Toodaloo Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 So On line Dating. I am so fed up with it. This chap who seems great viewed my profile so I sent a message and he sent one back asking questions but not saying much about himself. I got a bit stunted in my reply and according to his profile he is supposed to be really interesting so I figured perhaps he is just one of those that is better in real life rather than over messages. He likes the outdoors just as much as I do so I wrote back: Hi X, I have just drafted a long winded reply answering all your questions but you know what its the weekend, a lovely day and I am taking the dogs out for a walk at Y place later, you are welcome to join me and then I can tell you all about the great chicken invasion of 2014 and ask you all about yourself. My number is 01234 567890 if you want to come along. Bring boots you don't mind getting muddy! Funny enough he read the message but my phone is silent. I am actually a little bit bummed about this one. No he wasn't the prettiest man on there and he isn't my normal type but he just seems really lovely and has the most dreamy eyes according to his pictures. Just a bog standard, nice guy. The sort that I really want to meet. He probably thinks I go around giving my number to all and sundry now! How funny that some random bloke probably thinks I am a slapper!!! Oh well. Back to frightening off the rest of the male population in real life! I am going to go and hug one of my bosses just to scare him! 1
LoveRefreshed Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 lol, I have a dime a dozen of these stories. He replied once, probably found you to be ****able, but not datable. Thems the breaks of online dating. I swore off of it, but interestingly, I am seeing a girl I met there. haha. He isn't a weirdo because he didn't reciprocate the idea. Maybe he doesn't like to get muddy, or he had plans already? 1
Gaeta Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 He isn't a weirdo because he didn't reciprocate the idea. Maybe he doesn't like to get muddy, or he had plans already? And he forgot where to find the reply button to indicate so. 4
PegNosePete Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 And he forgot where to find the reply button to indicate so. Since when is replying to OLD messages obligatory? He owes nothing. The Vanishing Act is very well known on OLD. Maybe he changed his mind, maybe his mother got taken to hospital, maybe his flat got burgled, maybe he met someone else, maybe his wife caught him, maybe his parole officer wouldn't let him reply, maybe he got abducted by aliens? Who knows? Calling him a weirdo seems a bit premature when you have absolutely no idea why he hasn't responded.
idoltree Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 I got a bit stunted in my reply and according to his profile he is supposed to be really interesting so I figured perhaps he is just one of those that is better in real life rather than over messages. He likes the outdoors just as much as I do so I wrote back: Hi X, I have just drafted a long winded reply answering all your questions but you know what its the weekend, a lovely day and I am taking the dogs out for a walk at Y place later, you are welcome to join me and then I can tell you all about the great chicken invasion of 2014 and ask you all about yourself. My number is 01234 567890 if you want to come along. Bring boots you don't mind getting muddy! Funny enough he read the message but my phone is silent. I am actually a little bit bummed about this one. I wouldn't respond to this either. To me the exchange is pretty tone deaf. If I ask questions, it's because I'm trying to get to know someone. Sometimes it specifically IS to see how they respond, because their profile has left me feeling lukewarm. I want to see what they have to say before I can say whether they're someone I'd be interested in, let alone if they're someone I want to take time to meet. If a guy wrote a message like yours, it would communicate the following to me "I wrote this all out for you, but, nah... Let me tell you that I am not into making the effort to allow you to get more information about me so you can decide your preferences about me. Instead, I'd like you to make this 'getting to know you' thing more convenient for me." I'd be really put off. I'm not going to take time out of my day for someone if I don't know if I'm interested in them at all, yet! I don't think that's wrong of me, and it says nothing about how "interesting" and "adventurous" I am. A guy who socially bulldozes over my preferences ain't gonna get the chance to see how interesting and adventurous I am. I'll save that for people I'm interested in, who acknowledge that my time and preferences are at least equal to his. I wouldn't want said guy to have my phone number either, so I wouldn't respond to him at all. If a guy then went online afterward and posted a thread with snarky insults just because I wouldn't hop right onto his agenda, I'd be really ticked off and wonder what he was smoking to feel so entitled to my time. Online dating is not a fancy grocery store where you can point to another person and make demands of them and then feel slighted when they don't automatically follow your timeline and agenda.
kendahke Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 Since when is replying to OLD messages obligatory? He owes nothing. The Vanishing Act is very well known on OLD. Maybe he changed his mind, maybe his mother got taken to hospital, maybe his flat got burgled, maybe he met someone else, maybe his wife caught him, maybe his parole officer wouldn't let him reply, maybe he got abducted by aliens? Who knows? Calling him a weirdo seems a bit premature when you have absolutely no idea why he hasn't responded. I'm going to copy and use your reply the next time a guy comes on here whining about why he can't get any girl to respond to his on-site emails and why it's so unfair that women have the pick of who to talk to but guys don't.
LoveRefreshed Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 And then I will forward the female responses to this thread.
Author Toodaloo Posted February 9, 2015 Author Posted February 9, 2015 Since when is replying to OLD messages obligatory? He owes nothing. The Vanishing Act is very well known on OLD. Maybe he changed his mind, maybe his mother got taken to hospital, maybe his flat got burgled, maybe he met someone else, maybe his wife caught him, maybe his parole officer wouldn't let him reply, maybe he got abducted by aliens? Who knows? Calling him a weirdo seems a bit premature when you have absolutely no idea why he hasn't responded. Oh I don't think he is a weirdo! I think I just frightened him off!! if I thought he was a weirdo there is no hope in hell of me ever just handing out my number! Most people have to go digging for it as it is! Idol tree - I just want to meet the PERSON. Rather than try and make up something to say based on some sketchy details. He seems lovely. Doesn't live far away at all and I just though what the heck ask him if he wants to meet up. Guys on here are always going on about how women should make the first move and I am damn sure he is one of those that is better in the flash than on line (which is why I am a bit sad about this). I am not going to slag the poor chap off just because he didn't want to meet me! Blimey its a two way street but equally I am not going to sit and cry about it as how am I to know if he really is gold or not if I haven't met him? It was just an invite out to walk (which he is supposed to like from his profile) on what was a lovely sunny day. Thats it. Nothing more. Lesson learnt I will not ask a man out again nor show interest in meeting him to talk face to face! Clearly I may also have insulted him as well - I very much hope this is not the case! Blimey who is to know if he isn't thinking that I could be some weirdo stalker or perhaps he thinks I am secretly a man who is looking for their next victim... he could be thinking oh no those photos must be 10 years old... he could be thinking anything... This is not HIS mistake. Its mine! Blimey I can't believe that everyone thinks I am having a go at him from the words I used and what I wrote... Another reason why messaging and text sucks! 1
PegNosePete Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 The "weirdo" comments were directed at Gaeta who said he must be some kind of weirdo for not responding, but that post seems to have vanished now. I didn't think you were having a go at him at all. If I were messaging someone and they sent me that message I would ring and meet up for the walk for sure. You did nothing wrong. He just decided (for reasons unknown) that he didn't want to accept your offer. 1
Author Toodaloo Posted February 9, 2015 Author Posted February 9, 2015 I wasn't all that bothered before as I just figured he didn't fancy it, but now I am really panicking that I have insulted him or upset him in some way. I give up with the whole thing. Its so out of character for me to do something like that. I am brazen and direct but not like that! I hope he isn't insulted. Blimey most of my family don't even have my address or know where I live. Its only my parents, brother, 1 cousin and 1 aunt and uncle that have ever been there and a handful of friends. If any one wants to get hold of me they ring my parents or track me down through people that know me. Jungle drums (or a note on the yard gate) works just as well as a phone in my area! Peg Nose, Gaeta is having a bad day. Forgive her. I am sure she didn't intend it that way. She is probably trying to be supportive toward me, for which I am very grateful.
elaine567 Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 How can you have insulted him, when all you asked was if he wanted to go out for a walk with your dogs? All he had to do was communicate back to you that he wasn't interested, he was too busy, some other time... ie never. My slight worry is that you, as a woman, gave your phone number out and suggested that you go for a walk "off the beaten track" (wellies needed) and you may have put yourself in some danger there. He may have seen that scenario as being a bit iffy for him too. There is a reason meeting in coffee shops and public places are seen as the norm until you can suss out what sort of person you are really dealing with. It also means that if you hate them, you can bail quick and disappear.
kendahke Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 And then I will forward the female responses to this thread. the thread that has to do with a woman putting herself out there, making the first move which many young men seem to think never, ever happens.
Author Toodaloo Posted February 9, 2015 Author Posted February 9, 2015 My slight worry is that you, as a woman, gave your phone number out and suggested that you go for a walk "off the beaten track" (wellies needed) and you may have put yourself in some danger there. He may have seen that scenario as being a bit iffy for him too. . The place I suggested is teaming with walkers at the weekends. There would have been someone well within yelling distance at all times. While my dogs are lovely, they will attack if they feel I am upset in any way or threatened at any time. They work very well as a team and there are lots of them! I used to house sit for the local farmer a lot, if the OLD guy had accepted I would have given my friend a quick ring and asked him or one of the chaps to be about. I could "disappear" in no time and straight down to the farm on the back of a tractor with the chaps, through the back door and drinking tea. Not that silly! I also had a stalker last year. When my stalker was released from prison my cousin also taught me how to do a great deal of damage to a person with items that seem normal to you or I. Dog toys, leads, pooh bags etc. I might be lovely and very gentle in nature but I am not someone that you want to attack... these days even the biggest of blokes are likely to come off worse. Not sure if thats a good thing or a bad thing but hey ho. Well I didn't think the message was insulting when I sent it but if you read idoltrees remarks if he took it like that it would have been highly insulting! 1
LoveRefreshed Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 the thread that has to do with a woman putting herself out there, making the first move which many young men seem to think never, ever happens. And then being bummed by being ignored. And all the girlies are here to say that this guy was somehow doing something non normal in the dating world? You have any idea how many times I have had messages ignored? Countless. How many girls and I had decent paragraph back and forths, and after 5-6 messages, when I ask them to meet in person, they disappear? There is nothing new here. Toodaloo, as I enjoy most of what you have to say, and I think your post had nothing wrong in it, this is just the way OLD works. Sorry, but it is. I do not like OLD for a reason and would never suggest it to anyone. It is a shallow, confidence killing, and demotivating dating scene where people are trying to force a connection with someone..
LoveRefreshed Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 The place I suggested is teaming with walkers at the weekends. There would have been someone well within yelling distance at all times. While my dogs are lovely, they will attack if they feel I am upset in any way or threatened at any time. They work very well as a team and there are lots of them! I used to house sit for the local farmer a lot, if the OLD guy had accepted I would have given my friend a quick ring and asked him or one of the chaps to be about. I could "disappear" in no time and straight down to the farm on the back of a tractor with the chaps, through the back door and drinking tea. Not that silly! I also had a stalker last year. When my stalker was released from prison my cousin also taught me how to do a great deal of damage to a person with items that seem normal to you or I. Dog toys, leads, pooh bags etc. I might be lovely and very gentle in nature but I am not someone that you want to attack... these days even the biggest of blokes are likely to come off worse. Not sure if thats a good thing or a bad thing but hey ho. Well I didn't think the message was insulting when I sent it but if you read idoltrees remarks if he took it like that it would have been highly insulting! Don't over estimate yourself. In the world of men, I am sorry, but you ladies are lacking in the physical department. I think you would be better to have some mace or pepper spray as well. A taser is also great, because those bring men down. I have been in more fights than I would like to admit too, and many of them involved someone coming at me with an item that seemed like it might do some damage. It is good to protect yourself, but use caution first, and your defensive skills as a last resort.
Gaeta Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 I wouldn't respond to this either. To me the exchange is pretty tone deaf. If I ask questions, it's because I'm trying to get to know someone. Sometimes it specifically IS to see how they respond, because their profile has left me feeling lukewarm. I want to see what they have to say before I can say whether they're someone I'd be interested in, let alone if they're someone I want to take time to meet. If a guy wrote a message like yours, it would communicate the following to me "I wrote this all out for you, but, nah... Let me tell you that I am not into making the effort to allow you to get more information about me so you can decide your preferences about me. Instead, I'd like you to make this 'getting to know you' thing more convenient for me." I'd be really put off. I'm not going to take time out of my day for someone if I don't know if I'm interested in them at all, yet! I don't think that's wrong of me, and it says nothing about how "interesting" and "adventurous" I am. A guy who socially bulldozes over my preferences ain't gonna get the chance to see how interesting and adventurous I am. I'll save that for people I'm interested in, who acknowledge that my time and preferences are at least equal to his. I wouldn't want said guy to have my phone number either, so I wouldn't respond to him at all. If a guy then went online afterward and posted a thread with snarky insults just because I wouldn't hop right onto his agenda, I'd be really ticked off and wonder what he was smoking to feel so entitled to my time. Online dating is not a fancy grocery store where you can point to another person and make demands of them and then feel slighted when they don't automatically follow your timeline and agenda. She did not make ANY demands!!! she made an OFFER. Men keep on complaining women are slow to connect, they don't reply, they want to chat forever blahblahblah. BUT when a woman offers them to meet after exchanging a few messages they go poof? They lived close by enough to make a spontaneous meeting. Both had nothing to lose! A few years ago this man sent me a couple of messages. He sucked at messaging!! 2-3 words at a time! then he said to me: I am not good at this typing, we live 10 mins away from each other about we go grab a coffee now? As per your philosophy I did the unthinkable and I went. He ended up being this really cool chatty man. We ended up dating 1 year! 1
elaine567 Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 Don't over estimate yourself. In the world of men, I am sorry, but you ladies are lacking in the physical department. I think you would be better to have some mace or pepper spray as well. A taser is also great, because those bring men down. I have been in more fights than I would like to admit too, and many of them involved someone coming at me with an item that seemed like it might do some damage. It is good to protect yourself, but use caution first, and your defensive skills as a last resort. I want a taser.... LOL!
Author Toodaloo Posted February 9, 2015 Author Posted February 9, 2015 I think you would be better to have some mace or pepper spray as well. A taser is also great, because those bring men down. I have been in more fights than I would like to admit too, and many of them involved someone coming at me with an item that seemed like it might do some damage. It is good to protect yourself, but use caution first, and your defensive skills as a last resort. All illegal in this country. I would be locked up for a long time for carrying such things. I know where I am lacking hence why my cousin taught me how to look after myself just in case. My ex stalker is a very big man and very strong, there are not many men who would get the better of him physically if he started. I would not win (let alone stand a chance) if I went against him using strength. I would not win if I tried to run. I will have a fair to good chance to win if I use my brains and the tactics I have been taught. Back on topic. This chap lives 5 minutes drive away if that. Apparently he likes spontaneity and being out in the countryside, walking, cycling etc. I just thought it would be nice to invite him. He sent his message late on a Friday night so I just assumed that he might not be up to much that weekend?! Perhaps I am just not his cup of tea. I was just a bit shocked at myself for being so forward and a bit sad as he does seem lovely. Like I say though its no biggy just another OLD "thing". Its really not my thing this OLD. I will be glad when my subscription ends to be honest. At least I can say that I gave it a go and a good go at that and be done with it. Its hardly as if I wanted to marry the bloke. Just thought it would be nice to have some company on my walk... as it was I had a very nice walk on my own. 2
Author Toodaloo Posted February 9, 2015 Author Posted February 9, 2015 I am really worried that he has taken it the wrong way now... Someone stop me from sending another message apologising... Then I would just seem desperate and really weird... 1
Gaeta Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 I am really worried that he has taken it the wrong way now... Someone stop me from sending another message apologising... Then I would just seem desperate and really weird... haha, don't do that. That would be giving him a second opportunity to ignore you. What was so offensive in your offer! Nothing. If you're actively using online dating you've seen offensive before, it's nothing like that. Move to next! 2
smackie9 Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 If I was a guy reading that I would have found it un-enticing. If it were me (this is just how I work it with men) I would have sent this : I find your eyes dreamy! Want to grab a coffee with me? ; ) Compliment to boost his ego, suggest date end with flirt.....quick simple to the point.
Gaeta Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 I find your eyes dreamy! Want to grab a coffee with me? ; ) If a man had sent me this message I would have told him to get lost lol 2
LoveRefreshed Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 If I was a guy reading that I would have found it un-enticing. If it were me (this is just how I work it with men) I would have sent this : I find your eyes dreamy! Want to grab a coffee with me? ; ) Compliment to boost his ego, suggest date end with flirt.....quick simple to the point. Yes, yes, I would love to Smackie. This whole time, I thought you were a dude too.... I think one time "Want to grab a coffee with me? ; )" was enough. However, I would have totally went on the walk, would have also been fun. I usually try not to judge humor from simple messages. However, I do have to admit, if he isn't a dog owner, that might sound like you've just invited him for a chore. Also, I have seen these really weird dog lovers before, where it is seriously, their only passion. He could have been slightly put off by this, I mean just spit ballin' now. I don't think you can blame yourself at any rate. Because if this were the case, as it appear that you find your pets to be an awesome fun time (I am a cat lover, and I love to run.. wait, I mean I am a cat person, so I understand the joy of pets) and would want to find someone who feels the same. Best of luck. If a man had sent me this message I would have told him to get lost lol is that why no one answers my messages? sob.
smackie9 Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 If a man had sent me this message I would have told him to get lost lol This is a message for a man.....you are a woman.
smackie9 Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 is that why no one answers my messages? sob. This is your opportunity to ask the ladies here what has to be in a message to entice them Gaeta is a maga dater, she might be able to give you some tips. 1
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