Rym Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 I've been dating my boyfriend for almost 2 months now and i find myself uncertain about how to feel about him anymore. Lately there has been a few things that he's doing that started to make me question him and what are the exact reasons he's with me. For example, I would give him a back massage but he won't do the same to me. I didn't mind at first because I like giving massages but it would start to get really repetitive. He would always use manipulation asking me to give him a back massage because he went to the gym (he goes to work out every day sometimes up to twice a day) and promise he would give me one after. I work every day, always am very tired but still find stenght to give him massages for about 30min and when its my turn he always says tomorrow I'm too tired now and the cycle repeats every single day. Two days ago he did the same thing and I just said OK and asked him if he could go bring me a glass of water but refused saying hes way too tired to go to the kitchen for water. When he would ask me that and I would say no he would start to get manipulative saying how could I do that to him his bf? He would also always tell me that I have to go to the gym every.single.day, always telling me I have to do squats. Now here is the problem: I am not fat, if anything I'm actually pretty skinny because I don't eat regularly and not much. I swear he would disappear if I became fat. That's the impression I have. Not to mention he has some kind of phoby of fat women which is so mean. I like chocolate and he would always look at me with disapprovement in his eyes every time I would eat anything that has sugar in it or fat. Like what the hell. He is Moroccan and I'm moldovian. I speak Romanian and understand Russian but when we first met I told him I spoke Russian. Like who would verify that I speak 100%. Well him. I thought it was soo weird at the beginning. He would do these tests to me where he would go on YouTube and play a video of a man saying Russian words and then translating them in English. He would play start, the man would say the Russian word, then he would press on stop ask me: what does it mean? I would translate it and then he would press play and the voice on the video would translate the word. So then he would have the proof that I said the truth. But theres some words I don't understand so when we would ask me I would refuse to answer because it was ridiculous and he would then say : ahh you lied to me you don't speak Russian. The thing is that these kind of "tests" had been going for almost every day in the past week. Either a song, asking me "Is it Russian?" Or "what does it mean?" Or a text. And if I wasn't sure or didn't know he would say the same thing that I did not speak Russian. Why is it so important? Why does he care so much? Am I giving him some tests to make sure he speaks the language he told me he did? I don't care about that. I told him about it he said he was only joking with me. When we met we spoke about our ideals and he told me he prefered blonde women, to prove me he even texted a friend asking him which kind of woman he prefered and he confirmed:blonde with blue eyes even best if Russian. Oh.. Look at that I fit in the description.. I once made a joke saying I'll dye my hair black and he told me he would dye his transparent and he would disappear.. what the hell. I told him about that and he told me its not true he's not with me just for that and he likes me and appreciates me. He never gives me any presents, until now no flowers nothing. We have sex on a daily basis but I know he's not with me just for that. Actually, he says I'm his first girlfriend. He presented me to all his friends with pride and they were quite surprised since he was kind of the independent guy with many girls but never one became his gf. I took up to 5 morning pills which comes up to a lot of money because each was at least 15$ and he didn't pay for one. Actually he never came with me to take it. Not once. We usually stay in bed all day talking then he would prepare food he always does and he cooks very well. I talked to him already that I wanted to have more activities together. Yes its winter but that shouldn't be an excuse. Today I didn't have work but instead of using that free time to do an activity with me he went to the gym .... So I went alone to eat. I told him that today and he said gym comes in front of everything else even me. He works only twice per week so he doesn't have a lot of money he says not even for himself so he asks me to buy things for him like donuts or sprite. It's OK but I never ask him anything because I have money and I'm independent financially but I swear he wouldnt buy me anything. He also seems quite narcissistic looking at himself in the mirror and saying how hot he is or how he goes to the gym so my friends or people will be so envious thinking : look at that hot guy with this girl. He compliments himself more often than me, actually he never really compliments me. I told him that today he confirmed saying yes and that its good he compliments himself. Today, 15 min before he started to prepare to go to the gym he told me: oh come give me a cuddle enjoy the last 15min you have left with me. .... He's very very affectionate sometimes even more than me, always wanting to cuddle, to kiss me, playing with my hair, taking me in his arms in the morning telling me he missed me and never did so much for a girl in his entire life. Neither of us told each other 'I love you', its so early in the relationship and I almost told him many times but didn't. He didn't either but that's okay. I know my worse habits is that im often late but its never like somewhere outside. I would be the one coming to his house all the time so hes in his room doing whatever. I used to take a long time to respond to his text messages but thats because i do not use my phone a lot. He talked to me about it and i changed that now i answer pretty fast He used to be on facebook A LOT even when i was with him i talked about it hes better now he doesnt go as much but its hard for him sometimes. He told me if it was another guy he would've left me a long time ago and that I have a 'princess' attitude. I disagree I think I never ask much, and am a very down to earth person. I just don't know what to do because of all these reasons. Part of me thinks its only the beginning so theres time to change and to work on these things. The other part tells me to let him down, that he's not worth it and that if its already like that after only 2 months imagine how worse it could become after. Should I ignore all of this and give him a chance? I already discussed everything with him yet he doesn't think he did anything wrong and tells me what I do wrong instead.
Gaeta Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 I have stopped reading at the morning pills. I don't need to read more. Who cares why he dates you , l want to know WHY YOU are still there after 2 months of this sheetee treatment??? Lose the moron and quickly!! 2
preraph Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 It's bad treatment. He is very selfish and thinks your life needs to be tailored to his needs, including his body. He is a bit crazy trying to test your Russian. You need to refuse any more massages until he starts giving you one. You're probably his first girlfriend because no one else would put up with him. You can do better.
Eaglestar83 Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 He sounds like a dead beat. Relationships are 50:50... Don't let anyone take your kindness and generosity for granted. Some people are idiots, instead of appreciating their partners generosity and reciprocating with the like, they start taking you for granted and disrespecting you. The only way to have a stable relationship is for both partners to be equally as kind and giving otherwise tell me what is the point? It's only narcisstic idiots who were never treated right by anybody suddenly find someone nice to them and they have no clue how to respond back other than just to milk you for all you got and then dump.
devilish innocent Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 Your post is titled, "Why is he with me?" I think a better question is, why are you with him? If he's not even willing to admit that he's doing anything wrong, then it will never get better. I would definitely move on.
bathtub-row Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 I have stopped reading at the morning pills. I don't need to read more. Who cares why he dates you , l want to know WHY YOU are still there after 2 months of this sheetee treatment??? Lose the moron and quickly!! I'm trying to figure out the same thing. OP, why are you with this creep?? He's emotionally abusive and this will only get worse with time. Leave. Him. Now. These guys are not fixable. You're wasting your time with him and he will ruin your life if you stay.
Iknowme Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 These things will not change. You're right he is a definite narcissist and incredibly immature. The reason he is testing you for lies is because he is a liar and if accuses you cheating i promise you he is. Him calling you a princess is projection because he obviosly is a princess himself. Read through your post and you will see. The only reason he is with you is looks and because you help is reputation, your are obviosly way better then him. The more you let him take advantage of you the more he will use you. I suggest you break it off quickly because he is someone way to self obbsessed and childish for a relationship and is already hurting your self esteem. His abuse will only get worse and as soon as you dont fit his superficial standards he will dump you. The reason you stay is because you dont think you can do better but i promise you that you can.
Author Rym Posted February 9, 2015 Author Posted February 9, 2015 Hey so first of all I want to thank you for all your replies and for your advice. I haven't been talking to him for almost two days and he sent me a message today asking me if I had free time to talk and I said talk of what and he asked me again if he can call me. I told him he could try. He called and said he wanted to know what is going on with 'us', our relationship. I said I didn't know that I needed some time to think, a break. He told me he said sorry already so many times and I talked to him again about all the things he did and that his actions spoke by themselves. He said we spoke about it already (2 days ago). He said he called me now because I wasn't going to. He doesn't want to break up and he wants our relationship to continue. I said he'll never change and that our discussion two days ago didn't resolve anything and that he just confirmed his actions or he only talked about me. And he told me he will change, he will try. I said i didnt think that would be possible and he told me its because i dont believe in him. He'll try to compliment me more (personal opinion: as if I'm asking for the moon), try to make more activities. I told him about his gym addiction, he said it's his whole career (he's a boxer) and that if I said my career is in front of everything he wouldn't mind. Long story short, I said I didn't think he was ready to be in a relationship and he disagreed saying he was. He wanted to know what I thought of it and whats my decision. He said he wants to be with me but at the end I'm the one who has to tell him if I want that too and if I didn't want to he won't force me. I said he is the one pushing me away and making me want to leave him and again same thing : I'm sorry OK? What do u want me to say i imagine I'll change. He's at work now, he said hell call me in about 2 hours to ask me what is my decision. He prefers us meeting to discuss about it but hell still call me when he finishes work. I know I was hurt by all of that. Everyone is telling me the same thing. It's just hard because he sounds honest and I want to believe hell be able to change yet most people can't or thats what everyone realizes at the end after giving so many chances. For now, the only thing I want is space, and some time away from him.
kendahke Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 I've been dating my boyfriend for almost 2 months now and i find myself uncertain about how to feel about him anymore. Lately there has been a few things that he's doing that started to make me question him and what are the exact reasons he's with me. For example, I would give him a back massage but he won't do the same to me. I didn't mind at first because I like giving massages but it would start to get really repetitive. He would always use manipulation asking me to give him a back massage because he went to the gym (he goes to work out every day sometimes up to twice a day) and promise he would give me one after. I work every day, always am very tired but still find stenght to give him massages for about 30min and when its my turn he always says tomorrow I'm too tired now and the cycle repeats every single day. Two days ago he did the same thing and I just said OK and asked him if he could go bring me a glass of water but refused saying hes way too tired to go to the kitchen for water. When he would ask me that and I would say no he would start to get manipulative saying how could I do that to him his bf? He would also always tell me that I have to go to the gym every.single.day, always telling me I have to do squats. Now here is the problem: I am not fat, if anything I'm actually pretty skinny because I don't eat regularly and not much. I swear he would disappear if I became fat. That's the impression I have. Not to mention he has some kind of phoby of fat women which is so mean. I like chocolate and he would always look at me with disapprovement in his eyes every time I would eat anything that has sugar in it or fat. Like what the hell. He is Moroccan and I'm moldovian. I speak Romanian and understand Russian but when we first met I told him I spoke Russian. Like who would verify that I speak 100%. Well him. I thought it was soo weird at the beginning. He would do these tests to me where he would go on YouTube and play a video of a man saying Russian words and then translating them in English. He would play start, the man would say the Russian word, then he would press on stop ask me: what does it mean? I would translate it and then he would press play and the voice on the video would translate the word. So then he would have the proof that I said the truth. But theres some words I don't understand so when we would ask me I would refuse to answer because it was ridiculous and he would then say : ahh you lied to me you don't speak Russian. The thing is that these kind of "tests" had been going for almost every day in the past week. Either a song, asking me "Is it Russian?" Or "what does it mean?" Or a text. And if I wasn't sure or didn't know he would say the same thing that I did not speak Russian. Why is it so important? Why does he care so much? Am I giving him some tests to make sure he speaks the language he told me he did? I don't care about that. I told him about it he said he was only joking with me. When we met we spoke about our ideals and he told me he prefered blonde women, to prove me he even texted a friend asking him which kind of woman he prefered and he confirmed:blonde with blue eyes even best if Russian. Oh.. Look at that I fit in the description.. I once made a joke saying I'll dye my hair black and he told me he would dye his transparent and he would disappear.. what the hell. I told him about that and he told me its not true he's not with me just for that and he likes me and appreciates me. He never gives me any presents, until now no flowers nothing. We have sex on a daily basis but I know he's not with me just for that. Actually, he says I'm his first girlfriend. He presented me to all his friends with pride and they were quite surprised since he was kind of the independent guy with many girls but never one became his gf. I took up to 5 morning pills which comes up to a lot of money because each was at least 15$ and he didn't pay for one. Actually he never came with me to take it. Not once. We usually stay in bed all day talking then he would prepare food he always does and he cooks very well. I talked to him already that I wanted to have more activities together. Yes its winter but that shouldn't be an excuse. Today I didn't have work but instead of using that free time to do an activity with me he went to the gym .... So I went alone to eat. I told him that today and he said gym comes in front of everything else even me. He works only twice per week so he doesn't have a lot of money he says not even for himself so he asks me to buy things for him like donuts or sprite. It's OK but I never ask him anything because I have money and I'm independent financially but I swear he wouldnt buy me anything. He also seems quite narcissistic looking at himself in the mirror and saying how hot he is or how he goes to the gym so my friends or people will be so envious thinking : look at that hot guy with this girl. He compliments himself more often than me, actually he never really compliments me. I told him that today he confirmed saying yes and that its good he compliments himself. Today, 15 min before he started to prepare to go to the gym he told me: oh come give me a cuddle enjoy the last 15min you have left with me. .... He's very very affectionate sometimes even more than me, always wanting to cuddle, to kiss me, playing with my hair, taking me in his arms in the morning telling me he missed me and never did so much for a girl in his entire life. Neither of us told each other 'I love you', its so early in the relationship and I almost told him many times but didn't. He didn't either but that's okay. I know my worse habits is that im often late but its never like somewhere outside. I would be the one coming to his house all the time so hes in his room doing whatever. I used to take a long time to respond to his text messages but thats because i do not use my phone a lot. He talked to me about it and i changed that now i answer pretty fast He used to be on facebook A LOT even when i was with him i talked about it hes better now he doesnt go as much but its hard for him sometimes. He told me if it was another guy he would've left me a long time ago and that I have a 'princess' attitude. I disagree I think I never ask much, and am a very down to earth person. I just don't know what to do because of all these reasons. Part of me thinks its only the beginning so theres time to change and to work on these things. The other part tells me to let him down, that he's not worth it and that if its already like that after only 2 months imagine how worse it could become after. Should I ignore all of this and give him a chance? I already discussed everything with him yet he doesn't think he did anything wrong and tells me what I do wrong instead. Sweetie... Sweetie... SWEETIE!!!!!!! No!!!! Re-read what you wrote here and if this was your daughter saying this to you, what would you tell her? A man who is too selfish to get up off his "well toned a$$" to get you a glass of water is a man who will be too selfish to consider your feelings and esteem. Babygirl, you would be farther ahead in life without this guy. I don't care how good he may look--he's a$$ on the inside. 2 months ago, you used to didn't know him, ya know? You need to go back to that. There is nothing we can say to make him flip into becoming a completely different man who is considerate of you. You can do way, way better than this. If you do not feel you deserve better, then he's going to follow your cue and keep on giving you what you're demonstrating to him that you deserve. You know you're worth more and better than this. Please, follow through. He has to go. Seriously. You're not going to like who you will have to become to keep him in your life. 1
kendahke Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 He told me he said sorry already so many times and I talked to him again about all the things he did and that his actions spoke by themselves. He said we spoke about it already (2 days ago). He said he called me now because I wasn't going to. He doesn't want to break up and he wants our relationship to continue. I said he'll never change and that our discussion two days ago didn't resolve anything and that he just confirmed his actions or he only talked about me. And he told me he will change, he will try. I said i didnt think that would be possible and he told me its because i dont believe in him. He'll try to compliment me more (personal opinion: as if I'm asking for the moon), try to make more activities. I told him about his gym addiction, he said it's his whole career (he's a boxer) and that if I said my career is in front of everything he wouldn't mind. Long story short, I said I didn't think he was ready to be in a relationship and he disagreed saying he was. He wanted to know what I thought of it and whats my decision. He said he wants to be with me but at the end I'm the one who has to tell him if I want that too and if I didn't want to he won't force me. I said he is the one pushing me away and making me want to leave him and again same thing : I'm sorry OK? What do u want me to say i imagine I'll change. He's at work now, he said hell call me in about 2 hours to ask me what is my decision. He prefers us meeting to discuss about it but hell still call me when he finishes work. I know I was hurt by all of that. Everyone is telling me the same thing. It's just hard because he sounds honest and I want to believe hell be able to change yet most people can't or thats what everyone realizes at the end after giving so many chances. For now, the only thing I want is space, and some time away from him. He doesn't want the relationship--if he did, this whole episode would not have fallen out in experience like it did. No, what he wants is for things to go back to the way they were before you put your foot down. He wants to go back to being selfish and self-centered and you catering to him 24/7. He wants to go back to thinking he can say whatever he wants to you and you taking it because he's "giving you a relationship" with him. You did the right thing. It may seem hard and he's going to manipulate you like nobody's business, but that is how selfish people are. This man will age you before your time. 1
preraph Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 That's a tough position to be in. I just think he won't be able to change overnight. And if he does, there will likely be some resentment. He very well may be narcissistic, and if he is, he can fake it for awhile, but it won't hold. I just think he's too big a mess to keep a girlfriend. 1
bathtub-row Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 I'm very proud of you for not making a decision until you've had time to think. That's always a very good policy. I think everyone will tell you that he will never change. Always remember that what you see is what you get with people. He has shown you who he is. Please don't ever be with someone expecting them to change. It just won't happen. I mean, it may happen on a temporary basis, but not long-term.
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