adrian77 Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 If they are friends with a guy at work they automatically think the man is interested. Some people are just friendly and like you as a friend. It just seems a bit delusional and maybe a bit conceded to think any man who you might be friendly with at work is "flirty" as they say. We are all 30 and 40 something women not all of us are that attractive. Isn't there any perspective out there that it might be that they just feel comfortable talking to you and like you as a friend? I actually had a friend who was leaving her job to go to another department and saying goodbye to everyone and telling me about it and I went like this. (Mind you she is older, not all that attractive, and heavy). "I went over to say goodbye to this guy who liked me and I was afraid to hug him because I didn't want to get him excited. Another guy hugged me and kind of kissed my neck. I think he might like me a little" "This guy I liked came to my desk to say goodbye to me and I think he likes me also but just won't date anyone he works with".
Minnie09 Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 Yeah that's weird. I know a few people, men and women, who think that everybody has a crush on them. I need some insight, too. 1
thecrucible Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 I just don't assume anything. I think that's the worse you can do. I read somewhere from The Rules book that the true indication of a man liking you is if he asks you out. He can flirt as much as you like and appear interested but as long as he is not asking you out, you cannot take anything he does seriously... Don't agree with everything in that book but that's a fairly solid rule. Even the shyest guys will get up the courage to ask out a woman they like...so if they ain't asking = not interested. I try not to read anything into an approach.
mammasita Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 There's a HUGE difference between confidence and attention seeking delusion. Some people just need the attention. 1
BeatsByDirk Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 It's all mostly innocent. People read a little deeper into friendly conversation than they should sometimes but I don't think the over read is wrong. I'm addicted to diet coke. I love $0.99 any size soda at Mickey Ds and I keep my double big gulp cup around for $1.19 refills. I have an ongoing flirt with a really heavy lady in her 50's at the don's as well as one with the slightly smaller similarly unattractive woman at 7/11. I'm not gonna bang em but there's a weird attraction there and I like flirting with them. I've even had a quick kinky fantasy about the bigger one after I left the drive thru one day. It's all innocent but I wouldn't say nothing's there. Let them have their fun people with fun flirty energy can be attractive even if physically they aren't too hot. It's nice to have that little fantasy and I think it's a better place to be mentally just thinking people have harmless crushes on you when compared to being dry and practical with your everyday interactions.
preraph Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 Well, you have to admire confidence, even if it isn't well thought out....if she's that confident, you might be surprised how many men she reels in.
bathtub-row Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 I used to work with a woman who was not at all attractive and was like a throw-back to the 60's movement -- druggie, hippie looking type and all. She had no taste in clothes, her hair was about as boring as it could possibly be, and she never wore make-up. One day, she told me that her husband said to her that all the guys that talked to her at work all wondered what it was like to sleep with her because all men wonder about this with all women they meet. So, even men encourage women to belive this stuff. I once told a guy friend of mine (who knew this woman) what her husband said and he thought it was hysterical.
Leigh 87 Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 The big lesson I have learnt is just because a guy seems outgoing with you and enjoys talking to you, that is all it probably means. Oh - and they may want to sleep with you if they are into casual fun. Most men that have taken an interest in talking to be thought of me sexually and were interested in me but not necessarily in a lasting relationship:sick: I don't get many men being nice to me wanting just friendship but lately I have a few guys talking to me online who seem to just want a friendly face/person to have a drink with (I have a fetish for Irish men so I talk to Irish guys who are new to my city) and yeah, I only assume they want a new friend in their new city. It sounds desperate when people ASSUME a guy is interested. I never vocally said hey, Peter is interested in me.... They made a move and yeah the rest was history.
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 I know more men than women that think like that. 2
Ninjainpajamas Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 I would say I can be taken as a somewhat flirty - friendly guy in general, and in the workplace it doesn't really change much for me...although It may not correlate to any romantic interest. For example recently I was talking to a few women I had just met in the workplace, they nearly all have boyfriends, one of them is married and older. The older woman I said to as just a friendly compliment (in my mind) in casual conversation because we both happened to find ourselves having lunch at the same time...that, "I remember you from the first day here, because you had a nice smile"..among other things going on and other people in general. Now i didn't stare deeply into her eyes and say it with a sultry voice and sparkle in my smile, or in anyway make a big deal out of it... it was very casual and it was also in a foreign language that i don't even speak well. She didn't react much she just smiled and squinted her eyes and seemed to appreciate it. Because the situation was, it was kind of awkward the first day I was there and she was just being friendly and particularly smiley and helpful (it seemed genuine not attraction). So my intention was to say I recognized that. Another woman I was talking to just out of friendly conversation as she is fairly social and talkative...because she was talking about how nervous her BF was when he first asked her out...so I said, "Well I can understand why he would be a bit intimidated...you have a confident aura about you and I can see why he would be a bit nervous" And she was like "Thanks!..but yeah...you know, it's not easy being pretty...." and continued on. Now I never said she was pretty, just confident. Now I could have said to her that her confidence was sexy, to flirt..but I didn't. Either way I'm glad she took it as a compliment, but the point is that it's not uncommon for me to experience this with some women, where they have taken something I say out of a nice gesture and run with it. In fact I find that the most average women take it the farthest. They are usually the biggest braggarts when it comes to male attention. I've had a lot of women that I thought were just very so-so and not particularly eye-popping; and to be honest that might have influenced me to say something particularly positive to them...especially since they're not exactly the "ideal" in terms of body-type or particularly "beautiful" by "societies standards"...only to have them in turn talk about themselves and the male interest they attract like they are the talk of the town. Now that's great they have the confidence about themselves, my only intention was to be nice/friendly/polite and maybe say something out of the ordinary that would make them feel better in that moment, as it was a genuine feeling/thought. It's cool I guess that they feel and think so positively about themselves, I just think they're going a bit overboard with it, especially with telling me about it like I care, and of course it feels a bit like self-validation. I can't relate to the urge of telling a stranger, the seductive power that I hold over women because some woman jumped on me at the bar last night or took me by my arm and dragged me onto the dance floor or whatever. It never crosses my mind to brag to a woman I don't know, about the affect I can or think I have on other women. And just because that guy or even several other guys felt that way, definitely doesn't mean we all feel that way or will do what they did for her. So it kind of sets up this weird like "expectation"...one that I definitely aren't going to meet for them. When I see someone I really am attracted to, then that's when I REALLY flirt. It's still not in your face BAM/POW!...but it's a definite contrast for me in attitude, and I'll definitely stick some harder eye-contact in there and give them a playful smirk or do something to make them smile or laugh because little is more pleasing than seeing a woman smile or laugh that I'm just really smitten by...for me there's a definite difference in intent, between handing out a compliment to someone so that they can feel nice about themselves for or let them know someone recognized them for it, than to go full out I want to make kiss those lips as soon as possible. When I did "flirt" with a woman I do feel is stunning, it was a whole different vibe I was sending out (which I can't help or control). I was talking to her about something randomly in my crappy attempt to speak the language...it was silly, I was a bit nervous and probably making a fool out of myself more than anything, she gave out a great big smile and laughed shyly at what I was saying, or at least attempting to say, and that for me was enough to see her smile because she looked even more stunning...that was my goal, and it made the rest of my day at least. It felt very different to me in that situation than the other times.
LookAtThisPOst Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 If they are friends with a guy at work they automatically think the man is interested. Some people are just friendly and like you as a friend. It just seems a bit delusional and maybe a bit conceded to think any man who you might be friendly with at work is "flirty" as they say. We are all 30 and 40 something women not all of us are that attractive. Isn't there any perspective out there that it might be that they just feel comfortable talking to you and like you as a friend? I actually had a friend who was leaving her job to go to another department and saying goodbye to everyone and telling me about it and I went like this. (Mind you she is older, not all that attractive, and heavy). "I went over to say goodbye to this guy who liked me and I was afraid to hug him because I didn't want to get him excited. Another guy hugged me and kind of kissed my neck. I think he might like me a little" "This guy I liked came to my desk to say goodbye to me and I think he likes me also but just won't date anyone he works with". Yeah, I got one better for you. One time I was at a Christian singles Meetup and apparently the organizer/host of the group got together a group for a downtown concert/market thing. Thing is...she invited some non-members from her Bible study to join us...yes...they were single, but from what I found out they had no interest in joining the Christian Singles Meetup group. The way I found out was that I got to talking to one of the non-members (the organizer must've added +4 ) and had asked a few questions about herself and asked how long she was a member and she goes, "I'm not a member." And I go, "Oh, you ever think of registering?" and she goes, "No, just not interested...also busy with my Master's degree program." She seemed to have been making excuses not to join up, but later I talked with one of the members of the group about her non-member friend. She responded with, "Well maybe she doesn't want a stalker bothering her." And I was like "Whoah, where did the subject of 'stalker" come up??" She thought I gave her friend a "look" or something that made her uncomfortable and I was like "Um, no, I was just having idle chit chat with her, nothing more." Later I found out from the organizers that most of the non-members that had joined us for the event were rather bitter women that preferred to only be in the company of other women at this point in their life. I had to laugh that the woman presumed that a guy talking to her would wind up stalking her...quite presumptuous. 1
candie13 Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 lots of self prejection, and you know what? It is not harmful, as long as those women don't start rumors or making films inside their head. I remember reading an article saying that people tend to feel more attracted to those attracted to them in the first place. it's like staring in your own image, but embellished. personally, I like to make fun and say jokes. I realize that at times my comments may pass as flirty but the truth is, if I really like a guy and I flirt with him, he'll know it. Funnily enough, I find it easier to flirt/joke around with men I am not really interested in. Those men I feel attracted to, I want to get to know them, to understand how they work. So my behaviour may either be very shy and listening more, to form an opinion (if I really fancy the guy) or quite brash and playful, to provoke the guy and see if he can take it and how he reacts to it (if I just fancy the guy). Unfortunately for me, it's in the brain, not in the looks. And of course, at times it's all messed up because I am attracted by looks and might do some self projections when it comes to how interesting a man really is.... oh well...
Radu Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 I had some problems with this recently. I came back to school and i take some classes with 1st yrs ... classes i take mostly to fix my grade. I learned last yr that it is good to have a study budy [ppl don't do study groups here at all] and i naturally gravitated towards the ones who paid attention. Some of them were girls and they assumed [since i'm obviously single] that i can't control myself and want to get into their panties. I really didn't and still don't. One was not my type at all [she's the type i've been trying to get away from] ... not to mention not that good looking ... another is married and very much in love with her husband [and i actually admire the way she sees her husband and what a woman she is ... i would never attempt anything that would strike at that idyllic image] and the last is too much of a child to even consider it. I have to admit that the queries about being single were the most disturbing [coming from the 1st one]. It's shocking for them to hear that someone might want to finish their education so badly that they would put lust on the backseat. I'm supposed to be some mindless sex-craving and sex-starved animal. God forbid i should imply that one can have some control over it ... lest i be some freak ! I've never had this problem before ... not even at work. At my other college i have a study group with a girl who is late 20's and in a comitted relationship and it's obvious we only talk about school [and psychology since she did a masters and i find it interesting] ... so not a problem.
d0nnivain Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 Yes, in a work setting, I would assume that anybody who hugged and kissed me, liked me. That level of physical contact does not belong in a work environment so the fact that a man crossed those lines is an indication of unprofessional behavior / poor boundaries or romantic interest. Since most companies require so much sexual harassment training, I would definitely assume the later because I don't think most people are stupid enough to do the former. That said, just because some guy at work talks to me, I never assume interest. I assume I had info he needed.
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