kendahke Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 I hate say this but I'm scared of his reaction . I feel like I'm trapped in this situation and if I don't let go now he's going to leave me first . Then you have to summon your courage and end this. You aren't trapped. You are afraid of going without convenient sex. Being without a sexual partner for a period of time isn't going to kill you. You can survive and not have sex. One thing is for certain, though: you cannot sex a man into a relationship in which he has no intention on being. If he's never given you any kind of a hint that a relationship with you is what he wants, all the sex in the world with him isn't going to move him in that direction. You are his convenience and his option. You've allowed yourself to be his convenience and his option for 3 years by continually showing up and having sex without standing sentry to your boundaries and your needs. That job is not his--it's yours.
kendahke Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 - 7 Ways to Move on from Friends with Benefits to Girlfriend. I'm so glad you posted this link. This man has some really valuable and honest advice for women who are trying to figure out men. Everyone would be well served checking out his channel. 1
elaine567 Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 I'm so glad you posted this link. This man has some really valuable and honest advice for women who are trying to figure out men. Everyone would be well served checking out his channel. Yes, I think so too. His channel should be required viewing for any women out there on the dating scene. Not always comfortable to hear form a woman's point of view, but as you say, invaluable.
smackie9 Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 It's simple, like many women, they hope to change the man to suit their expectations, when they should be looking for a man that meets their expectations.
Author blue19 Posted February 9, 2015 Author Posted February 9, 2015 Everybody is right I shouldn't be doing this It been 3 freezing years and I'm still in the same limbo ,available and is all my fault . I couldn't sleep last night I have that feeling of emptiness in your stomach and I'm sad I can't lie I have feelings for him but I'm pretty sure he doesn't have the same feelings for me that's clear . I don't think he sees me as a girlfriend material and is not that I'm a worthless piece of trash but it's been 3 years and I know him since 2006 and he hasn't say a thing about us is because he doesnt feel the same . I want to ask him about the make up , I want to ask him what he wants from this but I know the answers and he is not going to tell me what I want to hear . I'm not being a coward for not confronting him sometimes is best if you left things unsaid I know his answers I just keep fooling myself
kendahke Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 Everybody is right I shouldn't be doing this It been 3 freezing years and I'm still in the same limbo ,available and is all my fault . I couldn't sleep last night I have that feeling of emptiness in your stomach and I'm sad I can't lie I have feelings for him but I'm pretty sure he doesn't have the same feelings for me that's clear . I don't think he sees me as a girlfriend material and is not that I'm a worthless piece of trash but it's been 3 years and I know him since 2006 and he hasn't say a thing about us is because he doesnt feel the same . I want to ask him about the make up , I want to ask him what he wants from this but I know the answers and he is not going to tell me what I want to hear . I'm not being a coward for not confronting him sometimes is best if you left things unsaid I know his answers I just keep fooling myself Moins le dit, le meilleur is never good policy unless you're leaving them alone and moving on. To not say something and keep going back hoping that that day will be the one when he snaps into someone he's never shown any intention on being is lunacy. Your youth, dear---it's a commodity that doesn't replenish. Invest it wisely with someone who appreciates its value. This guy doesn't. 2
Author blue19 Posted February 9, 2015 Author Posted February 9, 2015 One day this is going to end and I'm 99%sure he is going to ended when he founds someone he cares about .
Zahara Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 One day this is going to end and I'm 99%sure he is going to ended when he founds someone he cares about . One day? So you're going to keep on with this?
CarrieT Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 One day this is going to end and I'm 99%sure he is going to ended when he founds someone he cares about . So why do you be pro-active and end it for your own sanity and well-being? You aren't getting what you want and it hurts you. Do yourself a favor and be the one to stop it first... 3
Author blue19 Posted February 9, 2015 Author Posted February 9, 2015 Zahara : I don't think I can keep doing this you have no idea how I felt when I saw the make up I felt used I felt cheap like a disposable thing .
Zahara Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 Zahara : I don't think I can keep doing this you have no idea how I felt when I saw the make up I felt used I felt cheap like a disposable thing . Then there is no "one day" because you need to walk away now. The thing is, when this started you knew it was FWB. He told you he was dating a year ago and you knew all along that it was nothing more than sex. Year 1 no commitment. Year 2 no commitment. Year 3 no commitment. Makeup on a pillow and the hammer comes down and you feel cheap and disposable? You did this to yourself. You saw the signs early into this but you blinded yourself hoping sex would turn him around. Well, it didn't. Now, today is when you walk away. Not another day you spend stripping yourself of your dignity and self-respect. 1
central Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 You are FWB, with no commitment, and you have some feelings for him. Perhaps he feels the same way about you, but given that you are and have been FWB for so long, he doesn't want to scare you off? Or maybe not. However, it's certainly time to address the issue and talk about it. Either he is also into you, or he's not, and you can decide where to go from there, knowing where things stand. Of course, even if he does have feelings for you and wants to try a relationship, there is no assurance that it will work - you can but try.
smackie9 Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 Zahara : I don't think I can keep doing this you have no idea how I felt when I saw the make up I felt used I felt cheap like a disposable thing . Then you should have said something there right then, and ended it. Not keep your mouth shut and have sex with him.
Author blue19 Posted February 9, 2015 Author Posted February 9, 2015 When this started he was single . Then he told me he was dating someone long time ago but he claims it was way before me . Is not important now when that happen So I just disappear like that ? No conact ?? With no reason no explanation nothing ?
Zahara Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 When this started he was single . Then he told me he was dating someone long time ago but he claims it was way before me . Is not important now when that happen This is all empty noise. In Dec 2013 you said you knew it was FWB and it wasn't going anywhere. You posted those words. So I just disappear like that ? No conact ?? With no reason no explanation nothing ? If I were you I would disappear. If he hasn't given you anything more than an FWB arrangement for these past few years, he's not going to give you anything now. Talking to him might just get him to tell you want to hear or even give you a crumb so he can continue having sex with you. 1
smackie9 Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 Ya I agree with the crumbs......so many do it.
elaine567 Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 How long do you stay as a FWB? Till he gets engaged to someone else? Till he gets married? Till he has kids?
Author blue19 Posted February 9, 2015 Author Posted February 9, 2015 Every single word in this thread hurts , but everybody is right If he hasn't say a word abut us in 3 years I doubt that having the"conversation" is going to change things between us . That's my dream but reality is different
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