Mallie Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 My ex boyfriend and I broke up over a month ago. I really don't want to see him because he was very cold about the way he broke up with me, I am still very angry and sad. We lived together in the apartment I am living in right now while he is at his parents. He plans on getting a new place soon and we have to go through our stuff. I want to come across happy and over him and of course looking my best. Any suggestions or your own stories if you have any would be appreciated.
Chi townD Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 Not much help to you because when my bitch of an Ex dumped me, that was the last time I ever spoke to her. However, when he has to come over to get his crap, make sure someone is in the apartment with you. This person can be your distraction while he gets his crap together and leaves. SO, he won't have the opportunity to try and sweet talk you or fill you up with a lot of BS or even talk about personal crap.
Author Mallie Posted February 10, 2015 Author Posted February 10, 2015 Not much help to you because when my bitch of an Ex dumped me, that was the last time I ever spoke to her. However, when he has to come over to get his crap, make sure someone is in the apartment with you. This person can be your distraction while he gets his crap together and leaves. SO, he won't have the opportunity to try and sweet talk you or fill you up with a lot of BS or even talk about personal crap. I wish I didn't have to see him. Part of me wants it to happen soon, to get it over with and then I can truly start NC but another part hopes it will be longer so that hopefully I am more over him. This is not going to be fun but I HAVE to stay strong and act as though I am happy and over it.
mightycpa Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 Why not take a day, pack it all up and place it in the living room (or whatever is closest to the door), and have a friend wait for you? That way, you won't have to worry about pretending how great you look and feel, and you'll send a powerful message about future contact. You're not going to magically get over him if you see him. Why go through that if you don't have to? Spend the money, buy the boxes, spend the time, and pack it all up. That will allow you to cry and grieve as you go through it, and he'll be none the wiser. 2
Zahara Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 Why do you HAVE to see him? You don't. Just pack up all his things. Set a time and date for him to pick it up. Have a friend be there to make sure he gets all his stuff out. You don't have to be there putting up a facade.
Author Mallie Posted February 10, 2015 Author Posted February 10, 2015 I have to see him because we have to go threw the stuff still and decide who get what. We were together a long time and have a lot of stuff that is ours. If I could I would just box up his stuff up and leave it for him.
Zahara Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 I have to see him because we have to go threw the stuff still and decide who get what. We were together a long time and have a lot of stuff that is ours. If I could I would just box up his stuff up and leave it for him. You still don't have to see him. Make a list of your shared belongings. Tell him what you want, and agree on who keeps what and let him collect it. There is no need to sit in closed proximity and spending all that time together going through stuff. There is a thread here about the exact same situation from another poster and he's back in the hole after seeing her and spending the whole day going through stuff. At the end of the day it's just stuff. The bigger picture is prioritizing your emotional and mental sanity and staying away from what may cause you pain again. I think you want to see him because you want to show him how great you look. You're afraid of contact but you want it because it may give you a chance to reignite his interest.
mightycpa Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 I have to see him because we have to go threw the stuff still and decide who get what. We were together a long time and have a lot of stuff that is ours. If I could I would just box up his stuff up and leave it for him. Just give it all to him. Let him throw out the stuff he doesn't want. What could you possibly really want? You probably have a sense for what he considers "his", so if you really need to, keep a couple of things, and give him the bulk of the items, or at least far more than half the value and let the friend tell him you kept a couple of things that you needed. But even if it's a few hundred bucks you're throwing away, what's the difference in the long run? Buy yourself some peace with that money.
ZiggyZoo Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 However you manage it, don't do this in person. You're bound to be disappointed by his reaction, no matter how cute you look or how happy you act. Chances are, if he hasn't already reached out with a big apology and wanting to get back together, this one visit isn't going to make him do so. And the fact that you still care what he thinks about how you look and if you're over it or not means that some part of you does want him back. And it is going to HURT when he shows up, gets his stuff, and just leaves. Why put yourself through that? Trust me, going through shared items and sorting them out is emotional and sad enough on your own, never mind doing it while trying to act like everything's fine. There's nothing wrong with telling him that you're upset by the break-up and it would be too much to see him and do the sorting in person. If there were genuine feelings between the two of you, then it is a perfectly normal reaction to be sad. Why hide it? Who cares what he thinks anymore?
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