Vintage79 Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 Ok - I met a girl last week that I had been chatting with online. On that meeting, we had a few drinks, conversation was pretty great, and we made plans to get together on Saturday. We chatted in the middle of the week, she generally seemed pretty excited to get together. That said, she seemed a bit reserved from a contact/romance standpoint, and only really wanted a hug on that first meeting (which I don't have a major issue with for a first online encounter with drinks, although more is better - truthfully, she may have not even wanted a hug). So yesterday we met up for the first actual date. I picked her up at 2:30 and we went to a local Zoo. The Zoo closed at 4, so we only had about an hour. She wanted to keep hanging out. We did some oddball stuff at that point - went furniture shopping - which was pretty cool, trying out all the sofas, etc., but when we'd sit on the couch, she'd rarely take the seat next to me. Thereafter, drove around a bit, went for an hour walk around the river near my condo, and she still wanted to hang out, so we went to my condo and had a few drinks...whenever I asked her if she wanted something else/more, she'd say yes, and then she even proposed watching a few episodes of her favorite TV show. I eventually drove her home around 11 - so we spent ~8.5 hours together. When I dropped her off, she still seemed opposed to romantic contact - I don't even think there was a hug at that point (although she had voiced a dislike of hugs a few times). She said she had a great time, commented on how much stuff we did, etc., but we didn't talk about getting together again. Moreover, a few times on the date she went into interrogation mode - drilling into my work, how I interact with certain types of people...it was actually pretty aggressive, I was fine with that, but different than I have experienced before...I don't really know how to interpret that, as it seemed to extend a bit beyond typical curiosity. So I'm a bit confused at this point - her interest in continually prolonging the date seemed like a very positive sign, but her effective fear of romantic contact in context of that statement is hard for me to make sense of. I'd probably like to see her again...as everything else seemed good, but I don't know if it's worth putting in the effort, as it's hard for me to make sense of her actions. I'll follow-up with her soon, but would love to get an opinion. Moreover, feel free to comment on when I should follow-up, and what kind of follow-up it should be (i.e. text or call, a call just to chat, proposing a definitive get together time and place, etc.). Thanks in advance.
Gaeta Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 (although she had voiced a dislike of hugs a few times). Does she dislike hugs in general or only with strangers?
d0nnivain Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 If you like her or even if you think you might like her, ask for the 2nd date. That will be the best way to get your Qs answered & your concerns addressed. 2
Author Vintage79 Posted February 8, 2015 Author Posted February 8, 2015 Does she dislike hugs in general or only with strangers? I don't entirely know if it's all hugs, or just hugs with strangers - but it seemed like hugs in general, because she mentioned how she disliked them from her friends...
Author Vintage79 Posted February 8, 2015 Author Posted February 8, 2015 If you like her or even if you think you might like her, ask for the 2nd date. That will be the best way to get your Qs answered & your concerns addressed. Totally agree Donnivain, and as I mentioned, I'll contact her again, I just wonder if the effort's worth it, due to the mixed signals. Realistically, there's not a lot invested in her yet, and honestly, I don't have issues getting other first meetings/dates. In that sense, though, I'm not entirely sure how I feel about her - she's fun to hang out with, but as mentioned, the romantic contact isn't there, and honestly, I have only spent a ~day with her, so it's hard for me to get those cool butterflies going when I think of seeing her. I guess that means, at best, I'm in what you described, "might like her"...
Gaeta Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 I don't entirely know if it's all hugs, or just hugs with strangers - but it seemed like hugs in general, because she mentioned how she disliked them from her friends... Move to next. You really want to get in a relationship with a woman that does not like 'hugs'. I predict a long list of things she does not like in the intimacy department.
writergal Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 Either she only sees you as a friend right away, or she has extremely rigid boundaries and puts men through a barrage of tests sort of like Gladiator but on a dating level. She sounds like a lot of work already. By 8.5 hours there should have at least been some kissing/making out. What is she? A nun? Sure, ask her out again but make sure you bring up your concerns with her to find out where she's at. No point going forward if you both have different expectations. Right?
smackie9 Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 If you are here asking about this, then it's not a good thing and you should move onto someone else.
Author Vintage79 Posted February 8, 2015 Author Posted February 8, 2015 If you are here asking about this, then it's not a good thing and you should move onto someone else. Why is it not a good thing if I'm asking about it? I'm not necessarily disagreeing that I should move on, but it would be great to understand your reasoning.
Haydn Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 You only met her a few times? If i understand correctly? Not enough time to know. Go through the holding hands stage, etc. Meet her again. Kissing and all that.... Shouldn`t (Just My opinion) be on the first day. Just feeling each other out....As DON said, see her again.
smackie9 Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 If things don't feel right that's because they are not. There is no sense in asking strangers about this....if things are complicated/weird on the first date, then there is no point in continuing. It's like being stuck in front a tall wall and you have to figure out how to get around it. A successful first date is one where there is no doubt in your mind that things are going great, you hit it off, there are no red flags, no fears or confusion, you are both excited about each other, she is responsive, nothing bothers you about her and YOUR expectations are fulfilled. I was a big dater, and I know you don't stick it out and see if things get better....you go for the gold. 1
Author Vintage79 Posted February 9, 2015 Author Posted February 9, 2015 If things don't feel right that's because they are not. There is no sense in asking strangers about this....if things are complicated/weird on the first date, then there is no point in continuing. It's like being stuck in front a tall wall and you have to figure out how to get around it. A successful first date is one where there is no doubt in your mind that things are going great, you hit it off, there are no red flags, no fears or confusion, you are both excited about each other, she is responsive, nothing bothers you about her and YOUR expectations are fulfilled. I was a big dater, and I know you don't stick it out and see if things get better....you go for the gold. Got it Smackie - thanks for the clarification. I fully get what you're describing - but things have generally been good, just with a few curiosities. Do things never get better, or do you just think it's just easier to move on? If I were to see her again and things were still a bit curious I definitely wouldn't see her again - I just know that for me in the past that people frequently behave a bit different after seeing them a couple of times. So that's where I'm torn and why I'm trying to decipher the behavior.
smackie9 Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 Go on a second date and talk to her more....ask her questions about her life, family, friends.....the first few dated is like a job interview. You have to see what they are all about and if they fulfill your expectations....and of course if there is any chemistry. You should never force things, feelings, etc to happen. If they don't happen organically, then most likely it's not going to.
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