Revan32 Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 I'm in my mid twenties and have never been in an exclusive relationship, or any relationship that I could refer to the girl as my girlfriend. And its not for a lack of trying. I've dated probably around 100 girls in the past 3 years, most of them only last for 1-3 dates though. 3 dates is actually usually my cutoff. I'm to the point where I don't even expect to see the girl after the third date. A LOT of girls ask me about my past relationships, which I usually am completely honest with. But lately I'm wondering if thats a big reason why girls end it with me so fast? They just automatically think I'm not interested in them, when in reality I've been trying to get one for years. Should I start lying about this one aspect of myself?
Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 I personally don't believe in lying to people so if your relationship experience is a bit sparce and people judge you for it, it's their problem as you told the truth. I've only been in one serious relationship and that was 11 or 12 years ago. Some guys don't like the sound of that and bail ( more likely it means harder work) but most guys think it's refreshing and feel honored that they get to discover all the unique things that no other guy bothered to get to know or discover. I'd date you because a.) I can relate and b.) I'm more interested in you as a person and a possible future with you (if I liked you). If girls like you relevant dating history should be b.s. and shouldn't matter. It's the person that counts.
Derek79 Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 I'm in my mid twenties and have never been in an exclusive relationship, or any relationship that I could refer to the girl as my girlfriend. And its not for a lack of trying. I've dated probably around 100 girls in the past 3 years, most of them only last for 1-3 dates though. 3 dates is actually usually my cutoff. I'm to the point where I don't even expect to see the girl after the third date. A LOT of girls ask me about my past relationships, which I usually am completely honest with. But lately I'm wondering if thats a big reason why girls end it with me so fast? They just automatically think I'm not interested in them, when in reality I've been trying to get one for years. Should I start lying about this one aspect of myself? They do and eibt even give you time to explain. She just wants out.
kumar123 Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 I don't think girls would judge you. It may seem like a red flag to some but it wouldn't to me. Personally, I don't see why you are talking about this on the 3rd date. When guys inquire about past relationships, I keep it pretty vague at first until it is more serious. Perhaps you should re-think HOW you bring it up. Maybe just say something vague like, "I've dated a lot but haven't really experienced anything too serious. I've been more focused on other things in life, and I do want a serious relationship but I haven't been in a place for that to happen yet." Just leave it at that and move on from the topic. Let the girl fill in the blanks since if a guy told me that, I would interpret that as he's dated girls casually, maybe been in short term relationships but nothing really long term.
d0nnivain Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 You said date 3 is your cut off. Does that mean after 3 dates you judge the women you are dating to be unworthy of being your GF & dump them or are you the one who isn't getting the 4th date? Are there are any other patterns you can identify? Perhaps there is a specific mistake being repeated that prevents a deeper attachment from being formed. While I believe in honesty, brutal or complete honesty isn't always the way to go. When asked, just say you haven't found the right one yet. Playing the field early on isn't bad. I met my husband when he was 35. He hadn't had a relationship in about 10 years. He'd been on several dates & had a profile up on OLD. I on the other hand was a serial monogamist. I never thought his lack of multiple LTRs was a defect.
Author Revan32 Posted February 8, 2015 Author Posted February 8, 2015 Personally, I don't see why you are talking about this on the 3rd date. When guys inquire about past relationships, I keep it pretty vague at first until it is more serious. Oh believe me, I'm not the one who brings it up. Literally every girl I go out with starts asking me on the first or second date, when was my last relationship. You said date 3 is your cut off. Does that mean after 3 dates you judge the women you are dating to be unworthy of being your GF & dump them or are you the one who isn't getting the 4th date? While I believe in honesty, brutal or complete honesty isn't always the way to go. When asked, just say you haven't found the right one yet. Playing the field early on isn't bad. No, I almost never cut girls off. Even if they aren't right for a relationship, I still like to keep seeing them. I agree, that other poster says its their problem, but if that's what's freaking girls out, then it's my problem too! And nobody always and completely tells the truth in dating. If girls can wear makeup and padded bras, why should I not embellish my dating history? 2 years ago a girl lasted for close to 2 months, I'll just fib a little and say she was my girlfriend and I just haven't found anyone since.
d0nnivain Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 And nobody always and completely tells the truth in dating. If girls can wear makeup and padded bras, why should I not embellish my dating history? 2 years ago a girl lasted for close to 2 months, I'll just fib a little and say she was my girlfriend and I just haven't found anyone since. Don't lie, not even to fib a little. You can say that the girl you dated for 2 months was your GF but don't go farther. Perhaps that is your problem. 3 dates in there is no reason to be discussing past relationships.
Derek79 Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 Don't lie, not even to fib a little. You can say that the girl you dated for 2 months was your GF but don't go farther. Perhaps that is your problem. 3 dates in there is no reason to be discussing past relationships. We can't avoid it when women bring up the subject so quickly.
carhill Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 I'm in my mid twenties and have never been in an exclusive relationship, or any relationship that I could refer to the girl as my girlfriend. And its not for a lack of trying. I've dated probably around 100 girls in the past 3 years, most of them only last for 1-3 dates though. 3 dates is actually usually my cutoff. 100 dating partners in three years? That right there, for a man, is success. You can approach women and they find you attractive enough to date. Kudos! I'm to the point where I don't even expect to see the girl after the third date. Sure, that's normal, just like, after a lot of rejections, one expects to be rejected. I think there's a psychological term for it, something like conditioning. Your behaviors then line up with the conditioning and become a self-fulfilling prophecy. You aren't required to have that expectation; it's a choice. A LOT of girls ask me about my past relationships, which I usually am completely honest with. Honesty is a good policy; there is specific honesty and general honesty. Perhaps your task is to be sufficiently honest to address their specific questions without being overly honest to the point of turning them off. What I used to do was share that I dated but had not yet found someone special I wanted to commit to, and that was the truth, but I didn't elaborate on it, rather then asked 'how about you?' But lately I'm wondering if thats a big reason why girls end it with me so fast? They just automatically think I'm not interested in them, when in reality I've been trying to get one for years. Trying to read a woman's mind is fruitless. Fuggetaboutit. Do what you do and, if she's still there, she is. Should I start lying about this one aspect of myself? Perhaps not lie but rather review the extent and volume of your truthfulness for relevance. Using your guidelines, three dates, getting to know someone has hardly begun so I'd focus on the more exigent aspects of interaction, like getting along, having fun, shared interests and flirting. Leave all the serious relationship stuff for later. All in due time.
amyO Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 I'm in my mid twenties and have never been in an exclusive relationship, or any relationship that I could refer to the girl as my girlfriend. And its not for a lack of trying. I've dated probably around 100 girls in the past 3 years, most of them only last for 1-3 dates though. 3 dates is actually usually my cutoff. I'm to the point where I don't even expect to see the girl after the third date. A LOT of girls ask me about my past relationships, which I usually am completely honest with. But lately I'm wondering if thats a big reason why girls end it with me so fast? They just automatically think I'm not interested in them, when in reality I've been trying to get one for years. Should I start lying about this one aspect of myself? Funny to read this as I am a girl with a very similar experience. I'm only 22, but I'm like you where I've never had a long relationship or proper boyfriend . However, I differ a little in the fact I have had short together type relationships that have lasted a few months each. We never had titles as it didn't get too serious, but friends would know we were exclusively together and seeing one another. I feel like I'm always worried about this and fear guys would think it's strange I haven't had a real boyfriend before or a good relationship. AFter reading your post though, I didn't think anything bad about you. Maybe it's because I have yet to experience the same thing as you, but I would never fault anyone for not having a proper, long or serious relationship before. Especially at a young age. We are still very young and learning about ourselves and also learning what works for us in terms of others and dating. The fact that you have even dated says a great deal in a positive way. If you feel that this is hindering your dating experience, I would be honest in a small way. The best advice I've received to this type of question is to say you have had short term relationships or casual relationships or have dated a couple of girls, but nothing very serious. & You're looking forward to meeting the right person one day.
d0nnivain Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 We can't avoid it when women bring up the subject so quickly. Sure you can. Smile. Say I don't kiss & tell. I want to talk about you. not them.
alphamale Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 Should I start lying about this one aspect of myself? yes, but some up with scenarios and memorize them so you don't screw up
Vintage79 Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 If a girl tells me that they have never been in a relationship, it's a red flag, but not a deal killer. The issue without having been in a relationship is the concern that the individual won't know what a relationship feels like when it evolves, and may be more prone to running after 6-12 months. There are the obvious other implications, including the fact that maybe there's something wrong with the person that isn't necessarily immediately visible, fear of commitment concerns, etc. As such, if the person you're on a date with really wants to get married or be a long term relationship, your lack of a relationship history could be the deal breaker. Everyone at some point in their lives had no relationship history, and many get it figured out...so have hope. My suggestion would be to try to deflect the conversation, and maybe tease them for even asking, and follow that with I'm here to see you. If it comes up a few months down the road (i.e. you're likely in a relationship), it's likely not going to matter...
Phoe Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 It's never bothered me. 100 dates in 3 years is amazing though. I've had 2 in 3 years, lol.
Author Revan32 Posted February 9, 2015 Author Posted February 9, 2015 100 dating partners in three years? That right there, for a man, is success. You can approach women and they find you attractive enough to date. Kudos! It's never bothered me. 100 dates in 3 years is amazing though. I've had 2 in 3 years, lol. I used to work as a bouncer, so I'd meet dozens of women every weekend. Plus I meet girls in college, and use online dating extensively. So I've had lots of opportunities to find a gf, just none of them have worked out yet. A few months ago I had a few dates with this really sweet girl from church. Liked her a lot! And it seemed like she really liked me. But I think maybe I tried getting a little too physical with her too fast, and after are second or third date she stopped responding to my texts. A few weeks later I ask her why and she says she started seeing some other guy. Now I get to see them in church every Sunday cuddling up, which is kinda a bummer. lol The thing that gets me though is he is a lot less good looking than me. And from the little I see of them, it doesn't even seem like they get along as well as we did. I feel like a lot of girls would consider me a risky prospect with my history and appearance. Do girls often drop good guys just to go with the safe option for a boyfriend?
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