Together 3 years, got engaged, she left me 3 months later.

[imagine1985]

Hello, I'm 29 years old and my fiancée (24 Chelsea) broke up with me recently.

 

 

Relationship history:when I first met Chelsea our relationship had an amazing start, we connected well, had alot in common, liked same music, movies, got tattoos together, went to clubs, watched live bands, enjoyed the same food, we went the gym, swimming and even got the same job together, we agreed we was Soulmates.

 

 

 

 

Now for the bitter side: I have a young daughter that I love very much, I spend quality time together every Saturday, now my ex (Chelsea) from day one was welcomed into my daughters life and she was very good natured towards her however her feelings towards my daughters mother were very bitter,and Chelsea openly admitted her insecurities over "ex partners" this issue had caused many arguments and Chelsea was always paranoid that I would leave her to get back with my daughters mother. I always reassured Chelsea that it was her I was in love with not my daughters mother.

 

 

Last six months before our breakup: I had noticed that in our workplace Chelsea would start to flirt with other men that I had to work with, things went from bad to worse when a man from our workplace messaged her BBM stating she was very beautiful girl, on other occasions men was sending inappropriate messages on Facebook.

I stressed to her how unhappy I was with her behaviour and asked her to stop hurting my feelings (her reply was always I can't control what others do, and she would make me feel bad for bringing it up) now at the same time we was openly discussing a great future, commitments, engagement, marriage and children as well as preparing to Travel on a holiday of a life time to Las Vegas.

 

 

I proposed to the love of my life on holiday and she said yes, we both was very happy, visited the Grand Canyon, enjoyed romantic helicopter rides over the Las Vegas strip and enjoyed our holiday.

Two months later she got a new job and had only been working there for 4 weeks before an argument broke out one evening over a new work colleague of hers (old enough to be her father) but he was so very nice to her and very ignorant towards me, when I asked her what was up with him she got very defensive towards him, told me she had had enough of my paranoia, packed her bags, threw her engagement ring at me and left.

I tried to call her, message her on facebook but she changed her number, deactivated her facebook and won't reply to me.

 

 

I'm very much heart broken, miss her so much and the love I have is so strong for her, I thought we was great together apart from the obvious issues.

 

 

Can anyone please help me with some closure as she didn't :'(

 

 

many thanks.

[d0nnivain]

The idea of marriage most likely freaked her out. Either she didn't want to be tied down or there was something about you & the relationship that was telling her this was not forever.

 

 

As bad as that sucks, it's better now then after you got married & then had to get a divorce.

[fronk]

Man I am sorry to hear that for you. How long ago was the breakup? Going through a similar thing myself so I feel your pain.

[imagine1985]

Man I am sorry to hear that for you. How long ago was the breakup? Going through a similar thing myself so I feel your pain.

 

we were together for three years, we broke up December 2014.

 

 

She was so very commited, she had an appointment with her nurse to have her birth control implant removed so we could try for children, she had booked a holiday for my 30th and was planning on moving into a new home together this year.

 

 

things just don't make sense.

 

 

I'm truly sorry you are experiencing a breakup yourself, it is very painful my friend.

[ManyDissapoint]

She was so very commited.

 

No she wasn't. My EX did, said, agreed to a hundred things that oozed commitment. The only thing that proves commitment is sticking through tough times and working through your problems together.

 

She wanted to be committed most likely.

 

I'm very sorry for you about what you're going through. Going through something very similar myself. *brofist*

[fronk]

we were together for three years, we broke up December 2014.

 

 

She was so very commited, she had an appointment with her nurse to have her birth control implant removed so we could try for children, she had booked a holiday for my 30th and was planning on moving into a new home together this year.

 

 

things just don't make sense.

 

 

I'm truly sorry you are experiencing a breakup yourself, it is very painful my friend.

Thank you....we aren't alone brother. What is it about the damned 3 year mark?? That's how long we were together as well....So there has been no contact at all since the breakup? Do you still try to contact her?

[imagine1985]

No she wasn't. My EX did, said, agreed to a hundred things that oozed commitment. The only thing that proves commitment is sticking through tough times and working through your problems together.

 

She wanted to be committed most likely.

 

 

 

I'm very sorry for you about what you're going through. Going through something very similar myself. *brofist*

 

 

I heard rumour she was speaking to her ex boyfriend again, however I can't understand why as this guy, was a real **** head, she broke down crying telling me how horrible he was, how he cheated on her, used her for money, caused her to lose her unborn child.

 

 

Man I'm so confused, maybe she still loved him? I dunno.

[bubbaganoosh]

If anything good can come from this, then at least you didn't marry her then have all this spring up on you.

 

At least you know where her heart and mind are and if it was me, I sell the ring and take your kid on a vacation somewhere and enjoying yourselves.

[Light Breeze]

What I think is that the two of you had totally different versions of what boundaries (or the lack thereof) should be.

 

She thought that it was not her problem if men send her inappropriate messages or flirt with her because she can't control what they do. She probably also saw flirting as harmless and normal.

 

You, on the otherhand, was uncomfortable because of her her lack of boundaries. You were probably thinking that she could have asked those men to stop sending those messages or her to stop flirting.

 

So, my guess is, she felt you were paranoid because she thought she was not doing anything wrong. So she left.

 

Personally, I don't agree with her version of what boundaries are.

 

Anyhow, this relationship is done. Go TOTAL No Contact. Get busy, make your daughter a priority in everything. Gather your support system. Heal and move on to someone who has the same moral values as yours.

[BC1980]

we were together for three years, we broke up December 2014.

 

 

She was so very commited, she had an appointment with her nurse to have her birth control implant removed so we could try for children, she had booked a holiday for my 30th and was planning on moving into a new home together this year.

 

 

things just don't make sense.

 

 

I'm truly sorry you are experiencing a breakup yourself, it is very painful my friend.

 

It does seem really sudden. It's odd that she was making plans and then abruptly left. It's really odd that she changed her number. I can understand deactivating FB. Just my opinion, it seems like there is more going on than you know. Maybe she has another guy? Either that, or she was completely dishonest with you about her intentions to marry. It just seems odd to leave over an argument about her coworker.

 

My ex broke up with me, and it seemed sudden. We were also planning a trip, and we had made plans to marry. It seemed very out of the blue to me, as well, but I think he had been planning it for a month or so. I recently found out that it's likely he had some sort of emotional affair while we were together and became engaged really quickly to her. So you really never know, and it's always possible there is another person in the picture.

[imagine1985]

Thank you....we aren't alone brother. What is it about the damned 3 year mark?? That's how long we were together as well....So there has been no contact at all since the breakup? Do you still try to contact her?

 

 

 

 

 

Your welcome buddy, yes these things usually happen after 2-3 years.

when we broke up I gave her some space and didn't contact her. She eventually text messaged me.. Telling me she had her driving lesson (I bought her driving lessons for Christmas) and thanked me for them, we swapped a few text's but it went cold. She eventually changed her number. We've been separated for over two months but had no contact for 4 weeks.

 

 

How long has it been since your breakup?

[ManyDissapoint]

I heard rumour she was speaking to her ex boyfriend again, however I can't understand why as this guy, was a real **** head, she broke down crying telling me how horrible he was, how he cheated on her, used her for money, caused her to lose her unborn child.

 

 

Man I'm so confused, maybe she still loved him? I dunno.

 

You can't take what someone says about their EX at face value. It's a possibility. Or it's a possibility that her getting in complimented by others caused her to rethink the relationship. Either way this woman is not honest with you and that means you dodged a bullet, even if you don't see it this way.

 

When I force myself to be logical, if my ex dumped me due to the things she dumped me for, there was realistically zero chance that things would have worked out in the end--marriage or not.

[BC1980]

I heard rumour she was speaking to her ex boyfriend again, however I can't understand why as this guy, was a real **** head, she broke down crying telling me how horrible he was, how he cheated on her, used her for money, caused her to lose her unborn child.

 

 

Man I'm so confused, maybe she still loved him? I dunno.

 

Okay, so maybe she is still talking to him. Maybe something happened with the ex to precipitate the breakup. You'll probably never know the true story. None of us will ever know the true story. My ex ended it with me nearly 2 years ago, and I still don't know the entire story. The point is that I don't care anymore. He may have cheated on me, maybe not. Maybe he just fell out of love wit me. I don't even care at this point.

[fronk]

Your welcome buddy, yes these things usually happen after 2-3 years.

when we broke up I gave her some space and didn't contact her. She eventually text messaged me.. Telling me she had her driving lesson (I bought her driving lessons for Christmas) and thanked me for them, we swapped a few text's but it went cold. She eventually changed her number. We've been separated for over two months but had no contact for 4 weeks.

 

 

How long has it been since your breakup?

 

1 week...:/

[writergal]

The thing is, once someone decides that they want out of the relationship, they will wait for a minor disagreement to pop up, to use as their convenient exit strategy.

 

Either she lied to you about her feelings for her ex, her feelings for you, her feelings about your daughter and your ex-partner, or her feelings about marriage.

 

She may be back with her ex, or have started a relationship with her older co-worker. Her reason for breaking up with you is irrelevant, because she doesn't want to be with you anymore.

 

People who dump never provide closure to the dumpee. It's in the relationship limited warranty handbook; "no dumper_(name)_ shall promise to or be expected to herein to provide the dumpee _(name)_ with emotional closure. Any expectation for closure will be met with stonewalled silence, text breadcrumbs, blatant lies, or defensive regret. The dumpee is expected to herein seek out emotional closure through the public assistance provided by internet forum message boards, friends, family, chaplin, pets, children, coworkers, famous breakup songs, and any social media platform where the broken hearted can seek solace from others."

 

The best thing you can do for yourself and your daughter's mental health is to feel the pain, move through it, and try to come out the other side fully healed, with a small scar reminder of this relationship. You are young at 29. You have time to find the real love of your life. Keep the faith. Don't chase her. Don't grovel. Don't apologize. She made her choice. So, make yours: to heal and move on with your life. I know it's hard when you've invested 3 years with someone to let them go. But it's the right thing to do when someone rejects you.

[imagine1985]

Okay, so maybe she is still talking to him. Maybe something happened with the ex to precipitate the breakup. You'll probably never know the true story. None of us will ever know the true story. My ex ended it with me nearly 2 years ago, and I still don't know the entire story. The point is that I don't care anymore. He may have cheated on me, maybe not. Maybe he just fell out of love wit me. I don't even care at this point.

 

 

My gut feeling tells me there is someone else in her life now, I only wish that these people would be truthful, i would rather her tell me "I've been sleeping with another guy" (if Tha was the case of course) at least that way i would have some closure instead of wondering what the hell happened.

 

 

I will too probably feel like you do eventually, just at the stage of hurt at this moment.

[mtnbiker3000]

"Very sudden" explains 95% of the breakups on here!!! Your RS, like mine, and many others consisted of two people on two different pages. And it's quite natural that it seemed great at first. There's actually a chemical reaction in the brain called Oxytocin. It's what gives you the butterflies early in an RS.

 

Not saying this is what happened to you, but some people are in constant search of this feeling and will jump from RS to RS to feed that feeling after it diminishes or dies out in their current one.

[Radu]

Hello, I'm 29 years old and my fiancée (24 Chelsea) broke up with me recently.

 

 

Relationship history:when I first met Chelsea our relationship had an amazing start, we connected well, had alot in common, liked same music, movies, got tattoos together, went to clubs, watched live bands, enjoyed the same food, we went the gym, swimming and even got the same job together, we agreed we was Soulmates.

Maybe you should reconsider doing things like this in the future.

 

It's one thing if you had gotten a tat with your daughter's name on it ... but now you have one of your ex-gf.

 

 

Now for the bitter side: I have a young daughter that I love very much, I spend quality time together every Saturday, now my ex (Chelsea) from day one was welcomed into my daughters life and she was very good natured towards her however her feelings towards my daughters mother were very bitter,and Chelsea openly admitted her insecurities over "ex partners" this issue had caused many arguments and Chelsea was always paranoid that I would leave her to get back with my daughters mother. I always reassured Chelsea that it was her I was in love with not my daughters mother.

I've seen this kind of jealousy ... retroactive jealousy on this board and it does not bode well.

In fact just last yr there was this girl who was beaten to a pulp several times by her father's new wife who despite having had 4-5kids with him still saw her as the enemy [her mom was dead].

You can't deal with these ppl ... they are who they are.

Their insecurities and fears eat them up inside and it's up to them to stamp them out.

 

Furthermore ... most parents wait a period of time before introducing their new attraction to their child.

6 months or so ... to make sure that the new person is not bad ... and will be around for a while; otherwise the child will become accustomed with a revolving door policy on SO and might have issues later in life forming lasting relationships [this is for the future].

 

 

Last six months before our breakup: I had noticed that in our workplace Chelsea would start to flirt with other men that I had to work with, things went from bad to worse when a man from our workplace messaged her BBM stating she was very beautiful girl, on other occasions men was sending inappropriate messages on Facebook.

I stressed to her how unhappy I was with her behaviour and asked her to stop hurting my feelings (her reply was always I can't control what others do, and she would make me feel bad for bringing it up) now at the same time we was openly discussing a great future, commitments, engagement, marriage and children as well as preparing to Travel on a holiday of a life time to Las Vegas.

It's a bad idea to date someone who you work with.

It's a very bad idea to propose to your gf when she starts flirting with men at the job [an unbelievably bad idea].

 

Also .. the reason she was flirting with them was one of the following :

- low self-esteem and trying to prove to herself she is attractive [not a conscious decision]

- trying to give you a reason to end the relationship because she did not have the guts to do it

- setting up an exit relationship or just plain testing the waters

 

 

I proposed to the love of my life on holiday and she said yes, we both was very happy, visited the Grand Canyon, enjoyed romantic helicopter rides over the Las Vegas strip and enjoyed our holiday.

Hysteric bonding. Look it up.

 

Two months later she got a new job and had only been working there for 4 weeks before an argument broke out one evening over a new work colleague of hers (old enough to be her father) but he was so very nice to her and very ignorant towards me, when I asked her what was up with him she got very defensive towards him, told me she had had enough of my paranoia, packed her bags, threw her engagement ring at me and left.

I tried to call her, message her on facebook but she changed her number, deactivated her facebook and won't reply to me.

There you have it ... she wanted you to end it with her.

 

She's going to try for a relationship with him or there is already a relationship with him.

 

 

I'm very much heart broken, miss her so much and the love I have is so strong for her, I thought we was great together apart from the obvious issues.

 

 

Can anyone please help me with some closure as she didn't :'(

 

 

many thanks.

You were never great.

There were some serious warning signs you should have taken note of :

- her irrational jealousy for your ex which would have never left; if anything it would have grown stronger because ppl get more entrenched in their views as they age and because once limerance is gone you can see the faults in your SO ...

It would have been even harder for her to be in a relationship with you after limerance is gone [as it was obviously ... 2.5yrs down the line and she starts flirting ??? ... she was setting up her exit strategy]

- working with you and introducing her to your daughter so early ... not a good idea

 

Eventually her low self-esteem [that's where her jealousy was rooted in] would have killed the relationship anyway.

Look at this as a blessing in disguise ... you dodged a bullet ... especially if you consider what a D in UK can mean to a man.

[imagine1985]

Maybe you should reconsider doing things like this in the future.

 

It's one thing if you had gotten a tat with your daughter's name on it ... but now you have one of your ex-gf.

 

 

 

I've seen this kind of jealousy ... retroactive jealousy on this board and it does not bode well.

In fact just last yr there was this girl who was beaten to a pulp several times by her father's new wife who despite having had 4-5kids with him still saw her as the enemy [her mom was dead].

You can't deal with these ppl ... they are who they are.

Their insecurities and fears eat them up inside and it's up to them to stamp them out.

 

Furthermore ... most parents wait a period of time before introducing their new attraction to their child.

6 months or so ... to make sure that the new person is not bad ... and will be around for a while; otherwise the child will become accustomed with a revolving door policy on SO and might have issues later in life forming lasting relationships [this is for the future].

 

 

 

It's a bad idea to date someone who you work with.

It's a very bad idea to propose to your gf when she starts flirting with men at the job [an unbelievably bad idea].

 

Also .. the reason she was flirting with them was one of the following :

- low self-esteem and trying to prove to herself she is attractive [not a conscious decision]

- trying to give you a reason to end the relationship because she did not have the guts to do it

- setting up an exit relationship or just plain testing the waters

 

 

 

Hysteric bonding. Look it up.

 

 

There you have it ... she wanted you to end it with her.

 

She's going to try for a relationship with him or there is already a relationship with him.

 

 

 

You were never great.

There were some serious warning signs you should have taken note of :

- her irrational jealousy for your ex which would have never left; if anything it would have grown stronger because ppl get more entrenched in their views as they age and because once limerance is gone you can see the faults in your SO ...

It would have been even harder for her to be in a relationship with you after limerance is gone [as it was obviously ... 2.5yrs down the line and she starts flirting ??? ... she was setting up her exit strategy]

- working with you and introducing her to your daughter so early ... not a good idea

 

Eventually her low self-esteem [that's where her jealousy was rooted in] would have killed the relationship anyway.

Look at this as a blessing in disguise ... you dodged a bullet ... especially if you consider what a D in UK can mean to a man.

 

 

Thank you very much for your reply my friend, I forgot to mention that she tried finishing before we went Las Vegas, we split for 2 weeks but told me she made a terrible mistake and wanted to come back, I took her back and we discussed our future and continued to talk about marriage and children.

I do believe she never knew what she wanted?

For the first two years she always spoke about getting engaged, then we finally do and she doesn't want it?

 

 

I honestly don't know what she ever wanted? All I know is how I feel about her, and hand on heart I truly fell in love.

 

 

Thanks for your post, very much appreciated my friend

[BC1980]

My gut feeling tells me there is someone else in her life now, I only wish that these people would be truthful, i would rather her tell me "I've been sleeping with another guy" (if Tha was the case of course) at least that way i would have some closure instead of wondering what the hell happened.

 

 

I will too probably feel like you do eventually, just at the stage of hurt at this moment.

 

Few people are going to be truthful. Even if the reasons have nothing to do with a third party, most people aren't truthful, and they may not even know themselves. I remember trying to get answers from my ex, and it was something new everyday. Finally, I wished I had never asked.

[Kinetica84]

Hello, I'm 29 years old and my fiancée (24 Chelsea) broke up with me recently.

 

 

Relationship history:when I first met Chelsea our relationship had an amazing start, we connected well, had alot in common, liked same music, movies, got tattoos together, went to clubs, watched live bands, enjoyed the same food, we went the gym, swimming and even got the same job together, we agreed we was Soulmates.

 

 

 

 

Now for the bitter side: I have a young daughter that I love very much, I spend quality time together every Saturday, now my ex (Chelsea) from day one was welcomed into my daughters life and she was very good natured towards her however her feelings towards my daughters mother were very bitter,and Chelsea openly admitted her insecurities over "ex partners" this issue had caused many arguments and Chelsea was always paranoid that I would leave her to get back with my daughters mother. I always reassured Chelsea that it was her I was in love with not my daughters mother.

 

 

Last six months before our breakup: I had noticed that in our workplace Chelsea would start to flirt with other men that I had to work with, things went from bad to worse when a man from our workplace messaged her BBM stating she was very beautiful girl, on other occasions men was sending inappropriate messages on Facebook.

I stressed to her how unhappy I was with her behaviour and asked her to stop hurting my feelings (her reply was always I can't control what others do, and she would make me feel bad for bringing it up) now at the same time we was openly discussing a great future, commitments, engagement, marriage and children as well as preparing to Travel on a holiday of a life time to Las Vegas.

 

 

I proposed to the love of my life on holiday and she said yes, we both was very happy, visited the Grand Canyon, enjoyed romantic helicopter rides over the Las Vegas strip and enjoyed our holiday.

Two months later she got a new job and had only been working there for 4 weeks before an argument broke out one evening over a new work colleague of hers (old enough to be her father) but he was so very nice to her and very ignorant towards me, when I asked her what was up with him she got very defensive towards him, told me she had had enough of my paranoia, packed her bags, threw her engagement ring at me and left.

I tried to call her, message her on facebook but she changed her number, deactivated her facebook and won't reply to me.

 

 

I'm very much heart broken, miss her so much and the love I have is so strong for her, I thought we was great together apart from the obvious issues.

 

 

Can anyone please help me with some closure as she didn't :'(

 

 

many thanks.

 

Ahhh man i feel for you.

 

I am so sorry you are going through this. My breakup with my ex of 3 years is identical to yours but i'll get to that in a minute.

 

I hate to say it mate but it sounds like she has emotionally checked out and possibly with this guy at work. All i can say is this, erase her from your life. Focus on you and your daughter and let get on with it. If someone wants to walk out of your life despite you trying everything then let them crack on. Yeah do your time feeling ****e but don't dwell there too long bud.

 

My story. Me and my ex gf, we moved in together, she also got a new job. 3 months after living together and 3 months at her new job i noticed changes in her. I suspected something was up. This was in Aug 2014

 

We started falling out big time, something was telling me things were wrong. One night i went down her phone. In 3 years i had never done that. I found texts between her and best friends discussing her feelings for this guy she works with.

 

My ex is 34, this guy is 50 years, 2 kids and still married. I found out 2 months after we split (we split in november 2014) she was cheating on me with this guy and is now with him.

 

Never ignore your gut feeling bud. If she has blocked you then take that as i sign she has emotionally checked out and quite possibly with this guy.

 

I feel your pain as our situations are so similar. If you want to talk private message me. We both from the UK so we'll understand the slang talk lol.

Edited February 7, 2015 by Kinetica84

[ManyDissapoint]

Okay, so maybe she is still talking to him. Maybe something happened with the ex to precipitate the breakup. You'll probably never know the true story. None of us will ever know the true story. My ex ended it with me nearly 2 years ago, and I still don't know the entire story. The point is that I don't care anymore. He may have cheated on me, maybe not. Maybe he just fell out of love wit me. I don't even care at this point.

 

This is very powerful to me. Not knowing all the reasons and having lots of questions really bothers me. I'm struggling with the fact that I will probably never know. I also suspect emotional cheating (gut feeling based on some circumstantial evidence) but I have no way of knowing and honestly I don't have the courage to dig into it. I know that digging is just going to cause me pain--what's the point?

 

The fact that you are past caring anymore is an inspiration to me. Cheers.

 

Sorry for the small derailment, but this perspective might be helpful to the OP eventually.

 

BTW, OP--my relationships was around 3 years as well all things considered. What's up with the 3 year mark indeed.

[ManyDissapoint]

The thing is, once someone decides that they want out of the relationship, they will wait for a minor disagreement to pop up, to use as their convenient exit strategy.

 

Either she lied to you about her feelings for her ex, her feelings for you, her feelings about your daughter and your ex-partner, or her feelings about marriage.

 

She may be back with her ex, or have started a relationship with her older co-worker. Her reason for breaking up with you is irrelevant, because she doesn't want to be with you anymore.

 

People who dump never provide closure to the dumpee. It's in the relationship limited warranty handbook; "no dumper_(name)_ shall promise to or be expected to herein to provide the dumpee _(name)_ with emotional closure. Any expectation for closure will be met with stonewalled silence, text breadcrumbs, blatant lies, or defensive regret. The dumpee is expected to herein seek out emotional closure through the public assistance provided by internet forum message boards, friends, family, chaplin, pets, children, coworkers, famous breakup songs, and any social media platform where the broken hearted can seek solace from others."

 

The best thing you can do for yourself and your daughter's mental health is to feel the pain, move through it, and try to come out the other side fully healed, with a small scar reminder of this relationship. You are young at 29. You have time to find the real love of your life. Keep the faith. Don't chase her. Don't grovel. Don't apologize. She made her choice. So, make yours: to heal and move on with your life. I know it's hard when you've invested 3 years with someone to let them go. But it's the right thing to do when someone rejects you.

 

This. This. 1000x THIS!

 

Fantastic post.

[Kinetica84]

This is very powerful to me. Not knowing all the reasons and having lots of questions really bothers me. I'm struggling with the fact that I will probably never know. I also suspect emotional cheating (gut feeling based on some circumstantial evidence) but I have no way of knowing and honestly I don't have the courage to dig into it. I know that digging is just going to cause me pain--what's the point?

 

The fact that you are past caring anymore is an inspiration to me. Cheers.

 

Sorry for the small derailment, but this perspective might be helpful to the OP eventually.

 

BTW, OP--my relationships was around 3 years as well all things considered. What's up with the 3 year mark indeed.

 

lol..... had to giggle. I've not made it past 3 years with any relationships. 3 years seems to be the shelf life for me.

 

I think if i ever get past 3 years i may have an issues of "expecting things to wrong" but i can't ever have that attitude or it will go wrong for sure.

[aliveagain]

She got her trip to Vegas, you saved the cost of a wedding and expensive lawyers, doesn't take the hurt away. Sounds like she just moves from one relationship to another. You dogged a bullet.