Sleep issues, need assistance

[Jonjon4728]

Been broke up ten days had no contact for four then messed that up two days ago but I finally got rid of all her contact info changed email address phone number all of it;

Taking positive steps;

Reference my previous posts for the bloody details;

Anyways;

I know that we are done and thank god;

Problem I'm having is when I close my eyes to fall asleep, all I can see is her face still;

I'm even coming to terms with trying not to completely hate her and have been doing mindful meditation to forgive her and myself for the hell that was our relationship;

Yet when I close my eyes she's all I see, and it's not in a good light;

It's in a vengeful angry one;

I remember everything bad and I get anxiety and just get up smoke try to lay down get up five minutes later have another try to lay down it's torturous;

Any advice in how long this will last or how to turn it off???

[Leegh]

I don't know, but I've heard it can help to not think of anything stressful for an hour before bedtime, such as relationships, taxes, money, work, etc. In addition, when in bed, try to think of a relaxing beach or ocean scene, and think of that every night at bedtime and your brain will associate that with sleep. Also, it's best not to have any caffeine after around noontime. Hope all goes well as I am very much aware how essential good sleep is, as I am exhausted as I am writing this. Many, many times I wake up "unrefreshed", fatigued and tired, not due to a romantic relationship, but because of other life problems.

[mightycpa]

You just need to go exhaust yourself physically. That will help a lot.

 

If you choose running, it will also release chemicals that will counteract the effect of the breakup brain chemicals that now make you feel like a recovering ex-aholic who is trying to dry out.

[questionsforthenouns]

I have been struggling with the same thing. My girl left about a week ago and I have been a wreck ever since, having trouble eating and sleeping because of all the anxiety. If it is greatly effecting your day to day life, like it is with me, then it might be beneficial for you to reach out to a psychiatrist for some therapy and medication. They have anti-anxiety meds and lighter stuff as well that help you sleep at night. My psychiatrist recommended a book to me that I have started reading called "When Panic Attacks," which is all about dealing with anxiety and learning how to self induce cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). Hope that helps. You're not alone in this

[michael-034]

No need for medication this early on.. Anti-anxiety meds is not something to be taken lightly. And try to take it as a man. You'll get over it. I actually have an anxiety disorder, where I get panick attacks in the middle of the night, I'm not taking any meds either.. Wouldn't recommend you taking them. I remember those attacks became really severe (breathing problems, thinking I was going to die) when she left me. But it'll pass. It's just been but a couple of days since you've broken up. 9 months post break up I was completely over it (chased the girl for 10 years!), but over the sleeping trouble.. I guess I got over that within a month of NC. So stay NC, it'll pass, I guarantee you.

 

Maybe as an advice: try to excercise (high intensity) in the day, so you'll be too exhausted to stay awake..It'll pass though

[candie13]

the trick is not to fight it. Give in to it. I know it sounds crazy, but you still have feelings. you are angry. Accept your loss, accept your feelings. Accept them, and grieve. Ask yourself why, when you are grieving. Dig deeper and deeper and get to the bottom of what it is that really bothers you. Once you understand what that is, it will be easier to accept that it's over.

 

I think most people just want to not be in pain. Take a chill pill and get over it. Sorry, it doesn't work that way. It is not that easy. Emotions are a complex thing and affect us profoundly. So we should honour them and accept that sometimes, it takes time and patience to get better.

 

As for tricks to fall asleep, do some guided awareness mediations that allow you to fight anxiety. Or that help you sleep. Listen to rain and thunderstorm sounds. I know you feel drained, but go for a run - daily. It has 2 key positive effects: it helps your body select endorphin - the happiness hormone - and it gets you tired. You need as much endorphin as you can get.

 

best of luck

[Jonjon4728]

Thank you for the advice;

I have dug deep and believe I found the root of it all, that's the thing that's so rough;

I understand how toxic it truly was;

Any thoughts of reconciliation are done;

Any thoughts of ending NC are done too;

Changed everything haven't tried to look at her online at all either, threw away everything related to her, my social networks have been cleNed of her existence ever even being in my life;

I'm taking all the steps;

I just took a nap for an hour it felt great;

In the previous four days of NC before I quit and messed up my sleep was improving to a good five hours a night, compared to two the previous three weeks;

I know I am detoxifying myself of her;

That includes no drinking or drugs as well;

It's a lot to handle at once but I'm gonna make it;

Work tonight will be a nice distraction;

I'm back to my hardcore work out routine and I think that's what precipitated the nap I took today;

Had my nose in my AA book and been playing my guitar a lot;

The reflection is intense but definitely a crucial element to the recovery;

I know I got this;

The meditation helps as well;

I know I will be myself again soon and I take comfort in that;

I'm living literally moment to moment;

And that helps too;

Thanx for all the support,

This community has done more for me than I could ever imagine

[Jonjon4728]

Came to some great conclusions as well:

The next relationship I enter, I will communicate better;

I will be my same, sweet self;

Caring, nurturing, cuz that's who I am;

I won't go on the roller coaster ride that is constant drinking;

It's depressing;

I will share my fears up from;

If I am made to feel less like a man, I won't put up with it;

If she is constantly cortical and had an overall negative outlook, I won't just bow down and take it;

I will be more forgiving;

I will be HONEST;

I will take it slow;

I will be more careful with my words;

I will not be made to feel guilty for things that I don't cause;

If I am feeling withdrawn, I will communicate it;

Of I feel like my energy is being taken from me, that the light is being drained from my eyes, I will leave;

I won't put up with her telling her family every one of our fights or dirty secrets;

That destroys trust;

Couples need secrets, not legions of family and friends having full knowledge of every tiny misstep;

She will enhance my energy, not detract or blame;

She will be a fitness nut, not someone that scolds me for my commitment to diet and exercise, calling it body dysmorphia;

She won't have a crazy past;

Or substance abuse problems;

She will have a positive attitude, like myself;

She will be kind and passionate;

She won't live with her parents at an age over 25;

She will be independent;

If she hates my place of living and makes me feel bad about it constantly, I will drop her off at her moms;

She will want to bare my children, not just say it when she's blind drunk ;

She will have her own career;

I will not meet her in a bar or through a crazy old friends sister with abandonment and commitment issues;

I will not say I love you too fast , as I'm a hopeless romantic and prone to this type of behavior;

We will wait awhile to have sex, not just rush into it;

I will control my desires, not be a slave to them;

I will try not to take things personally;

She will be willing to work through problems, not hold the break up string over my head, and the past, and mistakes;

I won't live in constant fear of it ending;

I won't drop everything I love to please her;

I will not lie because I will have no reason to, fear of rejection and all;

I will be quick to forgive;

She will be accepting of my faults;

She will not want to cut and run at the first sign of trouble;

She will not have constant doubt , and further damage and influence my own doubt ;

If I get that gut feeling that she is an energy vampire, I will follow it out the door;

I won't stand for any verbal or mental abuse;

NONE;

I'm better than that;

She won't be vindictive or cruel;

She will not be smothering or overly prideful;

She will be open to compromise;

The love will be a two way street;

She will be the kind of girl that sees the glass half full ;

She won't know all of my past before we've even started and hold it over my head;

And I won't know hers;

She won't do or say things to directly hurt and manipulate me;

I've been down that road;

She will be more adventurous and outgoing;

She will always return my eye contact in intimate moments;

She will accept my love, not look for reasons to run from it;

She will respect my family, not try to call them out for their flaws when she is clearly flawed herself;

And most of all, she will accept me for who I am, and I her;

It's really not a lot to ask;

[bigtrouble]

Sleep will come...

only if you stop beating yourself...

you don't have the answers...

its difficult but in time it will calm down...

 

Post BU the hardest parts are the first 6weeks...

We all go through it, stay strong...

[SoThatHappened]

You just need to go exhaust yourself physically.

^^^ This

 

I've found that racquetball is a good way to sweat like a wh*** in church and tire yourself out. It may be one of the last things you want to do, but it can be the best (physical exertion).

 

Also, listening to meditation/hypnosis tapes helped me for a while. Got me through a couple weeks.

[bigtrouble]

Don't beat yourself...

Its not your fault...

Don't think too much...

What's done is done...

 

Sleep will come...

Hope this helps...

[Jonjon4728]

Thanx guys;

Actually somehow got 6 hours of sleep las nite:

Lot of it had tondo with workin out really hard and reading instead of thinking constantly;

It's weird I woke up and felt tired but didn't want to oversleep so I worked out two hours did some hiit training;

I'm already yawning;

Lol idk if I turned a corner or what

[Elle1975]

Zquill.. works great.. non addictive.. does contain 10% alcohol if I remember right.