Photofinish Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 I've been with my current bf less then a month. Before we became official he would ask me out on dates. We went to a comedy club one time . The other two dates were basically just hanging out around town. We go to the same college and are in the same clubs so we see each other at school everyday. He doesnt really take me anywhere. This really bothers me because in my past relationship , I got taken many different places. I drop so many hints but it never goes anywhere I'm really really broke (I start work on Monday. yay! It's only about $60 a week but better then nothing. I cant get another job due to the crazy workload at school) so I cant really be like "hey let's go here and here!" . I usually like paying for myself but I cant really at this point. If he wants to see me on a weekend he will usually say "Come to my house" or "hey lets go drive around". I told him so many times I've wanted to go iceskating!! I dont know what to do.He messages me everyday when he wakes up. He is super sweet and supportive. He even made me lunch the other day.This great and all but I kinda wanna do something. I've been really stressed with school and I cant really take myself anywhere. It sucks being poor. I also have a really at home living situation and I always state that I dont want to be home . I always end up going to my Bestfriend's house (who is a guy so I dont really like hanging out with him 1-1 every week) because he lives close . Help
guest569 Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 Is he broke too? You could do free dates. If not then he maybe not serious about this
MidwestUSA Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 Maybe his money situation is no better than yours? Does he work?
Author Photofinish Posted February 7, 2015 Author Posted February 7, 2015 His money situation is better then mine. I dont think he works but he has saved up. I dont know. The past date was pretty expensive. He never has an issue when paying for events our friends make.
CarrieT Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 I dont think he works but he has saved up. I dont know. You've been dating a month and you don't know if he has a job!?!? I think you have bigger issues than wanting to go out. 2
Author Photofinish Posted February 7, 2015 Author Posted February 7, 2015 You've been dating a month and you don't know if he has a job!?!? I think you have bigger issues than wanting to go out. Sorry I meant he doesnt work. Haha I need to re read my stuff .
guest569 Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 Oh ok, he doesn't work so it would be a bit uncomfortable for him to have expectations of taking you out for meals etc.. 1
The Mighty Quinn Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 There is nothing wrong with him paying for dates. As time marches on, men are trying to weedle out of more and more responsibilities while their demands on their female partners pile up. Open the wallet already and let the moths fly out. BUT...OP, you two should be able to enjoy "free" dates. And it's okay to hang out the house as long as you go out sometimes too. How about you make a nice picnic lunch and invite him to go with you? You let him pay for dates, you recipocate by doing these kind of things. 2
d0nnivain Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 He's more attentive than most college BFs Your time together seems typical of college. I don't remember going on many formal dates. Are you perhaps, equating the amount of money he spends on you to some measure of how much he likes you? Sounds awfully materialistic. If you want that, you are going to have to date men who already graduated from college & who have an income. Understand those men will have limited time to spend with you because they have to work. Is ice skating free or low cost because it's through school? If so, you pick a time when you know you are both free & say, c'mon, we're going ice skating. If he doesn't want to go, go with your girl friends. 2
Gaeta Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 What does he answer when you tell him you'd like ice skating? Maybe he doesn't like it, maybe he doesn't have skates, maybe he really sucks at skating and he won't tell you. If he likes driving around then why not drive around somewhere! Like a museum or an art gallery, a regional park, visit a friend or family. Offer him a selection of free things to do and see what he says. 1
devilish innocent Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 He probably views driving you around as taking you out. He may be trying to save his money, and it can be hard to think of other free or low cost things to do in the winter. Is ice skating the only suggestion you've mentioned to him? He may not be into ice skating at all. You may have to brainstorm some other suggestions. Maybe walk around the mall or find a big hill to go sledding.
todreaminblue Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 finding free dates to go on can be a date in itself researching somewhere to go and making plans....finding out what is out there that is free i sa good start i feel for you.....reading your post it seems like money is really important to you...this guy isnt working so i dont know what you expect......but honestly in my opinion....if i havent got money enough to cover a meal in my wallet and his meal too...i would be surfing the net or hunting for fun free dates to go on....you really could be a bit more understanding when it comes to lack of money....if he has saved up do you really expect him to use his savings on a date? You stated this guy made you lunch....is sweet ...and obviously thoughtful........be a little thoughtful towards him and maybe ice skating might happen further down the track...when both of you are more financially capable of paying....deb
Author Photofinish Posted February 7, 2015 Author Posted February 7, 2015 This guy already took you out on a few dates and I have a hunch he paid for them all. After paying your way a few times without you offering to pay, he gave up. Now you're upset that he doesn't keep paying for you to do things. Maybe you should pay for something. He only paid for one date ever. I've paid my way for all the others. I guess I'm just a little bored. I want to go out and do stuff with him ya know? I would invite him places if I actually had the money to do so. I dont mind paying my way but he drives. Why cant he take me to go ice skating? I did date a college graduate and he took me to many places but I usually paid my own way as well. There is nothing wrong with him paying for dates. As time marches on, men are trying to weedle out of more and more responsibilities while their demands on their female partners pile up. Open the wallet already and let the moths fly out. BUT...OP, you two should be able to enjoy "free" dates. And it's okay to hang out the house as long as you go out sometimes too. How about you make a nice picnic lunch and invite him to go with you? You let him pay for dates, you recipocate by doing these kind of things. I agree but we've only ever gone out to one place >_< . Is it wrong of me to want to go somewhere else?
contact1 Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 The way your post comes out, in your past relationships you were always taken out, and have come accustomed to that, being pampered in that manner. So now it seems to be your expectation, which is unfair, because you know he doesn't work, but somehow expect him to use his savings to take you out, even though he is making the effort to spend time with you and do things with you.
Author Photofinish Posted February 7, 2015 Author Posted February 7, 2015 The way your post comes out, in your past relationships you were always taken out, and have come accustomed to that, being pampered in that manner. So now it seems to be your expectation, which is unfair, because you know he doesn't work, but somehow expect him to use his savings to take you out, even though he is making the effort to spend time with you and do things with you. Is a $15 skating date his life savings? @_@ All we do now a days is go to his place or he comes to mine.
preraph Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 It's not good that you paid for 2 out of 3 dates where you actually went and did something. That said, when I was in college, no one had money for anything much. You might encourage him to take a job at the college stadium or something like that just so he'd occasionally have pocket money. He may have saved up his money for school, not dates. Usually around a campus there are lots of dollar matinees and midnight movies and free concerts on campus and ladies night at the bar and things you can go to that don't cost much money. Plus art shows and stuff like that. Get creative. But if you find out he could be paying without hardship and he's just not going to or maybe doesn't even WANT to go out but would rather just stay in and have sex, he's probably not the guy for you. 3
todreaminblue Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 Is a $15 skating date his life savings? @_@ All we do now a days is go to his place or he comes to mine. fifteen dollars is a lot if you dont have money......its the difference between starving for a couple of days.....or eating a couple of meals...and people who save who dont have much.....guard their savings.....its not for frivolous pleasure...its savings for essentials or emergencies.... suggest free dates or as donnivain said go ice skating with your gfs...... he simply doesnt have the money to take you out...and if that is important to you he have money ...then maybe he isnt the guy for you.....when you care for someone truly,its not about where you go or how much money you dont have to spend its about the person you are with and spending time with them ...its not about boredom and stopping boredom by going on dates.........deb 2
Diezel Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 Is a $15 skating date his life savings? @_@ Is it yours? 1
Author Photofinish Posted February 7, 2015 Author Posted February 7, 2015 Is it yours? No mines is $0
thecrucible Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 I suppose either he's not into going out or he can't afford it but is too proud to say anything about that. Maybe you can suggest free dates and when he gets a bit of free time, say if he's just finished up a project, you can suggest going out to celebrate. See if it was me, if I wanted to go somewhere, I'd go whether he was there or not. I do that sometimes as my friends don't always like to go to things I enjoy and I am single. lol So I would be like casually saying to him, "Hey that's cool. I know you are busy with lots of stuff. Maybe we can go out together when we're both less busy? I'll round up some friends for now. It's gonna be really fun!". And you could suggest a few events which are cheaper - certain nights out/events which cater for students for instance. I wouldn't give up and assume he's not interested in going out at all. I'd make a few suggestions and see how he reacts. 2
thecrucible Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 he simply doesnt have the money to take you out...and if that is important to you he have money ...then maybe he isnt the guy for you..... I don't think it's necessarily about having money, just spending quality time together. And there are ways to do that without forking out lots of money all the time. When I was in college and dating someone, I got a bit down that he stopped wanting to take me out. His work was just more important than me at the time. Looking back, although I don't regret dating him, I think college is the wrong time to date someone seriously. It's okay to casually date people but work comes first, especially in the final year. If his priorities are not dating at the moment, that doesn't make him a bad person but you'll need to think about whether you are on the same page. And it's better to hear it from the horse's mouth than to guess all the time. With that college boyfriend, our relationship just collapsed and there was no going back. He stopped making an effort for ages to spend quality time with me and when I tried to reach out to him, he'd push me away. He eventually came back but he thought he could keep me on the back burner for a year while he spent time more studies and that we could magically go back to where we were before...but my feelings had already died by that point. So yeah think about what's important to both of you in a relationship. It's better to have an honest conversation than let it drag on like how I described. when you care for someone truly,its not about where you go or how much money you dont have to spend its about the person you are with and spending time with them ...its not about boredom and stopping boredom by going on dates.........deb Oh and I agree with you on this, Deb. Sometimes people are only together because they have 'hanging out' in common but it's superficial and the mutual affection doesn't run very deep. So all in all, whether you go out or not isn't really important to bonding with someone. But I also think people should be fairly similar in their lifestyle needs. It may be frustrating for both parties if one person is a party animal and the other enjoys staying indoors all the time. Sure you know what I mean Just about having right balance, right? 1
The Mighty Quinn Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 I agree but we've only ever gone out to one place >_< . Is it wrong of me to want to go somewhere else? Not at all. I don't think it's too much to ask to go ice skating. Personally, I think you should dump him and find a guy who is willing to be a gentlemen and pay for you. Is he a homebody? 1
todreaminblue Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 I don't think it's necessarily about having money, just spending quality time together. And there are ways to do that without forking out lots of money all the time. When I was in college and dating someone, I got a bit down that he stopped wanting to take me out. His work was just more important than me at the time. Looking back, although I don't regret dating him, I think college is the wrong time to date someone seriously. It's okay to casually date people but work comes first, especially in the final year. If his priorities are not dating at the moment, that doesn't make him a bad person but you'll need to think about whether you are on the same page. And it's better to hear it from the horse's mouth than to guess all the time. With that college boyfriend, our relationship just collapsed and there was no going back. He stopped making an effort for ages to spend quality time with me and when I tried to reach out to him, he'd push me away. He eventually came back but he thought he could keep me on the back burner for a year while he spent time more studies and that we could magically go back to where we were before...but my feelings had already died by that point. So yeah think about what's important to both of you in a relationship. It's better to have an honest conversation than let it drag on like how I described. Oh and I agree with you on this, Deb. Sometimes people are only together because they have 'hanging out' in common but it's superficial and the mutual affection doesn't run very deep. So all in all, whether you go out or not isn't really important to bonding with someone. But I also think people should be fairly similar in their lifestyle needs. It may be frustrating for both parties if one person is a party animal and the other enjoys staying indoors all the time. Sure you know what I mean Just about having right balance, right? i do think you have to mesh in lifestyles...i am not money orientated and i find it exciting to go on the cheap....to be free of the constraints that money places on relationships and get to know the person i am with purely on who they are not what they have.,..i do know theres a difference between being a tight person to a person who diligently saves for something or a rainy day.....i think breaking up over not going ice skating is a bit much....i truly think she needs to talk to him ....but also be a bit understanding as she is under the same financial constraints honestly as he is....they both dont have much..his savings shouldnt come into it just because she doesnt have any......he should come forward and take her ice skating regardfless of whther he actually doesn thav ecash other than savings........maybe its just me...but i find that sort of childish and completely dispassionate...there are actually loads of free fun things that can be done on dates cheap easy and exciting things to do other than ice skating.............deb
Els Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 There are lots of free or very cheap dates if you know where to look. Admittedly fewer in cold weather (which there would be now if you live in the northern hemisphere) but they do exist. Have you looked for them? I don't think it's too much at all to want to go out on dates instead of just hanging out at one another's place, but it sounds like you're expecting him to read your mind. How is he supposed to know that you want to go ice skating? If you really want to go, invite him, and be prepared to pay your share. $15 isn't a lot, but it can feel like a lot to someone who is really broke, like he might be if he's a student with no job. If you prefer a man who has the money to pamper you, that is entirely your prerogative, as we are all entitled to our own preferences. But don't pressure a man who has no money into spending on you. That's not fair to him or you. 2
clia Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 He only paid for one date ever. I've paid my way for all the others. I guess I'm just a little bored. I want to go out and do stuff with him ya know? I would invite him places if I actually had the money to do so. I dont mind paying my way but he drives. Why cant he take me to go ice skating? I did date a college graduate and he took me to many places but I usually paid my own way as well. I agree but we've only ever gone out to one place >_< . Is it wrong of me to want to go somewhere else? Well, once you start your job then you can start inviting him out places and going out and doing stuff, right? So, just give it a couple of weeks until you get your first paycheck. 2
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