How to not get friendzoned

[Phoe]

To never get in a friendzone you need to not be an orbit.

 

What does this mean?

[alphamale]

What does this mean?

i think it means that a person should not be so fat as to create their own gravitational field and then go into orbit around a larger body

[Phoe]

i think it means that a person should not be so fat as to create their own gravitational field and then go into orbit around a larger body

 

Well, That's odd, but I'm not fat. At least not to most!

[WonderKid]

I am attracted to this woman. But through all the mixed signals and messages, I don't know what to perceive. So I step my game up and ask her out. She gives me the, "I see us as friends" deal or, "can we still be friends."

 

In my deluded mind I am going to orbit around her until I get her to "change her mind" or see why she should really consider dating me. I'll let her text me her problems. We'll laugh together. Develop inside jokes. While the whole time, I'll have side seats to her dating other guys, except me. Because I am just a friend. Despite how attracted I am to her, I'll just be her orbit while she's the center of my universe.

[alphamale]

Well, That's odd, but I'm not fat. At least not to most!

i am not aware who the comment was referenced to

[Phoe]

I am attracted to this woman. But through all the mixed signals and messages, I don't know what to perceive. So I step my game up and ask her out. She gives me the, "I see us as friends" deal or, "can we still be friends."

 

In my deluded mind I am going to orbit around her until I get her to "change her mind" or see why she should really consider dating me. I'll let her text me her problems. We'll laugh together. Develop inside jokes. While the whole time, I'll have side seats to her dating other guys, except me. Because I am just a friend. Despite how attracted I am to her, I'll just be her orbit while she's the center of my universe.

 

ahh, yeah I definitely don't "orbit" men.

 

Once a man tells me he isn't interested, that's that. I will no longer pursue him. There's no changing that mind, and there's no pleasure in trying to win a man who never wanted me in the first place.

[alphamale]

Once a man tells me he isn't interested, that's that. I will no longer pursue him. There's no changing that mind, and there's no pleasure in trying to win a man who never wanted me in the first place.

most people make a decision with the first few seconds of meeting where the relationshiip will head

[Phoe]

most people make a decision with the first few seconds of meeting where the relationshiip will head

 

I suppose I never realized this, because it takes me a decent amount of time of getting to know someone before I can make any decisions.

[Erised]

Are you over weight?

 

If the photos are gone, I have seen them and Phoe is beautiful and not at all overweight. Whatever her issue dating is, her not being attractive enough is most certainly not it.

[WonderKid]

most people make a decision with the first few seconds of meeting where the relationshiip will head

 

That's sad but very true. Everyone is a Jean Grey and Charles Xavier these days.

[Erised]

I suppose I never realized this, because it takes me a decent amount of time of getting to know someone before I can make any decisions.

 

Me too!!

 

I prefer friends first.

[alphamale]

I suppose I never realized this, because it takes me a decent amount of time of getting to know someone before I can make any decisions.

you're talking concious, i'm talking unconcious

[WonderKid]

I have male friends I don't need a female friend that "I am attracted to" I do not consider that a friend. I consider that a date.

[johan]

Some people are just cheeky by nature and don't get friend zoned as much. I ooze sex and I am super cheeky, you are obviously just not overtly flirty or cheeky by nature.

 

I'm pretty cheeky, some say. And I don't ooze sex. I spurt sex. But yet I also know the friend zone. It happens to the best.

[cerridwen]

I'm pretty cheeky, some say. And I don't ooze sex. I spurt sex. But yet I also know the friend zone. It happens to the best.

 

Pre-Atkins, I also knew the Friend Zone. As well as more cheek.

Im happy to say that with strict discipline, Im now less planetary, and the sex oozes forth.

 

That's my best advice, OP.

God speed.

[johan]

Pre-Atkins, I also knew the Friend Zone. As well as more cheek.

Im happy to say that with strict discipline, Im now less planetary, and the sex oozes forth.

 

That's my best advice, OP.

God speed.

 

The OP is.. heavy? Too much cheek?

 

Hard to believe. But yes, cutting back on the carbs can help the sex find its way out. Soon you'll find yourself needing a napkin.

 

Easier said than done, of course, but my advice is not to worry about it too much. If relationships aren't coming easily for you, then maybe it's just not your time. There isn't anything wrong with taking the pressure off and just letting that aspect of your life coast for a while. Just figure it will happen when the time is right.

 

In the meantime, hang tight and chill.

[Phoe]

Im not fat, really.

[Phoe]

I suppose I just feel really lousy that I can't find one single guy who is decent, physically and mentally healthy, stable, who is willing to put up with me.

 

I see men put up with SO MUCH CRAP from some girls... jump through so many hoops, bend over backwards, spend so much money, and put up with terrible behavior... but no one's willing to put up with me?

 

I used to know to women who had men falling over themselves, spending hundreds of dollars on them in hopes that they'd have a chance.

 

One used to make men buy her things with the agreement that "maybe she will agree to date them". Of course, she never did, she's tire of him and move on to the next guy who would buy her all kinds of stuff.

 

I also knew one girl who refused to have sex with her boyfriend unless he spent a certain amount of money on her. She would pick out an item, request it, and withhold sex until she got that item. And she never had a shortage of men who would take his place if he decided he was tired of her crap.

 

Another woman I knew had a wishlist posted on Amazon.com, and would send men there to buy her things off the wishlist. She had a boyfriend the whole time, but these other men bought her so many things. I remember one man bought EVERY SINGLE ITEM on her wishlist and wiped the whole thing out.

 

I find it astounding that so many men will put up with that, but simple little ol' me isn't worth putting up with. I don't need money spent. I don't need gifts, I don't need things. I just want companionship and a connection with a guy that's right for me. I don't think I'm asking for a lot.

 

I don't get why I'm not worth it. I think I'm worth putting up with, I really don't think I'm that terrible. I'm not the greatest, there will be times when I'm a pain in the butt. But I make up for it.

 

I hate saying it, but the fact that I'm extremely sexually frustrated is greatly enhancing my loneliness. If I could get that under control, I could quell that part of me that is not thrilled about being alone. I can't even be at work without my brain instantly going to sex. A man walks by and smells good, and I feel all warm and gooey. I'm trying to fall asleep at night and my mind starts having these ridiculous vivid fantasies that leave me soaked, and masturbating makes it worse. One night while trying to sleep and trying to push a fantasy out of my mind, reality hit me out of nowhere and I burst into tears.

 

Stupid. So freaking stupid.

[Els]

I suppose I just feel really lousy that I can't find one single guy who is decent, physically and mentally healthy, stable, who is willing to put up with me.

 

---

 

Another woman I knew had a wishlist posted on Amazon.com, and would send men there to buy her things off the wishlist. She had a boyfriend the whole time, but these other men bought her so many things. I remember one man bought EVERY SINGLE ITEM on her wishlist and wiped the whole thing out.

 

What sort of guys do you think those are, the ones who buy a random stranger stuff despite knowing she has a boyfriend? Would you consider them 'mentally healthy' and 'stable'? Do you think they would actually make good relationship partners?

 

To me they sound every bit as unstable and mentally ill as your exes.

[Phoe]

What sort of guys do you think those are, the ones who buy a random stranger stuff despite knowing she has a boyfriend? Would you consider them 'mentally healthy' and 'stable'? Do you think they would actually make good relationship partners?

 

To me they sound every bit as unstable and mentally ill as your exes.

 

No, I don't want to date those guys... I'm just pointing out how it seems even the most difficult girls have options. From girls that are taken, to girls that are incredibly demanding, to girls that are mentally ill, deranged, narcissistic... they all have suitors.

 

It's like I must be seen as the absolute bottom of the barrel. I am even less desirable than the most unstable, unavailable kind of girl. Why is that? I don't know why that is, because I do think I have desirable qualities.

 

Can no one see the good in me? Perhaps not.

[Els]

No, I don't want to date those guys... I'm just pointing out how it seems even the most difficult girls have options. From girls that are taken, to girls that are incredibly demanding, to girls that are mentally ill, deranged, narcissistic... they all have suitors.

 

It's like I must be seen as the absolute bottom of the barrel. I am even less desirable than the most unstable, unavailable kind of girl. Why is that? I don't know why that is, because I do think I have desirable qualities.

 

Can no one see the good in me? Perhaps not.

 

Phoe, you have had suitors (you've had more exes than I have!), just not good ones. I completely agree with you dumping those guys, because they weren't good partners - just as how these women's 'suitors' are unlikely to make good partners either. But really, good partners are hard to find in general, and having 'more suitors' doesn't always increase your chances at a good partner either.

[CrystalCastles]

No, I don't want to date those guys... I'm just pointing out how it seems even the most difficult girls have options. From girls that are taken, to girls that are incredibly demanding, to girls that are mentally ill, deranged, narcissistic... they all have suitors.

 

It's like I must be seen as the absolute bottom of the barrel. I am even less desirable than the most unstable, unavailable kind of girl. Why is that? I don't know why that is, because I do think I have desirable qualities.

 

Can no one see the good in me? Perhaps not.

 

Why are you looking at the dating success of sick people? They are sick people chasing sick people. Nothing really to compare yourself to.

 

You're seen as the bottom of the barrel by sick people. Thank your lucky stars they're not pursuing you because those aren't people you want to be involved with.

[contact1]

Agreed with what Elswyth said, those type of men are not healthy individuals in themselves. Keep in mind, that the type of women you are describing are also very likely the type to "brag" how they have so many men wrapped around their finger, using their sexuality to get a man's attention. Like the girl you mention who talked about not wearing panties anymore? The "boys" responding to those types of posts are just that, boys with insecurities desperately looking for any kind of hole to put their d!ck in.

 

Why won't a man ask you out? That unfortunately no one can really answer, as their is no video of Phoe going around interacting with people to show how your demeanor is, there is only text. However you do hit a key point, you mention that your sexual frustration is amplifying this, which is understandable. When you think of a guy who hasn't had any for a really long time, they desperately want any girl.

 

I remember a while back, you had been entertaining the idea of getting an escort. That may be a good option for you to get that release you need, and help bring your mood up some. Right now, by how your posts come off, they are giving the image of you seeing yourself like an ugly duckling. Good and kind, but not wanted by anyone for who knows why, so you feel left out and cheated in life.

 

Those women you mention who get guys to spend crazy amounts of money on them, I can guarantee one thing they all have in common. They know how to stroke the egos of lonely men. Read that carefully, because anyone that can make someone that feels alone that there is some kind of glimmer of hope, will look really good, despite how much other wrong they may have.

[Phoe]

I think I'm just gonna try my best to shut everything down. Shut off my feelings, my desires, and just forget about it all.

 

There's nothing I can do but just move on in life.

 

Thanks for the advice everyone. I'll be going now, take care.