How to not get friendzoned

February 8, 2015

I figure alot of folks (including myself) can benefit from some tips to help avoid the dreaded friendzone.

Like clockwork, I meet men, we get along great, and then they friendzone me. It's a pattern I struggle mightily to break free from.

I know alot of other people here struggle from it too.

As someone who doesn't have personal experience with friendzoning others, I have little to go off of, so I think it would be great to hear from both men and women about some key things that will cause them to instantly friendzone a person, and what can be done differently to avoid that kind of fate.

February 8, 2015

You are not being friend zoned. You are being rejected and cannot understand why they only want to be your friend and not your lover.

You never had a chance with them, they were never interested and this is just a defence mechanism to prevent yourself being rejected. There must an excuse or someone to blame so hence you blame the friend zone.

Simply, move on and find someone that is interested in you instead of beating yourself up about being rejected.

February 8, 2015

You are not being friend zoned. You are being rejected and cannot understand why they only want to be your friend and not your lover.

You never had a chance with them, they were never interested and this is just a defence mechanism to prevent yourself being rejected. There must an excuse or someone to blame so hence you blame the friend zone.

Simply, move on and find someone that is interested in you instead of beating yourself up about being rejected.

Fair enough, same concept different words.

I'm curious about WHY the rejection happens.

In some cases, the man only dates short girls. I'm tall, therefore not an option. Nothing I can do, move along.

In other cases it's less clear what's holding me back. Knowing can be helpful. Any knowledge, any information I can gain to help improve, is always welcome.

"Move on and find someone who is interested in you" is easier said than done, when you can't find anyone who IS interested in you. Gotta switch something up to see different results.

February 8, 2015

You are not being friend zoned. You are being rejected and cannot understand why they only want to be your friend and not your lover.

Semantics. That's the definition of the friendzone.

I'm a guy who runs into the same problem, and I think a lot of it has to do with the first impression that I make on women. I'm a terrible flirt, and I have a very casual air when I first meet someone that doesn't escalate romantically/tickle their ovaries. I'm not notably attractive, so when women think of me, they don't associate me with romantic thoughts, so I get encoded in their minds as a friend.

I think when I friendzone women, I think that's usually how our relationship begins. There's usually no initial, natural physical attraction, so if there's no flirtatious conversation to make up for it, we just become friends.

Bottom line, not being friendzoned requires some combination of being attractive to the other person and being a bit flirty from the start. One aspect can make up for lack of the other, but if both are absent, it's challenging to work past that platonic foundation.

February 8, 2015

"Move on and find someone who is interested in you" is easier said than done, when you can't find anyone who IS interested in you. Gotta switch something up to see different results.

Me neither. Not that I really care at the moment i'm too busy enjoying my life.

Best thing to do is not worry about it or try so hard because both come across to a potential partner during the early stages. Being needy or overly interested are both big passion killers, that does not mean you are being friend zoned just that they lost interest in you romantically.

The so called "Friend Zone" myth is only possible by YOU the person who is in the "Friend Zone" because the only way you remain there is while you continue to pursue or chase someone that is not interested with an aim to change their mind or opinion about you. It's so devastatingly unattractive and has a complete reverse effect of the outcome you are trying to seek.

Want to never be friend zoned? Walk away as soon as rejection is apparent. Save yourself a whole lot of wasted time and misery.

February 8, 2015

From my point of view is simple: express your feelings!!! Fearing of rejection is the number one reason. Nobody is a mind reader. Sometimes people are just friendly. I have a lot of girl friends and when i am really attracted by one i go at her and say it. I let her know. I don't play the "let's be friends" card if i want to date her.

So i guess it goes both way, if a girl doesn't show me by flirting that she likes me, she will be my friend because i don't have how to know what she want if she doesn't show me and i won't waste time with somebody that doesn't want me.

So the point is : show those who attract you that you like them. Flirting can be such a beautiful things you know! Don't think about that you might be rejected or not, think about that you might lose the love of your life if you don't act. Is that simple

February 8, 2015

Show some interest in them at first then flake on them. Guys will be chasing after you but not the men you want.

February 8, 2015

you continue to pursue or chase someone that is not interested with an aim to change their mind or opinion about you.

^^^^THIS!

I find it's such a fight to convince guys that this is their problem and it is the wrong way to get a BF.

"I'm a nice guy, I will treat her right, She keeps dating these jerks, how do I make her see these guys are wrong for her and she should be with me???" (idiot)

February 8, 2015

^^^^THIS!

I find it's such a fight to convince guys that this is their problem and it is the wrong way to get a BF.

"I'm a nice guy, I will treat her right, She keeps dating these jerks, how do I make her see these guys are wrong for her and she should be with me???" (idiot)

I'm a guy and even I know it. But it works both ways because girls do it too. It's insecurity mixed with fear of rejection and its not a pretty sight.

If you're a genuine nice person you do feel sorry for that guy or girl pursuing you even though you said no, so you try to let them down gently and then are blamed for leading them along. It's comedy.

February 8, 2015

To be honest, I don't really like the term friend zone or the idea of being "friendzoned" as this thing you can control or that gets done to you or you do to other people in a very conscious and deliberate way, when the reality IME is more so that there are some folks you see as just friends and others you immediately like romantically. It's not anything you can control. The friend zone is that they like you as a person but aren't romantically interested....surely you've felt that way about someone before? It wasn't like they did anything wrong or needed to work on anything or be different, you just didn't get that romantic or sexual feeling about them.

You can't make a man or woman see you as more than a friend IMO. It can happen where you go from friends to more but IME it's usually an organic process and not anything where if you do XYZ they will all of a sudden see you as more. So I guess I don't have any tips because I don't think it's something one can control. I find though that some folks put themselves in the friend zone, i.e. they know the other person only sees them as a friend and they want more so believe that if they stick around and act just so and play their hand right it is just a waiting area and one day the person will say oh wow..you've been here as a friend for years, let's date! I don't think anyone should do that to themselves. If you genuinely like the friendship fine but don't torture yourself hoping for a promotion.

February 8, 2015

Hi Phoe, from your prior posts, I don't think that you have anything to worry about; or know that worry is your only problem.

It is a gift to be taken seriously and treated as a friend.

I know that what you want is to be thought of and treated romantically.

Flirtation, unbuttoning your blouse a little, eye contact and confidence.

There is nothing wrong with being friend-zoned. It means that a man does not see you as a one night stand or their wife.

There is only one man that needs to see you as his wife and you need no man to see you as a boink, unless that is what you want.

I will now digress to basics in case you want to catch men's eye but be wary, I think being who you are is perfect for the one for you.

Use a lovely shampoo and make your hair shiny and bouncy.

Wear heels.

Wear form fitting but flattering clothes. Not tight or skimpy.

Show some cleavage but not too much.

Do everything to suit yourself and the people you love. Do not compromise.

Be grateful and feel purpose in your life.

Ignore mean people, they are mean for a reason. Don't be like them.

Find any and everything funny because a lot of times it is.really.funny.

When it isn't, hold a hand, be patient and give.

Smile, smile your butt off. You could frown, but why?

Be yourself Phoe. You need someone to love you for the very original you. My guess is, you already do. Cherish the love you already have. Take care of yourself and for the love of God, stop worrying. It will come.

February 8, 2015

The so called "Friend Zone" myth is only possible by YOU the person who is in the "Friend Zone" because the only way you remain there is while you continue to pursue or chase someone that is not interested with an aim to change their mind or opinion about you. It's so devastatingly unattractive and has a complete reverse effect of the outcome you are trying to seek.

1. I think you're still in the friendzone regardless of whether or not you try and change their mind. It's not a myth or anything to be ashamed of, it's just a term that describes the state of a relationship.

2. The point of the original post isn't to try and win someone over who's FZed you, which I think we can all agree is mostly futile. It's just about being self-aware regarding things we do that make it more/less likely for others to see us romantically.

February 8, 2015

Honestly I don't think that women get friendzoned at all.

Men are almost always willing to sleep with a girl unless she is completely physically unattractive or there is something very wrong with her personality.

Women are far more likely to fall in the friends with benefits zone where a guy just wants sex with her and nothing else.

Also I believe that most men are willing to turn a lady friend into a girlfriend which is something very few women are willing to do.

February 8, 2015

1. I think you're still in the friendzone regardless of whether or not you try and change their mind. It's not a myth or anything to be ashamed of, it's just a term that describes the state of a relationship.

2. The point of the original post isn't to try and win someone over who's FZed you, which I think we can all agree is mostly futile. It's just about being self-aware regarding things we do that make it more/less likely for others to see us romantically.

There is no such thing as the friend zone and yes it is a myth because you are willing to be friends with a potential love interest who is not interested in you. You are not placed in the friend zone by a girl she just rejects you and it is YOU who fails to see either the signs of the rejection coming or pursue aimlessly thinking that you are able to change her opinion about you with time and effort when it's obvious that all is lost.

People are just unable to accept rejection when the other person does not feel the same about them and so the friend zone was created to explain the way they are acting but putting the blame onto the person doing the rejecting.

A good read:

"If someone says they’re in the friend zone, they’re usually implying that they feel entitled to another person’s affection as “payback” for the emotional investment and time spent being their “friend.” They might be thinking: I’ve been such a good friend to you, so you should be my girl/boyfriend! Or maybe: If I'm really nice to them, they'll eventually WANT to be my girl/boyfriend!

The truth is, no one is obligated to be interested in anyone else, for any reason. Just because you have feelings for someone, you are not OWED their affections, and vice versa.

If you’ve expressed your interest in dating someone and they’ve made it clear that they don’t wish to date you, the healthy response is to respect their decision. Attempting to manipulate them into changing their mind or their feelings by acting like a friend isn’t healthy. Being a true friend to someone means loving and respecting who they are and what they do and don’t want, even if that means you don’t get everything you want from them."

Edited February 8, 2015 by Dallers

February 8, 2015

There is no such thing as the friend zone and yes it is a myth because you are willing to be friends with a potential love interest who is not interested in you. You are not placed in the friend zone by a girl she just rejects you and it is YOU who fails to see either the signs of the rejection coming or pursue aimlessly thinking that you are able to change her opinion about you with time and effort when it's obvious that all is lost.

People are just unable to accept rejection when the other person does not feel the same about them and so the friend zone was created to explain the way they are acting but putting the blame onto the person doing the rejecting.

A good read:

"If someone says they’re in the friend zone, they’re usually implying that they feel entitled to another person’s affection as “payback” for the emotional investment and time spent being their “friend.” They might be thinking: I’ve been such a good friend to you, so you should be my girl/boyfriend! Or maybe: If I'm really nice to them, they'll eventually WANT to be my girl/boyfriend!

The truth is, no one is obligated to be interested in anyone else, for any reason. Just because you have feelings for someone, you are not OWED their affections, and vice versa.

If you’ve expressed your interest in dating someone and they’ve made it clear that they don’t wish to date you, the healthy response is to respect their decision. Attempting to manipulate them into changing their mind or their feelings by acting like a friend isn’t healthy. Being a true friend to someone means loving and respecting who they are and what they do and don’t want, even if that means you don’t get everything you want from them."

The friendzone is absolutely not a myth.

It can happen one of two ways.

A guy and a girl are already friends and one person (usually the guy) starts to develop feelings for the other. The girl just sees the guy as a friend and is unable and/or unwilling to change her mind. That situation has happened to me a few times in my life. Once somebody develops feelings for the other it usually is the beginning of the end of the friendship.

The other method is when a guy likes a girl. He makes his intentions clear to her and she rejects him. For whatever reason the guy doesn't give up on her and believes that if he were to spend more time with her she will start to see how great of a guy he is and start to fall for him. That's how things work in TV and movies but of course it absolutely does not work in real life. Women almost never change their mind about a guy in these matters.

February 8, 2015

The friendzone is absolutely not a myth.

It can happen one of two ways.

A guy and a girl are already friends and one person (usually the guy) starts to develop feelings for the other. The girl just sees the guy as a friend and is unable and/or unwilling to change her mind. That situation has happened to me a few times in my life. Once somebody develops feelings for the other it usually is the beginning of the end of the friendship.

This is not the "Friend Zone" this is completely different you cannot friend zone a friend.

The other method is when a guy likes a girl. He makes his intentions clear to her and she rejects him. For whatever reason the guy doesn't give up on her and believes that if he were to spend more time with her she will start to see how great of a guy he is and start to fall for him. That's how things work in TV and movies but of course it absolutely does not work in real life. Women almost never change their mind about a guy in these matters.

This is the "Friend Zone" myth. She rejects him, she does not friend zone him! She rejects him.

Making it a myth! Created by those who cannot accept rejection and pursue somebody because they feel it is owed to them.

Edited February 8, 2015 by Dallers

February 8, 2015

Making it a myth! Created by those who cannot accept rejection.

Type A is rejecting a friend.

If you are established friends with a girl and you want to date her, but she doesn't want to date you, that is the friendzone.

Type B is getting rejected by a girl but choosing to become her friend despite that.

It's voluntarily putting oneself in the friendzone.

The simplest definition is being friends with somebody who doesn't want to date you. There is no way to say that it's a myth, that's just ridiculous. Also it has nothing to do with feelings of entitlement.

February 8, 2015

maybe you need perfume, show some skin or wear a short skirt, be glamourous, look on youtube about all this

i know some1 or other will object - but the lady must use the right bait

February 8, 2015

act fast. express your interest fast. easy. if you wait too long someone gets to know you/like you as a friend and sees you as something other than a potential romantic interest.

February 8, 2015

"If someone says they’re in the friend zone, they’re usually implying that they feel entitled to another person’s affection as “payback” for the emotional investment and time spent being their “friend.”

I strongly disagree with this idea. It's not about entitlement. Accepting that you've been friendzoned doesn't imply that you expect a return on your "investment" of time. It describes a real, tangible state in which you wanted to pursue something deeper with another person who doesn't share those desires for the relationship.

To me, the "friendzone" is a state in which Person X likes Person Y, but Person Y just wants to be friends. When I'm FZed by a girl, I agree that the proper response is to move on, but I find it childish/self-serving to assume that the status of the relationship has changed when I walk away from pursuing something more. Even after moving on, I've still been rejected, and I've still been friendzoned. Accepting both as reality is a very important part of moving on healthily.

February 8, 2015

I strongly disagree with this idea. It's not about entitlement. Accepting that you've been friendzoned doesn't imply that you expect a return on your "investment" of time. It describes a real, tangible state in which you wanted to pursue something deeper with another person who doesn't share those desires for the relationship.

To me, the "friendzone" is a state in which Person X likes Person Y, but Person Y just wants to be friends. When I'm FZed by a girl, I agree that the proper response is to move on, but I find it childish/self-serving to assume that the status of the relationship has changed when I walk away from pursuing something more. Even after moving on, I've still been rejected, and I've still been friendzoned. Accepting both as reality is a very important part of moving on healthily.

I understand you want to think there is a difference and you call it friend zone but actually there is no difference. You are being rejected plain and simple. How you deal with it is up to you but the "friend zone" itself does not exist.

I have never known any girl who was previously not a friend wanting to be a friend after you have hit on them. You are telling yourself they want to be a friend because you continue to be nice to them when actually they are just being polite and want you to leave them alone.

February 8, 2015

There's no way for me.

February 8, 2015

I understand you want to think there is a difference and you call it friend zone but actually there is no difference. You are being rejected plain and simple. How you deal with it is up to you but the "friend zone" itself does not exist.

I have never known any girl who was previously not a friend wanting to be a friend after you have hit on them. You are telling yourself they want to be a friend because you continue to be nice to them when actually they are just being polite and want you to leave them alone.

Ok Dallers. Beheezus. So this is true. Without meeting you, how can any of us know what is happening?

February 8, 2015

Me neither. Not that I really care at the moment i'm too busy enjoying my life.

Best thing to do is not worry about it or try so hard because both come across to a potential partner during the early stages. Being needy or overly interested are both big passion killers, that does not mean you are being friend zoned just that they lost interest in you romantically.

The so called "Friend Zone" myth is only possible by YOU the person who is in the "Friend Zone" because the only way you remain there is while you continue to pursue or chase someone that is not interested with an aim to change their mind or opinion about you. It's so devastatingly unattractive and has a complete reverse effect of the outcome you are trying to seek.

Want to never be friend zoned? Walk away as soon as rejection is apparent. Save yourself a whole lot of wasted time and misery.

You misunderstand me.

I am not trying to change anyone's mind. I'm not trying to get out of the Friendzone. I absolutely do not chase a man who has told me he doesn't see me that way. A man telling me he's uninterested will kill any interest I had.

This thread is me trying to prevent me from continuing to end up in the friendzone in the future. Not me trying to get out of it.

I do not chase uninterested men. Period.

February 8, 2015

From my point of view is simple: express your feelings!!! Fearing of rejection is the number one reason. Nobody is a mind reader. Sometimes people are just friendly. I have a lot of girl friends and when i am really attracted by one i go at her and say it. I let her know. I don't play the "let's be friends" card if i want to date her.
So i guess it goes both way, if a girl doesn't show me by flirting that she likes me, she will be my friend because i don't have how to know what she want if she doesn't show me and i won't waste time with somebody that doesn't want me.

So the point is : show those who attract you that you like them. Flirting can be such a beautiful things you know! Don't think about that you might be rejected or not, think about that you might lose the love of your life if you don't act. Is that simple

Luckily, I don't fear rejection.

I approach men, and when I'm interested in a man I tell him so or ask him out.

Unfortunately, I get the "I don't see you that way" line, and I wish I could figure out WHY they don't see me that way.

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How to not get friendzoned

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