blue19 Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 So here's the story For the past 3 years I'm in a fwb with a guy i call it fwb because that's how I see things we have never talk about our status or what we are so at the same time we don't have rules of what can and can't do. Since the beginning I had my suspicions that he was seein another woman Cmon he's a guy !! and in not his girlfriend . So last Saturday we made plans to spend the day so I went to his place and we were laying in his bed and there's a big black spot of makeup like mascara in his pillow . It wasn't mine that is a sure thing besides I haven't been there for the past 3 weeks so no doubt it wasn't mine . I tried to act cool and calm down but I'm a woman so I went to check in his bathroom and in the floor there was long brown hair !! My stomach went to the floor I felt so betrayed and so sad I couldn't hide it I was angry but at the same time I thought I'm not his girlfriend so I feel I have no right to ask him what he does . But still hurts So I didnt say anything about it and I went home . I don't want to confront him I think is pointless , but I can't stop thinking about what happen and if he is seeing another woman is he going to dump me ? Maybe he slept with her last week . I feel really bad I don't know what to do . It hurts because I have feelings for him and this is the prove of what he does . I'm trying hard not to cry when I think of this and I'm confuse I don't know what to do if I tell him or not or just go no contact with him .
Derek1979 Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 This is what happens when so many women go after the same guys.
Zahara Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 What in the world would make you want to be in a FWB situation for 3 years, especially when you've most likely been having feelings for a long time? Did you think sex would make him want more with you at some point? You either come clean and tell him how you really feel -- he'll give you an answer either way or you disappear. 7
elaine567 Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 So here's the story For the past 3 years I'm in a fwb with a guy i call it fwb because that's how I see things we have never talk about our status or what we are so at the same time we don't have rules of what can and can't do. Since the beginning I had my suspicions that he was seein another woman Cmon he's a guy !! and in not his girlfriend . So last Saturday we made plans to spend the day so I went to his place and we were laying in his bed and there's a big black spot of makeup like mascara in his pillow . It wasn't mine that is a sure thing besides I haven't been there for the past 3 weeks so no doubt it wasn't mine . I tried to act cool and calm down but I'm a woman so I went to check in his bathroom and in the floor there was long brown hair !! My stomach went to the floor I felt so betrayed and so sad I couldn't hide it I was angry but at the same time I thought I'm not his girlfriend so I feel I have no right to ask him what he does . But still hurts So I didnt say anything about it and I went home . I don't want to confront him I think is pointless , but I can't stop thinking about what happen and if he is seeing another woman is he going to dump me ? Maybe he slept with her last week . I feel really bad I don't know what to do . It hurts because I have feelings for him and this is the prove of what he does . I'm trying hard not to cry when I think of this and I'm confuse I don't know what to do if I tell him or not or just go no contact with him . As a FWB then surely you knew that means he dates/sees/sleeps with other women, that is the top and bottom of it. Women in FWB relationships tend to stick to one man and are usually encouraged by that man not to sleep around, but men in FWB arrangements are free agents and will sleep with as many women as possible The moral of the story is don't get into FWB type situations, if you want to be in a monogamous relationship. 3
Zahara Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 And you posted a year ago about him stating he's "dating" other women. Why are you surprised and hurt? 4
ktya Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 Ignore the makeup and the hair. None of your business as you are FWBs. Make a move and try to go exclusive with him. If it blows out, whatever, you have a vagina you will find another soon. You cant have serious feelings for a FWB, thats a violation of the agreement and it will kill you inside. Make it or break it. 4
missk803 Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 I've been in this situation before, so I know exactly how you feel. 3 years is a long time to be in a situation with someone with no talk about what your status is though, I wouldn't have stuck around for even 6 months. I'm almost certain that if you confront him on it, he's either going to come up with some lie so you don't leave him alone or he'll tell you the truth and use your current relationship status as a reason for seeing someone else. I would confront him on it anyway, just so that you'd have some closure and cut off putting in as much effort in contacting him also. To me, it's a sign that it's time to move on because obviously he isn't interested in being serious and how could he be if he's seeing other women?
somedude81 Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 blue19, you need to end this with him now. You've obviously developed feelings for him. Try to make things exclusive with him or walk away. If you keep things up with him you are only going to get more hurt. 1
Maleficent Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 Sorry hun. You're FWB with the guy. He owes you no explanation. You obviously developed feelings for the guy though. I would remove myself from the situation ASAP. 5
cessna Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 So in these three years you've never got with another guy?
Author blue19 Posted February 8, 2015 Author Posted February 8, 2015 I know Im not supposed to do this . Please don't juege me . It's hard to let go specially when you develop feelings over the years . This is not a normal situation and for sure he doesn't have the same feelings for me . I feel that if I didn't confront him at the moment is pointless to do it now . I'm sorry I hate say this but I'm scared of his reaction . I feel like I'm trapped in this situation and if I don't let go now he's going to leave me first .
Jessie1231 Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 I've had a FWB for two years, but it is exactly that. We have both dated other people during this time and don't see each other if we are in exclusive relationships. Neither of us is jealous about the other, and while we do tell each other when we are dating someone, I don't really feel he owes me any explanation. It's sort of expected while you have a FWB that you may find someone else. Because you're just friends. And you're not in a committed relationship.
Zahara Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 I know Im not supposed to do this . Please don't juege me . It's hard to let go specially when you develop feelings over the years . This is not a normal situation and for sure he doesn't have the same feelings for me . I feel that if I didn't confront him at the moment is pointless to do it now . I'm sorry I hate say this but I'm scared of his reaction . I feel like I'm trapped in this situation and if I don't let go now he's going to leave me first . Yes, you need to walk away.
smackie9 Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 You only have yourself to blame. You had developed feelings for this guy, then you should have expressed them and ask if he feels the same way and if not then end it simple as that. BTW FWB should be temporary not go on for frickin years. It's obvious he had no interest in a commitment with you or he would have told you. There is nothing to be confused about.....end it. FWB is still a relationship and relationships need boundaries/ground rules set up no matter what type they are. Before going anywhere with it, you needed to stipulate "we are exclusive to sex only but dating others is ok" or "If one catches feelings, bring it to the table" or "If you desire to sleep with someone else, then be up front with it." or whatever expectations you may have.
Noproblem Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 you sleep with the guy you know him for more than 3 years and what did you say You are afraid of his reaction? who is he? Who is he, so he gets you to be so scared and afraid to confront of him! 3 years is no joke fwb or not you shouldn't be afraid of his reaction! 2
Elle1975 Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 Have "the talk", and take it from there. Most likely won't lead anywhere, since the FWB is cemented, but who knows? Anyways, you can't stay in limbo that way.
trolloperative Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 Blue, i read the first few words then hit 'fwb' and stopped reading.. Implement NC, no talk, save your dignity.
writergal Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 Yes, I agree with everyone else here: you need to walk away from him and do it now. If you like a guy and want a relationship with him don't enter into a FWB situation with him. 2
Larry56 Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 the best thing you can learn from this is... Don't put so much time into a relationship that you see going where you don't want it too. but I think the point is that you really aren't gonna feel better about this unless you approach him about it. but your reaction is gonna determine everything in his eyes. Because he has nothing to be afraid of since you never defined your relationship anything more than fwb. plus, if he lies it just shows the kind of person you have been with for so long. No matter how attractive, no matter how much of a challenge he is, do you really want to be with someone for the rest of your life that considers you second best?
elaine567 Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 - 7 Ways to Move on from Friends with Benefits to Girlfriend. 1
missk803 Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 At this point, the last thing you should be thinking about is him leaving you first because he pretty much already sees you as easily replaceable. His feelings shouldn't matter either.
amaysngrace Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 He left that there on purpose for you to find. Either that or he only thinks you're worth rolling around in someone else's dirty sex sheets. Either way he's nasty.
Els Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 You've already wasted 3 years of your life on an unrequited love, which is far too long. How many more are you going to waste? There is no purpose in being 'FWB's with someone whom you want something deeper with but who doesn't want you. It is only going to bring you pain, as you realized when you saw he was sleeping with someone else (which he has the right to do as you are not his girlfriend). For your own sake, please stop wasting your time on this guy and go NC ASAP.
Gaeta Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 - 7 Ways to Move on from Friends with Benefits to Girlfriend. I had never seen this video before but I did exactly that with a long term fwb. I completely cut the sex, when he'd called I'd say : sure you can drop by I am baking wanna a piece of apple pie? by the way don't expect anything I'm not in the mood. He'd come over and I'd stick to my plan. When he called I would always say I'd love to see him maybe he could help me with moving this or that. If he talked to me about something he was doing I would offer my help. Soon he got in the habit of calling me 3 times a day and dropping by 3-4 times a week and we never had sex. After a year of that he told me he was in love with me. Sad news is, I was not in love with him anymore. 3
kendahke Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 So here's the story For the past 3 years I'm in a fwb with a guy i call it fwb because that's how I see things we have never talk about our status or what we are so at the same time we don't have rules of what can and can't do. Since the beginning I had my suspicions that he was seein another woman Cmon he's a guy !! and in not his girlfriend . So last Saturday we made plans to spend the day so I went to his place and we were laying in his bed and there's a big black spot of makeup like mascara in his pillow . It wasn't mine that is a sure thing besides I haven't been there for the past 3 weeks so no doubt it wasn't mine . I tried to act cool and calm down but I'm a woman so I went to check in his bathroom and in the floor there was long brown hair !! My stomach went to the floor I felt so betrayed and so sad I couldn't hide it I was angry but at the same time I thought I'm not his girlfriend so I feel I have no right to ask him what he does . But still hurts So I didnt say anything about it and I went home . I don't want to confront him I think is pointless , but I can't stop thinking about what happen and if he is seeing another woman is he going to dump me ? Maybe he slept with her last week . I feel really bad I don't know what to do . It hurts because I have feelings for him and this is the prove of what he does . I'm trying hard not to cry when I think of this and I'm confuse I don't know what to do if I tell him or not or just go no contact with him . It doesn't sound as if a FWB situation is in your best interests. Are you going to invest another 3 years of your youth into this?
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