TigerCub Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 This is gonna sound weird, but I don't think I'm alone in this. It's been almost 2 years since I ended the relationship with my ex-bf. I don't want to be with him again. I've dated a whole bunch since then, but I keep wondering if I ever cross his mind. I wonder if he regrets all the crap he pulled, all the ways he hurt me that lead to my ending the relationship with him. I know that I'm the one who ended things, but that doesn't mean that the damage he caused during the R didn't cut deep. I have no regrets about what I did and I know that I wouldn't want to be with him or anyone like him again, but I can't stop wondering if he thinks of me and regrets what he did and how he treated me and how he pretty much ruined it all. I also tell myself that there is no point in wondering, there is no way for me to ever know so I should just stop that line of thinking, but some days, I just can't. I wonder and it makes me really sad. Anyone else out there wonder if the ex regrets screwing things up with you?
NopeNah Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 Once I detach I completely let go of everything. However..I can see a lot of what you are saying with my ex and yes I do think about and regret my actions during the relationship. 1
Elle1975 Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 I had a couple ex's who tried to get back with me, years after the break ups, so obviously I lingered in their minds. So yes, sometimes we make an impression. I don't think they spend lengthy amount of time thinking about it, it's just one of those things.. time has passed by, and a movie makes them think about you, that kind of things. There is only one guy I regret screwing up things with, but again "woulda shoulda", my life is going forward, not backward. 3
OK_computer Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 I had a couple ex's who tried to get back with me, years after the break ups, so obviously I lingered in their minds. So yes, sometimes we make an impression. I don't think they spend lengthy amount of time thinking about it, it's just one of those things.. time has passed by, and a movie makes them think about you, that kind of things. There is only one guy I regret screwing up things with, but again "woulda shoulda", my life is going forward, not backward. Same thing with me,...YEARS after. Years being the operative word. By then I was already long gone, and moved on. I never gave them a 2nd chance. 2
Author TigerCub Posted February 9, 2015 Author Posted February 9, 2015 Once I detach I completely let go of everything. However..I can see a lot of what you are saying with my ex and yes I do think about and regret my actions during the relationship. Thank you for the response. I like to think that I detach completely. But I don't. I guess I hold on to my pain and on some level want that 'I'm sorry I treated you badly, I was a dick and you were great' kinda closure, that I know I will never get. I think it's me, when I'm hurt, there is a part of me that wants that acknowledgement. I think that's why I wonder these things about him, because I feel like I've been really wronged. I know I have to just close that door and move on, and detach Thanks
Author TigerCub Posted February 9, 2015 Author Posted February 9, 2015 I had a couple ex's who tried to get back with me, years after the break ups, so obviously I lingered in their minds. So yes, sometimes we make an impression. I don't think they spend lengthy amount of time thinking about it, it's just one of those things.. time has passed by, and a movie makes them think about you, that kind of things. There is only one guy I regret screwing up things with, but again "woulda shoulda", my life is going forward, not backward. I think that is true. Time passes and we all move on and don't spend our time thinking about an ex. I moved on to date others and my life went on, and the funny thing is, my thoughts of him and his regrets didn't come into my mind until recently. And while it wasn't a movie - it was a UFC fight that brought back memories of him and lead me to think of all this stuff that I want to just not think of ever again. Thanks for your input.
Author TigerCub Posted February 9, 2015 Author Posted February 9, 2015 Same thing with me,...YEARS after. Years being the operative word. By then I was already long gone, and moved on. I never gave them a 2nd chance. All I can say is - good on ya! good on ya for moving on and good for you for not giving them a second chance. While 2nd chances sometimes are worth it, most of the time they're not. Thanks for the reply!
Elle1975 Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 Well, if you truly are over him, you could always ask him if he regrets the way your relationship ended. Just keep in mind that he might be married, might have a gf, or simply might take it as you trying to give it another go.
Nolan 93 Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 @ TigerCub- Of course he probably regrets what he did down the road. You were both lovers, and shared a chapter in both of your lives. I think deep deep very deep down you do miss what you had with him, maybe not him but the memories you both shared. He pushed you to your limits and most likely didn't see his errors and you left him. That is perfectly healthy to leave someone who mistreats you in the relationship. Good for you for moving on, and dating others, but you will never forget the memories, but you can forget the feelings over time a lot of time ha. Honestly I regret not dumping my current ex, she dumped me lol. We dated for 11 months everything was fun, passionate, steamy, saw each-other almost every day. But her catch was she just got out of a relationship and met her two months after that. I knew I could be a rebound but hell something in me wanted to help her and I desired her. I mended her broken heart from shattered pieces, back into one unifying piece. I gave her my all, with never a doubt, and treated her how she was never treated in any relationship. She couldn't give me her all right away and knew why and I understood but she kept trying and eventually she gave me her all. Sure I saw a couple red flags, but we always talked about how to fix things, but again my fault for always having the benefit of the doubt. Back in November she ran into her ex, and I guess got confused on what she wanted and in the end she chose him over me. I begged and chased for a week, but I realized it was over. She hurt me and I could see it in her almond shaped eyes (they were breath taking), that she was sorry for hurting me like this. I could tell, but this is what she wanted to try again with the HS sweetheart, and all I could do was watch her leave and I had no say because one cant fight for a relationship alone. Im 21, she is 18, and they wont last. They have a pattern of breaking up I think they are on the third try. But I should have broke up with her, but this was my first real relationship, but now I know how to act next time. To this day I can rest my head on my pillow at night, and smile cause I know I gave it my all, loved her to the very end, and I kept my promise of never hurting her like her ex did. So she lost a good guy, and who knows over time she may realize that and I hope she does. Full NC and moving on is what Im doing with my life. 2
newmoon Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 they regret. some even let you know, if you're lucky. 1.5 years after the break-up i got an email from one ex wanting to be friends and apologizing for his infidelity. i deleted and sent to the trash folder. if you were a decent person and treated them right, heck yes, they'll regret it. who else will treat them as wonderfully? 3
ManyDissapoint Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 Oh this is an interesting topic. From my side I am working hard to forget about her completely. I have done my apologizing and looking inward about what I did wrong, and informed her of that stuff. From her side, zero compassion or introspection. If she wants me to reiterate my apologies some time down the road to assuage her ego and guilt, she will have to come forward first and come forward in a meaningful way. If not then for all I care she can fall on a bag of d***s.
bigtrouble Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 This is gonna sound weird, but I don't think I'm alone in this. It's been almost 2 years since I ended the relationship with my ex-bf. I don't want to be with him again. I've dated a whole bunch since then, but I keep wondering if I ever cross his mind. I wonder if he regrets all the crap he pulled, all the ways he hurt me that lead to my ending the relationship with him. I know that I'm the one who ended things, but that doesn't mean that the damage he caused during the R didn't cut deep. I have no regrets about what I did and I know that I wouldn't want to be with him or anyone like him again, but I can't stop wondering if he thinks of me and regrets what he did and how he treated me and how he pretty much ruined it all. I also tell myself that there is no point in wondering, there is no way for me to ever know so I should just stop that line of thinking, but some days, I just can't. I wonder and it makes me really sad. Anyone else out there wonder if the ex regrets screwing things up with you? The dumpee from day one of BU... Feels pain... Regret... Blames himself... Over thinks... Sleepless nights... Loss of confidence... Depressed... Sadness... Panic attacks... Loss of appetite... and more... But in time they move on after being numbed by the pain... but there were days, weeks, months spent with only you in his mind... until he could no longer bear it and break down... Get up a New and better Person... He is alive once more... Does he remember you, YES... but he choose not to... it would be too painful... 3
Author TigerCub Posted February 9, 2015 Author Posted February 9, 2015 Well, if you truly are over him, you could always ask him if he regrets the way your relationship ended. Just keep in mind that he might be married, might have a gf, or simply might take it as you trying to give it another go. I wouldn't do that because what is he really gonna say 'Yeah, I'm sorry' - it's not like he'd be like 'no, I wasn't in the wrong' I just know that when I wonder these things, it's totally pointless and waste of time, I just don't know why I can't just accept it - I got screwed over, it's not the first time, might not be the last - move on already. When I say move on, I mean move on from the residual pain, not him. Thanks for the suggestion though.
Author TigerCub Posted February 9, 2015 Author Posted February 9, 2015 @ TigerCub- Of course he probably regrets what he did down the road. You were both lovers, and shared a chapter in both of your lives. I think deep deep very deep down you do miss what you had with him, maybe not him but the memories you both shared. He pushed you to your limits and most likely didn't see his errors and you left him. That is perfectly healthy to leave someone who mistreats you in the relationship. Good for you for moving on, and dating others, but you will never forget the memories, but you can forget the feelings over time a lot of time ha. Honestly I regret not dumping my current ex, she dumped me lol. We dated for 11 months everything was fun, passionate, steamy, saw each-other almost every day. But her catch was she just got out of a relationship and met her two months after that. I knew I could be a rebound but hell something in me wanted to help her and I desired her. I mended her broken heart from shattered pieces, back into one unifying piece. I gave her my all, with never a doubt, and treated her how she was never treated in any relationship. She couldn't give me her all right away and knew why and I understood but she kept trying and eventually she gave me her all. Sure I saw a couple red flags, but we always talked about how to fix things, but again my fault for always having the benefit of the doubt. Back in November she ran into her ex, and I guess got confused on what she wanted and in the end she chose him over me. I begged and chased for a week, but I realized it was over. She hurt me and I could see it in her almond shaped eyes (they were breath taking), that she was sorry for hurting me like this. I could tell, but this is what she wanted to try again with the HS sweetheart, and all I could do was watch her leave and I had no say because one cant fight for a relationship alone. Im 21, she is 18, and they wont last. They have a pattern of breaking up I think they are on the third try. But I should have broke up with her, but this was my first real relationship, but now I know how to act next time. To this day I can rest my head on my pillow at night, and smile cause I know I gave it my all, loved her to the very end, and I kept my promise of never hurting her like her ex did. So she lost a good guy, and who knows over time she may realize that and I hope she does. Full NC and moving on is what Im doing with my life. Nolan, I'm so sorry for you pain and what you went though. To answer your question - yes, I do miss the good times. What brought this all on was the Anderson Silva UFC fight that showed on the Superbowl weekend. I just remembered how much fun we used to have on UFC date night and even the next day, I remembered how me and him would go to friends' Superbowl parties and stuff. It was those fun moments that I missed and made me think of him. And once I thought of him, I just got to wondering about the regrets, or if he has any at all. Thanks so much for your insight. I'm glad you know that you are a good guy and that it was her loss. NC helps.
Author TigerCub Posted February 9, 2015 Author Posted February 9, 2015 The dumpee from day one of BU... Feels pain... Regret... Blames himself... Over thinks... Sleepless nights... Loss of confidence... Depressed... Sadness... Panic attacks... Loss of appetite... and more... But in time they move on after being numbed by the pain... but there were days, weeks, months spent with only you in his mind... until he could no longer bear it and break down... Get up a New and better Person... He is alive once more... Does he remember you, YES... but he choose not to... it would be too painful... Thanks for your input on this. What you wrote sounds so sad. It's funny, I know I don't want him to be in pain, but reading that I thought 'hmm, if I could have mattered that much to him, that would be kind of sweet' Then I think 'If I mattered that much to him for real, he wouldn't have done what he did during the relationship in the first place.' Thanks
Author TigerCub Posted February 9, 2015 Author Posted February 9, 2015 Oh this is an interesting topic. From my side I am working hard to forget about her completely. I have done my apologizing and looking inward about what I did wrong, and informed her of that stuff. From her side, zero compassion or introspection. If she wants me to reiterate my apologies some time down the road to assuage her ego and guilt, she will have to come forward first and come forward in a meaningful way. If not then for all I care she can fall on a bag of d***s. I dunno what you did, but at least you apologized. You showed remorse. Hope your next relationship is a better one 1
OK_computer Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 The dumpee from day one of BU... Feels pain... Regret... Blames himself... Over thinks... Sleepless nights... Loss of confidence... Depressed... Sadness... Panic attacks... Loss of appetite... and more... But in time they move on after being numbed by the pain... but there were days, weeks, months spent with only you in his mind... until he could no longer bear it and break down... Get up a New and better Person... He is alive once more... Does he remember you, YES... but he choose not to... it would be too painful... I like this..a lot. In fact you should make a venn diagram or a comparison chart between 'dumpee' and 'dumper'. The only thing under the 'dumper' category will be 'huh?' Because that's how dumpers are. On a clear night, if you look at the night sky and stars...the number of stars in that time is the number of times in which a dumpee thinks of his/her ex per day, literally. Meanwhile, on a busy day, do u remember, waking up and removing the crusts that formed over night in your inner eyelid? No. And that's how little the dumper thinks of the estranged. The dumpee is departed, dead, gone, nonexistent to the dumper. OVER. DONE! Thanks for coming out. ya know? I was a dumper, I forgot about my ex so quickly. I never ever thought about her again, and good riddance! I just didn't feel it, the sex was good, but i wasn't feeling it. Kind of like that geek at a phish concert. But then I was the dumpee. My life nearly closed upon it self, the panic attacks, the screams on the shoulder of the highway out to the almighty. I didn't believe there was a god. I didn't believe humans were good people. I hated the world, I was mad at the world. I wouldn't sleep and became a recluse. I used to wake up and not even recognize who I was in the mirror anymore. I was turning into someone that I wasn't. I started to smoke. The point is, if you were to compare what the dumper and dumpee go through after a BU, the dumpee literally has to move heaven and earth to over come the death that he suffers. IT'S LIKE AN AIRBAG GOING OFF IN AN ACCIDENT AND YOU REALIZE YOU'RE STILL ALIVE, THAT YOU JUST MISSED DEATH, AND THIS IS YOU 2ND FFING CHANCE AND DONT' EFF IT UP. Ever almost die? See your life flash before your eyes? That's what a 2nd chance at life is, after a breakup. And I would rather DIE than give that new life, that 2nd chance you get ONLY once, to the stupid pathetic ex who belittled my existence, esp after the aftermath of the BU on me. No way. NEXT. 2
Elle1975 Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 I am uneasy with the "dumper" and "dumpee" categories. Most people have dumped or turned someone down. It's not like there are two separate species. 1
Author TigerCub Posted February 9, 2015 Author Posted February 9, 2015 (edited) I like this..a lot. In fact you should make a venn diagram or a comparison chart between 'dumpee' and 'dumper'. The only thing under the 'dumper' category will be 'huh?' Because that's how dumpers are. On a clear night, if you look at the night sky and stars...the number of stars in that time is the number of times in which a dumpee thinks of his/her ex per day, literally. Meanwhile, on a busy day, do u remember, waking up and removing the crusts that formed over night in your inner eyelid? No. And that's how little the dumper thinks of the estranged. The dumpee is departed, dead, gone, nonexistent to the dumper. OVER. DONE! Thanks for coming out. ya know? I was a dumper, I forgot about my ex so quickly. I never ever thought about her again, and good riddance! I just didn't feel it, the sex was good, but i wasn't feeling it. Kind of like that geek at a phish concert. But then I was the dumpee. My life nearly closed upon it self, the panic attacks, the screams on the shoulder of the highway out to the almighty. I didn't believe there was a god. I didn't believe humans were good people. I hated the world, I was mad at the world. I wouldn't sleep and became a recluse. I used to wake up and not even recognize who I was in the mirror anymore. I was turning into someone that I wasn't. I started to smoke. The point is, if you were to compare what the dumper and dumpee go through after a BU, the dumpee literally has to move heaven and earth to over come the death that he suffers. IT'S LIKE AN AIRBAG GOING OFF IN AN ACCIDENT AND YOU REALIZE YOU'RE STILL ALIVE, THAT YOU JUST MISSED DEATH, AND THIS IS YOU 2ND FFING CHANCE AND DONT' EFF IT UP. Ever almost die? See your life flash before your eyes? That's what a 2nd chance at life is, after a breakup. And I would rather DIE than give that new life, that 2nd chance you get ONLY once, to the stupid pathetic ex who belittled my existence, esp after the aftermath of the BU on me. No way. NEXT. That is an extreme and unfair exaggeration. I wrote this thread and I was the dumper. I dumped him because he mistreated me, not because i didn't love him and didn't care about him. It's too easy to just say the dumper doesn't care and only the poor dumpee suffers Just because you didn't give 2 ****s about the person you dumped doesn't mean that every breakup is like that. EDIT to add - I am sorry for the pain you felt after you were broken up with. Edited February 9, 2015 by TigerCub
Chi townD Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 I don't have to wonder. If my Ex ever found out how awesome my life turned out and did a 180 from the person I used to be because of all the positive changes I made to my life, I don't have to wonder if she regrets it, I know she would. Oh well! HER LOSS!!!
Jimmyjackson Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 I like this..a lot. In fact you should make a venn diagram or a comparison chart between 'dumpee' and 'dumper'. The only thing under the 'dumper' category will be 'huh?' Because that's how dumpers are. On a clear night, if you look at the night sky and stars...the number of stars in that time is the number of times in which a dumpee thinks of his/her ex per day, literally. Meanwhile, on a busy day, do u remember, waking up and removing the crusts that formed over night in your inner eyelid? No. And that's how little the dumper thinks of the estranged. The dumpee is departed, dead, gone, nonexistent to the dumper. OVER. DONE! Thanks for coming out. ya know? I was a dumper, I forgot about my ex so quickly. I never ever thought about her again, and good riddance! I just didn't feel it, the sex was good, but i wasn't feeling it. Kind of like that geek at a phish concert. But then I was the dumpee. My life nearly closed upon it self, the panic attacks, the screams on the shoulder of the highway out to the almighty. I didn't believe there was a god. I didn't believe humans were good people. I hated the world, I was mad at the world. I wouldn't sleep and became a recluse. I used to wake up and not even recognize who I was in the mirror anymore. I was turning into someone that I wasn't. I started to smoke. The point is, if you were to compare what the dumper and dumpee go through after a BU, the dumpee literally has to move heaven and earth to over come the death that he suffers. IT'S LIKE AN AIRBAG GOING OFF IN AN ACCIDENT AND YOU REALIZE YOU'RE STILL ALIVE, THAT YOU JUST MISSED DEATH, AND THIS IS YOU 2ND FFING CHANCE AND DONT' EFF IT UP. Ever almost die? See your life flash before your eyes? That's what a 2nd chance at life is, after a breakup. And I would rather DIE than give that new life, that 2nd chance you get ONLY once, to the stupid pathetic ex who belittled my existence, esp after the aftermath of the BU on me. No way. NEXT. Fairly over-exaggerated but i see your point. I think comparing a break up to nearly dying is a bit extreme
ManyDissapoint Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 That is an extreme and unfair exaggeration. I wrote this thread and I was the dumper. I dumped him because he mistreated me, not because i didn't love him and didn't care about him. It's too easy to just say the dumper doesn't care and only the poor dumpee suffers Just because you didn't give 2 ****s about the person you dumped doesn't mean that every breakup is like that. EDIT to add - I am sorry for the pain you felt after you were broken up with. In what way did your ex mistreat you, if I might ask?
Author TigerCub Posted February 9, 2015 Author Posted February 9, 2015 (edited) In what way did your ex mistreat you, if I might ask? He was a great guy until we moved in together. He totally duped me. He wanted me to live at his home (which I was hesitant about because it was his not ours), but he assured me that it would would feel like mine too. Before I moved in, we worked hard to turn it into a nicer home (it used to be his parents', so it had a lot of crap) and we worked together and he made it seem like I'd have a say in things and that he wants me to be happy and comfortable in it. Then I move in. He gets so controlling. I can't do anything without his say. Oh, Ok, I can clean and help pay the bills - but other than that, it's not really my place to do anything to the house without his say. Sometimes it felt like he was just picking fights with me for the **** of it and just to make me uncomfortable. Then(it didn't take long)..I discover the porn addiction with that came the distance, they lying, the sneakiness. I didn't care if he looked at porn, but when he is getting a 2nd computer to have in the basement to look at at, and not having sex with me then it's a problem, and if I had stayed it would have destroyed my self esteem. When he sleeps in the computer room at night and fights with me over nonsense over the house in the day, then he's just being an *******. I moved for him, I made the bigger change based on the assumption that he would be as sweet as he was before I moved in, and it was all a lie. I had never lived with a bf before, this was a step forward. Well it was supposed to be anyways. I think once I moved in, he saw how I might be a problem for his addiction and he did what he could to make me miserable there so that I'd either a) end it and walk and leave him to it, or b) have destroyed enough self esteem that it wouldn't be a problem. Edited February 9, 2015 by TigerCub
Nolan 93 Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 Nolan, I'm so sorry for you pain and what you went though. To answer your question - yes, I do miss the good times. What brought this all on was the Anderson Silva UFC fight that showed on the Superbowl weekend. I just remembered how much fun we used to have on UFC date night and even the next day, I remembered how me and him would go to friends' Superbowl parties and stuff. It was those fun moments that I missed and made me think of him. And once I thought of him, I just got to wondering about the regrets, or if he has any at all. Thanks so much for your insight. I'm glad you know that you are a good guy and that it was her loss. NC helps. Trust me its the memories that get me, its almost spring and this was the time where i met my current ex. Its hard especially when its almost been 3 months post go. I have a lot of free time, there is only so many times I can go work out each day. friends are all busy. But each day goes on, one after the other. I always find my self on youtube listening to this one song, and its actually very touching lol cause it describes my story in a way. "Tamar Davis- you are my man". It makes me know I was and am still the good guy lol. 1
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