My Girlfriend of 3 months, left me today to explore possibilities with EX

February 9, 2015

I'm in shock, breaking down in the back hallway of work.

This is my story.

I broke up with my first girlfriend of 4 years in November 2013. I was a broken man, literally a hollow shell. I had moved to another country for her, aimlessly walking around in a empty job.

I met my 2nd current girlfriend through some friends and we hit it off very well. She had known that I was alone after a breakup and casually invited me and my friend to her place for a Christmas party. Gradually after that, we talked a lot, to a point where we would message each other everyday to see what each of us were up to and hung out whenever we could. We had so much fun doing the simplest things.

All of our mutual friends (her friends are now my friends) said that her and I are really different around each other, saying that even though she is such a private person, opens up and has a different aura on me. This close feeling lasting throughout the year, until I decided to tell her on October 2014 about my feelings. She took a week to think about it, and decided to try it out while keeping our relationship low. We had an even closer relationship after that, to a point where we could talk and share everything to each other.

Nothing was wrong, no arguments, no hint of unhappiness.

We would have dated for 3 months this Friday, but she told me last Saturday suddenly that she still had feelings for her ex. Her ex dated for 4 years like me, but broke up 2 years ago. She says her mind says to stay with me but her heart says yes to try with ex to see if they have a future so that she can have closure with him (they drifted apart then broke up) and so she can be with me 100%. Cause she says she thinks about him sometimes and she feels guilty.

She said she forgot about him with she was dating me. She decided to break things off with him completely last week and say she's with me, but he suddenly said still loved her. Now, she started hesitating cause she invested so much time in him. She wants to see if there is a future or if he was the "one". The funny thing is that when I asked her out I gave her enough time to think to date me. I think if you decided to date me, you have the responsibility to follow through.

I asked her before, and she said was happy with me. I had insecure thoughts in the beginning as well and I said “I’m going to stick to you like the double-sided tape you bought me” and she said “Yes, do that, I’m not going anywhere”. Another time, she said “You don’t have to worry about anything or anyone, I chose you so I'm sticking with you”. I also told her before I had job offers in Beijing or Australia, she said “if you moved, I would go there with you” and I said “really?” then she “ yea, girls should move.” I was so happy when I heard these things. It all seems like a big lie.

It's also funny, cause it's not like she's incapable of maturity. When she was with me, I didn't detect a single trace of immaturity before this. She sent me a text yesterday saying she couldn't face me, and sorry for being so selfish.

She doesn't deserve my loving and so on.

I'm breaking apart at the moment because I thought she was supposed to be the one I settled with.

tl;dr: Knew her for a year, dated three months. She broke me with me and said she needed to find out if her ex is the "one" after he came back and said I still loved you.

Any thoughts?

Edited February 9, 2015 by redX009

February 9, 2015

sorry to hear that. hmmm first of all i think your ex is not playing with your feelings, because she'd broken up with her ex 2 years ago. Doesn't seem like rebound to me?

Be strong and it takes time to heal.

February 9, 2015

I kinda feel that you are the rebound. I mean, you dated for three months and this asshat comes back into the picture and all it took was him saying "I love you" and she goes running to him. Yeah, you've known her for a year, but you only dated her for three months. He probably got word that she moved on with you and came swooping in. Nice guy.

Dude, heal up and move on. She told you that she couldn't even face you. Why? Because she knows she did you wrong and seeing you would have just reminded her of that. Do you think you deserve better?

Heal and move on from this, dude.

February 9, 2015

I just went through something very similar a couple months ago. I dated someone for 3 months who had just broken up with her ex about 3 months before we met, and they had a 5 year relationship. She left me pretty unexpectedly after reassuring me she was so happy with me, saw a future with me, etc... And what do you know? A few weeks later she's back with her ex. I knew he was pining for her in the background, tugging at her heart. I'm still really hurting from the whole experience, and all I want to say is that I've been in your shoes, and know the pain you're feeling. The one thing that's helped is 100% no contact - cut her out of your life completely, and avoid any method where you can follow what she's doing on social media. It's just way better that way than torturing yourself and following her life.

February 9, 2015

Sorry you have to deal with this. It sounds like she is rekindling things with her ex and there is nothing you can say or do to change that. Please, please do not reach out to her asking for an explanation or anything. If you want to have any hope, you need to disappear from her radar completely. If she does decide that things won't work with him, it needs to be her idea to come back to you. At least she was upfront in telling you that she wants to explore her ex again. Also it's only 3 months my man, that isn't really a long time so just be happy she is doing this now.

I'm going through the same situation but unfortunately she cut me off after 2+ years to go back to her ex. She just started ignoring me after a small fight, to use that as her out and alleviate any guilt on her end. It's been almost a month since I've seen her and over 2 weeks of no contact.

The reason I mention my story is to find the positive here. She told you and was honest and upfront. That's all you can ask for and I highly recommend implementing No Contact right now. Good luck.

February 9, 2015

I'm in shock, breaking down in the back hallway of work.

This is my story.
I broke up with my first girlfriend of 4 years in November 2013. I was a broken man, literally a hollow shell. I had moved to another country for her, aimlessly walking around in a empty job.

I met my 2nd current girlfriend through some friends and we hit it off very well. She had known that I was alone after a breakup and casually invited me and my friend to her place for a Christmas party. Gradually after that, we talked a lot, to a point where we would message each other everyday to see what each of us were up to and hung out whenever we could. We had so much fun doing the simplest things.

All of our mutual friends (her friends are now my friends) said that her and I are really different around each other, saying that even though she is such a private person, opens up and has a different aura on me. This close feeling lasting throughout the year, until I decided to tell her on October 2014 about my feelings. She took a week to think about it, and decided to try it out while keeping our relationship low. We had an even closer relationship after that, to a point where we could talk and share everything to each other.

Nothing was wrong, no arguments, no hint of unhappiness.
We would have dated for 3 months this Friday, but she told me last Saturday suddenly that she still had feelings for her ex. Her ex dated for 4 years like me, but broke up 2 years ago. She says her mind says to stay with me but her heart says yes to try with ex to see if they have a future so that she can have closure with him (they drifted apart then broke up) and so she can be with me 100%. Cause she says she thinks about him sometimes and she feels guilty.

She said she forgot about him with she was dating me. She decided to break things off with him completely last week and say she's with me, but he suddenly said still loved her. Now, she started hesitating cause she invested so much time in him. She wants to see if there is a future or if he was the "one". The funny thing is that when I asked her out I gave her enough time to think to date me. I think if you decided to date me, you have the responsibility to follow through.

I asked her before, and she said was happy with me. I had insecure thoughts in the beginning as well and I said “I’m going to stick to you like the double-sided tape you bought me” and she said “Yes, do that, I’m not going anywhere”. Another time, she said “You don’t have to worry about anything or anyone, I chose you so I'm sticking with you”. I also told her before I had job offers in Beijing or Australia, she said “if you moved, I would go there with you” and I said “really?” then she “ yea, girls should move.” I was so happy when I heard these things. It all seems like a big lie.

It's also funny, cause it's not like she's incapable of maturity. When she was with me, I didn't detect a single trace of immaturity before this. She sent me a text yesterday saying she couldn't face me, and sorry for being so selfish.
She doesn't deserve my loving and so on.

I'm breaking apart at the moment because I thought she was supposed to be the one I settled with.

tl;dr: Knew her for a year, dated three months. She broke me with me and said she needed to find out if her ex is the "one" after he came back and said I still loved you.

Any thoughts?

redX009,

Everything seems perfect in the beginning of the relationship, since the people are so much in love, they keep a blind eye on everything.

The first warning sign was that she wanted to keep her relationship low, which meant she wanted to keep your relationship with her under wraps while seeing how her Ex reacts to the whole thing.

After some time passed, he eventually noticed her and came back in the picture, she was trying her best to move on by "rebounding" with you. In short she kept you as an option and not as a priority.

I warn you right now that she is definitely not finished with her Ex and in the future or in a couple of months she's gonna kick you to the crub once she gets the green signal from her Ex Boyfriend. You are going to get hurt a lot more down the road.

For your own well being I would advice you to cut this girl off right away, let her explore her Ex Boyfriend again, while you go NC on her, the more time has passed, the more she hasn't heard from you, automatically the doubts will start creeping in her mind and eventually she would contact you again.

I personally would cut this one off completely, she would always be comparing you with her Ex and wouldn't give you a fair chance in anything, you don't need this kind of baggage. You should be with a girl who wants to give you her all and not bits and pieces of it, while her moods & feelings change from month to month.

February 9, 2015

Some great advice on this thread already but just wanted to add that you need to go NC. Her ex will always be in the back of her head and you'll be compared to him, certainly not a good place to be.

February 9, 2015

Don't stick around this girl as no good will come of it. She has not got over her ex, and even if they split up for good tomorrow he will still be in her heart and you will be second best and her second choice.

Go look for another girl.

February 10, 2015

I kinda feel that you are the rebound. I mean, you dated for three months and this asshat comes back into the picture and all it took was him saying "I love you" and she goes running to him. Yeah, you've known her for a year, but you only dated her for three months. He probably got word that she moved on with you and came swooping in. Nice guy.

Dude, heal up and move on. She told you that she couldn't even face you. Why? Because she knows she did you wrong and seeing you would have just reminded her of that. Do you think you deserve better?

Heal and move on from this, dude.

She tried contacting me a few times on whatsapp, saying random things like we were fine. I found out yesterday she's dating her ex already as well.

People say she's a manipulative person, acting like everything is fine. I have ignored her a couple times on whatsapp but only replied when she asked that she's meeting a couple of mutual friends and asked if I told anyone. I just said "it doesn't matter, say whatever you want".

My friends told me to act normal and like I don't give a ****, be happy in front of her friends.

February 10, 2015

Don't stick around this girl as no good will come of it. She has not got over her ex, and even if they split up for good tomorrow he will still be in her heart and you will be second best and her second choice.

Go look for another girl.

She made me feel like I was the one. She promised me she only liked me and I didn't have to worry about anyone else.

I feel used cause she says she wants to be friends still. I played it cool when she broke up with me and said I don't hate her, cause I really don't. I just miss her like crazy.

February 10, 2015

redX009,

Everything seems perfect in the beginning of the relationship, since the people are so much in love, they keep a blind eye on everything.

The first warning sign was that she wanted to keep her relationship low, which meant she wanted to keep your relationship with her under wraps while seeing how her Ex reacts to the whole thing.

After some time passed, he eventually noticed her and came back in the picture, she was trying her best to move on by "rebounding" with you. In short she kept you as an option and not as a priority.

I warn you right now that she is definitely not finished with her Ex and in the future or in a couple of months she's gonna kick you to the crub once she gets the green signal from her Ex Boyfriend. You are going to get hurt a lot more down the road.

For your own well being I would advice you to cut this girl off right away, let her explore her Ex Boyfriend again, while you go NC on her, the more time has passed, the more she hasn't heard from you, automatically the doubts will start creeping in her mind and eventually she would contact you again.

I personally would cut this one off completely, she would always be comparing you with her Ex and wouldn't give you a fair chance in anything, you don't need this kind of baggage. You should be with a girl who wants to give you her all and not bits and pieces of it, while her moods & feelings change from month to month.

The ****ty thing is that all her friends are all my friends, and it's awkward for everyone.

I'm angry she lied to me, promised me so many things and in the end leaves me for her ex the moment he just said I still love you.

People just said she probably did like you, but it wasn't enough.

February 10, 2015

I'm sorry dude this happened to me but our relationship lasted damn near 11months. She did what your ex did, it hurts it really does. But she needs to do this, my ex is only 18 and this is there 3rd try I think. They might break up again who knows and who knows it might be a permanent split in the end. But we can't wait for that to happen all we can do is move on and deal with the pain day by day. I'm 3 months deep almost and it gets easier it really does.

February 10, 2015

She made me feel like I was the one. She promised me she only liked me and I didn't have to worry about anyone else.

I feel used cause she says she wants to be friends still. I played it cool when she broke up with me and said I don't hate her, cause I really don't. I just miss her like crazy.

That stage will come. The anger stage when you realize you were played and you didn't deserve that. And it's okay to be angry when you hit that stage. It's normal so don't feel bad.

Stay NC and heal from this. Start making positive changes in your life.

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My Girlfriend of 3 months, left me today to explore possibilities with EX

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