It's finally over.

[Ara-bella]

For anyone who hasn't read my story: (https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/511163-how-have-sex-intimate-without-feelings) This is a glimpse.

 

After being a girlfriend, being degraded to a FWB, back to a girlfriend, getting cheated on, I'm finally through with this relationship of a year and a half.

 

I told him I didn't believe he'd ever change and in the end, he did cheat on me and it's over. He only ever fights for me when I'm about to end it, and he didn't fight this time. He said he'd keep the gift he got for me for Valentine's day and I would keep what I got for him.

 

He blocked me from Twitter after posting "I don't need you lol" and I deleted him from everywhere else.. Any ideas on why he blocked myself and my bestfriend from twitter? Is it guilt or does he just not want to know about me at all?

 

AND, any tips for getting over him? He's my first boyfriend. Really, I'm hoping I didn't make a mistake by ending it. Granted, it was a terrible experience and I'm kind of scared to date again.

Edited February 6, 2015 by Ara-bella

[marcelo.santos]

I know it is hard - your first bf, probably it looks like for you right know that he is the only man you can love.

 

I know it is hard - but you need to give you time without him, so you can learn how to love someone else.

 

Go full NC - full NC means: block sms, calls, etc.

 

Time is your friend.

[Ara-bella]

Thank you! I definitely am going NC. Deleted him from my phone and all that jazz.

[Zahara]

Good for you! :bunny:

[hoping2heal]

Ara-bella,

 

You haven't experienced it yet to know this but, there are wonderful, loving men out there who won't degrade you, won't screw with your head or your heart, and won't cheat on you.

 

Don't second guess yourself for a second. I know "you can do better" gets touted ad nauseam, but this is one case where I think it is a safe bet.

[Nascarfan]

Hey, my first girlfriend left me for her friend (2.5 years) so I understand how you might be feeling. It's definitely going to be tough sometimes, but know that you deserve so much more than that. If they can do it once, they can always do it again. Once they cross that border, things are never the same. You did make the right decision, and it's nice to see that you respect and love yourself enough to say that you've had enough. Thoughts might come into your head (as they have for me) every now and then wondering what he's up to, what he's thinking, or why he blocked you (my ex did the same to me) but when that happens just remember that he doesn't matter anymore. You are what matters, and the best is yet to come!

 

To break it down simply, the things that have helped me to move on are 1. Time 2. No Contact 3. Doing what I love 4. Rekindling my relationship with God 5. Expressing myself here (instead of checking her Tumblr) 6. Remembering to love myself. These things have brought me from the darkest time in my life to one of the strongest times in my life. The results will amaze you!

 

Everyone heals at their own pace, so take as much time as you need before dating again. It wouldn't be fair to the other person if you still had feelings for someone else.

 

There is a guy out there for you who would never do that to you and will always be by your side. Things will get better, always remember that.

[Ara-bella]

Thanks for the advice you guys! I'll take it to heart

I know it'll hurt for a while but it will subside.

 

I know it probably doesn't matter but I'm still curious. My friend told me she saw him post "Just like that, everything's deleted." Assuming that this refers to our photos together and stuff, It sounds like he's even angry at me/doesn't value what we had. Why do you think that is??

Edited February 7, 2015 by Ara-bella

[Zahara]

Thanks for the advice you guys! I'll take it to heart

I know it'll hurt for a while but it will subside.

 

I know it probably doesn't matter but I'm still curious. My friend told me she saw him post "Just like that, everything's deleted." Assuming that this refers to our photos together and stuff, It sounds like he's even angry at me/doesn't value what we had. Why do you think that is??

 

You need to stop checking his social media and you need to stop your friends from feeding you information. You're not going to fully be able to move on if you keep focusing on his life and keeping tabs of how/if he's moving on from you.

 

He's angry because you who once was submissive and was easily controlled, is now a woman that has a voice and has made a decision for herself. He cannot stand the fact that he's lost his hold on you and that he cannot manipulate you anymore. He's angry at you for standing up to him. Where's that girl that was sitting at my feet kissing it while I treated her like crap -- that's his anger.

 

He never valued what he had with you from the beginning. It's no surprise it was easy for him to just dust off and move on.

[mightycpa]

Yeah, he's protesting that he doesn't care a little too much

 

let him have his public hissy fits, and if you tell your friends not to tell you about them, you will have won the war.

[Jonjon4728]

We accept the love we think we deserve;

And you deserve better, don't forget that!!

[CrystalShine2011]

Ara-Bella - I'm so sorry to hear this happened to you. I truly know what you are going through as my first boyfriend treated me the same. Those kind of men are not worth our time, and I hope you know that!

 

The hurt will go away, I promise. Try to focus on positive things, or hobbies that keep you busy. You will look back and feel so happy that you made the choice you did.

 

Best of luck to you!

[Ara-bella]

Thanks so much everyone. I'll grow more confident with my decision in time. I noticed the hardest is when you're alone, so I'll try to keep busy.

 

First time my ex and I broke up, he came back after a few months with an apology and I took him back. I wouldn't be surprised, although I don't expect him to come back this time. it's probably a blessing that some of our exes reciprocate NC.. it helps us grow.

[darkbloom]

Hi OP,

 

I am in the same exact situation that you are in. Go full No Contact all the way. My ex got very pissed off when I blocked him off Facebook and deleted all of our pictures and yet he cheated on me. I did not respond.

 

I know it's hard, but do not let him pull you back in. I was pulled back in twice, and he cheated. Focus on the things you love to do. Write every negative angry thought you have on here and let it all out. When you get lonely or you feel like contacting him, write down every negative thought you've ever had about him. Keep the paper handy and read over it when you miss him.

 

My negative list about my ex reads:

-Liar

-Cheater

-Manipulative

-Selfish

-Picky

-Not ambitious

-Downer

-Drank too much

-Said one thing and did another

-Hypocrite

 

 

You get the idea. I read it to myself every time I miss him and that stops that right away. Why would you EVER want to be with someone who didn't value your feelings enough to be honest and truthful with you? Never ever again. You deserve better.

[Ara-bella]

I relapsed and let him apologize yet again.

 

Not only that, but he told me he loved me for the first time. A year and a half together, and not until I break up with him does he tell me he loves me.

 

He's asked me to take time to think about if I'd like to stay with him or not. While thinking, I noticed him commenting on some other girl's pictures with hearts and whatnot. Is he just a lady's man or someone who's never satisfied and will NEVER change????

[Zahara]

I relapsed and let him apologize yet again.

 

Keyword - relapse. So you know you've fallen down the rabbit hole again. Are you so desperate for a man, any man. I say any man because from the looks of it, you'll settle for just about anything. This man treated you like an option when you both were together. He never showed any effort. When you decided to end it, he casually said it was fine but would like to use you for company during the holidays. The you both ended and he demoted you to someone he'd like to phukk. That didn't work and you ended and he said he wanted to try again but was flirting with other women. Now he loves you and is still hearts and kisses with other women. Yes, any man. Throw you a little bone and you happily run after it.

 

Not only that, but he told me he loved me for the first time. A year and a half together, and not until I break up with him does he tell me he loves me.

 

Guys like him are tactical in gaining control over someone they know they can use. Someone that is gullible and accepting of poor treatment. Suddenly he sprung love for you. Oh my. You know it's bullshytt.

 

He's asked me to take time to think about if I'd like to stay with him or not. While thinking, I noticed him commenting on some other girl's pictures with hearts and whatnot. Is he just a lady's man or someone who's never satisfied and will NEVER change????

 

If he's a ladies man, you're going to be okay with it? You know he's flirting. Can you accept it? We already told you he is who he is so your second question is moot. So, what's the next step?

Edited February 18, 2015 by Zahara

[No Limit]

He's done with you and doesn't need you messing with his next victim via social media when he finds one.

 

Since this was your first BF, the only thing you should hope is that your senses are keen enough to recognize "that type" of guy and never fall for such BS again.

 

 

edit; Just saw your last post. Nevermind, I guess.

[Ara-bella]

Scratch that, just received a text.

 

"I'm gonna say what's been on my mind before Valentine's day.. you don't deserve me. Meaning you deserve better than me. I now know that. I'm not the guy you deserve at least not yet. I can be better but I'm not the better right now. I wanna be that guy I really do. But I'm not him right now. I cannot see you in a bubble of sadness anymore. I was planning on letting you go. Not on bad terms just in the way of 'if you love something, let it go' it's hard to let you go because you're great and beautiful and awesome. There's me being completely honest."

 

So now its definitely over... well, this is a bittersweet ending, I'm wondering if he's genuine in that I deserve better (he didn't hesitate to let me hurt for months) or if he found someone else or something.

 

He also blocked me on Twitter again. Last time he said it was so he wouldn't get curious and see what I was up to. Yet this offends me

Edited February 19, 2015 by Ara-bella

[sabd]

Acknowledge that this guy is a complete asshat who degraded and used you! Don't fall for the "you deserve better than me" crap. He'll wear you down with this kind of thing if you let him. And he'll string you along forever with "yet" and "not right now" so he can keep you as Plan B. I think you know that you are so much better off without his manipulative and controlling behaviour. Remain in NC and tell your friends to stop feeding you information about him. Other than that, you know its going to take time to get through this - look after yourself while you're healing.

[Zahara]

Suddenly he's concerned about what you deserve. All this time he disregarded all your emotions and turmoils, now he is putting your best interest at heart? He feeds empty words. Nothing he says is trustworthy. It's me, it's not you are just words to keep you off balance. One moment he loves you and wants you back and the next he was planning to let you go. I think this guy realized that it was too much drama to maintain you and probably has other women paying him attention so he's decided to cut you loose.

 

He blocked you on Twitter so that YOU can't see him going off and doing his thing. This way it leaves you in the dark. So if and when he comes back around, he can give you some sob story and rope you back in again.

[Ara-bella]

Suddenly he's concerned about what you deserve. All this time he disregarded all your emotions and turmoils, now he is putting your best interest at heart?

 

Exactly! He's very inconsistent, I'm gonna assume he BS's everything he says.

 

I'm feeling pretty sad, but like everyone says, I'm better off now and this is for the best. Now my thing is: delete/block from Facebook and Instagram? Part of me wants to let him see I'm doing fine without him (although this risks him blocking me first - dont want that to happen) but part of me just wants him to realize I'm out of his life, for good. I've already blocked his phone number.

[Hija77]

I hope you haven't had that conversation with him yet!! Think about how hard it's going to be to break the pattern you two have going on. I bet it wouldn't be long before you were dealing with the same garbage you'be just escaped. He doesn't sound trustworthy, either. Save yourself the heartache!! If I were you, I wouldn't even have a conversation. What for? He's a cheating jerk! You don't own him anything.

[angiefly]

Exactly! He's very inconsistent, I'm gonna assume he BS's everything he says.

 

I'm feeling pretty sad, but like everyone says, I'm better off now and this is for the best. Now my thing is: delete/block from Facebook and Instagram? Part of me wants to let him see I'm doing fine without him (although this risks him blocking me first - dont want that to happen) but part of me just wants him to realize I'm out of his life, for good. I've already blocked his phone number.

 

I'm sorry for your heartache, it's hard, and that's why all of us are here. It's not easy to break-up, you are losing someone who's had an impact(whatever kind that may be... good or bad) on your life. Thing is, breaking up, it's necessary because he doesn't treat you well. We all have to grieve, give ourselves time to heal and it's hard BUT, like I said, necessary. So what do we do to heal? We start taking care of ourselves, keep busy, journal, and the list goes on but you need to take that love and energy you were giving to him and direct it towards yourself. He's playing with your mind, from everything I've read, he is a manipulator and you WILL probably go back to him if you don't go NC and quit checking his social media! I know it's hard but think about this: Would you be happy spending your life (or any amount of time) with this guy, the way he is now? Because how he is NOW is who he is. Period. I hope you think more of yourself. It's rough but it's worth it.

[Zahara]

Now my thing is: delete/block from Facebook and Instagram? Part of me wants to let him see I'm doing fine without him (although this risks him blocking me first - dont want that to happen)

 

The risk isn't him blocking you first BUT THE RISK is you getting roped back in because he has access to you -- (and you nearly did this time around -- aren't you learning a lesson?) This "pretend my life is so great" is detrimental thinking because you're still focused on him, instead of you truly moving on. The truth is you are not fine. There's no use in putting all this effort in creating a facade when you should be focusing 100% on grieving and healing from this.

 

but part of me just wants him to realize I'm out of his life, for good. I've already blocked his phone number.

 

Honey, he wants you out of his life. You don't need to make him realize anything. And "for good" isn't going to scare him because he was never really afraid of losing you.

[Ara-bella]

Thank you Angie for the insightful message - you're absolutely right.

 

Zahara, every time you've given me advice or predicted what he would do next, it's always proven true. So I ask you: do you truly think he and I can't be friends like we agreed, and risk that by deleting him from everything.

[No Limit]

So I ask you: do you truly think he and I can't be friends like we agreed, and risk that by deleting him from everything.

 

I wasn't asked but I'll answer anyway; when an ex asks to be friends afterwards they either

a) just want to make the breakup seem 'nicer'

b) want to be sure you'll still be there for the occasional ONS when they're too lazy to go out

 

Seeing how this guy treated you - or rather, how vulnerable you are and just tolerate it - it's definitely b in your case. And as soon as the ONS happened and he does the smooth talking you'll open your next thread asking how well the chances are of you two getting back together and so on.