AveryBean Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 I think I know the answer to this but wanted to get opinions since I am not experienced at this whole dating thing... I have been dating this guy a month. He lives a little over an hour away so we see each other once or twice a week. He always comes here. Has never invited me there. Says his house is a mess and he gets a car and gas through his work and so it doesn't cost him anything to drive here. Things seemed to be going good and yesterday I brought up that my feelings had developed to the point that I wanted to be exclusive. He said things are moving fast and he's not seeing anyone else but doesn't want to jump into anything. He then admitted his ex gf (together 2 years, broke up 6 months ago) had recently contacted him and he wants to be sure of what he really wants. I should run right? I told him I'm out but I really was enjoying getting to know him and it sucks. Thoughts? 1
Gaeta Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 Sorry dear, let this one go. If he thought you and him had a chance he would have never mentioned to you his ex. By bringing her up he was terminating any possible development with you. She is his plan A. 1
Leigh 87 Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 After a month, most guys who are really into a woman want to go exclusive but that stage. When a guy finds a woman he is excited about and can see real potential with, he doesn't want to date others. Nor her to date others. 3
guest569 Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 Yep i think you did the right thing. If he has to think about it, i dont think i would settle for that. I've been with guys since my ex where if he came back into the picture, I wouldn't be the slightest bit interested in my ex. I think you protect yourself, you've done the right thing by running. 2
Author AveryBean Posted February 7, 2015 Author Posted February 7, 2015 Thank you everyone (= I was definitely hurt what he told me that. He wants time to figure out what he wants. I am going to just block his number. I feel like I'm lowering my standards if I even entertain giving him his "time." 3
Poppygoodwill Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 I'm really sorry this happened, but I think you have dodged a bullet. Better to see all this now in him, than six months down the road. What I find really crappy on his part is that he didn't mention this "recent" contact from his ex until *you* brought up the big picture. If he was sincere about you, he would have brought it up on his own volition. This way, it seems he's using it as an excuse to hold you at arm's length. And given that he's never invited you to his home, I would suspect that perhaps the "ex" is still living in the same house and they've been going through problems as opposed to actually breaking up. YOu are well out of it. Honestly. Good instinct on your part. Now, just hold the line. 2
Author AveryBean Posted February 7, 2015 Author Posted February 7, 2015 I agree there are commitment issues or something. I sent him a quick text explaining that I wasn't comfortable staying in contact with him, wished him well then blocked calls and texts from him. He seemed like such a nice guy too... oh well. Obviously not the one for me. I feel like I'm doing myself a disservice if I allow someone to treat me like this. 3
Ieris Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 @ AveryBean - Glad you're putting yourself first and not letting someone make a decision on "your time". You're a strong girl who knows what she wants and you should look for the same in a guy. You're a catch and he missed out... 1
Author AveryBean Posted February 7, 2015 Author Posted February 7, 2015 @ AveryBean - Glad you're putting yourself first and not letting someone make a decision on "your time". You're a strong girl who knows what she wants and you should look for the same in a guy. You're a catch and he missed out... Thank you (= this actually means a lot to hear. I have been in a few crappy relationships and put up with a lot of stuff I shouldn't have. This is kind of my first time really enforcing my boundaries and putting my well being first so I appreciate everyone's support. I knew it was the right thing but there is still that insecurity at times that feels like I need to convince him to pick me. I'll pick me instead ( ; His ex can win the game she probably doesn't even know she was playing. She ain't getting much of a prize though! She broke up with him and I am guessing she probably just got dumped and is feeling lonely. Is It mean to hope he gets a little visit from the karma fairy?? 1
Ieris Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 I know crappy relationships aren't cool but they helped shaped the person you are today so in some way they are a blessing in disguise. Look how you turned out, enforcing your boundaries and not bending backwards for a guy who doesn't know how to appreciate you. His ex didn't really win because like you said, he wasn't much of a prize anyway so don't let it get you down or make you feel insecure about yourself. In fact with you walking away, I think it made your value go up in his eyes. People who know their worth can afford to walk away because they won't settle for anything less x 1
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