simon_uk Posted April 2, 2005 Posted April 2, 2005 Would it be unwise to send the ex a letter? I know, I know the rules about NC but I am just pining so much! I just want to tell her that I haven't forgot about her and that I meant everything I said to her. I really do want to marry her and be with her but she just brushed it off when I told her on monday. Well basically she said she did want all those things but now she doesn't. Because I wouldn't commit sooner, she now has no faith in me! I just fear the longer we have NC the easier it is for her to forget me! :-( Alpha, i need your words man! Simon
vickimonster Posted April 2, 2005 Posted April 2, 2005 So how long has ther been NC, if I read your post right you last spoke on Monday. If I were you I wouldn't contact her yet. Well Write the letter by all means, but don't send it. In my experience it is best to leave a letter for a couple of days after writing it then go back and re-read it before you send it. At least writing it will get some things out of your system but by giving it a couple of days you can edit the bits where your emotions run away with you. Having said all that I am in NC mode at the moment, it has only been two days and I feel like I need to say so much stuff. Stay resovled at least over the weekend. As I have read a lot of people say on these boards you can talk and talk and talk, sometimes it just doesn't get through to the other person, you need to let them do your own thinking. Hope that helps a bit
Author simon_uk Posted April 2, 2005 Author Posted April 2, 2005 Hi Vicki Thanks for your words. i have been in NC for four days, well this is day 4. I am just at my wits end because I am guessing and it is only a guess but i am guessing she wont come back because she thinks I am making false promises and to be honest I cant say I blame her, I would probably think the same. But i genuinely would and do want to make a real commitment to her. Theres just no way to make her believe me now and why would she? She has waited for two years and only when she goes do I make an offer of marriage. But it took her to leave me for me to finally realize and this has unlocked all my emotions that I held so close to my chest before. i was just too terrified of being hurt again and ultimately I got hurt anyway. it sucks big time! God I miss her so........................... Simon
vickimonster Posted April 2, 2005 Posted April 2, 2005 When did the spilt happen? I think you probably (for your own sake as much as hers) need to do something or say something, given what you have said. I guess a little time and perspective are also needed. You feel you want to say something, she may want you to, but it has to be the right thing. If you go with your 'god I miss her i have to do something about this' gut instinct it will most likely end up being the wrong words or gesture. So if I get this right she wanted commitment and you were wary then when she said enough is enough you went hold on marry me. Well you've done the big gesture and that didn't work. I guess you need to keep up NC while you think really hard about what to do next. Really think about why she left you and what you could possibly do to help her trust and believe you. And obviously whatever you do make sure you run it by someone first. I am sure you will though. As for your current feeling, I know what you mean it just feeling like something’s missing, and yu get to the stage where you don't care what the words that pass between you and your ex are, good, bad otherwise, just contact will do. You also probably know you'll make a mistake if you contact her now. I am there too. Stay strong.
Butterflye Posted April 2, 2005 Posted April 2, 2005 Hey Simon, Well, the letter thing is always tricky, i understand you jus want to say so much. However, I think if you send a letter, you have to realise that in NO WAY is it going to make them come back to you...you have to think how much you want that outpouring of emotion! I personally DID send my ex a letter (well, 2 if i'm honest) and I did it because I just needed to tell him how I felt, where I stood, what I was feeling. I was vainly hoping it miht make him re-consider but it really didn't. Don't get me wrong, he did 'appreciate' my letters and what i had to say - but to be honest, why wouldn't he, all i was saying was how much i miss/need/ want him back. Ofcourse they'll appreciate that, it makes them feel sooo much better about themselves. Does it make them view you any better..I doubt it. I doubt it helped my cause, and if you want to make her miss you etc I doubt it will help your cause. Again though, if it is just to get out emotions to her...with no alterior motive, go for it. Personally, while I realise it didn't help my cause, I'm still glad I sent him those two letters. He knows EXACTLY how I feel, exactly where I stand. Now the moves are down to him. But if u do send the letter, then immediately after have NO CONTACT...because you need to still maintain an image of dignity. If you write it, make it honest but not desperate. It's completely up to you, but do not in anyway expect it to make her change her mind!
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