Gridlock Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 I posted on the long-distance thread that my girlfriend was becoming distant and acting strange while studying abroad in London, and we talked the other night and decided to break-up and go our seperate ways. We've been together since 2011, and had a small break in 2013 when she cheated on me with her ex-boyfriend. I had all but finished the healing process when she called me and regretted what she had done and realized the mistake she had made. I took her back and we dated up until yesterday. I really loved her, and I really had thought that this time it was different . I feel like such a fool for believing that now. The reasoning she gave me was that she doesn't feel ready to be in a committed relationship anymore. Whatever the reason, i'm hurting and my self-esteem is crushed. I feel worthless and disposable and everything in between. The memories of all the good-times flood back to me and I have to remind myself when I wake up that this is all real. I'm also having a hard time seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, or feeling like I'll find love again. I keep blaming myself for everything, but at the same time I don't know what I did wrong and I feel like I've always been the committed one and the solid one while she just doesn't know what she wants. I just really need someone to talk to that understands and some help getting through this because I have no one to talk to. The last time we broke-up I secluded myself from my friends and everyone and took the full brunt of the pain and it almost wound up costing me my life, and i'm resolved to never go back to that state of mind again :(
Rainoflight Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 Were you together in the same place at some point or all the relashinship was LDR?
Author Gridlock Posted February 6, 2015 Author Posted February 6, 2015 she just recently went to study abroad about a month ago, and up until the day we left each other's arms at the airport crying because of how much we'd miss each other, and then even what seemed for a couple weeks after that, we were 100% fine. Or at least I thought
Rainoflight Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/512212-my-love-not-enough Somehow similar. People change when they go abroad. For some it happens sooner, for others later. My guess is that she liked the independence.
KBarletta Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 I keep blaming myself for everything, but at the same time I don't know what I did wrong and I feel like I've always been the committed one and the solid one while she just doesn't know what she wants. I just really need someone to talk to that understands and some help getting through this because I have no one to talk to. The last time we broke-up I secluded myself from my friends and everyone and took the full brunt of the pain and it almost wound up costing me my life, and i'm resolved to never go back to that state of mind again :( Blame is a natural part of the grieving process, but don't be too hard on yourself. Now is the time for you to be your own best friend, and treat yourself as a best friend would, which means don't beat yourself up. Be gentle with yourself and take care of yourself. Eat well, drink water, exercise, get out of the house, etc. Don't seclude yourself. It will only delay your healing. If you have nobody to talk to, can you see a counselor? That could help you sort out your emotions. 1
Kinetica84 Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 I posted on the long-distance thread that my girlfriend was becoming distant and acting strange while studying abroad in London, and we talked the other night and decided to break-up and go our seperate ways. We've been together since 2011, and had a small break in 2013 when she cheated on me with her ex-boyfriend. I had all but finished the healing process when she called me and regretted what she had done and realized the mistake she had made. I took her back and we dated up until yesterday. I really loved her, and I really had thought that this time it was different . I feel like such a fool for believing that now. The reasoning she gave me was that she doesn't feel ready to be in a committed relationship anymore. Whatever the reason, i'm hurting and my self-esteem is crushed. I feel worthless and disposable and everything in between. The memories of all the good-times flood back to me and I have to remind myself when I wake up that this is all real. I'm also having a hard time seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, or feeling like I'll find love again. I keep blaming myself for everything, but at the same time I don't know what I did wrong and I feel like I've always been the committed one and the solid one while she just doesn't know what she wants. I just really need someone to talk to that understands and some help getting through this because I have no one to talk to. The last time we broke-up I secluded myself from my friends and everyone and took the full brunt of the pain and it almost wound up costing me my life, and i'm resolved to never go back to that state of mind again :( Firsty dude, don't isolate yourself. Get out as much as you can. I'm healing from a bad break up (ex cheated on me) 3 months ago. I've got more involved in work, with my friends and family. I've had to take on the mortgage by myself so all my money goes on bills. So nights like tonight, i am stuck on my own. But i use this time for reflection and think about where i want to go, no where i was. Yeah sure, sometime it hits me i feel crap but it gets less and less. Tomorrow night, can't go out due to lack of funds but i'm going to go round to my sisters place, eat some pizza, watch a few films, see my nephews and crash there the night. Use this time to reconnect with other parts of your life. As for your ex. Tell her to get f*cked! She cheated on, then told you she is no longer ready for a committed relationship. Dude, this girl has serious issues and you're better off. 3 billion women in this world, she is one woman and not a very good one at that. I hope you feel better soon and you will feel better sooner or later. 2
Author Gridlock Posted February 6, 2015 Author Posted February 6, 2015 I've been trying to sourround myself with family and friends, and that definitely helps. Sometimes I feel OK, but it's usually when I wake up in the morning that I'm the most weak. I'm not sure why, but when I wake up I feel so terrible, like I don't want to get up out of bed, and I have to take a moment to re-educate myself on my own situation. It really hurts knowing that I was always there for her, and my love wasn't enough to make her happy. On a side note, it feels good to have people to talk to her that have been through the same thing and understand what i'm going through. Even though I can't see myself in a better state right now, I'm starting to feel like I WILL eventually heal and be ready to love again
Kinetica84 Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 I've been trying to sourround myself with family and friends, and that definitely helps. Sometimes I feel OK, but it's usually when I wake up in the morning that I'm the most weak. I'm not sure why, but when I wake up I feel so terrible, like I don't want to get up out of bed, and I have to take a moment to re-educate myself on my own situation. It really hurts knowing that I was always there for her, and my love wasn't enough to make her happy. On a side note, it feels good to have people to talk to her that have been through the same thing and understand what i'm going through. Even though I can't see myself in a better state right now, I'm starting to feel like I WILL eventually heal and be ready to love again Mate, everything you just said is just the normal course of healing. I've been there my friend and still get it time to time. I wake up after a great night sleep, turn over in bed, she is not there. I picture her with the guy she cheated on me with and is now in a relationship with. For about 5 minutes i get so angry, get angry at myself that i saw all the signs and never listened to my gut, i feel stupid that i should have walked away years ago because i knew we wasn't right for each other. I go on with my day, laugh with friends, speak to friends about their issues, i see my family, watch a film, play a computer game, study for my nutrition qualifications. That said, it does not matter how busy i make myself, it still gets me at least 3 times a day right now. That said, it was on my mind all day everyday at the start. I still have to face nights like to night where i do not have the money to go out so i am getting comfortable spending time on my own and self soothing. Fact is, you will have to go through a lot of changes, reevaluate your own principles, outlook and goals. It will make you or break you, i suggest you allow it to make you. Come out a better version of you, stronger than ever. I am 3 months in and i am still healing. I have dated and slept with another a girl already but it didn't make me feel that much better. We just have to get comfortable with being uncomfortable buddy. but IT WILL GET BETTER. Take it as bullet dodged and lesson learned.
Author Gridlock Posted February 6, 2015 Author Posted February 6, 2015 We just have to get comfortable with being uncomfortable buddy. but IT WILL GET BETTER. Take it as bullet dodged and lesson learned. Reading that really rang true with me. I guess I just need to find myself again and rise from the ashes. I'm already handling it this time around 100,000,000 times better than the last, and I have my friends and kind people like you on this site to thank
Kinetica84 Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 Reading that really rang true with me. I guess I just need to find myself again and rise from the ashes. I'm already handling it this time around 100,000,000 times better than the last, and I have my friends and kind people like you on this site to thank There you go buddy. We all think "no one can possibly understand how i feel right now" but right now there are millions of others going through the same shiz. Seeing that we have already hit rock bottom, we can only go up and up. One day, you find someone who is a million times better for you than she ever was.
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