Ever wonder about the EX's regrets?

February 9, 2015

He was a great guy until we moved in together.
He totally duped me.

He wanted me to live at his home (which I was hesitant about because it was his not ours), but he assured me that it would would feel like mine too.

Before I moved in, we worked hard to turn it into a nicer home (it used to be his parents', so it had a lot of crap) and we worked together and he made it seem like I'd have a say in things and that he wants me to be happy and comfortable in it.

Then I move in.
He gets so controlling. I can't do anything without his say. Oh, Ok, I can clean and help pay the bills - but other than that, it's not really my place to do anything to the house without his say.
Sometimes it felt like he was just picking fights with me for the **** of it and just to make me uncomfortable.

Then(it didn't take long)..I discover the porn addiction
with that came the distance, they lying, the sneakiness.

I didn't care if he looked at porn, but when he is getting a 2nd computer to have in the basement to look at at, and not having sex with me then it's a problem, and if I had stayed it would have destroyed my self esteem.

When he sleeps in the computer room at night and fights with me over nonsense over the house in the day, then he's just being an *******.

I moved for him, I made the bigger change based on the assumption that he would be as sweet as he was before I moved in, and it was all a lie.

I had never lived with a bf before, this was a step forward. Well it was supposed to be anyways.

I think once I moved in, he saw how I might be a problem for his addiction and he did what he could to make me miserable there so that I'd either
a) end it and walk and leave him to it, or
b) have destroyed enough self esteem that it wouldn't be a problem.

People can be stupid to let something such as porn ruin something. If I have a beautiful, sexy girlfriend in the house, you bet I wouldn't need to watch that. We would be making our own videos lol. What a waste, sometimes we wonder why certain people do the things they do lol

February 10, 2015

Trust me its the memories that get me, its almost spring and this was the time where i met my current ex. Its hard especially when its almost been 3 months post go. I have a lot of free time, there is only so many times I can go work out each day. friends are all busy. But each day goes on, one after the other.

I always find my self on youtube listening to this one song, and its actually very touching lol cause it describes my story in a way. "Tamar Davis- you are my man". It makes me know I was and am still the good guy lol.

Just looked up that song and heard it. Given your story, I can totally seen how you can relate to it. It's a deep song.

February 10, 2015

People can be stupid to let something such as porn ruin something. If I have a beautiful, sexy girlfriend in the house, you bet I wouldn't need to watch that. We would be making our own videos lol. What a waste, sometimes we wonder why certain people do the things they do lol

haha.

Thanks for the support.

February 10, 2015

You know, I've been that guy you're wondering about more than once.

One time, I totally regretted everything I ever did to hurt our RS, probably even more than she blamed me for.

The next time, I felt bad for one day, then I never really ever thought about her again until just now. No regrets even though I totally f*cked things up between us.

After that, I just considered them learning experiences. I came to accept that I wasn't perfect, and apparently, I was intolerable to whoever dumped me after that. I wouldn't say I regretted my behavior, probably more accurate to say that I learned from it.

You'll never know, but I don't think it is weird that you are concerned about it at all. You're the girl in example #2 up there. I screwed it up so bad that you had to dump me, but you're the one who cared about it. If I can be your proxy ex for just a second,

We wasted each others' time. I can't explain why I stayed with you as long as I did, and I'm sorry I was like that for you, rather than just doing the right thing and letting you go. Forget about me, I'm not worth the energy you're putting into thinking about me. I have no regrets. Move on.

Edited February 10, 2015 by mightycpa

February 10, 2015

You know, I've been that guy you're wondering about more than once.

One time, I totally regretted everything I ever did to hurt our RS, probably even more than she blamed me for.

The next time, I felt bad for one day, then I never really ever thought about her again until just now. No regrets even though I totally f*cked things up between us.

After that, I just considered them learning experiences. I came to accept that I wasn't perfect, and apparently, I was intolerable to whoever dumped me after that. I wouldn't say I regretted my behavior, probably more accurate to say that I learned from it.

You'll never know, but I don't think it is weird that you are concerned about it at all. You're the girl in example #2 up there. I screwed it up so bad that you had to dump me, but you're the one who cared about it. If I can be your proxy ex for just a second,

Thanks for your experienced insight on this. I appreciate it.

It is great that you at least learned from the experience - that puts you way ahead of a lot of people that never learn.

I'm curious about something - you think that I'd be girl #2 in your scenario - what do you base that on?

And from your experience, why did you care more about hurting #1 than you did about hurting #2?

February 10, 2015

I had a very complicated situation some may say. Others, say I was justified in my actions. -- http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/496531-well-i-m-back

I felt she was pushing me away. We talked, she didn't know where she saw us in the future, I issued ultimatum. It ended.

Now, I don't know if I'm the dumper, or dumper here. I guess technically I'm the dumper, though, I feel like I was pushed to do so.

Its been about 4 months since we broke up, and maybe 3.5 of NC.

Yes, I wonder if she has regrets. How she treated me, how she pushed me away, didn't love me the way I loved her, ending it a week after I threw her a welcome home party for her at her favorite winery, lying when I would ask her was was wrong.

I'm sure she has come to peace with it all. But I hope she regrets it just so she knows and has learned how NOT to treat someone. That what she did was wrong. So that she can be a better person.

I myself have my own regrets. Perhaps I jumped the gun and should have seen how things went. But, I don't think that would have changed anything. She told me she didn't want to break up, though, her actions said she did.

I still think about her, I still miss her and sure, part of me still loves her. But I'm moving on, because that's what I deserve.

February 10, 2015

My Ex's regrets?

Don't know and don't care. I mean, doesn't really matter now, does it? Maybe in the future she'll regret giving up on someone who would have never given up on her (she gave up, cheated, and left).

OP, I understand the wondering, but ime it's best not to, maybe even force those thoughts out your mind. We're really better off without those mistreaters(is that a word?)and cheaters.

February 10, 2015

Thanks for your experienced insight on this. I appreciate it.

Hi TC!

I don't know how much help this will be, but I'll try:

you think that I'd be girl #2 in your scenario - what do you base that on?

Because you wrote the following:

It's been almost 2 years since I ended the relationship with my ex-bf.
I don't want to be with him again. I've dated a whole bunch since then, but I keep wondering
I wonder if he regrets all the crap he pulled,
all the ways he hurt me that lead to my ending the relationship with him.
the damage he caused during the R cut deep.
I can't stop wondering if he

-- thinks of me

-- regrets what he did

-- (regrets) how he treated me

-- (regrets) how he pretty much ruined it all

t I just can't stop that line of thinking
I wonder and it makes me really sad.
I feel like I've been really wronged.
etc.

Shall I go on? You get the point. That's my #2, to a T.

#2 had to be forced out unwillingly and she absolutely felt wronged, and with good reason. She probably deserved at least an apology, but I never even gave her that. What you wrote reminds me of her and the kinds of things she said afterwards.

And from your experience, why did you care more about hurting #1 than you did about hurting #2?

Because I loved #1 beyond compare. I don't really know for certain, but I'm convinced that the above doesn't even begin to describe my #1. #1 was fully prepared to leave all on her own, and whatever mistakes I made were really not egregious enough to warrant a breakup. She never complained, never cited any of them as reasons. In fact, she didn't give me a reason. I'm pretty much convinced it was for the next guy, and if you leave for that reason, you generally don't look back, even if it doesn't work out (trust me, I know). Frankly, I think I'm the only one who ever did any wondering about us. I never felt about #2 that way. She was nice and all, but there are degrees of love, and that one was pretty low temperature for me.

I doubt it does, but I hope that helps.

February 11, 2015

I had a very complicated situation some may say. Others, say I was justified in my actions. -- http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/496531-well-i-m-back

I felt she was pushing me away. We talked, she didn't know where she saw us in the future, I issued ultimatum. It ended.

Now, I don't know if I'm the dumper, or dumper here. I guess technically I'm the dumper, though, I feel like I was pushed to do so.

Its been about 4 months since we broke up, and maybe 3.5 of NC.

Yes, I wonder if she has regrets. How she treated me, how she pushed me away, didn't love me the way I loved her, ending it a week after I threw her a welcome home party for her at her favorite winery, lying when I would ask her was was wrong.

I'm sure she has come to peace with it all. But I hope she regrets it just so she knows and has learned how NOT to treat someone. That what she did was wrong. So that she can be a better person.

I myself have my own regrets. Perhaps I jumped the gun and should have seen how things went. But, I don't think that would have changed anything. She told me she didn't want to break up, though, her actions said she did.

I still think about her, I still miss her and sure, part of me still loves her. But I'm moving on, because that's what I deserve.

I wondered if I gave up too quickly at times, but deep down I know I didn't and I know I did the right thing - it's never worth investing more time into someone that isn't treating us like we deserve.

I understand completely where you thinking was coming from, but you are right you deserve to move on and to be with someone that makes you feel that they're all in.

My ex also said that he didn't want to break up but his actions showed otherwise too.

Ah well, we move on

Thanks for your response.

February 11, 2015

Hi TC!

I don't know how much help this will be, but I'll try:

Because you wrote the following:

It's been almost 2 years since I ended the relationship with my ex-bf.
I don't want to be with him again. I've dated a whole bunch since then, but I keep wondering
I wonder if he regrets all the crap he pulled,
all the ways he hurt me that lead to my ending the relationship with him.
the damage he caused during the R cut deep.
I can't stop wondering if he

-- thinks of me
-- regrets what he did
-- (regrets) how he treated me
-- (regrets) how he pretty much ruined it all

t I just can't stop that line of thinking
I wonder and it makes me really sad.
I feel like I've been really wronged.
etc.
Shall I go on? You get the point. That's my #2, to a T.

#2 had to be forced out unwillingly and she absolutely felt wronged, and with good reason. She probably deserved at least an apology, but I never even gave her that. What you wrote reminds me of her and the kinds of things she said afterwards.

Because I loved #1 beyond compare. I don't really know for certain, but I'm convinced that the above doesn't even begin to describe my #1. #1 was fully prepared to leave all on her own, and whatever mistakes I made were really not egregious enough to warrant a breakup. She never complained, never cited any of them as reasons. In fact, she didn't give me a reason. I'm pretty much convinced it was for the next guy, and if you leave for that reason, you generally don't look back, even if it doesn't work out (trust me, I know). Frankly, I think I'm the only one who ever did any wondering about us. I never felt about #2 that way. She was nice and all, but there are degrees of love, and that one was pretty low temperature for me.

I doubt it does, but I hope that helps.

Thanks for answering my question.

I really appreciate your honesty and your perspective.

I don't know your girls.

I may sound like #2 - but unlike #2 I left the guy when he mistreated me, I didn't stick around for more punishment or until he left me.

He said that he didn't want the break up, but I still went through with it because it was what was best for me.

I think I just hold on to my pain.

Maybe I am like #2 and I don't realize it.

Maybe he loved me, maybe he didn't.

Guess we'll never really know.

Thanks again

February 11, 2015

My Ex's regrets?

Don't know and don't care. I mean, doesn't really matter now, does it? Maybe in the future she'll regret giving up on someone who would have never given up on her (she gave up, cheated, and left).

OP, I understand the wondering, but ime it's best not to, maybe even force those thoughts out your mind. We're really better off without those mistreaters(is that a word?)and cheaters.

Agree 100%.

Sorry she cheated on you.

You are always better off without a cheater.

Thanks for sharing your opinion.

February 11, 2015

I don't care what she feels even when I have insomnia like at this very moment.

Though I can't say I wouldn't relish if I learned that she is feeling exactly the same

as she made me feel.

February 11, 2015

I don't care what she feels even when I have insomnia like at this very moment.

Though I can't say I wouldn't relish if I learned that she is feeling exactly the same
as she made me feel.

Hehe, I totally get what you're saying.

Glad to hear that you're not wasting any brain cells worrying about such things.

February 11, 2015

Fairly over-exaggerated but i see your point. I think comparing a break up to nearly dying is a bit extreme

Please elaborate.

An individual after a break up suffers from transient hypersensitivity to the his/her environment. He looses grasp of reality, and his emotions become heightened. AT THE TIME of the break up, he will definitely feel either like dying, or HAS died. Death and break up do go hand in hand, that person is DEAD to you, or rather the OTHER way around. What's the difference between NC and a person being dead?

I'm not comparing a BU to dying. I'm comparing the feeling you get when you get a SECOND CHANCE at life, to what it feels like, when you get out of the emotional baggage years after a break up. Big difference. Now take the feeling of happiness, after such a long time of depression and sadness after a break up, that feeling you get when you are finally back on the train. NOW, enter: ex. Surely you'll tell that person to get the hell out of ur life.

Where did I exaggerate? during a break up you're emotions are already amplified.

February 11, 2015

That is an extreme and unfair exaggeration.
I wrote this thread and I was the dumper.
I dumped him because he mistreated me, not because i didn't love him and didn't care about him.
It's too easy to just say the dumper doesn't care and only the poor dumpee suffers

Just because you didn't give 2 ****s about the person you dumped doesn't mean that every breakup is like that.

EDIT to add - I am sorry for the pain you felt after you were broken up with.

dumper with a heart lol!

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