Three1 Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 Day 24 NC. Can't deny that I'm still hurting and missing my ex and want her back still but im beginning to focus on the issues in the relationship and focus on my part to be a better person going forward and to learn from this situation as much as possible. I've accepted we both played roles in the relationship going downhill (I'm taking responsibility for most of it, I feel it will help me more to grow if I don't push any blame, even seeing her faults and thinking about what I could have done for her to have those faults). I still feel guilt for what I did to ultimately cause her to leave when I lost control of my anger and took it out on her but I know I will learn from it in a way I might not have had she not broke up with me and other issues I was blind to in the relationship I now see much clearer about what to change. The fact is I know I will learn from my mistakes and grow and be a better person and boyfriend because of this. I'm changing for myself but What hurts the most is that I want her to see the "improved me" and hurts that I had to lose her to become better because she's the one who I want to see the changes. I feel bad that someone else will see the changes when it should be her because it's what she deserved in the first place. 1
Chi townD Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 Dude, you learn from your mistakes and you move on. Okay, so you weren't boyfriend of the year! But, from what you wrote, she wasn't innocent in this either. If she wanted to, she can find out about you. Running into people that you both know, her asking them how you've been. So, she has ways of finding out indirectly.
mightycpa Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 What hurts the most is that I want her to see the "improved me" and hurts that I had to lose her to become better because she's the one who I want to see the changes. That's perfectly normal. Part of that is that you want her to regret her decision, isn't it? But if you're honest, you'll know that you needed the shakeup. It's like being between a rock and a hard place, there was no way to win. You're at the doorstep of acceptance. It might be a little early to get there, you may roller coaster a little back and forth before you finally get to a place of peace with this.
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