Lilac33 Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 I am not a OW but a BS...and i usually post in the other forum...but I wanted some of your opinions as I read this forum from time to time and I was wondering...How many of you heard from your MM again after he said he was going to make it work with his wife? My backstory is my husband cheated, i found out about the affair via a text message, called ow, she denied it, he denied it. I am assuming thats what they had discussed. However two days later she told me enough for me to know my husband was lying, she has been in my house and met my child. At that point I lost it. My husband threw her under the bus, blamed her, changed his number and begged to make it work. Now i know most of you have been hurt in the opposite manner, and im sorry, in no way do i blame my ow (you see i am married to him so i can first hand see how deep his lying abilities go). In talking to the OW it was evident she was just as sad and heartbroken as I was because she was sold a set of lies about me, our life, their future. And I am sure she could see the amount of betrayal and humiliation i endured. I do not know if my marriage will survive or if i even want it to. I have zero trust or respect left for my husband. I actually can even sympathize with the OW. I know many here tell each other they used the ow for sex, but i actually have a hard time believing that. This wasnt a one night thing, my husband after all pursued her, got her attention, took her out, spend hundreds of dollars on trips, jewelry, flowers. He let my child meet her several times without my permission. How can I dismiss this as just sex? She knew everything about his life....his job, his children, his family. They has spend hours and hours talking/texting. With me he barely talks. In my mind it feels as if he loved this other woman. And the more time that goes by i feel as why should i settle or save this marriage if thats the case. Also how can i ever trust he wont go back to her. He has changed his number and hasnt spoken to her, because he was scared ****less of all the things that I was coming to find out. But many days i wonder if she had kept her mouth shut, would that even happen and is this change permanent or one day when the stress and boredom of marriage sets in again he will just find her again despite making her look to be a one way infatuated phycho (and no I am not dumb enough to believe any of that, that it was all her and not him) I am just as broken as you all, just in a different way. Life is strange. The less i care, the more he clings towards me. But when i was the ideal wife, he went and found someone else. But it has got me thinking if this is just a phase until the dust settles..why waste my time and life. In your opinion do married man come back to their OW? I wish you all well in your recovery.
Got it Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 Lilac, I am very sorry for what you have gone through. The stats aren't going to matter for you, what matters is your situation. What you need is a list of what you need from him to feel safe including IC and MC. Your fear isn't going to resolve until he figures out why he did it and what he is changing within himself to never do it again. Have you gotten into IC? You need support and that is a good place to start. Take care of yourself and know you don't have to make any decisions right now. Give yourself time to grieve. ((((Lilac))))
whichwayisup Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 Lilac, I am very sorry for what you have gone through. The stats aren't going to matter for you, what matters is your situation. What you need is a list of what you need from him to feel safe including IC and MC. Your fear isn't going to resolve until he figures out why he did it and what he is changing within himself to never do it again. Have you gotten into IC? You need support and that is a good place to start. Take care of yourself and know you don't have to make any decisions right now. Give yourself time to grieve. ((((Lilac)))) Totally agree with this. Get counseling and go from there. There's no rush to decide to work it out or separate or divorce. He also needs to do counseling on his own, then down the road you both go to together (use the same therapist for individual and couples counseling). I am assuming thats what they had discussed. However two days later she told me enough for me to know my husband was lying, she has been in my house and met my child How awful and disrespectful for him to bring her into your marital home and introduce your child. Though I'm sure now she sees how wrong it was to do all that and is remorseful. IF she truly is over him and feels so bad for hurting you, she'll hopefully not try to reconnect with him. If anything, she's probably looking for answers as to why he'd exaggerate and lie about his marriage and about you. I would hope she isn't looking to restart things, more looking for closure so she can move on. 1
tobrieornottobrie Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 I'm so sorry to hear about everything that you have gone through. Have you and your husband considered doing marital counseling, perhaps in conjunction with some individual counseling? It may be really helpful to have a professional to talk to as you are navigating this. Wishing you the best of luck. the brie's cheese knees
Recommended Posts