enchanted771 Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 I analyze and second guess everything. I have been hurt too many times so it's like I'm expecting to be hurt. So this guy picked up on the fact that I have trust Issues. What am I supposed to do deny it? No. He said he wants to be in a relationship with me but just wabts things to happen on their own. I know I was trying to rush things. But how can anything ever progress if I can't just let go and trust him.
AveryBean Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 I went (and still go) through this also. It's hard, there's no magic way to fix it. It's a constant work in progress. I am glad you recognized it and want to work on it! The only thing that really worked for me was just deciding in my own head that I was go to be different... and then doing it. I realized I would never have a good relationship acting like this. Trust yourself enough to know you'll be ok whatever happens. Doesn't mean crap won't happen and you won't get hurt and people won't do nasty things but trust yourself to get through it and come out better on the other side. Find some hobbies, volunteer, spend time with family and friends. It is a lot harder to obsess about your relationship when you're surrounded by other and having fun. It puts a lot less pressure on your partner since they are not your "everything" and you have interests outside of them and helps you grow as well. Good luck! You got this $hit! 1
travelbug1996 Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 Maybe you should give yourself some time to be single and work on your trust issues. How long has it been since you've been out of a relationship with the person that hurt you?
Author enchanted771 Posted February 7, 2015 Author Posted February 7, 2015 I went (and still go) through this also. It's hard, there's no magic way to fix it. It's a constant work in progress. I am glad you recognized it and want to work on it! The only thing that really worked for me was just deciding in my own head that I was go to be different... and then doing it. I realized I would never have a good relationship acting like this. Trust yourself enough to know you'll be ok whatever happens. Doesn't mean crap won't happen and you won't get hurt and people won't do nasty things but trust yourself to get through it and come out better on the other side. Find some hobbies, volunteer, spend time with family and friends. It is a lot harder to obsess about your relationship when you're surrounded by other and having fun. It puts a lot less pressure on your partner since they are not your "everything" and you have interests outside of them and helps you grow as well. Good luck! You got this $hit! thanks!! I have to do it because this week I didn't see him because we were arguing too much & it was too late to get a babysitter for my son. There's only one choice; trust him or move on. You can't build a relationship without any trust. 1
Author enchanted771 Posted February 7, 2015 Author Posted February 7, 2015 Maybe you should give yourself some time to be single and work on your trust issues. How long has it been since you've been out of a relationship with the person that hurt you? 1.5 years but I haven't done anything to try and work on it.
candie13 Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 hey, girl, one thing I've learnt with men: if it's not simple, if it's not flowing, if it does not seem to happen before your eyes, it ain't it. it's normal to have insecurities, to hesitate, but... how can I put it, when you are together with him, your worries are supposed to evaporate and he is supposed to help you fight your worries, not add to them. if he is as well unsure, it won't work, I am sorry. it takes at least one of the partners to be convinced, for it to go. At least that's how it was in my case. maybe... just maybe, it's not the past that holding you down, but your own intuition telling you something. I was in your shoes, even worst, and then I met a man who was brave enough to hold my hand, look at me in the eyes and answer calmly all the questions I've ever had. Called me when he felt I was backing out, initiated contact, was / still is open... it makes all the difference in the world. my only advice is to look for a "hell, yeah" guy. A guy who would look at you and want to be with you. those who aren't quite sure can go and f*ck themselves. It all depends on your standards. How do you want to be loved? Maybe this style of "taking it easy, watch and see" ain't your style. Fair enough. I can tell you one thing. When a man really likes a woman, he won't let her go. When a guy really likes a woman, gets his **** together and tries to get the girl. Think about it. 3
AveryBean Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 I agree with most of the above... but... There is a point where you can push even the most patient, caring guy who may be in love with you to the point where he will leave. Any decent guy with a healthy sense of self worth will only tolerate so much before he moves on even if he loves you like crazy. Trust me. I lost a really great guy by being this way. This is a "you" problem so another person can only do so much. The majority is in your hands. It's easier than it seems, I promise (= Once you start valuing yourself and give him some trust and he shows you he is worthy it will get easily and easier. And if he shows you he is not worthy of that trust that's a reflection on him, not you and don't be afraid to walk away. Jerks are a dime a dozen. Keep looking for someone who deserves and appreciates what you have to offer. I've learned it's much more fun to be alone and happy then in a crappy relationship so don't settle if things don't feel right. 2
Author enchanted771 Posted February 7, 2015 Author Posted February 7, 2015 I agree with most of the above... but... There is a point where you can push even the most patient, caring guy who may be in love with you to the point where he will leave. Any decent guy with a healthy sense of self worth will only tolerate so much before he moves on even if he loves you like crazy. Trust me. I lost a really great guy by being this way. This is a "you" problem so another person can only do so much. The majority is in your hands. It's easier than it seems, I promise (= Once you start valuing yourself and give him some trust and he shows you he is worthy it will get easily and easier. And if he shows you he is not worthy of that trust that's a reflection on him, not you and don't be afraid to walk away. Jerks are a dime a dozen. Keep looking for someone who deserves and appreciates what you have to offer. I've learned it's much more fun to be alone and happy then in a crappy relationship so don't settle if things don't feel right.things were great the last time I saw him. After I left I felt confident, happy, etc. But then I snapped. Started going crazy with the texts and it got very bad. He became very distant. But we spoke the other day about it. I just have no patience to let things grow and happen naturally. I want it all now. If I could relax then it would happen. 1
AveryBean Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 things were great the last time I saw him. After I left I felt confident, happy, etc. But then I snapped. Started going crazy with the texts and it got very bad. He became very distant. But we spoke the other day about it. I just have no patience to let things grow and happen naturally. I want it all now. If I could relax then it would happen. I was the exact same way! So I can tell you there is hope!!
irresolute Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 You have no other choice than to trust again. If you're in a healthy position, your self esteem is healthy and you're a moderately happy person, you won't attract jerks or scumbags or players. Just be happy with yourself, you don't need anyone else to make you happy because you're whole. I guess that's key.
Author enchanted771 Posted February 7, 2015 Author Posted February 7, 2015 I was the exact same way! So I can tell you there is hope!! what helped you?
Author enchanted771 Posted February 7, 2015 Author Posted February 7, 2015 I was the exact same way! So I can tell you there is hope!
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