Gaeta Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 Yesterday, this man I have been seeing for a few months, stopped by my place after his work. A few minutes after he arrived his phone started ringing. He looked at it and said it was his eldest daughter. I said to him to pick up maybe it's an emergency she is home babysitting her 3 younger sisters. He hesitated and said no, everything must be ok. She called a total of 3 TIMES and I told him it's ridiculous!!! pick up the phone!!! I understand you can't tell her where you are just tell her you're still at work I won't be offended !! He again refused to pick up her call. A few minutes later she sent him a text saying : Dad I'm fed up when you coming home!! He turned to me and said: See I told you there were no emergency. I told him one day he will have to tell his children, at least his eldest daughter, that he is seeing someone. He said he can't, he never dated before and they're not used to it. (does it sound as ridiculous to you as it does to me?) I said of course they are not used to it but I don't think they expect you to stay single the rest of your life! I told him I don't expect to be introduced to the children but after a year since his divorce he should be able to tell his eldest daughter he is going on dates sometimes. Am I in the wrong? His refusal to pick up his daughter's call in front of me just blew up my mind!! There is no situation in this world where I would not pick up my daughter's call.
mammasita Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 Yeah that's weird, I'd question his parenting skills and priorities. Is he the custodial parent? Are you sure he's divorced??? There's no reason why he shouldn't tell his kids, this is the 21st century for goodness sake. 2
Derek1979 Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 You could pick a worse boyfriend but it wouldn't be easy. 10
Author Gaeta Posted February 8, 2015 Author Posted February 8, 2015 Yeah that's weird, I'd question his parenting skills and priorities. Is he the custodial parent? Are you sure he's divorced??? There's no reason why he shouldn't tell his kids, this is the 21st century for goodness sake. I had never questioned his parenting skills till last night. I was not impressed. Yes he has full custody of his 4 daughters. I have no way of verifying if he is divorced. Here these information are not available to general public.
spiderowl Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 Is he living separately from his wife? Sounds like he's got something to hide, from his daughter if not from you. It could be that he just sees it as 'early days' yet but if it isn't I'd be wondering why he's still hiding the relationship.
Toodaloo Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 Have you met any of his friends? Careful as its sounds as though you are being kept a secret...
writergal Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 Yikes Gaeta! He sounds like he'll never win any father-of-the-year awards, if he won't even answer his daughter's phone call while he's on a date with a woman. A year since his divorce? And he refuses to tell his children that he's dating women again? Oi vey. Well, you've chosen worse men, but he's not exactly winning material either. Do what you need to do G. But if he's not ready to even bring up dating women to his children, he himself has no busy dating because he's probably still not emotionally available to date. He's probably still hung up on his divorce (if he is in fact actually divorced). I don't miss online dating at all. Wow.
Author Gaeta Posted February 8, 2015 Author Posted February 8, 2015 Yes his ex-wife is the one that moved out and he kept their house. I know approximately where he lives but obviously I have never been there. I know his full name and where he works that's about it. I have not met anyone from his entourage. Last night I told him a story involving my daughter and he said, without me prompting it, that he'd like to meet her when the opportunity arises.
hoping2heal Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 This is a tough call. Can I imagine not picking up my own child's call? No, but could there be justifiable reasons? Maybe. You said she sent a text...in other words, he knew that worst case scenario she could text and say "Dad it is serious". Secondly, you don't know that there isn't a dynamic as such where the daughter "invents" reasons to get her Dad home (seen it plenty of times), so what looks to you like cavalier parenting could be that he knows his children very well and knows she can always text if it were an emergency; of which 911 should rightly be dispatched FIRST. While it seems ridiculous to you that he not let his kids know; try not to judge because in his mind he must think he is protecting them. I remember being that age and having my parents divorce and I did NOT take kindly to my Dad dating other women. I had friends with divorced parents, it was never a good thing to have your Dad dating again. A year is really quite a short period of time and I have known kids who hold out hope their parent will reconcile. I'm not ready to think he's a bad dad just yet when he actually cares enough about them to go so above and beyond to protect them. If this is something you cannot handle that is one thing, but if he is truly a poor parent (and MAYBE he is - I'm just not ready to jump to that conclusion yet) it will bleed into other aspects of his personality and life. 1
Timshel Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 If something is off it is off Gaeta. You give good advice but are not listening to your own instinct. You know as well as anyone here that the truth is already in front of you. FEAR it ends up being what you and everyone else lets tear you down. It is simple; face the truth and handle/deal with it. Your relationship will be as honorable as you make it. Just say what you want and don't be afraid of losing anything. Don't be afraid of being on your own. Why is everyone so afraid? I honestly don't get it. Wth Gaeta? Face it. Either he's not right for you or communication will work it out. Say what you need and if he doesn't want to meet you half way, make any compromise, or respect you, walk. 3
PinkInTheLimo Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 Well he knows his kids better than you. Maybe he knows that they want his attention all the time and had a hunch that his daugher was just calling for nothing. I would see this as rather positive as it means that he has no intention of letting his kids keep him hostage when it comes to his love life.
smackie9 Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 Date guys with adult kids, it will eliminate a lot of these issues. 1
writergal Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 Bad father = Bad everything else. +1!! 100% agree with you Satu! 2
BC1980 Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 It sounds like he's not ready to date. If he isn't going to tell his kids that he goes on dates, then he's not ready. If he's worried they will be upset, that is another issue entirely and one that will cause problems down the line. Speaking from experience, it can be a challenge to date someone with a younger child. It's not unusual that they don't want their parents to remarry or date. 2
LoveRefreshed Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 lol, quite the judgmental parenting forum this has become. You realize there is no set rule book to parenting? You also realize that he has known his daughters and how they behave. You have no idea about his kids and what they can handle. Maybe he just got off the phone before walking in to your place and already knew what the call was about? ITT: A bunch of angry mothers. 2
Author Gaeta Posted February 8, 2015 Author Posted February 8, 2015 Date guys with adult kids, it will eliminate a lot of these issues. Call me crazy but I was thrilled at the idea of having little children in my life. If one day he brings me to his home I won't be smooching on the couch with him, I will be sitting on the floor playing with barbies and ponies with the kids. 2
Author Gaeta Posted February 8, 2015 Author Posted February 8, 2015 lol, quite the judgmental parenting forum this has become. You realize there is no set rule book to parenting? You also realize that he has known his daughters and how they behave. You have no idea about his kids and what they can handle. Maybe he just got off the phone before walking in to your place and already knew what the call was about? ITT: A bunch of angry mothers. Yes I realize that now. That's why it's good to post about something that bothers you, there is always someone that will drop in with a different angle. 1
Timshel Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 Yes I realize that now. That's why it's good to post about something that bothers you, there is always someone that will drop in with a different angle. Since when is this about the kids? I thought you were wondering why he was being secretive and not honest and keeping you at a distance. Now it's about being judgmental about the children? Not me ever. I thought this was about Gaeta wondering about her man. Oopps. 1
Timshel Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 Sometimes on this site, honesty is dust. Whatever, I think it is a game. You know what is best for you. It's in your heart. Best wishes. 1
chimpanA-2-chimpanZ Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 Is this the same guy who completely disappeared on you on NYE and made a ridiculous excuse later for why he couldn't call? Gatea, you don't need us to tell you there is something very wrong here. Maybe he's not finally divorced, he has another woman, or worse. But this is not right or normal. When your instincts tell you to run, run. 4
johan Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 I would be careful about making any major conclusions after one incident, although it doesn't look very good. If he's really not treating his kids right, you'll get many repeat performances and then you can decide what it means for you. 1
Satu Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 Snip: You realize there is no set rule book to parenting? . The rule book is a very slim volume, because it only contains 1 rule. "Your childrens wellbeing comes before everything else." 4
Elle1975 Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 I suppose if he was serious about you, he could have the talk with his older daughter at least. If my daughter was babysitting my toddler, I would instantly pick up.
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