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I find this disturbing and I wouldn't want to be his girlfriend

SerCay

By SerCay
in General Relationship Discussion

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SerCay Established Member

SerCay

Posted
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I'm not sure if it's me that has a weird way of thinking, or if what happened is really disturbing...

 

There's this co-worker that I hooked up with twice, 2 months ago.

After that I transferred to another department and I didn't speak to him very often. I knew that he liked me, but I kept telling him that it was only sexual from my part.

 

I did have a bit feelings for him in the beginning, but when I noticed things were going wrong at work I just decided that it should be casual. He was never opposed to this.

 

So between us, all this time, there was this feeling of "we should have got to known each other."

 

I let it rest and when he contacted me and asked me to meet up, i just told him I wasn't interested in anything casual anymore, so we shouldn't see each other again.

 

He was okay with it.

 

Then yesterday, all of a sudden....he texts me..and the contents are somewhat like:

 

I don't want to lose you, I have feelings for you...but in the time you hardly spoke to me, I ran into my ex and I decided that I should give her a chance. I find it hard because of my feelings for you...but I have a history with her and you never gave me any hope. The other day when I wanted to see you, I wanted to see you and ask if we could start over and start a relationship, but you didn't want to see me. Then today I spoke to my ex, and I decided I'm going to give that a chance. I wanted to be honest to you. I never really spoke of my feelings for you, and that's been my downfall in our situation...I'm really bad at opening up. It's time for me to be serious in life, and become a father and be happy with someone.

 

My respons was: I hope it works out for you guys, I never knew your feelings were that deep towards me. It's for the better that we stayed casual, since you obviously still had feelings for you ex. I always thought we were more of a friends with casual sex kind of deal..you should have told me about this before. We can still be friends.

 

See...I'm not bothered 1 bit by him going back to his ex. I don't have feelings for him. But I wouldn't want to be her....Her man has feelings for somebody else, and goes back to her because the girl he has feelings for doesn't want to be with him :S. I can't get my mind around how selfish this behaviour is..

 

I just can't grasp why people would be with someone just so that they're not alone

  • Like 1
Jessie1231 Established Member

Jessie1231

Posted
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Or he could be making up this ex in the hopes that you'll say "no! We could have worked!" Once someone tells you they aren't interested (as you told him), then you don't have to explain or justify any decisions you make about your love life. So for some reason I think he's making up this ex or at least the fact that he's going to be seeing her again.

  • Like 3
elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

Posted
Posted

See...I'm not bothered 1 bit by him going back to his ex. I don't have feelings for him. But I wouldn't want to be her....Her man has feelings for somebody else, and goes back to her because the girl he has feelings for doesn't want to be with him :S. I can't get my mind around how selfish this behaviour is..

 

I just can't grasp why people would be with someone just so that they're not alone

 

Happens all the time.

He wants the whole package, the wife, the kids, the family so the clock is ticking and he choses to settle with someone he knows will give him that.

It is the same with women.

At a certain age, people start pairing off, and that guy who they may have rejected out of hand a few years ago, suddenly looks like husband and father material.

Rather than choose to be that singleton on the shelf, they get married and have babies.

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SerCay Established Member

SerCay

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Or he could be making up this ex in the hopes that you'll say "no! We could have worked!" Once someone tells you they aren't interested (as you told him), then you don't have to explain or justify any decisions you make about your love life. So for some reason I think he's making up this ex or at least the fact that he's going to be seeing her again.

 

No Jessie...he's actually back together with her :laugh: pictures of her on his IM and everything...

 

Happens all the time.

He wants the whole package, the wife, the kids, the family so the clock is ticking and he choses to settle with someone he knows will give him that.

It is the same with women.

At a certain age, people start pairing off, and that guy who they may have rejected out of hand a few years ago, suddenly looks like husband and father material.

Rather than choose to be that singleton on the shelf, they get married and have babies.

 

There's so much more to life though :( I don't get why getting married and having babies is people's substitute for making something out of themselves and then getting married and have the babies...

 

Not saying that it's a bad thing, but I just notice that a lot of people do this out of lack of fulfilment or ambition in life, and those are the people that settle for exes they don't have feelings for etc.

 

BTW I love your quote Elaine :D

  • Like 1
elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

Posted
Posted

There's so much more to life though :( I don't get why getting married and having babies is people's substitute for making something out of themselves and then getting married and have the babies...

 

Yes there is more to life, but for some men, they can have babies and it may not really affect their life that much.

If they find a woman to take on that responsibility of child raising without them having to get their hands too dirty, then they can end up with sons and daughters and a family life, without changing much of their own life.

They still work, they still line up promotions, they still do sports, go on holiday... etc. etc.

  • Like 1
Maleficent Established Member

Maleficent

Posted
Posted

This looks like he sent you this msg to see how you'd react to it be fore comitting to his ex.

 

My ex used to do that to me all the time.

  • Like 2
Frank2thepoint Established Member

Frank2thepoint

Posted
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I just can't grasp why people would be with someone just so that they're not alone

 

A lot of people end up in bad relationships just so they can say they have someone in their life. Majority of the human population has a desire, or a need, to connect with someone romantically, and due to that desire people with often do stupid things.

  • Like 2
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SerCay Established Member

SerCay

Posted
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This looks like he sent you this msg to see how you'd react to it be fore comitting to his ex.

 

My ex used to do that to me all the time.

 

This might be true... he waited 20 minutes and when I didn't respond to his message he instantly changed his IM picture to hers...just pathetic to try and get someone's attention this way.

 

Or I might be bitter...also an option..sigh I don't know

Maleficent Established Member

Maleficent

Posted
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This might be true... he waited 20 minutes and when I didn't respond to his message he instantly changed his IM picture to hers...just pathetic to try and get someone's attention this way.

 

Or I might be bitter...also an option..sigh I don't know

 

Nan I think he is clearly trying to manipulate you into dating him.

 

You should be glad you were his first option I guess. Kind of sucks for his ex.

:sick:

  • Like 1
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SerCay Established Member

SerCay

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and now he's just givin a picture show on his IM omg this is ridiculous... changing a picture every hour.. all pics of her

 

He's obviously trying to make a point, just not sure to whom and what the point is hahahah

  • 1 month later...
mammasita Established Member

mammasita

Posted
Posted

I'd be kinda weirded out by that if all you guys ever had was a casual hookup.....like what? Where the hell did all that come from and more so since you're getting back together with your ex WHY and HOW is this even relevant to me???

 

He was fishing LOL

preraph Established Member

preraph

Posted
Posted

He'd probably be with both of you if either would put up with it. Everyone is different. I think you did the right thing. At least now you know what he's up to if he comes back around.

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SerCay Established Member

SerCay

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He'd probably be with both of you if either would put up with it. Everyone is different. I think you did the right thing. At least now you know what he's up to if he comes back around.

 

*chuckles*

 

Guess what?

 

He came back around and tried to persuade me into dating him.

I just told him we can have a coffee but never expect anything more from me, the romantic part is over my friend.

 

I never heard from him again. What a douche.

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