djxcrx88 Posted April 3, 2005 Posted April 3, 2005 hello again everyone, i have a weird situation need some good advice from y'all, i met "the girl of my dreams" (plz dont think thats silly) its been at least 5 weeks or so.. anyway i only saw her twice so far one was last night, but we were with her friends and all. anyway we've been chattin alot since the first time we met, but she had told me she doesnt want a boyfriend, i find that hard to believe but wtv, i just really like her (AAALLLOOOOTTT!!!) and id do anything to change her mind. i dont know what her ex did but he screwed things up, i really wanna proove myself worthy in a way, open her up a little, how do i do that? i dont know what to say at all, and it seems awkward, i really wanna do somethin instead of standin and doin nothin.
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 3, 2005 Posted April 3, 2005 she had told me she doesnt want a boyfriend Whatever you do, do not assume that she doesn't mean this. She probably does - and it could very well be that its meant to be a direct statement, as in "I don't want you as a boyfriend. Generally, I'd be suggesting you disappear from this girl's life since you want to date her and not be her "buddy", but... If you are insistent though, just keep doing what you are doing. Talking, mild flirting - let her know you desire her and want to date her. Don't go overboard though. Play it casual but sincere - don't let yourself become the 'friend guy', by being so available all the time. At this point, if you present a willingness to be "friends" that's what you'll end up with. Don't profess undying love this early on, or cry or beg. Trust me when I say that a woman does not like a guy who is a doormat at her feet begging and puling (unless she's a dominatrix or gets off on humiliating submissive men). At the beginning stages of the 'game' we like to know that we are wanted, we are chosen and desired. We don't want some weak guy who "neeeeeeeeeeds" us right from the get go, and "has" to have us - that suggests that we are filling some weakness inside himself. Even if you have to pretend, don't present yourself as a doormat. Bad idea. A warning though: you can only control what you put into it, not what she's going to do with it. She may be flattered, and keep you around for some ego stroking from time to time. I find a lot of girls that remain 'friends' with guys they know are attracted to them and want to date them do it primarily because they enjoy being an object of desire: even if they never intend to act on it. Not all girls do this - but I'd say its at least part of the motivation for keeping a guy around. He makes her feel good about herself. As a 'friend' though, she isn't obligated to return that affection so be wary. Flirting doesn't mean she wants to date you or be your girlfriend. Keep her at a flirty arm's distance, and don't become the 'friend guy'. She may make herself scarce, but at the very least you'll see that it wasn't for your lack of trying.
gd1039 Posted April 3, 2005 Posted April 3, 2005 You shouldn't have to "prove yourself to a girl". If she says she doesn't want a boyfriend, A) she doesn't want a boyfriend or B) she doesn't want YOU as a boyfriend. My suggestion is just to keep talking to her, don't push it too much, and see how it goes. You won't be able to magically change her mind. And for clarification, what I mean by not proving yourself to a girl is that you should just be yourself and treat her well. Show her she's special because you think she is, not because you want her to like you back. EDIT--- Beat me to it.
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