Itspointless Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 Hi thanks, but it is what men want!! There is proof of that. I guess just as there is also proof that some woman pick the largest obnoxious pricks. Luckily we also have something called neuroplasticity going on which means that we are able to learn our whole lives. Ballycastle, anxious-preoccupied attachment is not a disorder! (just as dismissive-avoidance has nothing to do with avpd) And yes they say that people who are anxious feel happier in a relationship. I am a bit in the anxious spectrum myself, but I also really like being alone. Another person really does not complete us, it only makes us feel somewhat calmer, as long as it goes well … If you cannot find a therapist in attachment you perhaps should try to find one who knows about transactional analysis and voice dialogue.
Heartbroken Eagle Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 Justm3x and Ballycastle Just want to reassure the both of you that not all men are after younger women. As a single bloke in his mid 40's who knows other men in the same situation, I can assure you that age is so irrelevant for most of us. Seriously, there are a lot of single men out there who are just after the simple concept of a loving relationship with a woman of any age, shape and sizes... Dating sites may not be the best place to go on though!!! I know the one thing that is holding many of us back though is trust in a relationship. Sadly, many of us have been betrayed or had their confidence shattered, and don't want to go through that pain again. I know that is personally holding me back from seeking another relationship but I'm getting frustrated from being lonely... It's a vicious circle really... 1
King Manu Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 I have been working on myself for the past year and was at a point where i thought i had cracked it.. then he dragged me down again, is he getting some sort of kick out of hurting me, i may never know. I need to work on me and yes my 21 year old daughter said the same as you " mum, you need to love yourself before you can love someone else" and i believe that. Glad to hear that you have a supportive family, that is such a blessing. btw, i am 24 years and i won't and can't say i have more experience in life than you have. But sometimes, we need to hear what we already know just to make sure we are not going crazy. Because, that's how i remember that feeling. Going through hard times and being there for other people, but in your own head just a mess. You can relate to that? I'd say you got the spark that you needed to make the right choices. But most important, something that you ignored was getting what you want, going after you happiness, your own good. If you are happy, you can make others happy too. If you are hurting yourself or allowing others to hurt you ( which is worse) , people that love you will suffer too. And i don't think that is something you want in your life. Hope you make it throught. Good luck
ralfgarnett Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 Wow I'm glad it's not just me. Perhaps all we can do is to accept it is what it is and that's the time to accept. Not going to say it's easy, I'm surrounded by friends all in relationships, so much so I left Facebook as couldn't stand it. Not everyone is meant to be with someone. That's not to say you won't meet somebody! I know i won't as my ex, I was brave to tell him how i feel, that I was anxious he would leave because of my past. He said he was glad I could be vulnerable with him but he still left. 8 months no contact and I can't move on. I can't find a therapist who is available to see me. So my life is stripped bear, I have to accept this is my life. So instead I fill the lump in my heart with doing my own thing, writing, volunteering, music. Hoping in time it will become the norm and the yearning will cease. But I will never be able to trust anything a man says so I am stuck. I am attractive and people wonder why I am single but maybe it wasn't meant to be for me. Nope its not just you belive me your not alone, I turned 50 last December and feel sometimes as if I will be stuck in this ame sh=tty situation for ever, I was with my wife nearly 20 years and some days I miss her so much it hurts, we have been apart 7 months now and already today I must of cried 3 or 4 times and probably will again before I hit they hay, thinking of you and all the lonely broken hearts out there.
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