mortensorchid Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 I was having a chat with a recently marri d friend online the other night. He said that this couple we both knew were not well matched when they were together. I asked why he said that, they seemed happy in the time I knew them when they were together. He said it was because she was working as a white collar professional (as a dietician) and he worked for a marketing company that did specific promotions for bars. I said I didn't think k that was it, she showed her true colors to me (and others) as a princess and he didn't like being with a princess. I have had a few debates with others about this. Just because you are upstanding, educated and financially sound, does that make you an automatic catch? I think that seems to with others. Only those who are educated should be with others who are educated, class crossing is not a good idea. It's not? Well I wish I had a dollar for every uneducated man I have ever dated who dumped me because I was too easy going and relaxed with them. AndI wish I would find a college educated, white collar man who wanted to be with me and instead throws me over for some trash because I was either too fast paced for them, or I wasn't a little cream puff who would take care of them for them. Any thoughts?
Ninjainpajamas Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 I asked why he said that, they seemed happy in the time I knew them when they were together. Women always tend to assume that a couple if happy together if they are simply together and based on their perception on the outside, for the most part. It's that always wanting to think or believe the best of people and relationships. A lot of wishful thinking in these assessments. I said I didn't think k that was it, she showed her true colors to me (and others) as a princess and he didn't like being with a princess. Sounds like a more reasonable observation than his...however it's hard to say if that has anything to do with it at all, likely more going on behind the scenes than you realize...as usual. I have had a few debates with others about this. Just because you are upstanding, educated and financially sound, does that make you an automatic catch? I think that seems to with others. Yeah the reality is it can have a lot to do with it. Women especially tend to find that attractive as they get older (although many will claim they didn't know before hand or it wouldn't have made a difference - yeaaaa) but it's pretty obvious it has an impact in the dating world. I do believe once you meet a person out of chance or the normal dynamic in finding a partner that you can be more open once a connection is established and may change your views on this...however you also see a lot of women pushing men to better "themselves" if they do not find the "motivation" of their partner to be satisfactory. The extreme of course is to say they don't want a bum or loser, but it's pretty obvious that if a man has these qualities he at least has "potential", where if the same man did not have them, he would have zero. Only those who are educated should be with others who are educated, class crossing is not a good idea. It's not? Education is not intelligence, so therefore it's up to debate whether those people are compatible or incompatible and wouldn't make intelligent and successful children. However it is for some people a standard expectation, and it could be argued it may influence the future of their children in terms of pursuing education...a possible conflict of values and social status. On the other hand, I knew a couple who were both uneducated and had 4 children, still work low level jobs today. All four of their children hold a degree from reputable Universities...one with a Masters, the other with a PHD. But that's obviously not the norm. Well I wish I had a dollar for every uneducated man I have ever dated who dumped me because I was too easy going and relaxed with them. AndI wish I would find a college educated, white collar man who wanted to be with me and instead throws me over for some trash because I was either too fast paced for them, or I wasn't a little cream puff who would take care of them for them. Any thoughts? Your personal boundaries and relationship issues should not be paralleled with general overall expectations 100 percent of the time. Yes there are some cases where a man may have judged for your education, or lack of...but at the end of the day it's what you bring to the relationship and your own personal traits/qualities and the like. It's more likely that you were disrespected by the lower class men because you had no boundaries or expectations for yourself in that relationship that they considered suitable. The educated man could of felt like you were just not valuable in those general areas; uneducated, unsuccessful for example which made the other qualities that you lacked such as, not taking care of them well enough, or being too much of a pushover. You may also have a tendency to overly invest yourself in relationship too soon, and too vulnerability, scaring men off and away making them feel like they have too much emotional responsibility and seeing you as too vulnerable and dependent of a woman. So it could be a number of things, not just the "little miss cream puff"....if you are having issues with men consistently over the course of many years, you've got to start rethink some of your habits and become more self-aware as a person...or you will always misinterpret the reasons you were not the choice of these men...however, chances are these men couldn't have always been great for you or "good enough for you", if you were just..for example, throwing yourself at them hoping you are good enough for them. You have to have your own standards, expectations, and self-worth...which shouldn't be affected just because a relationship doesn't "work out". You shouldn't automatically question everything.
Author mortensorchid Posted February 8, 2015 Author Posted February 8, 2015 I guess I tend to question everything by the means in which others behave, and I have come across a lot of proof that things are not always what they seem to be, or that people assume that just because two things on the surface seem right that it automatically means it's going to be right. For instance, a few years ago I went out on an internet date with this guy who told me that he went to the same college that I did (not that we met during the time we were there). He was an ok guy based on what would be that one meeting we had. I never heard from him again after our meeting, but I repeated the story to my mom many months later. And of course my dad asked (because she repeated it to him) if I we are still together. I told them both I never heard from him again after the get together, that's that. They were both disappointed. I also told them the story about the time I had an internet date with someone and he showed up high and nodded off at the table across from me, as well as the arrogant a_______ who told me I was a crazy bitch and literally walked away from me after he paid the check. Just because you put two things together who seem alike on paper doesn't mean it's going to work.
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