Jl321 Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 Hey guys, my ex broke up with me Dec. 30. We exchanged belongings about 2 days later. she texted me that night telling me how she was getting on a plane to go visit her family for a while in her home country. she told me she loved me and that she was doing this for us (we spent too much time together and didn't have our own lives). I told her I loved her and to contact me when she got back. So the month passed with NC at all. I was using social media but quit when I saw her using it and playing songs that we both liked. I started to focus on myself, go out more, seeing a therapist, and accepting that we were done. Last week I checked my twitter and saw she posted something stupid and immature. I also found out she was back in town. That's when i decided to delete her number and block her from all social media. It felt good letting go.... Until she emailed me 3 days ago. It was titled "I didn't forget". She wrote " I thought this was a good time to show you this". Inside was an attachment of journals she had been writing while overseas. They all go something like this: "hi my love, i miss you so much. its taking everything I have not to call you. I did this and that today and all I could think about is telling you about all that I'm doing. I'm so confused. I'm missing you like crazy but I feel like this could be good for us. I don't want to lie to you or myself and say we'll be getting back together. I'm not sure what to do. All I could think about is our goals together, or lives together. I miss everything about you. I miss all the things you used to tell me. I miss that you were the only one I could really talk to. I cry every day. I hope you're taking care of yourself. I love you so much, good night my prince." Mind you, this was 10 pages long and written throughout the month that we were apart (January). As you can tell, she's confused. I'm confused. She even said "I want to hope that you'll be at the airport waiting for me with flowers but I know that won't happen". Why couldn't she just tell me. I can't read her mind half way around the world. I ended up texting her yesterday. Made small talk about a show new show that's coming on that we both like. Then i asked her to meet me for some coffee. She told me she was busy during the day but could do something at night. We agreed for me to pick her up on Thursday night. I don't plan on talking about our relationship at all. I want to keep everything light-hearted and fun. I'm missing her now more than ever. It's like she's so close but so far. From the journals, she may be feeling the same as me. You know the saying "Distance makes the heart grow fonder". I feel confused now more than ever. We both love each other. She feels that she loves me too much because she drops everything she does to be with me. I know what has to be done for us to have a healthy relationship but I'm terrified of the change. We used to do everything together, even work together. I feel like almost banging my head against the wall! I have a long way to go before I become the man I want to be but I've done a lot with myself since the break up. I don't want to miss the opportunity to be with her again. I won't try to convince her of anything. I just want her to realize what she's gong to miss out on and she'll have to make the decision. I'm trying to take this extremely slow so I don't push her away or even push myself away. Any thoughts or opinions? Thanks for taking the time to read my post!
smackie9 Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 It's so silly that this could have been addressed ages ago without a breakup. Address the issues, work through them.....it's a simple as that. I totally agree everyone needs a life outside a relationship to keep things fresh. So that's the main thing to fix, the other is communication. You are right, you are not a mind reader, so you both need to agree that having open honest discussions about feelings, issues etc is needed. So no more assuming, guessing or avoiding....get to it straight with her.
Author Jl321 Posted February 9, 2015 Author Posted February 9, 2015 (edited) It's so silly that this could have been addressed ages ago without a breakup. Address the issues, work through them.....it's a simple as that. I totally agree everyone needs a life outside a relationship to keep things fresh. So that's the main thing to fix, the other is communication. You are right, you are not a mind reader, so you both need to agree that having open honest discussions about feelings, issues etc is needed. So no more assuming, guessing or avoiding....get to it straight with her. I KNOW!!! You don't know how many times I tried explaining that to her. Although now i know, girls are not logical thinkers, they let emotions guide them. She's a horrible communicator and she admits it. I don't know how to get through to her. Maybe over time if we reconcile, we could see a couples therapist? I'm naturally good at reading people but either I can't read her, or she just changes her mind every day! It has become exhausting for the both of us. We're young but we have the same exact goals, ambitions, dreams. That's why I'm trying so hard to make this work. Edited February 9, 2015 by Jl321
smackie9 Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 Learn the push and pull method. It works on their emotions to increase desire. This might be of help to you.
Author Jl321 Posted February 9, 2015 Author Posted February 9, 2015 I've heard a little about it but I'll definitely research it deeper. Thank you for not simply telling me to forget her and that it's not worth it.
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