Maxie Max Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 Or have I misunderstood things. A friend of his did and said something to cause an argument between herself and another one of his friends. I also talked to him about it. A few weeks later and that same friend was at it again. This time around, I was pretty upset and am tired of her. He told me that he would call her and to let her know that she is causing problems and he assured me that he would deal with her behavior. I reminded him that he called her when she caused an argument between one of his other friends. I said that it's clear that calling her isn't working. I asked him why he wouldn't just stop being friends with her and he said it is because they have been friends since they started school. I called him several times after that over the same thing. He told me that he was getting tired of the drama and that he would rather step away than to continue to argue. He said that if I were unhappy, if I were making him unhappy calling over and over about it and if I didn't feel like he would be able to deal with his friend then why continue on. I asked him why would he be willing to step away from me but not end a friendship with the person that was causing the drama. He said it is because he is not in a relationship with his friend. We ended up making up:love: but as I think back on the incident I feel like he was chossing his friend over me unless i misunderstood something
Rejected Rosebud Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 I don't even understand the problem?? She caused a problem between herself and another person? I'm sorry but that is absolutely none of your business or his either, why on earth do you even care?!?! Of course your bf is tired of the drama so would I be and I'm not even a boy! I think he has just about had enough of it and if you like him and want to stay with him I hope you keep out of other peoples' problems with each other or he might really get sick of it for once and for all!! 4
d0nnivain Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 I don't think he was choosing her over you. He was telling you that your constant nagging him about it was annoying & that he was going to be done with you if you didn't stop what you were doing to him. The friend may have upset you but you annoyed your BF. If you were upset about the friend's actions, why didn't you speak to the friend rather than trying to drag your BF into the middle of what was your problem. 5
Author Maxie Max Posted February 6, 2015 Author Posted February 6, 2015 I don't even understand the problem?? She caused a problem between herself and another person? I'm sorry but that is absolutely none of your business or his either, why on earth do you even care?!?! Of course your bf is tired of the drama so would I be and I'm not even a boy! I think he has just about had enough of it and if you like him and want to stay with him I hope you keep out of other peoples' problems with each other or he might really get sick of it for once and for all!! She drags my boyfriend's name into it because she knows it upsets his other friend. Then, I get defensive because I don't want her dragging his name into anything. He said that he notices that I get upset over things that don't make him angry at all.
d0nnivain Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 She drags my boyfriend's name into it because she knows it upsets his other friend. Then, I get defensive because I don't want her dragging his name into anything. He said that he notices that I get upset over things that don't make him angry at all. It was his battle to fight not yours. He is telling you that her trying to drag him into the middle of something does not bother him but you constantly being on him about his failure to react does bother him. 4
Author Maxie Max Posted February 6, 2015 Author Posted February 6, 2015 It was his battle to fight not yours. He is telling you that her trying to drag him into the middle of something does not bother him but you constantly being on him about his failure to react does bother him. I'm his lady. If I feel like he is being harmed in any way, I will protect him.
stillafool Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 I'm his lady. If I feel like he is being harmed in any way, I will protect him. Okay, it doesn't seem that you have learned from this past mistake. I assume your man is grown and can protect himself. 2
d0nnivain Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 I'm his lady. If I feel like he is being harmed in any way, I will protect him. And he is telling you that your "protection" annoys him. Keep acting this way at your own risk. You may not be "his lady" much longer if you keep this up. 3
Author Maxie Max Posted February 6, 2015 Author Posted February 6, 2015 Is this breakup material on my end? When basically, the love of a friend is more than the love for his lady. Even though it's different types of love. I would like to be #1 and If something is in my boyfriend's best interest - I would like to be supported. I don't understand the point of keeping a trouble maker around and have an issue with a peaceful lover that is only agitated at the troublemaker
Author Maxie Max Posted February 6, 2015 Author Posted February 6, 2015 I also don't know how to take the part where he said "because I'm not in a relationship with her"
Jessie1231 Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 It sounds like you gave him an ultimatum between you and the female friend, and he made it clear he would choose the female friend. I think if you keep it up he's definitely breaking up with you. So you can either be ok with him having this friend or you can end things.
soyou Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 Damn, I'm a woman and reading your posts, I feel too much drama too. 1) it's none of your business if his friends are causing problems to each other 2) your bf doesnt bother about his name being dragged into the discussion, why should you? 3) it's his job to manage his friends and decide on how to manage his friends. Its none of your business to nag at him when he doesnt handle his friends the way you wanted him to. REMEMBER: He had known his friends way before dating you so he hell knows how to handle his friends better than you. If somebody keeps nagging at small things which I dont feel bothered so much and make such a big deal out of that, I could let that irritating person get the hell out of my life too. 4
Author Maxie Max Posted February 6, 2015 Author Posted February 6, 2015 It sounds like you gave him an ultimatum between you and the female friend, and he made it clear he would choose the female friend. I think if you keep it up he's definitely breaking up with you. So you can either be ok with him having this friend or you can end things. I guess my question is this: Is it unusual for a person to pick their friends over their partner in situations such as this? Even though she is the one that started the nonsense.
Author Maxie Max Posted February 6, 2015 Author Posted February 6, 2015 Damn, I'm a woman and reading your posts, I feel too much drama too. 1) it's none of your business if his friends are causing problems to each other 2) your bf doesnt bother about his name being dragged into the discussion, why should you? 3) it's his job to manage his friends and decide on how to manage his friends. Its none of your business to nag at him when he doesnt handle his friends the way you wanted him to. REMEMBER: He had known his friends way before dating you so he hell knows how to handle his friends better than you. If somebody keeps nagging at small things which I dont feel bothered so much and make such a big deal out of that, I could let that irritating person get the hell out of my life too. In the first incident, I only asked him what was going on because he had been dragged into it. I didn't see anything wrong with asking. In the second incident, I was fed up by one particular friend. I did ask him why he didn't handle her the way I would if it were me in his shoes. Like I told him, his way doesn't seem to be effective.
kendahke Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 Or have I misunderstood things. A friend of his did and said something to cause an argument between herself and another one of his friends. I also talked to him about it. A few weeks later and that same friend was at it again. This time around, I was pretty upset and am tired of her. He told me that he would call her and to let her know that she is causing problems and he assured me that he would deal with her behavior. I reminded him that he called her when she caused an argument between one of his other friends. I said that it's clear that calling her isn't working. I asked him why he wouldn't just stop being friends with her and he said it is because they have been friends since they started school. I called him several times after that over the same thing. He told me that he was getting tired of the drama and that he would rather step away than to continue to argue. He said that if I were unhappy, if I were making him unhappy calling over and over about it and if I didn't feel like he would be able to deal with his friend then why continue on. I asked him why would he be willing to step away from me but not end a friendship with the person that was causing the drama. He said it is because he is not in a relationship with his friend. We ended up making up:love: but as I think back on the incident I feel like he was chossing his friend over me unless i misunderstood something Bottom line here is that you want him to lose one of his friends because you don't like how she deals with people and you don't approve of the way he deals (or doesn't deal) with her. If he's known her longer than you and he's tired of you telling him how to treat with his friends, then consider yourself put on notice because that's what it sounds like to me. I'd be interested in hearing his side of things.
Jessie1231 Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 I guess my question is this: Is it unusual for a person to pick their friends over their partner in situations such as this? Even though she is the one that started the nonsense. I think the part that is unusual is the part where you're making him pick between you and the friend, and that is why he has a problem. 1
kendahke Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 She drags my boyfriend's name into it because she knows it upsets his other friend. Then, I get defensive because I don't want her dragging his name into anything. He said that he notices that I get upset over things that don't make him angry at all. that is a conscious choice you're making which is damaging your relationship. It really isn't bothering him because he knows how she is and he's not in a power game with her. You seem to be. Might want to look into that.
kendahke Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 Is this breakup material on my end? When basically, the love of a friend is more than the love for his lady. Even though it's different types of love. I would like to be #1 and If something is in my boyfriend's best interest - I would like to be supported. I don't understand the point of keeping a trouble maker around and have an issue with a peaceful lover that is only agitated at the troublemaker because the "troublemaker" isn't bothering him and he's not trying to exert power over her to control her behavior, like the "peaceful lover" is. You keep inserting yourself in matters which don't concern YOU. You'd have a point if it was your name that was being bandied about. It isn't. Your boyfriend is a big boy--he can check for his friend if he feels she's crossed the line; but the thing is: he hasn't. It's been you who is all into extraneous drama between his friends and bringing it back to him and dumping it in his lap telling him "fix this!!!! Drop your friend!!!!" He's seeing this as you are causing problems and to make his life simpler, he will drop you before dropping her. If you want to stay his lady, then you'd be wise to just ignore the shenanigans unless it's your name and reputation that's being maligned. It eventually will lead to him breaking up with you if you don't lay off trying to be his mom and telling him who he can and can't be friends with. As long as he doesn't feel what this girl is doing is damaging his best interests or his brand, then he's not going to get his panties in a wad over some silly girlish drama.
kendahke Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 I guess my question is this: Is it unusual for a person to pick their friends over their partner in situations such as this? Not unusual at all. Sometimes, you get sick of the drama and it's not worth it. Even though she is the one that started the nonsense. You sound like a child saying that. Here is the crusher: the nonsense has nothing to do with you.
kendahke Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 In the second incident, I was fed up by one particular friend. I did ask him why he didn't handle her the way I would if it were me in his shoes. Like I told him, his way doesn't seem to be effective. He's not you. How he handles her is how he handles her. How he does it does not have to meet your expectations. His way is effective FOR HIM, being that she's HIS friend and clearly, doesn't want to lose her friendship over something he doesn't see as a problem. He's not in this power struggle with her--you seem to be.
PogoStick Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 Just because you are the girlfriend doesn't mean you are always right and that he has to take your side. Also, coming between a guy and his friends is a risky move, just as it would be for a guy to come between a girl and her friends. 1
Author Maxie Max Posted February 9, 2015 Author Posted February 9, 2015 Ok what I need help understanding is the "because i'm not with my friend" logic.
d0nnivain Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 Ok what I need help understanding is the "because i'm not with my friend" logic. His "friend" is just a friend. That person doesn't mean as much to him as you, his GF. Because he doesn't care about the friend, the friend's actions & statements don't / can't hurt him. You on the other hand -- because he cares, because he let his guard down, because he let you in, what you do matters.
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