Mrs. John Adams Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 (edited) So you were selfish and cheated. But now you are loyal and faithful. There is no *why* that you know of. So, the question is, what's to stop you from being selfish again in the future? Anything? Nothing? Is this why you feel you can make no guarantees it won't happen again? For a BS who has a WS with a similar view, what gives them the safety to reinvest in R? OP, I think your examination of your attachment style will probably help you a lot as you move forward. Not just in your M but in having healthier relationships in general. I make no guarantee because I was stupid enough in my younger years to be holier than thou enough and judgmental enough to say...that will NEVER happen to me. I shot that right out of the water...didn't i? I do not think I will ever committ adultery again...I do not believe I will ever do it again...i believe I am smart enough...I believe I am remorseful enough...I believe I am wise enough..to never allow myself to be in a situation for me to make a bad choice...and committ adultery again. I believe I have shored up my boundaries...I believe I have made myself transparent enough...that I won't committ adultery again. I would do everything I possibly could to keep myself from committing adultery again. But I am smart enough to never say never... My husband is satisfied enough...and believes me enough...and trusts me enough to remain married to me. If my answers satisfy him...if my actions are proof to him....then that is all that matters. It is really a matter of semantics I suppose....you want to hear me say..I guarantee I will not commit adultery again...and I say it in every way I know how without using those exact words. I will not say I will never committ adultery again...because I failed. But I will say I would take my own life before I allowed myself to commit adultery again. That's the best I can give you. As for others investing in r...that is not my call. If your spouse has satisfied your gut feeling...if they have assured you enough, and lived a life transparent enough to make you feel safe...then only you can make the call whether or not to trust them and remain married. Edited February 7, 2015 by Mrs. John Adams 1
badkarma2013 Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 So you were selfish and cheated. But now you are loyal and faithful. There is no *why* that you know of. So, the question is, what's to stop you from being selfish again in the future? Anything? Nothing? Is this why you feel you can make no guarantees it won't happen again? For a BS who has a WS with a similar view, what gives them the safety to reinvest in R? OP, I think your examination of your attachment style will probably help you a lot as you move forward. Not just in your M but in having healthier relationships in general. ******************************************************************* Jesus Christ what do you guys want from Mrs Adams...She is perfectly capable of defending herself...but enough is enough ...what do you want a gif of Mr Adams crucifying her to a cross..Stop..... If YOU had read her post she has PAID more penance than a Monk... She has struggled with her ONE choice of her A...for YEARS as has Mr Adams...She KNOWS what she did and what is cost her as a person and what it did to her marriage..for 30 YEARS... Most of us BHs ..would beg for a WW to be 1/2 of what Mrs Adams has shown to Mr. Adams ... When Mr. Adams would trigger..for years she would admit what she had done to him and asked him if he wanted her to leave..for years..She admits the fault is hers and hers alone.. If want a explaination...by all means stay...If you want blood..she has no more to give... 2
autumnnight Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 ******************************************************************* Jesus Christ what do you guys want from Mrs Adams...She is perfectly capable of defending herself...but enough is enough ...what do you want a gif of Mr Adams crucifying her to a cross..Stop..... If YOU had read her post she has PAID more penance than a Monk... She has struggled with her ONE choice of her A...for YEARS as has Mr Adams...She KNOWS what she did and what is cost her as a person and what it did to her marriage..for 30 YEARS... Most of us BHs ..would beg for a WW to be 1/2 of what Mrs Adams has shown to Mr. Adams ... When Mr. Adams would trigger..for years she would admit what she had done to him and asked him if he wanted her to leave..for years..She admits the fault is hers and hers alone.. If want a explaination...by all means stay...If you want blood..she has no more to give... A-freaking-men. That's why I said several days ago you couldn't PAY me enough to open up to strangers. 1
badkarma2013 Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 A-freaking-men. That's why I said several days ago you couldn't PAY me enough to open up to strangers. YOU ALL know I am no fan of WWs...but when someone comes here who is honest and truly remorseful about their actions ..For the love God they have suffered enough , let them be....YOU may not agree with them...But if Mr. Adams can live with it....I sure can...Badkarma
Mrs. John Adams Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 I don't mind answering questions if it help others...I don't even mind if sometimes answering is uncomfortable or it stings. My husband reads everything I write...so if I were lying...or being less than honest...he would know. That is the one advantage to us being here together. He holds me accountable for everything I say. We don't always agree on everything...he has his perceptions...I have mine. But to dispute whether or not I tell the tuth seems a bit spiteful to me. I hope you all know that I truly do my best to be honest and forthright. I don't profess to have all the answers...all I can do is tell you what happened in my life... I do thank you all for being respectful. I know it must be terribly hard since I am the ww...and I understand that. I am not here to make you feel bad....I really do want to help if I can. I have made so many mistakes...if I can keep one person from making the mistakes I made...it will make this worthwhile.
JohnAdams Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 Mrs. Adams has been faithful for the last 31 years. Most marriages do not even last 31 years. I think her actions speak much louder than words. 4
autumnnight Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 since I am the ww.. Actually, you WERE a WW. When we confess our sins, the only One who never sinned forgave you, cleansed you from all unrighteousness, and separated your sin from you as far as the east is from the west.,HE removed the holey fence.
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