oleanderwalking Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 (edited) We've been dating for 7 months.3 months ago he broke up with me because he said that things were getting serious between us and everyone kept calling me his gf and that freaked him out because he had bad experiences in the past.We're dating again now and i completely stopped initiating contact so he always initiates now first and contacts many times a day and asks to hangout and talks about the future with me.I'm still super cautious and trying to protect myself because im afraid that he can break up with me at any minute.I also feel guilty because he has been so loving and romantic and even calls me his gf and i've become really distant because i'm afraid that if i reciprocate and call him my bf and call him baby and act like a gf he'll stop seeing me.Is he acting all loving because i'm being distant?And if i start to reciprocate and start acting all loving is there a big chance that he will break up with me again because it will trigger his fear? Edited February 7, 2015 by oleanderwalking
Satu Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 Just be yourself. You don't have to twist yourself into a completely different person for anyone. 3
Author oleanderwalking Posted February 7, 2015 Author Posted February 7, 2015 Just be yourself. You don't have to twist yourself into a completely different person for anyone. I'm a very loving and giving person.I'm worried he's gonna get distant if i start being myself
newmoon Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 We've been dating for 7 months.3 months ago he broke up with me because he said that things were getting serious between us and everyone kept calling me his gf and that freaked him out because he had bad experiences in the past.We're dating again now and i completely stopped initiating contact so he always initiates now first and contacts many times a day and asks to hangout and talks about the future with me.I'm still super cautious and trying to protect myself because im afraid that he can break up with me at any minute.I also feel guilty because he has been so loving and romantic and even calls me his gf and i've become really distant because i'm afraid that if i reciprocate and call him my bf and call him baby and act like a gf he'll stop seeing me.Is he acting all loving because i'm being distant?And if i start to reciprocate and start acting all loving is there a big chance that he will break up with me again because it will trigger his fear? yeah, he might dump you again when you start to act romantic. but he's going to dump you anyway when he figures out this is all an act, right? right now he isn't doting on you, he's doting on the fake version you're presenting. be authentic, be yourself, do and say what you feel. if he doesn't like it, give the attention to a guy who does. 3
Leigh 87 Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 This never ends well. And most men aren't truly commitment phobic; they just aren't compelled to be in a relationship, they don't like the idea of saying " this is it" with a woman unless they are truly crazy about them. If he IS commitment phobic, he needs to meet the right woman at the right time in order to change that; some true commitment phobes never change their ways! 1
organizedchaos Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 This never ends well. And most men aren't truly commitment phobic; they just aren't compelled to be in a relationship, they don't like the idea of saying " this is it" with a woman unless they are truly crazy about them. If he IS commitment phobic, he needs to meet the right woman at the right time in order to change that; some true commitment phobes never change their ways! Yes. I'm am crazy about my gf and she is the same about me. Im totally fine with "this being it". There should be NO guilt. There should be NO second guessing. You should NOT walk on egg shells worried you'll push him away by being too loving. I mean, really??? This is the kind of relationship you want?
joystickd Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 This never ends well. And most men aren't truly commitment phobic; they just aren't compelled to be in a relationship, they don't like the idea of saying " this is it" with a woman unless they are truly crazy about them. If he IS commitment phobic, he needs to meet the right woman at the right time in order to change that; some true commitment phobes never change their ways! Commitment phobia is just a palatable excuse that only helps the rejected person. No phobia it just means he didnt want to commit to you. Its that simple.
Poppygoodwill Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 You shouldn't have to be on guard against acting in a loving way in your romantic relationship. that's just crazy. So unless he's changed, or you can convince yourself to stop being so afraid and just be yourself, then I'm afraid this has no future.
candie13 Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 It all comes down to what you want and how happy you are in that relationship. It seems that your reactions depend heavily on his... and that is no way to live, that is manipulation, not happiness. if you're an attentive, warm person, you should be yourself and be with people who accept and appreciate that trait of character of yours... basically, you are letting yourself get taken into hostage by an emotional manipulator... or so it looks like. the classic push pull dynamic. here's my advice: fears are not real. in the end, the question is: does he really like you? Does he really appreciate you? Maybe you are manipulating him with your cold behaviour, at your turn. you'll never know if this is for real unless you are yourself. Give it a go, you might enjoy it. cheers
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