someone really wants you, he will be trying as much as possible to take you out and get you all to himself but...maybe preoccupy your time with your own hobbies and other interests, make yourself look fabulous wherever you go and don't ask him out again and if he does like you, see if he eventually comes to you..? I really don't think you should have to ask him out again...

[Leigh 87]

He is definitely not that into you.

 

If he was, he'd not be online and he'd be initiating regular daily contact; not 100 texts a day, but either one phone call or a text or two.

 

You are projecting your feelings; I have done it a lot, we all have it is nothing to feel stupid about!

 

Honestly, I have felt that a guy DEFINATELY, surely was into me before, only to realise it was just ME projecting my feelings onto him; the guys liked me well enough but not enough to date me seriously, or they WOULD have. They wouldn't have stopped seeing me, stayed online or been wishy washy with their communication!

 

Men are simple. they go after what they want. Men don't meet a woman they think could have serious dating potential, only to go back online regularly and look for something better.

[Sarabi]

Men are simple. they go after what they want. Men don't meet a woman they think could have serious dating potential, only to go back online regularly and look for something better.

 

The above is true...and based on the little snippet above, you yourself should also go back online and get out there and hope for someone better too

[lovexocoach]

Doesn't sound like he's that interested in you. He's not trying very hard to impress you or get to know you.

 

Look for someone who is interested in you and who will be attentive and who will communicate with you. This guy isn't doing that.

 

Do not ask him out or chase him. He should be asking YOU out and chasing you.

[kendahke]

And you've asked him why he does that and he says?

[kendahke]

I finally asked him to do something one afternoon (I asked in the morning) and he said he had some other plans and suggested that we hangout the next weekend. I obviously told him I was unavailable next weekend because I just felt rejected

 

I never understand why women play these games which put them in the opposite direction of that which they say they want. Why would you do that? Because he's got plans that were made before you asked? You aren't really being fair doing that.

 

Also, I still see him online in the dating site (yes, I know I’m still there as well). I know we’re only been on a few dates, but I don’t like that he’s out there looking for someone else!!

 

well, you're going to have to find a way to deal with that until such a time when he tells you that he wants exclusivity with you.

 

Anyways, what do you think? I do really like this guy. Should I wait a week or so and ask him out again? shall I wait for him to text me? or should I just cut my loses and move on because he’s just not that into me?

 

I just wish I would know what's going on and we could stop paying these silly games!!! I really like him and that doesn’t happen to me too often!

 

I would appreciate any help!

 

Thanks a lot

 

If you want to know what's up, then ask him. If you dont' want him to play games, then don't you play games--and lying about not being available is playing games. Could have been a great opportunity for you to have made an impression on him to where he would seriously consider halting his search and seeing about being with you. Now that opportunity is squandered over a fit.

 

If you like him, then tell him you like him. Look, I just did that about 5 minutes ago with the man I'm seeing. He was on the dating site yesterday and I was feeling some kind of way about it, so today, I put the questions to him about if he wanted to see what's up. He said "yes". I would have been spinning my wheels, wondering, speculating and torturing myself instead of putting my best interests first and asking him. Then again, I'm 55 and I have no desire to waste time and what youth I do have left playing games and guessing what's in his head.

 

So if you want to know, ask. Open your mouth, own your voice and ask. The worst he can say is "No". Your torture will be over and you can move on to find an even better fit.

[fifipheebs]

perhaps he doesn't want to appear too keen. have you tried imitating a text or two?

 

having said that, a few dates is hardly a commitment, so he's free to see other people until he is ready to solidify you and him.

 

keep your options open as well and perhaps once he sees you are desired by other men, he may step up.

[Versacehottie]

I am usually the girl with a big pride and ego and I walk away if the guy isn’t into me. But somehow, I feel that this guy really does like me. I never initiated texts with him, he was initiating texts more at the beginning but the of his texts declined significantly.

 

I finally asked him to do something one afternoon (I asked in the morning) and he said he had some other plans and suggested that we hangout the next weekend. I obviously told him I was unavailable next weekend because I just felt rejected

 

Also, I still see him online in the dating site (yes, I know I’m still there as well). I know we’re only been on a few dates, but I don’t like that he’s out there looking for someone else!!

 

Anyways, what do you think? I do really like this guy. Should I wait a week or so and ask him out again? shall I wait for him to text me? or should I just cut my loses and move on because he’s just not that into me?

 

 

I love what you say about having the big pride and ego. That will help you. If you REALLY like this one, you need it more than ever. This is not AT ALL the time to relax your standards. Hold onto them more than ever. NO do not ask him out again. Yes wait for him to text you and ask you out again. In meantime, keep dating. You need to take the edge off. I think you are in the period where it's a grey zone. No one's crystal ball is going to be accurate because he probably hasn't decided what the ultimate end goal is with you yet. And you shouldn't have with him either. Whatever you need to do to relax and let him wonder what YOU are up to. Basically that means pull back. The answer will reveal itself soon enough. PS he should have tried to schedule an alternative date or plans when you went out of your way to ask him out. That should give you pause for thought or put one blackmark on what you think of him. Doesn't have to be the 'End" to everything--take note and observe. See what he does next. Put yourself into the driver's seat where YOU are the one evaluating. He should be nervous and typing this post wondering if he f*cked up. Make sense?

 

Good luck.

[BluEyeL]

You shouldn't have said no to his alternate invite date. You asked him last moment, it could have been very legitimate that he had other plans that afternoon and he did offer an alternate date.

 

About communication between dates, it could go either way. I've been with my boyfriend about 7 months and he didn't communicate in between dates more than once a week in the beginning, but he set up the next date at the end of the current one. He also took a while to hide his profile, about 2 months. Things progressed gradually. I just stayed in the present, did not worry and of course, didn't sleep with him until we were in a relationship and we advanced to seeing each other more than 1X a week, profiles were down etc.

 

On the other hand, it is possible that he isn't into you, but not sure from the info.

 

IMO, you should calm down, initiate maybe a text to aleviate the rejection you gave him and maybe suggest that you'd like to go on a date and see if he bites and asks you out. Then always say yes. Don't play games, they backfire.

[preraph]

I agree you were foolish to tell him no to the reschedule. People have all kinds of plans. It doesn't mean they don't like you. It only means they have a life -- which is probably the reason he's not into texting back and forth like 8th graders too.

[Versacehottie]

oops i missed that he DID try to reschedule. Yeah whoever takes the risk to ask out has to be prepared that the other person has plans and if he offered to reschedule and it fit your schedule you should have accepted. But I would still hang back and see what happens next from his end. If you are too over-eager AND playing games he will see through that and it will probably deteriorate. Believe me, a guy who wants to date you will not be deterred by a little blip like this "scheduling issue". You just don't have to make it into something bigger. You noticed already that his texting was winding down. Make him work for it to get back in. That's not game playing--that's pulling back when someone has shown you reduced interest.

 

Sorry I misunderstood but my overall advice is the same. Good luck

[Revan32]

Wow there is a lot of bad advice on here. I suppose everyone has different experiences, but I'll give you mine based on a LOT of dating, including online.

 

1. If you think he really likes you, and you both get along really well, and you are about even in looks level, then yes, he probably really likes you too. The lack of texts is easy enough to explain. Girls hate guys who shower them with attention. Now I now you're thinking "I'd love for this guy to pay more attention to me!" but in reality, he has you constantly thinking about him and wondering where he is, who he's with, why isn't he texting you ect. There's no way you'd be doing this if he sent you 5 texts a day detailing his boring life. After lots of experience, i've learned to only text girls when I'm trying to set up a date. And only once or twice a week max. It keeps girls interested a lot more effectively.

 

2. Feel free to text him. I hate when girls never text me first. It makes me think they don't like me, and since my rule about never texting girls more than they text me, often i'll just forget about them for several weeks after I meet another girl who acts more interested. Dispite what people say, guy's love a little attention from girls. It sucks always doing the chasing, and never getting anything back. I've dropped so many girls that played to hard to get, just because it wasn't worth it anymore. Every time it takes half a day to respond to my text, I lose a little interest.

 

3. If I was dating you and found out you avoided seeing me just because I happened to be busy one day, I'd drop you on the spot. Its a clear sign of a spoiled little diva, and absolutely undateable beyond a one night stand.

 

4. Of course he's still looking for other people. Girls are incredibly fickle. I can tell from you one post that you're especially bad at this. In order to not give too much attention to one girl and make her bored, guys have to be chasing other girls at the same time. Otherwise he'd be constantly thinking about you, which would very likely end up chasing you off.

 

@Leigh 87, stop giving advice ma'am. You seriously don't know what you're talking about. Men aren't as simple as you think. And when a girl goes above and beyond to show her disinterest like OP did, guys will often surprise surprise, think they are not interested and move on. I've had girls become infatuated with me and its the best feeling in the world, knowing someone really likes you. Too bad 90% of the time girls are given advice to never text him, don't show too much interest and let him do all the chasing.

 

My advice OP, is to give him something to chase. Send him a sexy text (I don't mean nude) in the morning saying you can't wait for your next date. Or just something nice to let him know you're still interested.

[Versacehottie]

Wow there is a lot of bad advice on here. I suppose everyone has different experiences, but I'll give you mine based on a LOT of dating, including online.

 

1. If you think he really likes you, and you both get along really well, and you are about even in looks level, then yes, he probably really likes you too. The lack of texts is easy enough to explain. Girls hate guys who shower them with attention. Now I now you're thinking "I'd love for this guy to pay more attention to me!" but in reality, he has you constantly thinking about him and wondering where he is, who he's with, why isn't he texting you ect. There's no way you'd be doing this if he sent you 5 texts a day detailing his boring life. After lots of experience, i've learned to only text girls when I'm trying to set up a date. And only once or twice a week max. It keeps girls interested a lot more effectively.

 

2. Feel free to text him. I hate when girls never text me first. It makes me think they don't like me, and since my rule about never texting girls more than they text me, often i'll just forget about them for several weeks after I meet another girl who acts more interested. Dispite what people say, guy's love a little attention from girls. It sucks always doing the chasing, and never getting anything back. I've dropped so many girls that played to hard to get, just because it wasn't worth it anymore. Every time it takes half a day to respond to my text, I lose a little interest.

 

3. If I was dating you and found out you avoided seeing me just because I happened to be busy one day, I'd drop you on the spot. Its a clear sign of a spoiled little diva, and absolutely undateable beyond a one night stand.

 

4. Of course he's still looking for other people. Girls are incredibly fickle. I can tell from you one post that you're especially bad at this. In order to not give too much attention to one girl and make her bored, guys have to be chasing other girls at the same time. Otherwise he'd be constantly thinking about you, which would very likely end up chasing you off.

 

@Leigh 87, stop giving advice ma'am. You seriously don't know what you're talking about. Men aren't as simple as you think. And when a girl goes above and beyond to show her disinterest like OP did, guys will often surprise surprise, think they are not interested and move on. I've had girls become infatuated with me and its the best feeling in the world, knowing someone really likes you. Too bad 90% of the time girls are given advice to never text him, don't show too much interest and let him do all the chasing.

 

My advice OP, is to give him something to chase. Send him a sexy text (I don't mean nude) in the morning saying you can't wait for your next date. Or just something nice to let him know you're still interested.

 

LOL, i agree with some of what you said. I don't think though if he is already fading away on her that the thing to do is to chase him. I don't mind guys that text to impart information mainly. She says there's a difference in his behavior though so I don't think she should shower him with more attention for him giving her less. Desperate and no guy (no one) likes that.

 

I agree with #4. she has to realize for the time being he is dating others and she should do the same. Actually the same advice I was giving OP. Some of your other specific observations are incredibly astute. Thank u

[Revan32]

LOL, i agree with some of what you said. I don't think though if he is already fading away on her that the thing to do is to chase him. I don't mind guys that text to impart information mainly. She says there's a difference in his behavior though so I don't think she should shower him with more attention for him giving her less. Desperate and no guy (no one) likes that.

 

I agree with #4. she has to realize for the time being he is dating others and she should do the same. Actually the same advice I was giving OP. Some of your other specific observations are incredibly astute. Thank u

 

I actually just got into this same argument with some girls I just went to dinner with. I met them at a church event tonight I went to, and one was complaining how she gets approached all the time outside of church, but never at church. I mentioned to her since I'm new there how I would love it if some girls approached me and introduced me to their friends. She gets all frazzled and is like "hah guys hate getting approach, that never works, its too desperate". I wanted to strangle the girl! lol I've been sitting in the corner at church all lonely thinking how stuck up all these ******* women are because they all immediately congregate into these herds as soon as church is over, which makes it nearly impossible to approach and meet anyone. I want all the girls reading this to know that that's not normal. I've been all over South/Central America, Europe and Africa. No other culture has that stuck up attitude that American girls do. If you want someone to like you, be friendly, and let them know you like them. Its not desperate, its nice and its human. America just has this sick culture when it comes to dating. People are literally playing games at who can come off as the most uninterested. Does that sound healthy to anyone???

[Versacehottie]

I definitely think it's important to be outgoing. I think we are talking about different things perhaps. I think girls should start conversations, etc. Not be stuck up. However, in this OP situation, I wouldn't call "responding in kind" or with same level of enthusiasm game playing. It's just giving back what you get. She could totally make another attempt or do something that falls into the category of pursuing to speed things up. Typically i think guys who have not "decided" what they want to do yet or are fading this see this as pressure and bolt or become uninterested. She will definitely get some sort of answer right away but I think it will be an answer she doesn't want if she handles it like this.

 

I think if she really wants a chance with him she has to be patient rather than impatient and see what he offers up next. Of course, she should be happy etc when he contacts her. Easy breezy. Loving her own life. Which is why she should not put all her hopes on just one guy at this point.

[Ninjainpajamas]

Anyways, what do you think? I do really like this guy. Should I wait a week or so and ask him out again? shall I wait for him to text me? or should I just cut my loses and move on because he’s just not that into me?

 

I think the only reason you're being so flexible is because of how much YOU like this guy. The guy clearly isn't that into you and has other options...don't know how people are confusing this very basic dating scenario.

 

You shouldn't wait to ask him out, you should wait for him to put more effort into communicating with you...if the guy is REALLY INTO YOU (which he's not) then he would be communicating with you consistently as not to lose your attention and interest...but if you pull away or if you want to play the patient little doggy game, then I'm sure he's going to eventually react and wonder where he dug his bone in the backyard and eventually go out searching for it.

 

I think you're "confused" because you're all caught up in the moment in the past...but you don't know if that's really him and right now he's showing you apart of his character and interest, you're simply confused because you don't know why the guy isn't as interested in you as you are him.

 

For some reason women always seem to think they know how men feel, it's something I'll never understand but it's notoriously common and more often than not turns out to be a huge mistake, because you're not really going based off anything except how you feel for the most part, with little snippets of information to help convince yourself along the way.

 

You should cut your losses or let this guy really come around and start putting in more effort...I think he's already shown his cards IMO but if you want to play "games" of catch the unavailable guy...you go right ahead, sometimes a woman plays it well enough that a guy actually comes around and stays, for a while at least.

[Versacehottie]

I think the only reason you're being so flexible is because of how much YOU like this guy.

 

yes, this. This is the biggest mistake. Don't be MORE flexible if you really like the guy. Not the time to change your standards. It's exactly the time to hold onto them tight.

[preraph]

I agree with a lot of what Revan says. Whoever is the one sending too many texts seeking reassurance is the inevitable loser in the situation, for the reasons he stated. If everyone who sits around waiting for texts and retexts the person would instead shower, change, go out with a friend, and not return texts until they get finished socializing, there would be a lot more balance in their relationship in a hurry. And Revan is right that men do not like to be chased. They don't mind someone being forward and meeting them, but having a women begging for attention -- I was going to say "was against all instincts for men," but the truth is neither men nor women find it attractive. I don't understand why people can't understand that and change their desperate needy behavior.

[Virgin26]

Hi guys,

 

Thank you so much for all the feedback and advise. I definitely made a few mistakes when dealing with this guy and I am so mad at myself for being so stupid ugh!!

 

1. I asked him to give me enough space

2. I took too long to respond and to schedule dates with him

3. I never initiated contact with him (I guess he realized this and stopped initiating contact with me)

4. I declined his suggestion for rescheduling when I asked him out last time (told him I was abroad for a week - which is true by the way)

5. I acted kind of upset when he said he was busy that day and ended the conversation abruptly

 

I actually expected him to text me while I'm abroad to check up on me or say anything cheesy on Valentine's day. I just returned today and I haven't heard back from him ever since. So I guess I'll just cut my losses and let this one go. I feel kind of rejected and humiliated I made a few mistakes but I don't think it was that bad. I guess he just not that into me.

 

PS: I didn't just assume he likes me. He actually told me so, was constantly talking about future plans, etc. That's why I was confused. When we are together, it's amazing, when we are apart there is so much space.

 

Oh well... I never thought I'd be so heartbroken after a few dates with a guy.

[preraph]

Sorry. Well, as quick as OLD is, he might have gotten distracted in the meantime and just put you on the back burner.

[Virgin26]

Sorry. Well, as quick as OLD is, he might have gotten distracted in the meantime and just put you on the back burner.

 

Being someone's plan B is worse!! The only option that I have now is to move on. Even if he reaches out to me again, I think I won't even bother replying. And no, I'm not playing games, I just have self-respect and want to be with a guy who really wants to be with me.