Just need to vent, I need someone to

[Elituf]

So please excuse any mistakes (and length in this post I just really need help) in my writing, I'm drunk while writing this like I have been for the past few week's, it is the only thing that will let me sleep for just a few hour's...

 

 

So this is my story...

 

 

I met this girl over four year's ago after a bad breakup I had with my ex who I dated for two year's, witch was nothing more then something I confused for love but was very far from it I realize now, after a few week's we started dating in the beginning everything was amazing she was one hundred times better then my ex and really made me feel alive again. a year went by and we started spending all day together every day, are political views were the same and we both believed in a lot of the same thing's. As time went on our views and opinion's grew together, we became what felt like one person and we were inseparable. I slowly gave up all my friendships and devoted one hundred percent of my time to her as did she, nothing could of been better.

 

 

A short period after that we got into a argument at the gym one night and broke up, within twenty four hour's she slept with another guy and was seeing him regularly but not dating him, when I found out about this I was so hurt I reacted in a horrible way and slept with the first girl I could get immediately telling her the next morning just to get a reaction and hurt her back. I knew immediately what I did was wrong and I fought to get her back eventually succeeding and shortly after moving in with her, Things got better then ever and I felt whole again.

 

 

A few years past and everything I ever wanted in life was her, we had arguments over stupid things and dew to both of our anger issues, would end up slightly violent but never life threatening and extremely abusive, I eventually over time realized this girl meant the world to me and no argument would ever get physical from my side no matter how many times she laid her hand's on me, witch developed a habit of me following her to her car or wherever she went to try to talk things out with her during a argument, witch she absolutely hated. We eventually go kicked out of where we were living and stayed in a apartment with her aunt, we would then move back in forth house to house but I never left her side no matter how poverty driven the area, she eventually got a new job and developed some habit's due to shady co-workers witch I helped her get through and she left that job and focused her effort into becoming a nurse, we also got kicked out of where we were living yet again and moved into somewhere she wasn't comfortable because the home owners were strict. she just recently graduated from a C.N.A school (certified nurses assistant) and I am so proud of her, but immediately after she graduated things got rocky out of nowhere .

 

 

She wanted to celebrate by going to a guy's house with one of her co-worker's (I knew the guy from high school) I told her I wasn't comfortable with her going there without me and we got into a argument but she ended up not going. About a week past and she told me she was going to go to her dad's house (witch she did) but later that night while I was sleeping she went to the same guy's house and got drunk and passed out there, I was mad and let her know I was told I was controlling and stupid for not trusting her at another guy's house without me there, she started going there more and more until she was spending more time there then with me even though we live together. Three day's ago I gave her a choice letting her know this was hurting me really bad and I cannot sleep without her so she either needed to start spending more time with me or we couldn't be together anymore, I was under the hopes that our four year relationship would be enough for her to realize what she was doing was hurting me and stop, but she choose to break up saying she didn't want to hurt me but she wanted freedom and was going to continue to keep going over there, even though the past thirteen night's before I brought this up she only spent one with me. I begged her to think about what she was doing before she ended up leaving, now I have text and called her explaining my love to her every day for three day's now being ignored nighty percent of the time, some day's she will call me and tell me she loves me but then ignore me all day while spending time with multiple other guy's. tonight I wrote her a poem witch was ignored.

 

 

"You tell me to be strong, that I will survive, but this isn't life... at least not one worth living, stuck in a prison of my own mind and it's very unforgiven, EVERYTHING from the floor to the ceiling reminds me of you, tell me what I have to do, to feel the warm embrace of you lying next to me face to face and to taste your love each and every day, passion for US burns deep inside, clinging onto hope so tightly as tears drop from my eye's, I want nothing more then to grow old with you, until I die HAPPILY because I've always had you and please know no matter what tomorrow brings, I will always love you forever and ever indefinitely..."

 

 

I do not know what to do and every night I have suicidal thought's so I drink myself to sleep only to wake up a few hour's later and feel like all the pain start's over from scratch, I know it's not the right thing to do but I want to end my life and just need someone to talk to since I have given up all of my friendships for this relationship. I am a few depressing thoughts from the end and I really need help, how can I get her back I want this so badly and I would literally do anything in my power to have her. The "betrayal" she has done to me completely blind sided me for months I was helping her graduate school and everything seemed perfect then out of nowhere everything changed and she seems like a completely different person.

 

 

valentines day is in a week and I have been saving up money for months secretly for a ring and was going to propose to her under a waterfall at a national park near by since we have been together for over four year's now and I was ready to make her my wife, but since this has happened I have blown my money at bar's desperately trying to escape this pain. What can I do? Please help.

[UntilTheLastMoment]

Okay first things first. Stop drinking. This problem can't be drowned in alcohol, you need to handle your problems and to do it you need to be sober. No more running from them.

 

You're gonna need a clear head but you are going to get through this. This girl you've been dating clearly doesn't respect you or care for your feelings. Sleeping at another guy's house nearly every night? You're not controlling for not wanting her to do that, it's completely ****ing normal! She has cheater written all over her. She slept with another guy 24 hours after your first breakup now she's spending all her nights at this dude's house? She doesn't respect you or care about your feelings. What she is doing is being selfish and unfaithful. She also physically abuses you and you've gotten into arguments bad enough for you to be kicked out of housing?

 

Dude, it's time to bail. I know 4 years is a long time but this relationship has trouble written all over it. There's more red flags here than the chinese embassy. I know you love this girl, and maybe she loves you, but love isn't enough. It's time to pull up your big boy pants, put your chin up, chest out, and walk the **** away. The road won't be easy but if you ever want to feel okay and find true love with someone that treats you with respect then you're gonna need to go NC. You'll make it through this OP but don't run away from your problems.

[Elituf]

Okay first things first. Stop drinking. This problem can't be drowned in alcohol, you need to handle your problems and to do it you need to be sober. No more running from them.

 

You're gonna need a clear head but you are going to get through this. This girl you've been dating clearly doesn't respect you or care for your feelings. Sleeping at another guy's house nearly every night? You're not controlling for not wanting her to do that, it's completely ****ing normal! She has cheater written all over her. She slept with another guy 24 hours after your first breakup now she's spending all her nights at this dude's house? She doesn't respect you or care about your feelings. What she is doing is being selfish and unfaithful. She also physically abuses you and you've gotten into arguments bad enough for you to be kicked out of housing?

 

Dude, it's time to bail. I know 4 years is a long time but this relationship has trouble written all over it. There's more red flags here than the chinese embassy. I know you love this girl, and maybe she loves you, but love isn't enough. It's time to pull up your big boy pants, put your chin up, chest out, and walk the **** away. The road won't be easy but if you ever want to feel okay and find true love with someone that treats you with respect then you're gonna need to go NC. You'll make it through this OP but don't run away from your problems.

 

 

My house is full of her stuff, I've been contemplating packing it up and putting it outside and letting her know for day's now... but living with some one for three years and dating for four just makes this a entirely different level of hard, that I've never had to deal with, I know what I should do but I don't feel like I can do it, I love this girl to much its obviously unhealthy.

[Elituf]

She came over today, acted like she misses me and need's me, but as soon as I started asking her if that meant she was going to treat me with more respect she got pissed off and left...

[ZiggyZoo]

I'd like to start by saying that you CAN do this, but it's going to hurt like hell. I second the suggestion to stop drinking too. That just amps up already present emotions, and is a depressant. I'd also say to absolutely box up her stuff and get it back to her ASAP. Then go No Contact (NC on here) and have nothing else to do with her for at least 90 days.

 

It'll be extremely tough at first, but you need to concentrate on YOU. It sounds like she has some serious anger issues, and is also abusive. And, from what you said, this relationship sounds horribly toxic. It may be hard to see, because you're in the early, very very hurt stages of the breakup, but you need to get out.

 

I can understand that four years is a long time, but staying around just because you have X amount of years in a relationship is one of the worst reasons to do so. Cut your losses.

 

I won't get all into it here, but my ex-husband of eight years left me for another woman about three years ago, and I was where you are. Completely crushed. I also drank too much, made a complete ass of myself begging for him to come back...ugh. I am now over it, and can actually draw strength from having gone through it. And you can too. I couldn't go completely NC because we have kids, but I had no communication with him other than things related t them.

 

Just keep checking in here, you'll find so many others who are going through just what you're going through. You are not alone, hang in there.

[Elituf]

I'd like to start by saying that you CAN do this, but it's going to hurt like hell. I second the suggestion to stop drinking too. That just amps up already present emotions, and is a depressant. I'd also say to absolutely box up her stuff and get it back to her ASAP. Then go No Contact (NC on here) and have nothing else to do with her for at least 90 days.

 

It'll be extremely tough at first, but you need to concentrate on YOU. It sounds like she has some serious anger issues, and is also abusive. And, from what you said, this relationship sounds horribly toxic. It may be hard to see, because you're in the early, very very hurt stages of the breakup, but you need to get out.

 

I can understand that four years is a long time, but staying around just because you have X amount of years in a relationship is one of the worst reasons to do so. Cut your losses.

 

I'm also terrified from this pain to ever love again, witch is bad because I've never been one to build a wall from other's but I hate feeling this.

 

I'm also terrified now to ever love again.

 

I won't get all into it here, but my ex-husband of eight years left me for another woman about three years ago, and I was where you are. Completely crushed. I also drank too much, made a complete ass of myself begging for him to come back...ugh. I am now over it, and can actually draw strength from having gone through it. And you can too. I couldn't go completely NC because we have kids, but I had no communication with him other than things related t them.

 

Just keep checking in here, you'll find so many others who are going through just what you're going through. You are not alone, hang in there.

 

 

 

I have the feeling in my gut that what I should do is go NC. The time invested is just so hard to let go of, going to sleep alone after being used to someone is hard and waking up in the morning without her there is the absolute worst thing I've ever felt. I have been able to cope alright during the day it's just nights and mornings that really get to me.

 

 

Thank you for the advice I really needed to hear from someone who has lost someone after years of being with them, having others that have had a similar experience will definitely help ease the pain.

Edited February 9, 2015 by Elituf
added stuff

[Elituf]

Ok today I packed up half of her things and she came and got them, later that night she called me saying she wanted to see me, so I told her to come over. When she got here she wouldn't come inside when I told her I loved her she refused to say it back even though she is the one that wanted to come see me!? It really sucks because I feel like she is constantly sending me mixed signals and I don't know if I should wait or go NC immediately, all I know is from this experience I'm extremely scared to fall in love again because this pain is the worst thing I have ever experienced, its really not feeling like its worth the risk of love.

[Elituf]

Right now I am literally packing all of her thing's, if she comes by tomorrow I'm going to tell her that she either needs to commit to me or leave me completely with NC. I will let her know how much I love her and tell her what I planned on doing valentines day, but I will not argue with her decision no matter how much it tears me apart, if she wants to be with me I will be the happiest man alive, if not then I will tell her that everything she has is already packed and ill help her put it into the truck but after that NC.

 

 

Tired of being her doormat right now I'm someone with all the benefits of being a boyfriend with NO commitment.

 

 

P.S I'm keeping our dog...

[lolablue17]

100% of all people in the world will tell you the same: it's not worth to be so miserable and unhappy because of a girl.

 

This girl has a bad effect on you, whether she wants you or not. What you're experiencing right now is an addiction. Part of it is addiction to her, and the other part is an addiction to your misery. STOP IT!

 

It's not love - It's an automatic mechanism which drags you be in a total passive position. STOP IT!

 

Do you wish to end your life? Well, after you're old you have a whole eternity to be dead, believe me... what's the rush?

 

OK, you finished packing her stuff, now pack yourself and start living for your happiness instead of cherishing your misery. The worst thing can happen to you now is, if she comes over and tell you she wants you back! Don't take her back.

 

She's not for you. She's trouble and misery. Get out! Run! Don't meet her, put it all outside and let her know by text that you don't want her to contact you ever and never. Can you do it? Or perhaps you prefer to swim in your own depression...

[Elituf]

Told her to get all of her **** and no contact ever again, all of her stuff is still outside where it will stay. Time to start moving on...

[Elituf]

Found out she has been sleeping with another guy for the past month, sleeping with him then coming home to me after kissing him on the lips then kissing mine. Reached a new low feel so ****ing betrayed.

[ZiggyZoo]

Oh, man, it just keeps piling on for you, doesn't it? I'm so sorry, finding that out must've really hurt.

 

The only thing I can say is to continue to have nothing to do with her (like you'd want to now) and try to keep others from talking about her to you. There's really no need to find out anything else that she may have been up to, and it'll just hurt you more.

 

I guess the one silver lining here is that this is one more reason to never, ever get back together with her. And it'll mean that you won't be stuck in the denial phase, and can get on with your recovery.

 

But again, I'm really sorry that you had to hear that, it hurts even when you can't stand the person. Hang in there, we're here for you.