confused83 Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 I'm really struggling, been through break ups before but think because im older im just so fed up now. If you read my other posts you'd see me and partner had a lot of problems but she always had an excuse why it was that way and constantly i kept thinking stupidly 'if i change we will be ok' then one day realised changing isnt the answer, we're engaged (or was) and about time i acted like my true self, anyway it all went wrong. 2 days ago she told me her heart isnt in this anymore and its over, said some other things ill never forgive her for and my world feels shattered. I was not only engaged but she also had a child who is 3 and was calling me daddy which i loved (because the father left when hes was 2 weeks old and never looked back). I met her when he was 1 and im all he knows as a father so im devasted ive lost him too. Feel i gave 2 years of my life being a parent and boyfriend and for nothing. I lived a way from her so before xmas we decided to live together, i moved into her house and moved my work to her area which cost me a small fortune and a lease on an office for 6 months minimum. Shes now ended it saying shes happier without me and since moving in shes realised she doesnt need me for anything, im devastated. All Ive wanted since being 25 was my own family, all my firends have this and it is truthfully all i want, im great with kids, her son loved me, we played football and i just loved being a dad now i have lost it all. im nearly 32 and dont have anything. I have an office in Derby where im currently sleeping at night (god forbid any1 catches me) and trying to look for flats that are cheap enough as cant afford the office and my own place so really struggling and in the back of my mind im heartbroken that we spoke kids and i already had the 1 (or acted like i did) and now i havent. All i see on facebook is friends having more kids, planning weddings im devastated and feel like just giving in. Is it too late for me? what is the age everyone has kids as i feel now at 32 this was my last shot, i gave it everything and that probably contributed to the downfall. Keep worrying by the time im over her ill be closer to 33, by the time the lease is up on this office and i can afford to move on and get my life back ill be nearly 33, then ill date, meet someone else and surely its too late now. Resided to just giving up all hope of ever having what ive always wanted now really really struggling.
Gaeta Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 Don't be ridiculous!! Men have children at any kind of age. You are still young and have many many years in front of you to become a father. My ex-husband remarried and had his 3rd daughter at 48, I have a friend who's going in fertility clinic next week she is 43 and her husband is 60. My brother has his second son at 40. Stop this non sense. I know what you are going through and it's hard. My brother, the one I mentioned above was in a relationship 5 years with a woman that had 2 daughters. Leaving the girls ripped his heart apart but he had no choices their relationship had become poisonous and it was better for everyone involved, including the girls, that they split. He spent hours on my couch telling me how his life was over and he'd never love again. Fast forward a couple of years, he's now married and dad and live in a beautiful house. He's the happiest man alive. He tells me all the time he didn't think it was possible to be this happy. You have a broken heart. You know the routine. You work at putting this behind you. If you have friends and family it's time to reach for them. Maybe move back to where you're business used to be?
Gaeta Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 i gave it everything and that probably contributed to the downfall. You gave your very best to the wrong person. Since the beginning you knew, she had clearly told you, that she did not enjoy sex and she even explained why BUT you thought you could change that in her. That was your mistake.
The Mighty Quinn Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 Realistically and medically, a man's sperm does begin to break down over time and creates more abnormalties. Just be aware of the risk but don't let that stop you from what you desire in your life. It's never too late for you. If you want kids you can have them. If you want to get married, you can do it. My brother is having his first kid at 36. Although I wouldn't go as far to say men should be having babies in their 50s and beyond. You got to draw the line somewhere.
Art_Critic Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 what is the age everyone has kids as i feel now at 32 this was my last shot Not even close..at 39 I found myself single/divorced from a 5 year marriage where I was a Step Dad.. I got back on my feet, dated like crazy and at 44 I got married again and at almost 45 my Son was born.. Today he is almost 7... 32 is pretty young yet.. you have plenty of time to date and find someone. You need to make it a priority to do NC, and put your life first.. get a place to live and put it back together.. Chin Up.. I know breakups suck but trust me when I say that she won't be your last GF... 2
elaine567 Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 At 32, you are at the average age of fatherhood, so you are by no means too old.
Author confused83 Posted February 14, 2015 Author Posted February 14, 2015 Thanks everyone for the reassurance, keep telling myself i'll look back on this by next year and think 'what was i worried about' or thats the hope. Just got myself a new place to live, just annoyingly waiting on the estate agents to sort everything now as really eager to move but they're just dragging there feet slightly. Applied over 5 days ago (they advised me 2 days to turn everything around), been accepted but now everytime i call they say 'we will just ring the landlord now to confirm a move in date' then another day passes and i hear nothing haha. Anyway at least things are moving in the right direction again. Minor blip and now time to just get on.
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