Write her a message or not?

[Maximusdecimus]

Hi all,

Here's my situation. I'm a 30-something ESL teacher who started developing feelings for a student who was at my school (not in my class). My school is designed for young adults and the majority of the students are 18-25 or so. She was in her early 30's. We flirted a bunch and I could tell she was into me.

 

I've never felt it was appropriate to date students and I was torn about what to do. We bumped into each other one night in a bar a few weeks back and I bailed shortly thereafter. I could tell she felt rejected/confused.

 

A week later, I finally decided to go for it and asked her out that evening. She said she had some dinner plans but that she would try. We finally exchanged numbers and we agreed to talk later. I called a couple of times that night, but the phone was off. I went out anyways and thought I would try the next day.

 

The next day I started having second thoughts and deleted the number. I purposefully tried to avoid her at school even thought I had some really strong feelings.

 

A couple of weeks ago I learned that she had started hooking up with another student and that they wound up taking a long weekend road trip.

 

It was at that time that I realized how deep my feelings for her were.

 

We never spoke again after the time I asked her out and she was only in school for another week before she returned to her country. We never passed by each other again but whenever I saw her, she had very closed body language.

 

Part of me is satisfied that I didn't mix my personal life with my business one. But there's definitely a part of me that feels I lost out. on someone that could have been very special. There was definitely a connection there and I do think she genuinely had feelings for me.

 

I've been thinking about sending an email on Facebook just telling her why. We're not FB friends, but I often go to her city. If so, when? She's been back for a week now, but I'm not sure if I should send it to her now or wait until later.

 

I'm convinced that had the circumstances been different, she could have been (maybe still could be) someone very special. I haven't been able to get her out of my mind.

[preraph]

You need to not date students. It can get you in so much trouble and make it impossible to get another teaching job.

[NoC]

Forget about her, move on. There are plenty more women out there who live near you also, if she's in another country, then count your blessings it will be easier to move on. Good luck!

[Larry56]

Nah don't bother, it won't do a lick of difference. Maybe...just maybe she'll come back if it doesn't work out with this other student but you gotta avoid your impulsive feelings to "do things"

 

especially the;

 

"I need to explain my feelings to this person cause I saw it works in the movies so I if she knows how I feel it will work out like a Disney film"

 

Yeah, I know us Men are like "Go and do" but it only works in a situation when the girl is absolutely head over heels in love with you.

 

Sorry bro.

Edited February 8, 2015 by Larry56

[d0nnivain]

The use of the word school threw some people off. In a pure academic setting a relationship between a teacher & somebody whose grades / future that teacher impacts would be wrong.

 

Here this was a non academic setting & you are both adults. Also you are no longer even in the same country.

 

 

If you want to pursue something with her fine, go for it. But don't send her a FB message going through some elaborate explanation about why you didn't make a move back then. Something along the lines of

 

Now that you are no longer a student in the school where I teach, I am hoping we can get to know each other better on a personal level.

See what she writes back.

 

 

Do not say let's be "friends" unless that is all you want. (Don't lie to yourself about your motives). Do not directly say want a relationship / romance because given the distance that may be too intense. She could also be involved with someone since she's been back home.