d0nnivain Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 My MIL is a gorgeous woman & an all around beautiful person but she's naive & poor judge of character IMO. She has a date scheduled for next Saturday with a guy she "met" OL & has not met IRL yet. He's about 7 years younger then her. This is OK because she usually likes 'em 20+ years younger. He found a profile of hers on line on a free dating site where she hadn't been active for over a year & messaged her. It came to her regular e-mail so she responded. He lives in NJ. She lives in FL. He's going to be in her area & offered to take her for dinner & a movie on Valentine's day. She refused to go out with him on Friday the 13th because it's bad luck. She bought a new expensive dress to which I say good for her but it sounds over the top for the casual area where she lives & waaayyyyy too much for a movie date. I told her as much, as we discussed the beautiful dress. She is now rethinking her wardrobe. Anyway, she doesn't even know this guy's last name, but he's going to pick her up at her apartment. I suggested she pick the restaurant & she meet him there. She said she prefers chivalrous men who do all the planning & who come to her. Don't we all? But I reminded her that safety has to come first. She said she "trusts" him. He happens to be in my industry. If I knew his last name I could at least assure myself that he's legit. She keeps telling me all these things this guy told her about how much money he has. He plays expensive sports. He travels extensively. He has a yacht. All of that may be true if he really does what he says he does but alarms are going off in my head re: the bragging. I'm trying to convince her to at least have one of her local GFs call her while she's on the date just in case. Am I being paranoid here?
Toodaloo Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 Am I being paranoid here? No. Try and get her to give you his last name and explain that it would make you feel a lot more happy and comfortable if you knew who he was.
PegNosePete Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 No but you are being over-protective. It is her life! You have given her some very good and sensible advice which I would 100% agree with. Now it is up to her to choose whether she wants to follow it or not.
Author d0nnivain Posted February 6, 2015 Author Posted February 6, 2015 OK. I'll own over protective. I am a control freak. She's my MIL not my DIL so I know I can't tell her what to do even though I desperately want to. When I told DH, her son, all he said was "what do you want me to do?" I responded "get the guy's last name." He reminded me that his mother didn't even tell him or his siblings about the date; she only told me. So LS. . . .you all are going to get the brunt of my worry.
Emilia Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 I think OP you shouldn't involve yourself in others' lives so much. She is old enough, she can look after herself. You raised the issue to your husband, that should be enough.
Gaeta Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 She is highly naive and I would suspect this man of being a con artist. I don't know how you can make her see the light. If the man is too good to be true then he is NOT true. Since I was kidnapped and held against my will for an hour I don't get in anyone's car on a first date and I don't care what the world thinks about it. That day I realized bad things could definitely happen to me and security is a priority. I know I have worried you more than anything else I am sorry. About you create a profile and go chitchat with him?
Author d0nnivain Posted February 6, 2015 Author Posted February 6, 2015 I think OP you shouldn't involve yourself in others' lives so much. She is old enough, she can look after herself. You raised the issue to your husband, that should be enough. She called me to talk about her upcoming date. Since when is it bad to care about the safety of your family? 1
mightycpa Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 I'm trying to convince her to at least have one of her local GFs call her while she's on the date just in case. Am I being paranoid here? Maybe, but why not be safe rather sorry? If you can't be there, why not suggest that one of her GF's hangs out at her house to help her get ready for the date and to be there when he arrives. That way, someone can at least put eyes on him, and maybe even get a license plate number when she leaves them to their date. The other thing I'm thinking is that older people grew up with more of a focus on dressing formally for even going to the movies. When she was younger, it probably wasn't uncommon for a man to wear a suit to his date. I know this is no longer the case, but why not let her have some fun with the wardrobe? What's the worst that can happen? She's overdressed for the occasion?
Author d0nnivain Posted February 6, 2015 Author Posted February 6, 2015 She is highly naive and I would suspect this man of being a con artist. I don't know how you can make her see the light. If the man is too good to be true then he is NOT true. Since I was kidnapped and held against my will for an hour I don't get in anyone's car on a first date and I don't care what the world thinks about it. That day I realized bad things could definitely happen to me and security is a priority. I know I have worried you more than anything else I am sorry. About you create a profile and go chitchat with him? I'm so sorry about what happened to you. That must have been awful but that is exactly my fear for her. I wouldn't even begin to know how to create a profile to chat with him. I don't know what site it was on & don't want to ask. Plus she & I are so physically different I doubt there is a man on the planet who would fall for us both. I asked her to send me his picture but so far she hasn't.
Gaeta Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 I'm so sorry about what happened to you. That must have been awful but that is exactly my fear for her. I wouldn't even begin to know how to create a profile to chat with him. I don't know what site it was on & don't want to ask. Plus she & I are so physically different I doubt there is a man on the planet who would fall for us both. I asked her to send me his picture but so far she hasn't. Well you use a fake picture What worries me is he found her on a site where she had not been active for a year. Which means her profile was at the end of the line in his search. He also knew she had not been online for over a year most dating website will indicate last time we visited. He is from NJ. What was he doing online searching women from Florida. He is too good to be true and a sweet talker. If your mother in law doesn't get back from this date who's going to ID this man? You need to see his profile. 1
preraph Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 You gave her good advice. Tell her or have her son tell her that she's not going anywhere until you have the last name of her suitor. It's just common sense. You don't ever go somewhere with an unknown man until someone in your family has their whole name! If she doesn't know his name, then she's being quite silly. 2
MidwestUSA Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 What mammasita said. I have never allowed a guy to pick me up at my place for a first date. She really doesn't know a thing about this guy; what he's told her could be lies. I'm also wary of the fact that he was searching Florida, and that her profile wasn't active. And who does a first date on Valentine's Day? I think you're right to be worried, especially since she's naive. But she's a grown woman. Try to get her to implement some type of safety strategy. My girlfriend nearly fell for a guy from England who had sent her a dozen roses and was ready to come over and marry her. He lost his wallet at the airport (right) and wanted her to send him money. She refused, but was scared to death because he had her address here. So no, you're not paranoid or overreactive.
Author d0nnivain Posted February 6, 2015 Author Posted February 6, 2015 He told her he was searching FL because he wants to move there. I too thought it was strange that she searched through all the active profiles to get to her long dormant one. That alone made me wonder. I'll keep pressing for a full name & photo. Her other son lives near her, perhaps I can convince him & his GF to drop by mom's house before her date. But I know she will hate that. While my BIL was living with her, she didn't date because she thought it would be awkward for her suitors to know she had adult kids. That never made sense to me. She's over 60; it's not like people would think she still had infants.
PegNosePete Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 Well you use a fake picture ... If your mother in law doesn't get back from this date who's going to ID this man? You need to see his profile. You suggest using a fake picture, then suggest that seeing the pics he used, will help identify him? If you were going to abduct someone then would you use your real photo on your profile? Not trying to scare you, just sayin.....
Gaeta Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 I asked her to send me his picture but so far she hasn't. So she was ok with sending you a picture? I would tell her something like: the big date is coming I am dying to see him, send me his pic. Then google the image.
Author d0nnivain Posted February 6, 2015 Author Posted February 6, 2015 So she was ok with sending you a picture? I would tell her something like: the big date is coming I am dying to see him, send me his pic. Then google the image. She said she'd try. She wasn't sure she knew how. Neither of us are technically proficient. When I asked, I made sure it was in a GF way . . . ooohh is he cute / handsome, lemme see . . . rather than I want a photo so I can use it as evidence when this crazy guy murders you. 1
Gaeta Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 She said she'd try. She wasn't sure she knew how. Neither of us are technically proficient. Right click on his picture and save image.
cessna Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 I've got to ask, what the hell is MIL and DIL?
lovexocoach Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 Nothing wrong with what you are suggesting about her safety - that comes first. He's a stranger no matter how much she "knows" about him. Picking her up at her home is a bad idea - what if he's a creep and she doesn't like him when they meet? And I agree with other poster - never get into a stranger's car.
Gaeta Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 I've got to ask, what the hell is MIL and DIL? MIL: Mother in Law DIL: Daughter in Law
Author d0nnivain Posted February 12, 2015 Author Posted February 12, 2015 Gaeta I haven't gotten any more details. Her baby sister (DH's aunt( had major surgery Monday. She's still touch & go. All of my conversations with MIL have been about her sister. I don't want to bring up anything as trivial as dating. I know my MIL well enough to know that if she's still stressed about her sister, she's going to blow this guy off .
Author d0nnivain Posted February 17, 2015 Author Posted February 17, 2015 I was finally able to speak to my MIL. She dodged a bullet. She spoke to the guy on Thursday in anticipation of his trip to Florida for their Valentine's Day date. She asked about their plans, which she thought was dinner & a movie. He talked about some race in Daytona, about 2 hours away from MIL. Instead of a great Valentine's date he was now talking about catching up with her on Sunday or Monday (today). When she asked where he was staying, he responded that he thought that he was staying with her. She set him straight explaining that there was no way that she would invite a man off the internet to stay in her apartment before they had gotten to know each other. He called her uptight & told her she had too many "rules." That was the end of that. I feel bad that she didn't get the romance she had been looking forward to. I'm appealed that anybody would actually think a sleepover / free place to stay is the right way to start a relationship. But I am glad that MIL saw the light & stuck up for herself. 3
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