Phoe Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 90% of guys would definitely approach a complete stranger if that stranger acknowledged them with a simple smile. Going up to someone who doesn't even know you are in the same room as them, is not a good situation for anyone. It is most definitely NOT this simple. No man I have ever smiled at has EVER approached me. I can smile all day and never get approached. Also 100% of the men I've approached, rejected me. It is not so simple. Not at all. There is way more to it. 1
Author Hopeful30 Posted February 9, 2015 Author Posted February 9, 2015 ditto your problem. what age group are you and these guys in? i have to say that a majority of the men who are married/taken that approach me are in an upper age group, married for quite a while and tired of their wives (which they readily disclose), and they do have a confidence that the single guys lack. perhaps, as someone else mentioned, because they have nothing to lose. i think a lot of them - the MM - don't get attention/flirting at home, so they use any opportunity they can to test their skills and hey - it might work. i guess it often does since people end up in affairs with them. it doesn't solve the problem of why they do it, but i have noticed that if you are single and in their same age group (but not married yourself) they look at you as what they could have had if they were still single. Mmm... for me its different. The men I attract aren't that much older (mid thirties, im late twenties) and are almost always newly married (few years). 1
newmoon Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 Mmm... for me its different. The men I attract aren't that much older (mid thirties, im late twenties) and are almost always newly married (few years). somehow this is even worse. lol. to think that men in younger age groups and married only a few years do this too. at least old guys married for a while ... well, it's kinda expected.
Woggle Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 .... reading some of these responses... makes me wonder why any woman would want to get married if the only purpose is to make it easier for the guys to get a hot meal at home and piece of *ss elsewhere. I've had mostly married guys hitting on me since I was barely legal... working around all men. That actually got worse after my fiancee died. Probably because there were just fewer single guys around. I've also met a lot of very solid, devoted husbands. It really is about 50/50. I have no doubt that at least 50% of all married men have cheated or are currently cheating... lots of those eventually get divorced. I've read somewhere that 90% of all divorces are initiated due to infidelity. I always know which ones it was... It is the guys looking for lots of 'chemistry', because they follow their d*cks and feelings of infatuation around like a dowsing wand and think that will keep them 'faithful'. Not intimacy or mutual respect. Cheating is pretty much even when it comes to the genders and there are also a lot of faithful and devoted husbands. I will never claim to be perfect but I have always been faithful.
Andy_K Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 Mmm... for me its different. The men I attract aren't that much older (mid thirties, im late twenties) and are almost always newly married (few years). This is pretty simple. In their thirties, most guys who are single are single because they don't approach women much, have been burnt a lot, or just given up entirely. Many guys who are married on the other hand were very good with girls, and after a few years of marriage have decided they want some variety, or to prove they've still 'got it', and so on. If, as your friends say, you come off a little intimidating, this effect is magnified - single guys will look for more approachable girls, and the married guys seek a bigger challenge. 1
Friskyone4u Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 Hopeful You are young and single so perhaps you might want to reconsider going clubbing or more places where single men are likely to concentrate . Join a co Ed sports group or something. You are probably doing nothing wrong so I would put that worry aside As far as married men hitting on you. Well the re are going to be a lot of married me at work or at the grocery store or practically anywhere else you go . But with so many ways for singles to connect these days it seems strange that everyone you attract is married. Are you giving single guys who do not "knock your socks off" at first glance a chance. ??? As far as married guys also appearing more confident. Not really . It's just they have not as much ego on the line. Rejection is expected and there is always wifey as the back up. So they hit on you and do not take it as personally when rejected so it appears as more confidence. 2
Toodaloo Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 Married men have an easier time getting a woman than single men so it gives them a boost of confidence. I can say without hesitation that this wedding ring makes it easier to get a date. With what though Woggle? Surely any woman who sees a wedding ring and has half a shred of dignity would walk away from a romantic involvement? I have a theory that by the time you reach middle age you are pretty much buggared as far as dating goes. This is because The men are all hurt and too afraid to approach The women are all hurt and too afraid to approach or are on the defensive scaring the half decent guys away... So we all hide away and never actually speak to each other. Then we go on line and assume that we can order off the shelf like Amazon causing further rejection issues and pain... we make assumptions based on a few stupid messages and some random photographs. Then we all wind up pottering about moaning about how lonely we are and wouldn't it be so much easier if only... Sucks doesn't it but sod all we can do to change it apart from continue to speak to people and in general be pleasant towards others. 1
Author Hopeful30 Posted February 9, 2015 Author Posted February 9, 2015 The whole "taken men have nothing to lose" theory actually makes sense. The rejection wouldn't burn as much because "I have a wifey anyways". Okay, so perhaps fear of rejection is the case, but like come on! Everyone gets rejected sometimes. I've been rejected too, it happens and you just move on. Plus I'm known for being bubbly and really friendly, so it shouldn't be such a challenge to simply say "wanna go for coffee sometime?" Many posters have been mentioning "prince charming" or "good looks". To be honest I don't want a gorgeous man. I don't even want a prince. I just want a MAN who accepts me fully, who is good at heart, and who I personally am attracted to (generic good looks have nothing to do with this really, I've been seriously attracted to men that others consider quite ugly lol!) I've done some hinting and approaching myself, things like "Heres my number, gimme a call sometime and we should chill!" Still nothing. And there are men who I've caught staring my way or getting a bit shy around me. I've tried to make it easier but still somehow nothing is happening. It bothers me this much not because I remain single (and sexless for that matter), but because I'm so approachable, and am always complemented on how friendly and open I am, and yet somehow this doesn't translate to men asking me out. 1
elaine567 Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 This is because The men are all hurt and too afraid to approach The women are all hurt and too afraid to approach or are on the defensive scaring the half decent guys away... So we all hide away and never actually speak to each other. Then we go on line and assume that we can order off the shelf like Amazon causing further rejection issues and pain... we make assumptions based on a few stupid messages and some random photographs. Then we all wind up pottering about moaning about how lonely we are and wouldn't it be so much easier if only... Near to where I live, there is a large village, which houses a lot of pretty well off retired people. They sell their farms and businesses and move to the convenience of the village. Couples, single people, widows and widowers, all living in large, well appointed bungalows with tidy well maintained landscaped grounds. The GP who covers that area, told me that most are a mess psychologically, as they are all so lonely and depressed; each one stuck in their own world, living their lives independently. All suffering, but unable to reach out to all the other lonely people who surround them...
elaine567 Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 @ Hopeful30 - When you find the answer, please let me know as I also have the same problem >_< So tired of being the bi*ch who stole their boyfriend... really need to do a full background check before getting involved with anyone nowadays. Ah! but "boyfriends" are still in the game, surely? All's fair in love and war? Married men, no.
Toodaloo Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 Near to where I live, there is a large village, which houses a lot of pretty well off retired people. They sell their farms and businesses and move to the convenience of the village. Couples, single people, widows and widowers, all living in large, well appointed bungalows with tidy well maintained landscaped grounds. The GP who covers that area, told me that most are a mess psychologically, as they are all so lonely and depressed; each one stuck in their own world, living their lives independently. All suffering, but unable to reach out to all the other lonely people who surround them... Such a shame isn't it... 1
Woggle Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 With what though Woggle? Surely any woman who sees a wedding ring and has half a shred of dignity would walk away from a romantic involvement? . Maybe but it does tend to attract women. I have seen guys wear a fake wedding ring out because it is easier to flirt with women that way 1
smackie9 Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 I've read somewhere that 90% of all divorces are initiated due to infidelity. Actually no it's not because of infidelity, it's over money and financial issues. 1
insert_name Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 (edited) The whole "taken men have nothing to lose" theory actually makes sense. The rejection wouldn't burn as much because "I have a wifey anyways". Okay, so perhaps fear of rejection is the case, but like come on! Everyone gets rejected sometimes. I've been rejected too, it happens and you just move on. Plus I'm known for being bubbly and really friendly, so it shouldn't be such a challenge to simply say "wanna go for coffee sometime?" Many posters have been mentioning "prince charming" or "good looks". To be honest I don't want a gorgeous man. I don't even want a prince. I just want a MAN who accepts me fully, who is good at heart, and who I personally am attracted to (generic good looks have nothing to do with this really, I've been seriously attracted to men that others consider quite ugly lol!) I've done some hinting and approaching myself, things like "Heres my number, gimme a call sometime and we should chill!" Still nothing. And there are men who I've caught staring my way or getting a bit shy around me. I've tried to make it easier but still somehow nothing is happening. It bothers me this much not because I remain single (and sexless for that matter), but because I'm so approachable, and am always complemented on how friendly and open I am, and yet somehow this doesn't translate to men asking me out. If rejection is not a problem then why dont you take the burden of it and approach men that you would like to know better rather than be held to choose from only the men who approach you? It seems the most logical answer seeing how easy you are able to rationalise how little rejection should hurt. The reality is that women like hurting their ego even less than men do and will produce all sorts of poor ways of justifying it- I'm a traditional girl, I don't want to come across as aggressive, men don't like it etc. There is also the aspect that women dont find guys who dont initiate attrsctive because they are too afraid of taking a risk. All I will say is that it becomes quite tiresome approaching people and getting knocked back. I used to think a pleasant refusal was nothing to worry about and its only nastiness that can hurt. But really, I'm just fed up of 'thanks but no thanks' full stop now. Ive heard all the excuses I'm willing to listen to and just can't be bothered to go out of my way anymore to talk to women. They are always too busy or just come out of a messy divorce or their dog has died blah blah blah. The truth is if it was David Beckham who was approaching them their busy life, their dead dog, their messy divorce would all matter a lot less than it did when they were talking to me. Thats fair enough, thats how it goes. So there are guys out there, like me, who have kicked tyres until their toes got sore and now just dont have the belief that its going to happen for them so we stop looking. As others have mentioned, guys who are married or in a relationship already know they are good with women plus they also have a lot less to lose. Not that I am particularly worried about self esteem- I don't have any left after OLD and merting people in real life. Thats not to say I dont like myself, I reckon I'm fantastic! But I am realistic that everyone else may not like me. Thats fine, I'm not going to change because I dont feel I need to. I'm judt going to carry on reading these "where have all the good men gone?" posts and lament how there are lots of people out there who are looking for others in a similar position and can't find them so we all end up on the internet complaining about how we cant find them. We are out tthere! But saying that feels quite futile because we dont find each other sadly. Thats life. Edited February 9, 2015 by insert_name
alphamale Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 Actually no it's not because of infidelity, it's over money and financial issues. indeed...in surveys women have stated that most of them would stay with their husband if he strayed, especially if they have kids
RedRobin Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 Here's something else... lots of married guys will flirt, but have no intention of actually cheating. Some women will read that as the guy hitting on her, but it's nothing. Just silly talk. I personally know the difference. Having a married co-worker tell me I look nice with a wink and a smile is a whole lot different than a professor asking me if I want to come to his room after dinner at a conference. In the first case, I just smile and say "Gee thank you! Just doing my best to improve the scenery ;)" Ignore the first and don't take it seriously. Hell, have fun with it. Everyone wants to feel attractive. I've never had one of those situations escalate into unwanted attention. Nor did those guys have a reputation as a womanizer or cheater. I think my dad fits into this category. Women love him... He loves women too... and has three sisters, he is very comfortable with them. But he is head over heels in love with my mom, and has always been faithful to her. The second situation?? well... different story. That kind of thing has happened more than a few times to me.
Author Hopeful30 Posted February 10, 2015 Author Posted February 10, 2015 Here's something else... lots of married guys will flirt, but have no intention of actually cheating. Some women will read that as the guy hitting on her, but it's nothing. Just silly talk. When would I know they have crossed the line? In my personal opinion, having a married man say "lets go for a hike" seems to me like asking out...am I wrong?
elaine567 Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 Well it really depends. If he means for you and him to take a hike to the nearest wood, where he can then feel your lady bits, then you have a problem. BUT if he is just one of those keen outdoorsy types and he wants you to join him and a few other folk,maybe even including his wife, hiking 20 miles in fantastic scenery, then where is the harm?
Erised Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 Men up to no good who have limited options have to be more aggressive and over the top to try to lure women in to put up with what no one should, and do what one ought not. You're probably only seeing very obvious signs and not the even somewhat subtle, and that's why you feel that way. Eew, gross married men. I would absolutely tell someone's wife if they clearly came on to me. Usually that comes across at the first flirtation, and it never progresses to the more obvious. 1
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