Chris_S11 Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 I hope this isn't too long but so much is going through my mind. Thanks to anyone who replies!<3 Dated for 4 years(Our first Serious relationship)Lost virginity to each otherLDR while in college but it ends in the Fall We're both 21 She is a very sweet and trust worthy person. It feels so easy to be myself around her and not act tough, cool, funny, etc. I enjoyed her company for most of the relationship but the past 6months have been hard on me. I notice that even though I like her I don’t feel the urge to really spend time with her or cuddle up with her like I used to. I told myself to stop thinking about it and just enjoy the relationship but the feelings never changed. It sucked because I had them before! I used to smile when I saw her and look forward to being with her but I haven’t felt that way in awhile. I will mentioned a few things that could be a factor: 1)Sex is almost nonexistent. The past 12 months we've done it...three times? I get her warmed up but she just isn't interested in the intercourse part. I try to spice it up by saying I like when she wears this and that, but she never tries for me and initiating gets tiring. I told her it didn't have to be often (maybe 1/2x a week) but I wanted us to have a sex life. After that talk she did initiate and I got excited, but when I asked her if she really wanted to she told me, "Well you said you wanted me to ask." Though her intentions were in the right place, it felt like pity sex. She doesn’t ask or initiate anymore but she’ll do it if I ask. No, she never had a traumatic experience. She never plays with herself or anything so I guess it’s just a low libido. 2)Goals in life. I’m getting to the stage where I’m trying out jobs and learning more about myself. I’ve had depression for much of my life not being happy with who I am and so I’m working on that. My priority is to do what’s best for me at this time. Her priority is the relationship. I understand her reasoning seeing as we’ve been together for a long time, but I feel like we’re young and we need to explore things both within ourselves and together(if that makes sense). She doesn’t admit it, but she hints a lot at wanting to settle down and even got mad when I said I don’t think I’ll be there for a few more years. Overall, I feel like we’re holding each other down. At the same time the idea of breaking up hurts so much! I’m not sure if it’s losing the relationship or hurting her that makes me feel this way, but I get this emptiness. I feel like I would be the worst person to end it and that I wouldn’t deserve anyone again because I had someone who was this kind.Sometimes I wonder if it’s age or inexperience but I wish I would see myself with her. I don't even know if the reasons I mentioned above are the deal breakers but this feeling I have like “Am I with the right person? Will I always feel the way I do now or can I change it?" gets to me. I’m not sure what I need to hear. Is this common in all relationships? Am I acting immature? Anyone else have a similar story or input? I hope I don’t sound like a jerk. I really do love her and just want what’s best for us. Thanks again and If you have any questions just ask
fronk Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 I think you hit the nail on the head....it's losing the relationship that is making you hesitate. I am going through the same thing.....3+ yrs recent BU. Feel like crap even though I never loved her or even missed her when we weren't together. You can LOVE being in a relationship and all of the security that comes with that without truly loving them. 2
Author Chris_S11 Posted February 7, 2015 Author Posted February 7, 2015 I think you hit the nail on the head....it's losing the relationship that is making you hesitate. I am going through the same thing.....3+ yrs recent BU. Feel like crap even though I never loved her or even missed her when we weren't together. You can LOVE being in a relationship and all of the security that comes with that without truly loving them. I'm sorry to hear about the break up :/ Though I don't feel like I'm in love with her right now, I know I was. It just seems to be gone right now and idk how to get it back or if I can. What made you confident or sure that ending it was right?
Author Chris_S11 Posted February 7, 2015 Author Posted February 7, 2015 I didn't end it she broke up with me.... Oh, my mistake. Any particular reason you didn't end it if you felt that way?
fronk Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 Oh, my mistake. Any particular reason you didn't end it if you felt that way? I was in LOVE with being in a relationship....having someone in my life, having someone to do things with, to visit, to travel with. Now I have lost 3 years of my life in a relationship that I knew in the first 6 months was not going anywhere. Either that or I was just a coward. 1
Author Chris_S11 Posted February 7, 2015 Author Posted February 7, 2015 I was in LOVE with being in a relationship....having someone in my life, having someone to do things with, to visit, to travel with. Now I have lost 3 years of my life in a relationship that I knew in the first 6 months was not going anywhere. Either that or I was just a coward. Ah, i see. That's tough but the fact that you acknowledge it is a good thing. Maybe that's what I need to do with my situation. Feel like a coward myself...
fronk Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 Ah, i see. That's tough but the fact that you acknowledge it is a good thing. Maybe that's what I need to do with my situation. Feel like a coward myself... You will be doing her a favor as well..... 1
Author Chris_S11 Posted February 7, 2015 Author Posted February 7, 2015 You will be doing her a favor as well..... In the long run that will probably be the case. I just have no idea how to sit down and talk with her about it.
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