I think i found out why i wanna get into relationships really bad...

[SmilingMartin]

Last night i was wondering why i wanted to get into a relationship really bad and i think i found out why...

 

I grew up with my Uncle and he basically took care of me until i was 12, when i turned 12 my real parents took me, and made me move to the U.S.A, my uncle and parents both lied to me and said I was just gonna visit. Apperantly not, my uncle went back to New Zealand and i was left with my realy parents and my sister. I realized that back when i was in New Zealand i loved my uncle, i can talk to him about anything and show affection. Now i live with my real family, i am not very close to them....i dont think they wanna be close to me and i dont wanna get close to them either. So here i am, a very loving person with no one to love, and i think this is why i wanna get into relationships really bad! even though i know it wouldnt work.

 

Is there anyway i can fix this little problem of mine?

 

(I was thinking of getting a dog so i can love him to death but my parents wont allow it)

[gridiron]

Hey Martin, congratulations on this self-discovery. This shows you are very aware of yourself, which is always a good thing. Just be a little careful about getting into a relationship right now for the reason you stated. It is great that you have a willingness and desire to show other people how loving you can be. Just be aware of how events and people in your life may affect you. Be on guard against showering someone with affection or craving a lot of affection solely because of your relationship with your parents or anyone else.

 

The first thing I would comment on is that it is obvious you resent your parents for lying to when they brought you to the States. Maybe they have been very controlling without considering your feelings on other family decisions too. If you have not already, I think you owe it not to them, but to yourself, to tell your parents exactly how you feel, without trying to scale back the anger you are still harboring. Get mad. Ask to talk to them about it and say "I resent you for", followed by lying to me about bringing me here, and anything else you want to bring up. Don't wait until it is too late. Tell them as soon as possible. Maybe some things you think are true about them not valuing you will turn out to be false and they will make more of an effort.

 

Now, outside of the family, yes, pets are one possibility (though it is not an option for you right now). Just having "regular" friends is also good. I would also check in to community service, whether it be Big Brothers-Big Sisters (if you are old enough), or any other organization where they can put your desire to help others to use. I am not sure if you believe in any religions, but that can facilitate opportunities to either meet other people of faith or finding something there that you believe in and can dedicate yourself to.

 

Just a few thoughts. Best of luck.