Zahara Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 (edited) So I ask you: do you truly think he and I can't be friends like we agreed, and risk that by deleting him from everything. Friends -- your definition of a friend is someone that treats you with respect, someone that treats you with care and kindness, there to support you and willing to be there when you need them. Someone you can trust? Yes? How does someone that treated you like an object, demoted you to someone he uses, and had no regard for your feelings qualify as a friend? What sort of friendship do you think you can have with someone who couldn't even be an honest and upstanding partner to you in a relationship? "Friend" is used by the dumper to keep you on the backburner. Friend is used by the dumpee to be accessible and available to the dumper just incase dumper decides to reappear. The latter is what you are doing. Be honest with yourself in your motive to use the "friend" card. It doesn't sound genuine. I can bet you 100% that by the time you are over this clown, you'll be knocking yourself over the head for even contemplating being friends with him. When you are indifferent, trust me you'll realize that someone like him was never worth your time. Edited February 19, 2015 by Zahara 3
Author Ara-bella Posted February 20, 2015 Author Posted February 20, 2015 I see what you guys are saying and I don't want to be that girl that he used at one point, at any point in my life again. However I'm nervous I'll regret deleting him and cutting him off completely:(
jus d'orange Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 Don't be nervous. Be proud, confident, and strong in cutting this guy out of your life. It's difficult but I promise you won't regret it. You have to be strong about this because otherwise you DO run the risk of being used by him again and again. You have no need to be in contact with him whatsoever. He won't forget about you not you about him, if that's what you're concerned about, and he doesn't need to see what's going on with you. Even more importantly, you definitely don't need to see what's going on with him. Delete him from all social media. Go no contact. I sense that you're really weak about this at the moment and that can only lead to bad things. 3
FancyFace Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 Ara-bella, honey, I was once where you are right now. Holding onto a man for dear life, a man who, in all honesty, just could not give two s**ts about me. Zahara and everyone else on this thread have given you amazing advice but the first step to moving on is acceptance. You have to accept the situation for exactly what it is. This man does not care about you, at all, not in the slightest. He sees you as an object to be used, and once that usefulness is no longer there, to be chucked away like an old show. He does not see the beautiful, warm, lving, caring, wonderful person that you are. He sees sex, an ego boost, money, comfort and that is it. He does not love you and with people who act like this, unless they are counselling for years on end, they will never change. The only thing that will change will be their partner but they themselves will never change. You made a bad investment in this guy. It happens to the best of us, my mom said it best, if Bernie Madoff can fool top CEO's and investors for years on end, what more the rest of us plebs who get fooled by people promising us the moon and the stars when they can't even deliver a simple blade of grass? It can happen to anyone but the true strength of a person is once you have the infomation that you are in a bed investment, pull out instead of pouring even more in to try "recover your losses". Sometimes the strongest thing you can do, instead of fighting is pull out and move on. Cut your losses and start the process of moving on. You have to get to a point where, if a decision has to be made, you choose yourself everytime. The first step to self love is letting go of toxic people, liking yourself enough to move away from things that hurt you. Like Zahara said, dont let him keep tabs on you and use social media as a way to communicate with him that your life is better, don't play act it. Live it out, go out there and start a new life that has no links to him whatsoever. He's not coming back, and if he were to come back, what would that say about you to take him back? Do the hard thing, do the right thing and go NC. Read this thread again, then read the NC guide, then just do it. It's the first step in the journey of a thousand miles, but you will be so happy you made it. 3
Zahara Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 I see what you guys are saying and I don't want to be that girl that he used at one point, at any point in my life again. However I'm nervous I'll regret deleting him and cutting him off completely:( In order not to be that girl that gets used again, you need to remove yourself from the source that made you feel that way. If your need is to still be accessible to someone that used you, then your objective of never allowing him to use you again has already failed. Those two statements don't equate. Trust the regret you will feel if you ever get roped in again will far outweigh your regret for never deleting him from your life. Your goal now should be about regaining your self respect and self love, not regretting the removal of a guy that treated you like dirt. What's important to you? You need to accept that you were nothing but an object. Acceptance of your reality.
Author Ara-bella Posted February 20, 2015 Author Posted February 20, 2015 I trust everyone's judgment and I've just deleted him from all the social media I had him on. I feel empty, but also like a weight's been lifted off my shoulders. Now I'm hoping he's considerate enough to not contact me and let me heal on my own. Thanks to everyone! If anything significant occurs, I shall update this:) 1
Zahara Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 I trust everyone's judgment and I've just deleted him from all the social media I had him on. I feel empty, but also like a weight's been lifted off my shoulders. Now I'm hoping he's considerate enough to not contact me and let me heal on my own. Thanks to everyone! If anything significant occurs, I shall update this:) Block him on everything. Your healing isn't his responsibility. It is your responsibility. So when you say you hope that he is considerate enough no to contact you, you're again opening yourself to risk and the possibility of failing. For some reason, I think you still want to have a little door open to him. 1
Author Ara-bella Posted February 21, 2015 Author Posted February 21, 2015 (edited) Zahara - He texted me today. It was very brief. He told me he really did love me but it's just not our time. I don't really have the heart to ignore him and i didnt want to argue so I simply said I don't want to talk and to give me time and space. He said "we'll see each other again. I know it" and I didn't respond. Does that count as a little door? Edit: I forgot to mention he asked me if Ive masturbated today. What the hell? Edited February 21, 2015 by Ara-bella
Zahara Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 (edited) Zahara - He texted me today. It was very brief. He told me he really did love me but it's just not our time. I don't really have the heart to ignore him and i didnt want to argue so I simply said I don't want to talk and to give me time and space. He said "we'll see each other again. I know it" and I didn't respond. Does that count as a little door? Edit: I forgot to mention he asked me if Ive masturbated today. What the hell? Yes, you left a huge door open. You responded. He knows he can walk through at anytime. He's giving you hope with the "we'll see each other again" -- because he knows you're a sucker for him. He asked you if you masturbated today? :sick: He has zero respect for you. It's an indication that he is not hurting or suffering. While your heart hurts, he is trying to get his penis stroked by you. Why aren't you feeling sick and repulsed? He looks at you like an object. Why, why, why are you still lowering yourself to him and letting him treat you like garbage? Why, Ara-bella? Please, please let this guy go. He never loved you. You're inflicting so much emotional and mental damage on yourself. Do you think a man that really loved you would be asking you if you masturbated when he knows you're hurting? Step out of your emotional bubble for one minute and please for goodness sake...THINK. BLOCK HIM, PLEASE. Edited February 21, 2015 by Zahara 2
na49 Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 Edit: I forgot to mention he asked me if Ive masturbated today. What the hell? What the...? I agree with Zahara that you should block him. Unless you feel like him contacting you isn't affecting your healing. I'd have to imagine that it is though. 1
No Limit Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 I know it" and I didn't respond. Does that count as a little door? Edit: I forgot to mention he asked me if Ive masturbated today. What the hell? I don't know how many more signs you need that this guy considers you an easy lay he doesn't want to give up on completely in case the dating world will kick him in the groin and he needs someone to lift his ego from the ground. 3
Author Ara-bella Posted February 23, 2015 Author Posted February 23, 2015 Yeah Zahara the whole masturbating ordeal didn't rub me the right way either. No_Limit, I'm pretty sure that's the case. We've broken up before after he began talking to other girls, and he came back after 3 months. I'm guessing he was lonely and had no one to date and I took him back.. it was a dumb decision :l I guess I'm doing pretty well now, with NC and all. I have to say, reading his text saying "goodbye" a couple days ago still really hurt. Now I'm trying hard to resist the urge to look at his social media (I have him deleted but his Instagram is public). I also am trying to forget about the good times we had. How do I do it successfully?? Just remember all the bad times?Does that typically work?
darkbloom Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 Yeah Zahara the whole masturbating ordeal didn't rub me the right way either. No_Limit, I'm pretty sure that's the case. We've broken up before after he began talking to other girls, and he came back after 3 months. I'm guessing he was lonely and had no one to date and I took him back.. it was a dumb decision :l I guess I'm doing pretty well now, with NC and all. I have to say, reading his text saying "goodbye" a couple days ago still really hurt. Now I'm trying hard to resist the urge to look at his social media (I have him deleted but his Instagram is public). I also am trying to forget about the good times we had. How do I do it successfully?? Just remember all the bad times?Does that typically work? You can still remember the good times. Those are things you get to keep from the relationship. They are bittersweet though. They happened but you can never go back. The only place they still exist is in your head. My healing has helped greatly by acknowledging both the good and the bad. I am taking both things with me into my next relationship. The bad times taught me lessons about myself. How I can change the way I react and what to do the next time I am faced with a difficult decision. You'll get to a place where you can appreciate both.
disrespected Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 I broke up with my gf right before valentines day as she emotionally cheated on me for a long time, what did I do, I joined this forum and I made a list of Pro's and Con's about her, there were a lot more cons than pros, try that, its helped me all the best
dreamingoftigers Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 Jeepers. The next guy will look like a knight. 1
No Limit Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 The next guy will look like a knight. Well that's no challenge when you've been with a dragon for such a long time. 1
Author Ara-bella Posted February 24, 2015 Author Posted February 24, 2015 Lmao! Thanks for the laughs people. Ugh, I'm having a bad day and I have weird moments. Was at the library and I saw someone who reminded me of his mom. It's everywhere. I hope this gets easier. 1
Elias33 Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 You absolutely made no mistake here. You stood up for yourself, and did the hardest part. You may feel empty, but now you can fill yourself with good stuff. Absolutely no contact, as the others have advised. Keep your chin up, we all have been there at one point. 1
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